January 2018 babies - 43 BFPs!

[Jessica60]

Soph, I agree. My sister hasn't even said congratulations. When I mention feel sick or sorting out clothes she just changes the subject. My nan just grunted when she found out I was expecting number two. I've done such a good job bringing up my first I don't know what the issue is.

 

[JessyG]

Yes no one asks how i am doing or how baby is. They havent since i told them i was pregnant. Thats a bit of a lie my mum always checks in on me but thats it. My two best friends have a lot going on in their lives both moving house but i am constantly checkinh they are ok if i can help at all and neither ever ask how i am, is we are getting organised for the baby etc its partly like no one gives a shit and partly as if they keep forgetting. Folk at work are the same. Other than telling me i am enormous i dont hear much about it all. I was even complaining on here the other day that my midwife doesnt even seem to care!

 

[Soph1986]

I'm so glad other people feel the same!! Well not glad you are experiencing it too obviously because it's rubbish. I didn't know if I was being petty but it's really getting to me. I also feel like I always ask my bfs about important things in their lives and they don't want to chat about baby stuff.

It's nice have having a place like this to chat about pregnancy stuff with people who actually are interested.

 

[Sarahcake]

I know how you feel my partner and family are fantastic but my friends are terrible. One hasn't congratulated me at all - a close friend this is and just changes the subject from baby and the other who was "so excited and can't wait" litterally never contacts me unless I contact her first. Not nice is it we all care and we are interested lovely, I know I am x

 

[Marriedlaydee]

I have a friend like that too. Her 5 year old is all she strikes a conversation about to me and I'm tired of it. I was there all through her pregnancy and for the first 3 years if her life. After that I sadly realised I was wasting my time and money spoiling her daughter. Now I'm pregnant she hasn't once asked how I am or if she can help me at all. Really annoying me. I can tell you that having this baby will probably break us for good because it'll only take her not seeing the baby or giving a gift to make her turn around and tell her it's a slap in the face after all I've done for her. All I'd like is the odd message to ask how I am and if she can offer any advice. Even my friend who is in London so much further away than a 10 minute drive asks! It's disappointing.

I had my consultant appointment today. I was told my BMI is high and that I need to take aspirin. I should have been taking it since 12 weeks apparently they messed up.

I also have to now have a scan at 30 weeks, 34 and 38. Because of my BMI.

Seems so excessive. It's fine with me but now all these extra checks are frustrating me and I feel like I'm being punished for weighing a little more. >sigh<

 

[Sarahcake]

That sounds like a friendship you could really do without unfortunately some people are all about them and what they can get and don't give a toss about anyone else. Not nice.

Sorry to hear that they are faffing about your BMI. They are me too, but I've got to give them credit, they've not been rude or funny about it this time. My last set of midwives and consultants were like that mind and I dreaded going to see them because every niggly pain was basically "well, you are overweight" like cheers then.

 

[London Kiwi]

Awww ladies, sorry to hear this.
That's really shit, your friends and family should certainly be asking how you are.
I have the opposite... first baby and I'm getting asked so often it sometimes annoys me haha. My sisters are constantly texting me (one is in NZ and the other in Aussie) they don't see me daily so always wonder how I am and my friends are always checking in on me.

I also have the extra scans but they didn't mention anything about my BMI just called them "growth scans" but I'm sure it's because I'm a size 18.
However in Saying that, I'm 26 weeks on Monday and still haven't put on any weight from my pre pregnancy weight. I've been swimming 6x a week, not drinking and making better food choices so it's been good for me. I lost 5kg initially and I've just slowly crept back to that point of pre pregnant weight... I'm sure I'll be putting on more weight soon though!

 

[Soph1986]

I think first pregnancy is really special and not just because people actually care lol. You can focus more on what's happening and enjoy time with partner getting excited about all the changes to come and imagine what life will be like.

I'm also on aspirin and due growth scans at 30&35 weeks but it's because of preeclampsia in last pregnancy & DS was 4 pounds 6. Will be nice to see him again since it's such a long time between 20 week scan and baby coming.

 

[Sarahcake]

Managed to sort out my maternity leave with my manager, just got to contact HR.

My holiday is use it by March or loose it so my manager said to start my maternity leave on the 20th December but take the previous month as holiday so I will finish on 20th November. It's early but I'm not loosing my holiday allowance and an extra month at home isn't going to hurt

 

[JessyG]

How many weeks will you be by then Sarah? I need to sort this out when i am back in the office on wednesday. Still cant decide for definite what i want to do.

How is everyone today. I feel absolutely enormous now and am genuinely concerned about bow big this lad is gonba be. I am tempted to opt for the elective section due to how big i am worried he will be but then my oh doesnt get paternity leave and only has 8 days holiday so it means i will only have his help for 8 days which will be much worse with a section. They will only let me go a week over anyway and then break my waters or do a section. Ugh decisions.

 

[Daisies11]

Sarah, I work in HR, and although your company's holiday policy may be that you have to use it or loose it, while you are on mat leave, legally you have to accrue benefits as you would whilst in work and so you have to still get your hols and if you can't use them then you should be allowed to roll them over.

This article explains a little more https://m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=4289

Just wanted to let you know as more often than not I know women I have dealt with maternity leave for have left a few weeks before baby is due, preferring to maybe roll some hols over to tag onto the end of paid mat leave so they have more time with baby.

It should all be your decision as to when you start your leave etc, obviously working with your manager to set a date is the courteous thing to do, but if you're not wanting to finish in November, you shouldn't have to as legally you should be able to carry hols over.

I'm ok Jessy, but full of cold and it's been 2 weeks now. I think I've had one and then just as its easing off I've caught another! I feel so run down and tired and hubby is working today which stinks as I could really do with him being here!

So hard to decide on the section, are you due any more scans to see how big baby is looking before deciding?

 

[JessyG]

No more scans planned. They have promised me more care will be taken to ensure this one is not breach as i didnt know DD was until i was in labour and it was clear by her head shape that she had been that way for a long time.

I cant decide but my midwife and consultant want me to go naturally.

 

[Sarahcake]

Thanks daisies that's really helpful if you, thanks for taking the time to go into that for me.

Im reflecting on how bad I got last pregnancy, I was in agony with SPD and could barely function. After my earlier bad back, I'm so worried that I'm going to end up the same way. I'm wondering weather going that bit earlier is really going to be a bad thing. I can cope with going back to work a bit earlier but I don't think I can bare working if I'm in as much pain as I was last time if that makes sense?

 

[Daisies11]

That totally makes sense, if you have an earlier finish date then that means you can sometimes get through things that bit more easily knowing the end of getting out of bed and off to work is in sight!

Plus it will give you time to enjoy Christmas with your little boy and if you are feeling it with spd you'll have plenty of chance for a rest.

I just wanted to mention as I know some managers/employers can be shocking for dealing with Mat leave (mine is one of the worst ever and she is head of hr, scary!).

 

[JessyG]

Daisies can i ask an HR question.

My HR dept have only sent me a mat guide which states what all employeea are entitled to. When i went off on maternity leave with my daughter they only gave statutory pay. They changed this recently and now we get 18 weeks full pay if you have more than 12 months service. There is mention that if you hand in your notice while on mat leave you will get a lump sum of any outstanding SMP due to you (not company pay though) but it makes no mention of what happens of you hand in your notice while on mat leave and have received company pay. I would expect to see a clause or something that says you must return for a min of 6 weeks (or pay back the company mat pay) or something to that affect.

If there is no mention of it and no one mentions i in writing before i finish up for leave does that mean they cant claw back mat pay should i decide not to return

Sorry i just dont want to ask my hr as it will look like i dont want to go back but i just want to know all my options.

 

[Daisies11]

If they want to have a clause that says they will claw it back in the event you leave then it would need to be written into either the maternity policy or at a push your contract (although contracts normally just refer you to the policy rather than saying anything specific).

If there's nothing in either then I would work on the basis that if you don't return you won't have to repay it (you would of course have to give your notice, but that could be put in while still on Mat leave).

If you've got a union rep that you can speak to that might be an idea, they should be aware of any negotiations that were entered into to get to the new pay structure and may be able to give you some more info, just try and speak to someone who is discrete, in my experience some union reps use the role as being a company gossip, and news that gets to them travels pretty quick.

 

[JessyG]

We dont have a union at my work. I have asked loads of time but apparently not many people wanted it. My contract was drawn up 8 years ago when i started they didnt offer company mat pay so i doubt there is any mentiom of it in there. I will double check though.
Thank you for the advice

 

[Daisies11]

Yeah there more than likely can't be any reference to it in there in that cade, worth a double check though just to make sure you don't get caught out on anything.

The usual place would be the policy though, so if not I'd guess that's just an oversight on their part.

Are you thinking you might not go back?

 

[JessyG]

Most likely i will. Its just i work quite far from my house and my DD has to be dropped at nursery as soon as the doors open at 7:30 am 3 days a week. I dont mind so much as she is 4 and this only started when she was 3.5 but a 1 yr old it seems awfully early especially as it will be for 3 full days 7:30-5:30. Seems alot so i was thinking it may be easier to get a job closer to home but chances are nothing 'perfect' will come up so i will be going back to my job as planned.

 

[London Kiwi]

26 weeks today! &#128151;

Have a nice week ladies