January 2018 babies - 43 BFPs!

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How do you all deal with visitors after the birth. I have just fallen out with OH because he doesnt udnerstand why i might not want his dad and partner visit the day i get out of hospital. He really isnt getting that i am in for fucking surgery and may not be up for getting dressed on day 2 and since i am going to try and bf this time i maybe want to do try do it alone without people i dont see very often sitting watching me. He just doesnt see what thr big deal is. Let folk come if they want. He says youll habe your mum here, to which i say yes because she helps. She will wash bottles for me or hang up the washing, make lunch for us or take B to the shop to get her out the house for 30 mins. His side do fuck all for us and never have. I dont see why they should have priority over my needs and wishes!

Ugh fed up with his attitidue in all honesty.
 
Aww Jessy... I really feel your pain.

We haven’t had an argument about it.... but it’s brewing!

My family are abroad so not an issue (apart from the constant messaging) but Adam’s family are all very local to us and are so excited to meet this baby that we get multiple messages a day and they keep saying can’t wait to meet her when you get home...

I only said to him this morning that the messages from his family are doing my bloody head in - that I feel like I don’t want to text them for a day or two to even let them know she’s here. They don’t text him, just me - very annoying!!!

But!! That’s not the worst part....
I’m giving birth in the hospital where his dad works!
He is the eyes and ears of that place and I can’t get past reception without one of the ladies yelling out to me. I have said to him, you won’t even though I’m there (I don’t want my father in law knowing I’m in labour) but as he’s dating the bed matron and our last name is very uncommon chances are she will get a notification I’m there and tell him.... unless of course she believes in patient confidentiality which I hope she does as I will be seriously mad!!
I’ve said this to my husband but he doesn’t seem to get it.

His dad is the mortician (random but he’s got a great personality for it, he’s a real joker) and he’s been there for 30 years, swipe pass for all departments due to his job and I can picture him at the end of my bed when I’m legs in the air... I love him to pieces but no!! He can visit when she has arrived, and I’ve had time to atleast clean myself up!

He said oh Jan will pop up and visit you (one of the receptionists) & I said - no! I will take the baby past reception on our way home. He doesnt really get it!

So right now I’m hoping baby times herself right and we go in after hours so I can atleast try and avoid some of this before I lose my shit!

Unfortunately i have no advice for You Jessy but I totally understand your issues!!
 
I’m planning on breastfeeding Soph and bracing myself for those long nights. It’s not easy at all! Hope you’re doing ok with it. Glad that you had such a positive experience with the c section.

I think you ladies are right - it happens when it happens and probably when you’re not expecting it - that was the case for me with ds anyway!

Sarah - That sounds like a lovely morning getting a lay in & breakfast in bed! I might have to aim for that tomorrow!

Visitors after having baby is such a delicate subject. Thankfully I think me & dh are mostly on the same wavelength in that we feel like last time his whole paternity leave was spent having visitors and then when he went back to work the visitors were done and I was totally alone when it might have been nice to have people still visiting so they could have baby for half an hour while I showered or whatever. I think this time we both want to get more time for our little family, and I think if I say I’m done in & don’t want to see anyone he’ll understand that- however he’s always a bit afraid to upset the Apple cart and disturb anyone else’s plans so whether he’ll be as much help as I want I don’t know.

I think it’s really unfair to compare your mums presence to that of other visitors Jessy, like you say if they do loads for your ordinarily and she’d be there to take the lead with your daughter to give you rest time, that is very different from having other family members parading round for their cuppa & baby cuddles!
 
Ahh I wish I could offer you both some advice but I'm kinda in the same boat with this one. I've already had to talk mother in law out of pacing the corridors outside waiting for news when I just want Lloyd there. But she lives in the same street as us so there's no chance she isn't going to be here all the time. I've already said that I don't want her here all the time - I love her to death I truly do and I know she's just excited and means well, but I want a few days where I can try and establish some normality. It's gonna cause tears before next week is out I can see it coming.

London, in all seriousness, if he uses that swipe pass to get in, he is in the shit big time it's a massive no no. I'm leaving mine out of eyeshot as I'm sure mine would be used for the same purpose if I didn't.

When you go onto the maternity ward, speak to the receptionist / Clark, this goes for you too Jessy and ask that no information about you is passed on over the phone and that you are not taking calls right now. They will pass that on to whoever you ask them too, if you want to give them specific names on a no no list then that is what they are there for. I had to do that for my son as I had friends who when they weren't getting anywhere by my mobile, or text, or Facebook they started ringing the ward then eventually showed up. They were told nothing and asked to leave.

They take your privacy very seriously there and won't let just anybody in especially if you have already spoken to them. I think that could be quite important for you London as he has the tools to be able to just walk on in there.

So stressful isn't it. Things you don't think that you would have to think about, you do. It's amazing how little people really do think of your privacy and dignity sometimes.
 
Hope you're all enjoying your Saturday ladies! A quiet one for us too after some manic kitchen cleaning this morning! Tomorrow we hopefully finally do our pregnancy photos as long as the weather holds up!
 
I eventually broke down and said look its stressful enough the thought of the birth and recovery and dealing with a newborn again i dont want you to decide for me how i will be feeling.

It sounds bad but we see his dad maybe 3 times a year so why should his feelings have priority over mine, the person who has carried both his children.

He says he gets it now but i imagine its gonna come up again before thursday.
 
LK in your situation i would def tell the front desk you dont want your FIL just turning up unannounced.

OHs dads partner came in the hospital after i had DD and the curtain was shut, because i wanted some privacy to try and breastfeed (we were in a ward of 4) she just came in opened the curtain and sat down. How dare she think thats ok.

Thankfully the only people who know about my section date are my mum and dad so they wont even know i am in hospital until afterwards.
 
Aww pregnancy photos sound nice, I do regret not doing anything like that to be honest but I'm really just not confident enough in front of a camera unfortunately.

Also holllllly crap I would have been absolutely livid if they did that to me Jesus Christ that's so disrespectful!! The air would have been blue and I'd have probably ended up doing some permenant damage to that relationship at the time if that were me. How do people think that that is ok??

I'm glad he is starting to understand from your point of view though, 3 times a year against the mother of your children... Should be pretty easy to prioritise those needs...
 
My post popped up in the middle of all that sorry! Didn't see any of it!

To stick in my opinion, I'm shocked and disgusted that those things happened for you ladies! Being a first timer I am a bit clueless about how it'll be after the birth. I get everyone wants to meet the newborn when they're all scrunched up and brand new...but youre so right when it comes to breastfeeding and recovery...last thing you want is small talk and visitors who are hard to drop the hint to leave to! Oh My, I'm a bit frightened :haha:

Me and my DH have said that if all goes smooth, plan is to not text or call anyone when labour is happening. And depending on what time of day it is...give ourselves an amount of time with the baby when no one knows they've entered the world....then reality will hit and we will have to decide if people can visit at hospital or at home.

I think I'd rather a flying visit at hospital so that establishing things at home aren't interrupted but we have no idea what's best! But having breastfeeding interrupted when it's going to be so hard those first few days leads me tempted to say no visitors for a week.

Also I hate my photo taken, I'm actually a photographer lol. But decided I really want these photos taking after 7 years of trying for this baby :)
 
The photos sound like such a lovely idea marriedlaydee!

My OH just laughs everything off but i wasnt best pleased. We have fallen out in the past (after the birth) and my OH hates to upset the apple cart especially when his dads involved. Last time we fell out i text hom to say you deal with this because if i do, the relationship will not recover.

I feel like a big emotional mess today for some reason.
 
Oh jessy that is really rubbish! Sounds like I'm lucky my husband really hates visitors even if it is family haha :haha: my mother in law keeps saying 'you've no idea how excited I am. I love new baby smell.' I dunno why it bothered me but I am worried that I'm going to be too attached and not let this baby go! She's my mother in law but to me as nasty as this sounds isn't someone I know or love...??? So when my brother in law also said 'wait for all the pranks I'm gonna pull on my nephew or niece' I got massively offended! I'm gonna be a terrible daughter in law and not let them near the baby lol. And I'll deserve a telling off for thinking it as it's their grandchild but to me this is our child not my mother in laws and may be I'll move past the feeling...but right now at the start I'm going to be easily offended by any interferring.

Oh it's all so exciting but daunting! It was hubbys idea to keep the birth a secret :haha: now that would really upset people!!!
 
You are allowed. I was massively protective over DD (still am) and i felt guilty to an extent. This time, no guilt at all. My children are the most precious part of my life and so therefore why cant I want to protect them and keep them all go myself when they are so small.

She isnt technically her grandma. OHs mum died but she has always called herself granny and so did my OH so it sort of stuck. She doesny treat my DD like she treats her 'real' grandkids so i wish i had put my foot down and said this is ..... (her name) grandads friend rather than granny. She buys DD birthday and christmas presents and an advent calendar each year but thats where it ends really.

Oh well maybe its time i just got over it.
 
I totally understand you ladies being protective over your little ones and so you should be.

Married like you - first time being a mum for me!
We do appreciate that we are going to get lots of visitors and we are ok with that... in fact we have already got people booked in for weekends to come. but I do think that its important to have our own time too. We have someone staying with us from Amsterdam next weekend but he's the reason Adam and I met so I think we'll let him away with it ;)

Its been an interesting night in our house...
I cooked up a bit chilli for dinner tonight so we invited my father in law over. As us ladies had been talking about it I thought, I will just mention something about him not welcoming himself into the birthing suite..

Conversation went a little like below.....
"I'll know you're there, people will tell me" he said.
"not if they value their jobs and know about patient confidentiality they wont" I replied.
"but they still will" he continued.

Anyway after a bit of back and forth he kinda re tracked what he had said and said that it was our time and he would come up when I was ready. I was pleased about that. Its not like I don't want him there, its his first grandchild, but I don't want him pestering us when I'm in labour and being there as soon as she's popped out.

Well then just before he was leaving he said he would mention to his brothers and their wives that they need to lay off messaging me a bit and that he wished me the best of luck etc etc... I thought brilliant, we have got somewhere....
UNTIL
Adam then goes, "well let you know when something happens"
ah hang on!! we'll let you know when she's here I said. No I will be telling Dad when you're in labour

Back to square one... :dohh:

I think i'll have a conversation tomorrow I cant think about it anymore tonight hahahaha.

Sarah - not long now!! How exciting!!!!
 
Married - I think your plan is the best way to go if you can. With ds it was always just going to be me & dh at the hospital but I told my mum I’d let her know when I was in labour and we were going. In the end it all happened that quickly that we just went, he was born and then we called to say he was here. It was amazing as there were no distractions and no one else to consider, just us. It obviously can’t be that way for us this time as we have ds to get care sorted for, but I wish it could be as it made it so much calmer.

I think sometimes men just are unable to understand how we are feeling with hormones running high, being tired and overwhelmed with having a new born and so don’t give enough credit to our feelings and opinions on things like visitors as it’s easy to dismiss it as us being in over the top when they don’t want to upset other family members.

Glad you’ve had a chat with him Jessy and hope it’s all been taken on board!

I’m dreading all the parenting opinions again - why is it that people always think they know your baby/child better than you do, even when it is 20 odd years since they last had a newborn!
 
I think you're right Daisies, men just don't 100% understand the emotions perhaps and for you London, your other half just sees it as the excitement of labour and birth and family needing to know. On the outside yes that's really lovely for everyone to be involved. For the lady who has to go through the pain whether its natural or c section....then recovery afterwards; it's a little different! Great to anyone who is so open and happy for all visitors straight away I think it's lovely. I am a little glad so many of you here are on my wavelength and a bit choosy about who, when and how.

London I think you were right...best to go back to the discussion again and broach the idea of just getting yourselves to the hospital and focusing on you without texting or ringing s bunch of people to tell them you're in labour. Maybe present the idea that when you're there you will let him know if you've changed your mind, otherwise that is how you currently see your birth plan and feel very calm and happy about that decision.

When I told the grandparents to be it wasn't a big discussion so I got no come back from it...I do wonder if they took what to said truthfully or may be didn't believe us. Either way we won't be visiting our parents again before the baby comes so we can dodge phone calls and texts. Already had one from my dad Saturday afternoon asking if his grandchild was here yet! :haha: bless him. This is only going to step up a notch now isn't it?! Waiting for the flurry of texts and messages! I have still been posting things on Instagram and feel that showing a presence is for now keeping people at bay as if I'm online posting pictures of my dog etc etc...I'm probably stopping that question for whether I'm having this baby yet lol. However I'm going to be a bit more cautious next week about things I post or say As if I get even one comment saying 'so that baby isn't here yet'or anything like it...Well, comments will be disabled or I'm going off the radar. Probably easier to jut stay off social media for now and keep people guessing :haha:

I can't wait for this baby to start making it's arrival! As soon as we are at that hospital, phones are being turned off or on silent hidden away! I'd love DH to film a few seconds once baby is here and take photos but my phone will 100% stay off as he's better at ignoring people and no one on his social media knows he's having a baby anyway lol.

Oh and lastly...Single digits at last...9 days until due date! It's exciting even if baby is late...Single digits is just scary eeek!
 
Yay to single digits Married!!
Today I’m 40+6 so I’ll be in double digits the other way soon :haha:

To be honest I think when my husband sees the pain I’m he may not even suggest calling his dad. I think if I’m having a long labour and he needs a lunch buddy while at the hospital that might be when he will want to call him.... but we shall see on the day as there will be an argument! And who wants to fight with a woman In labour?!

So last night I woke up around 12.30am with some pretty intense period like cramps and a very tight bump - thought hmmm is this the start of something? It took me a good while to get back to sleep. This morning - nothing, nothing at all!! Our bodies work in mysterious ways!!
 
It does sound like we are all very much on the same wavelength when it comes to what is too much afterwards. Don't be afraid to put your foot down at the time if it is too much. It can be done without being rude but you are well within your rights to be firm about what you want and if your not feeling up to it, then that is the fact of the matter and one way or another, end of story.

My last day being pregnant...surreal feeling...like with my induction I knew I wasnt going to be pregnant for much longer but I didn't know exactly when that would end, whereas I know that it will defo be over tommorrow. Very strange feeling.
 
I kind of do feel a bit sad? I know that sounds wierd but I'm really going to miss feeling her wriggling around in there. I've actually been more comfortable - besides the stomach issues, this last week so I've enjoyed it a bit more so yeah, a little sad! Although relieved that it's nearly over at the same time as I am hideously inpatient 😂
 
I don't think it's weird! For me and DH we are a little bit scared and have got comfy and used to this baby being inside. As much as the next stage equally scares me and excites me...I will miss the convenience of pregnancy and the ease at which we can go about our lives :haha: I am looking forward to getting back to my pre pregnancy weight and beyond but it's been nice to not worry about what I eat. I'm dreading getting back on slimming world and thinking a bit more carefully :haha:
 
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