I know Linds - that's what I mean when I say super cynical
I didn't mean to be mean, if that is how it came across
To be honest, I am not sure that the meds will change the outcome of how embryos develop? I mean, our stimming results have been good, apart from the last try, our fertilisation statistics have been really good ... the quality of the embryos just isn't. And whether that is down to bad sperm quality or bad egg quality ... the doctors just don't know. It is, after all, a science influencing nature - and some things in nature aren't yet fully clear to us.
But you are right - we have made progress in that we have seen that 1 in 37 fertilised eggs can make it to an expanding blast (which is better than 0) on day 5. And we have seen that clearly it can hatch because it started implanting... I'm just not sure that I can take another 7 tries - not physically, not mentally and not financially. We are getting no financial support on this and it is all out of our own pockets. And mentally ... I really had hopes that having lost Granny and Mama that perhaps something would be given back to me. But I guess it just wasn't meant to be this time round.
DH finally made a new appointment to see our doctor. He is fully booked for two weeks and then on a week of vacation. So September 9th is our next appointment. I guess theoretically, we could go for it, but I want to be able to concentrate on Quarter End and DH has a romantic weekend away booked for the last weekend in September (birthday present) - looking at my cycle could well be ER weekend if we stim in September. October we could have done, but we will be going to Florida beginning of November and I am too worried that ER could fall into that time ... so I guess it will be towards the middle of November that we will be able to go again. And if it works it works and if not, then I will just have to believe that 2013 is cursed for me and perhaps 2014 will be better ... Not quite sure when I will reach the point that I just can't go on anymore - the doctor is still convinced we will get there and I would regret it forever, if I didn't keep trying - but it is seriously playing on my sanity.
And does anyone have a rational explanation for this: I really am happy for any announcements of pregnancy. My colleague (mid-twenties and married last year) told me the other day (after learning that we lost what only just got here) that she is going on 3 months pregnant. Well actually, she said she had something to tell me but didn't now know if it was good to tell me. I promptly congratulated her
Really am thrilled for her. I am thrilled for all the successes on here. So can someone explain to me, why I am so hateful of my BIL's wife, that after only a couple of months of trying, that she got pregnant and they are expecting their son at the end of November? Is it because they are giving my PIL the first grandchild? Is it because she moaned to me about trying and not having the nerve to try any more after only a few months - and then promptly had success? Why am I getting more and more allergic to her and almost feeling like I am hating her? I am normally loving and kind to everyone (sorry Lindsay that I took what you said so badly) ... I hate having these negative feelings - but really, I feel if she says one more thing...
When I told the family that my Mother was deadly ill, we came back to our place and she said "yes, I am really scared of my Mother getting ill" ... we talked about our treatment - she started talking about a lesbian couple, where the one who has been doing IUI isn't having any success and so the other one is going to try .... I can almost imagine if I were to tell her that we briefly got pregnant and then had an early miscarriage, that she would say "yes, I was so scared of that too" ... and if she were to, I think I would explode. I don't like feeling this way, but I have nights when I imagine really screaming at her, directing all my pain at her (even though it's not her fault) ... why? I don't get it?
When someone goes through so much in such a small amount of time, it is very difficult for outsiders to find the "right" words. No one has been through the same experiences exactly, but I know 100% that all of our hearts ache for you, and we all wonder "why" as well. 
Angie
I am so sorry you are hurting so much! Wish I could give you a big hug!!!
