It's.....a boy.

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by AzureOrchid, Jun 18, 2020.

  1. AzureOrchid

    AzureOrchid Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    163
    Likes Received:
    97
    Quick background: I am 35 and pregnant with my first child. This is also my partner's first (he's 41) and he's ridiculously supportive and amazing. We did about 1 year NTNP and got our BFP after three months of trying. EDD is November 8th.

    We had our anatomy scan at 19w this week and couldn't wait to find out the gender. I had been hoping for a girl ever since we became pregnant, despite actually leading towards wanting a boy whenever I had thought about baby stuff at earlier stages in my life. All signs pointed to girl - yeah, all those completely non-scientific signs where you really still just have a 50/50 chance lol! Everyone in the family was leaning towards it being a girl based on symptoms, how I was carrying, what I was eating, etc. I was almost convinced that it was a girl so imagine my surprise and disappointment when discovering it was a boy at our scan this week.

    I'm optimistic I'll "get over it" and be happy with a healthy baby no matter what once he comes out but it has been tough this week coming around to the idea of raising a boy. There are just so many selfish things that I'm not entirely looking forward to like a higher likelihood they'll be interested in sports and that'll just take over everything - tv, weekends at hockey practice/games, outings to sporting events, etc. I've had some past relationships where everything revolved around sports all year round and I was so unhappy during those times. I'm sure being my son it will be different but I very selfishly hope that he's into some of the things I'm into or that he turns out to be a bit of a nerd like his mom.

    I'm also not looking forward to the teenage years of well... we know what teenage boys do. And while I know girls can be the same way and I was no saint as a kid, but they can just be messier in general. Then it spirals into how I hope he doesn't turn out like his uncle or various other family members and get hooked on pot and become a bum or lose any ambition to do anything with his life. Nevermind the pressure to make sure he doesn't become a momma's boy, have some weird mom complex and that he treats women (or men, not judging!) properly as he gets older.

    It certainly snowballs quickly and I am also totally blaming pregnancy hormones on getting a bit more worked up over this than I should. Everyone does seem to tell me that boys are much easier and you don't have to deal with the hormonal side you get with girls. I'm sure I'm just overthinking things and will come around to the idea in time.

    I think another part of it is just the realization and pressure that this is happening and I am going to have a child that's going to grow into an adult and I don't want to screw them up.

    Anyways, thanks for reading and apologies for the long post!
     
  2. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2017
    Messages:
    1,810
    Likes Received:
    708
    Oh my word you sound EXACTLY like me :rofl:

    Believe it or not I’m cooking boy number THREE in here. I never imagined having boys, I only pictured having a little girl. Had serious gender disappointment with my first, it was worse with my second and now I’ve accepted my fate with the third :haha:

    I also carried a lot of the same fears - my brother (the kids’ uncle) is a lazy pothead with no job, no money and no ambition. I definitely don’t want them to turn out like him, but I also am scared of raising a weirdly attached mama’s boy.

    I really believe there is a grieving process a woman goes through when she finds out her baby won’t be a little girl (for most women). It’s hard because they aren’t the same gender as you and as a mama you want to be close with your baby. It seems hard to do that when they’re boys!

    This is what I learned from having 2 (so far) boys. It’s true that once they’re here you won’t care what gender they are. Truly. And I didn’t believe that for a long time. But when they’re born they’re just your baby. And there will come a time when if someone offered to switch their gender for you, you would say no. Because you will love them for the funny, happy, silly, kind person that they are.

    They won’t fall into stereotypes, your little one is who they are regardless of gender. Maybe they’ll love sports, maybe they’ll love art. Who knows! But you will come to love whatever they love because watching your child pursue something they enjoy is so amazing no matter what it is.

    As for the teenage stuff - I told DH that’s his department :rofl:

    With this 3rd baby I won’t lie, I was really really hoping for a girl as it’s our last. But when our confetti canon shot out blue (as I was expecting haha) it was the first time I didn’t feel disappointed. Also I didn’t cry!! Which is a first haha. Because now having 2 I can see how they are so different but I love them the same. My heart literally wants to explode with how much I love them, and yours will too. I promise!

    Pic of my babies, to think now I was ever disappointed about them is crazy. But don’t feel bad about your disappointment because wanting a girl is a valid feeling, just know that the love for your little boy is going to overshadow that feeling the moment he’s born :flower:

     
    AzureOrchid and 6lilpigs like this.
  3. AzureOrchid

    AzureOrchid Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    163
    Likes Received:
    97
    Your boys are absolutely adorable!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It definitely helps make me feel better with this. After having some time pass since finding out, I have been warming up to the idea a bit more each day. This definitely brings more comfort, so thank you again!!
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice