Is this baby blues/PPD or something else?

[Mrs.Mcguin]

Hi ladies. I'm going to get personal for a minute if that's ok. First, Forgive me for a downer thread. This has just been on my mind a lot so I thought I would come on here and ask for some advice.

DH and I are not exactly trying to have another baby yet but I want to within the next year. We have 3 already and they are all 6-7 years apart.

I had severe PPD with my first child. I won't go into details but it was bad. I lived with painful constant guilt every second of every day and just want to die to make it stop. It lasted for years and I would never wish that kind of mental pain on my worst enemy. It was that bad. I was also very young and a single mom at the time all on my own with no friends or family there for help and support.

With my second child....I went through a sadness but completely different. I just couldn't believe you could love a child this much after my experience with my first. Don't get me wrong, I love/loved my first...but my depression took over with my first. it brought on a sadness for my first child and that I was not able to feel this same kind of love as I did for my second baby. Not only that...holding my precious little baby made me really sensitive to the fact that there are so many helpless little babies and children that are being abused, starved and neglected and I just wished I could love and protect each and every one of them.

My 3rd baby...she will be 15 months on the 8th. I went through an even greater sadness with her. I've always worried about SIDS with all my children to a great extent but this was life consuming and overwhelming. Not only that, I went through the same thing with my second but this time so much worse where I cried so much for a very long time about feeling sad for other babies and children. I just looked at my beautiful baby girl and couldn't imagine how heartless other parents could be to just throw their new born babies into the trash bins just to let them die, or starve them to death, rape or other abusive acts. Its all over the news and it was killing me with pain. It still does but not as strongly anymore.

I tried to avoid thinking I was going through some sort of depression because I just hate that label and because depression to me is what I experienced with my first child. But maybe it was?

I really want to have one more baby but I'm so afraid or should I say "I know" that I will go through this all over again especially because I feel I'm even more sensitive to the issue now more then ever.

Is this a reason not to have more children?
I love being pregnant and babies and being a mom so much...I couldn't imagine not having one more. Any advice and words of wisdom would be great

 

[x-ginge-x]

Sound to me more like post traumatic stress, i suggest speaking to a doctor or health visitor before embarking on ttc again x

 

[Lilllian]

Hello,

I too suffered with post natal anxiety and I get comments from my husand about trying for a third and do I think i can cope etc. I know my In laws will be negative about it (my Mum seemed oblivious to it all) but I do know what to expect this time and I also went to counselling and that helped a great deal. I was very anxious about my oldest child (then 2 yrs) and kept thinking she would run out into the road whilst I pushed the other baby in the pram, or fall off a wall, or anything for that matter!

I know exactly how you feel about wanting to protect other babies and I find it a huge relief that you mentioned that too, as I thought I was the only one like this! I have to avoid those news items and I have ended up setting up so many payments to child help charities. I am loads better dealing with it now, but was a mess when my child was little, hearing anything about child abuse or children starving in other countries mage me so upset, and I just wanted to help them

I think you sound like you are in a whole new place and as long as you are aware you have the potential to get pnd then you can seek help straight away - and ask your partner for signs too! You sound like a wonderful Mum and there is no reason you shouldn't have another child. I do recommend counseling as it's always good to talk out your fears and anxieties.

Good luck!!