Is this a normal reaction?

[Rachel89]

Hi ladies!

How are you all doing? Forum hopping here.


When a couple announces their pregnancy is, was it planned, an okay reaction?

And would it be seen as an okay (not upsetting in the slightest) if the first pregnancy wasnt planned (and the people know this) and the reaction would be, was it planned?


Would either be considered okay if the person delivering (who is pregnant) the news, would get that as a reaction?


I am asking since my OH doesn't think it should be in any way upsetting, but I do find it to be, and was wondering how others see it.

 

[Pixie9833]

I think it's rude either way to ask if the pregnancy was planned or not. It's nothing to do with anyone else xxxx

 

[KAH1990]

That was the first reaction I got with this pregnancy and it pissed me off! I don't think it is anyone's business and doesn't make that baby any more special if it's planned. People are just nosey, busy bodies! Sorry I recently had this same discussion with my friend and it really grates on me.

 

[meg_bellamy]

I think it's really rude, I agree that it is no-one's business.

 

[iiTTCii]

As above, I think it's rude. I think it implies that to that person, they don't think its a good time to have a baby so surely it mustn't have been planned (might just be me being emotional with this point.. Haha).
When we said to FIL 'guess what'.. He said 'you're not pregnant again are you'. When we said yes, he asked us if was planned. It really, really annoyed me.

 

[jlw617]

Yes it is just plain rude, sometimes men can be oblivious to these things but it is nobodys business!

 

[WW1]

It doesn't bother me particularly but I wouldn't say it to others as it's none of my business! It's like asking when couples are going to have a / the next baby. It's no-one else's business and dependent on circumstance can be a very upsetting question. People don't intend to be rude, they often just don't think!

 

[InVivoVeritas]

Yes it definitely is rude, and I wouldn't answer that question no matter who it came from.

I had a rubbish reaction from my sister this time (she knew about TTC), and it's left me not wanting to see or talk to her for a while.

 

[MrsB72]

I think it's absolutely rude and I would have been offended. Men don't have the ears that we have to hear the meaning behind things that "seem" innocent.

HOWEVER. That person is just judgmental (and clearly passive-aggressive) and you shouldn't let it make you any less excited and happy about this pregnancy.

 

[Buffyx]

I've never asked anyone that. I have been asked a couple of times during this pregnancy and I was quite offended by it. I'm 28 and married. I was confused about the question!!?

 

[babybambi]

Hahaha. i love these. i always have smart arse answers for when someone's being down right rude. I'm told I get my smart mouth from my nana.

Female college:was it planned?
Me:huh? Do you mean, did my partner and I of (then)11 years decide we were ready for a baby and make the decision to try for one and have lots of awesome sex to do so?
College: (red faced) errrrr
Me:yeah thought that's what you asked...

 

[KAH1990]

JUST TO ADD: one of my good friend said to me when I told her I was pregnant with my second 'Are you keeping it' I was so angry!! People just say stupid things

 

[crazycatlady5]

For me it kind of depends on the context/timing and relationship between the people.

The way you described your situation, asking in that way as their first reaction, sounds quite rude! And I also would be offended.

I'm trying to think and I think I remember a couple people asking me if we had been trying, but it was well into the conversation and after being so excited for us. Also they were people I am really close to and open with. So it barely registered and I was totally ok with the question. So really depends on the context and timing for me.

 

[ElmaWG]

I kinda feel the same as catlady. If It was a close personal friend, I don't think I'd be too bothered. Actually the only person I've announced to so far is my sis, and she asked if it was planned. I wasnt offended.

 

[Rachel89]

I kinda feel the same as catlady. If It was a close personal friend, I don't think I'd be too bothered. Actually the only person I've announced to so far is my sis, and she asked if it was planned. I wasnt offended.

I think it also depends on the context inwhich they say it, you canusually tell what they are implying. And I agree if it is a close friend, and there is no judgment, just curious then it would be okay with me too. But I would not be okay if it was the INNITIAL reaction to the news, ykwim?

You say congratulations, not burst out was it planned? Like really?

That is how I see it at least.

 

[Rachel89]

For me it kind of depends on the context/timing and relationship between the people.

The way you described your situation, asking in that way as their first reaction, sounds quite rude! And I also would be offended.

I'm trying to think and I think I remember a couple people asking me if we had been trying, but it was well into the conversation and after being so excited for us. Also they were people I am really close to and open with. So it barely registered and I was totally ok with the question. So really depends on the context and timing for me.

Thanks! And you are right inmy situation it was rude/hurtful, but it does depend om the context/circumstances in which it is okay. But not as the first reaction to the news and with bad intentions/meaning behind it as well.

 

[mummyvikki]

I had that with this baby as we are only 26 and already have two children. There like was it planned you crazy!! I find it very very rude aswell this child was very much wanted and took a good 11months to get where we are now with a very early loss last July. Xx

 

[meg_bellamy]

I had someone say to me "was it planned" a couple days ago!!! A guy at my work, but I'm not heaps offended by it because we are friends and there's more to the story - he is 10yrs older than me and got married last year and his wife is 38 and desperate for a baby but he is not ready so probably he thinks I can't possibly be ready as I am 10 yrs younger than him! Haha. Oh well. It still was a strange thing for someone to say to me and yes I understand why you would feel offended.

 

[tazgirl]

I was asked "and are you happy about it?"
I wasn't really sure what that meant but kinda thought it was similar to was it planned

 

[AJae]

My answer "why not meet up somewhere public for a cuppa and i will tell you very loudly and in great depth AAAAAAALLL about my sex life. 'Cos that's basically what you're asking...."

Im a bit rude back, lol.