January 2018 babies - 43 BFPs!

[Sarahcake]

No need to apologise. This is what this forum is for

My scan isn't for another 5+ weeks potentially so I know the feeling. Every part of me is wanting to book an early scan but we just can't afford to throw down £90 right now as we're saving for our holiday beginning of July. But I know if I had one, it would put my mind at rest.

My mind has been full of doubt since I got the result. I want to be excited so badly but I just can't as I have this anxiety hanging over me. Plus I'm having a shit time in work, and I'm changing jobs to the hospital which I accepted and did all the paperwork for before I found out I was pregnant. So now I have crazy anxiety about starting my new job and disappointing them and potentially having to work in an atmosphere because I'm joining them pregnant.

Gahhh sorry my turn to rant!

 

[xJessie91x]

I have to leave this thread now as it's been confirmed this morning that I'm having a miscarriage. Good luck to every single one of you ❤️

 

[Sarahcake]

I'm so sorry Jessie

Big hugs and love to you. Please take care of yourself xxx

 

[MissMiki]

Aussie, I may be telling you all stuff you know but have you looked into pre-natal depression (I think)... everyone is so clued into post natal depression that some mommy's to be seem to be forgotten. It may not be but it may be worth speaking to your mid wife or finding a specific forum for that as well as this as you are active on boards it might help. I hope it brings some help and answers some questions as to why you are so concerned.

All being said, nothing other than your baby in your arms is going to put you at ease and I have everything crossed for you.

Sorry if this seems out of the blue I'm a bit of a board stalker rather than a poster but I've been following your journey. Xx

 

[London Kiwi]

Aussie have you thought about buying a fetal Doppler?
I got one on Amazon yesterday, it arrived today. I'm only 10weeks but I can hear something so it has made me feel a lot more relaxed!
I'm just hoping it's not my own heart beat I'm listening to!! I you tubed a lot of sounds and it's very similar to the sound I heard at my early scan.

For £20 and much less worry, I think it's worth it!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0...r=8-1&keywords=angelsounds+baby+fetal+doppler

 

[Soph1986]

I'm so sorry Jessie. Terrible news and I pray you'll get your rainbow baby soon.




Aussiebub Why don't you get a private scan? I know it's sometimes a lot of money but you sound really distraught.

 

[AussieBub]

I am so sorry for your loss Jessie. My thoughts are with you.

And i thought about getting a doppler but there's such a push to ban them lately plus if i couldn't find the heart beat I'd only freak out more. I also considered a private scan but can't afford the £90 at the moment especially with OH starting his new job next week. He'll be without income for two weeks whilst the change over from weekly pay to monthly pay goes into affect. I spoke to the midwife about my mood at the booking appointment and she mentioned i might be suffering from antenatal depression. I said my mood would probably change when I had my scan so think she is waiting to see if that's true before discussing the depression further.

Also i got OH to bring me home more pregnancy tests. I don't know why because even with a MMC it would show positive for a while but i tested anyway and got an instant, very strong positive. It didn't reassure me though so not sure why i asked him to get them to be honest.

 

[Marriedlaydee]

Aussie i hope you feel better soon. Youll see your healthy baby next week i know it! Keep trying to have positivity because your baby and your OH need you to try. Failing that I find being distracted has really helped so I've been focusing on work and projects around the house. I wish I could give you my scan this Thursday as it's so heartbreaking to read your anxiety. I promise this will be a distant memory soon, just try to not be completely absorbed in it. Your OH is so sweet getting those tests for you, sounds like he's really worried for you

Believe me I want to cry and be a complete mess and not have any hope but a dear friend of mine who lost her baby at 18 weeks told me that time spent on being hopeless won't change the outcome and it will be looked back on as regret when all is well. It helped me to hear her story and realise that I'm allowed to have hope and if the worst happens, know that the baby just wasn't quite right and my body knew it couldn't continue. Obviously I hope that doesn't happen but all I can do is try to not be completely absorbed in this and try be in the real world and wait until I get news telling me how to feel about this.

 

[swampmaiden]

Marriedlaydee, very well put, I completely agree with you

 

[koj518]

marriedlaydee - what a great way to think!! I've been trying so hard to stay optimistic because like you said, being negative won't change the outcome but I think I'm just afraid to get my hopes up if anything goes wrong.. I guess it's my stupid defense mechanism!!

 

[Katy78]

i'm really sorry about your loss Jessie!

 

[pinkmonki]

Jessie, Jcliffe and spiffy I am so so sorry for your losses. I wish there were something more helpful I could say, but nothing really helps.

Aussie I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I recommend you talk to your midwife about how you're feeling. I can say that having had three early losses and a stillborn, that worrying doesn't change anything unfortunately, it just makes you miserable. If you talk to your midwife maybe they'll scan you earlier. Re Doppler, the push to ban them is only because people rely on hearing the heartbeat to reassure everything is ok in later months, which is unhelpful because that is the last thing anyone should rely on once baby has movement patterns. In the early days, it can be incredibly reassuring to know babe has a heartbeat and whenever I feel myself spiralling that's how I reassure myself. I haven't had a live baby from my last four pregnancies so believe me, I know the worry all too well, but it really isn't good for your mental state to constantly be within that spiral.

Afm: I will update the page today, I promise. I'm sorry for being so crappy. In the last two days my sickness had vanished. From all day and night vomiting to.. normality. It's very disconcerting to say the least. I won't lie though, you only realise just how terrible you've been feeling when you suddenly feel normal.

 

[Marriedlaydee]

Pinkmonki thanks for sharing your story, I nearly bought a Doppler but have decided against it because while I may get lucky and hear the heartbeat it'll be spending way too much time checking and it may make things worse for myself.

It's such a hard time to get through, but time is a healer and it'll soon pass and give answers! I really hope this is the one for you! Hearing the story from someone who knows loss and really really feels the fear of it happening again puts it into perspective for anyone like me who is worrying on what now feels a smaller scale in comparison!

We will all get through this and look back on this in January/February and be amazed and so happy we made it through!

 

[pinkmonki]

I think everyone's worries are very real and very huge for them. My having had the worst actually happen doesn't diminish how very real the fear is for someone who simply worries it might happen to them.

If anything I'd say it's more a perspective thing. Once the very worst has happened, and you've survived, you know how bad the worst can be and how very little you can actually impact upon whether it happens or not, so you have an easier time accepting 'what will be will be' Or at least, that's how it is for me.

I very much hope that I'll be holding my baby in January, as yet, I'm not wholly convinced that I will be, but I accept that whatever happens will happen regardless of if I spend my days looking forward or crushing myself in doubt.

 

[Marriedlaydee]

Yup, certainly is a mix of the two types of days!

 

[AussieBub]

Hey ladies, happy to report I'm feeling happier today. I haven't been thinking about the pregnancy or the scan and just been chatting to some friends on the internet whilst DD is at nursery. I had a super long talk with OH last night about my feelings and a lot of tears were shed but he finally didn't dismiss my fears and instead talked openly with me about them. The talk got him feeling really down but we needed to talk it out. I feel so much better today now that I've let it all out and not bottled it all up. Knowing my fears have been acknowledged and not dismissed has helped a lot. Actually having a good time talking to my friends and laughing for the first time in a while. Still dreading the scan but feeling better than i have been.

-AussieBub

 

[Sarahcake]

Glad to hear today is a better day for you

Pinkmonki, I'm so sorry to hear of all that you have been through, your experience gives you an excellent way of thinking however, what will be will be, it's heartbreaking, absolutely devestating to go through what you have, but no amount of worry will change what is going to happen it just causes more stress which isn't good for me and babe. Thank you for your incredibly valuable insight. I'm sorry for what you went through to get that insight though bless you. X

 

[Wills_2]

Hey Ladies,

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing...Spiffy, Jessie and Jcliffe I am truly sorry to read your posts and my thoughts are with you :sad:

Aussiebub - so glad you are feeling a bit better today

I've been reading this group but not really posting much as I wasn't sure how much I could be a part of it as I was really uncertain about my own pregnancy....I've got a babysonic doppler and have been searching for a HB for around a week and cannot find one and was really worried, so much so that I searched online and found a company called precious moments baby scans who offer a reassurance scan for £55. Literally just a 10 min ultrasound with 4 pics but it was enough to put my mind to rest. I had the scan today and have a very healthy little bean measuring 8 weeks 5 days so 6 days behind based on my LMP but I'm so relieved! Makes the wait for my dating scan so much easier.

I also found out that after a C section they sew your uterus back in at a higher position and generally more towards your back to prevent a prolapse and as you can see from the pic (not the best but you can roughly make out head, body and an arm!!) the baby is very near my back hence why I cant hear a heartbeat just yet. the lady said it would probably be another 4 or 5 weeks before I can hear it from the front due to location and babies size...thought id share this info incase anyone else is struggling with a doppler that had a previous C section.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for all of us that everything continues on ok x

 

[AussieBub]

That's actually pretty useful information, thank you for sharing that. Glad to see/hear that your little bean is doing well

-AussieBub

 

[Wills_2]

That's actually pretty useful information, thank you for sharing that. Glad to see/hear that your little bean is doing well

-AussieBub

Thanks, I just had a wave of relief wash over me when I saw it and could see the HB. For me it was definitely worth every penny. I'm now just waiting for my dating scan.

The woman that did the private scan was really helpful...far more helpful than the Dr's and my midwife so far! She said it's called a tilted uterus and is common after C Sections and that I might suffer more with back pain later in this pregnancy...bit different from the SPD I had with my DD!

Xx