Jokerette's BFing journey ("Breastfeeding Kenny" - 19 months)

[susannah14]

I love that picture of him looking at the camera.

Thanks for posting your journey. I think I want to take a similar path as you in terms of dropping feeds (my son is only 11.5 months now so hopefully I will be nursing for another 6 months at least). Only I probably won't be TTC anytime soon.

 

[KitteyKat2010]

stalking, I noticed you were a couple of months TTC, what is the month you are actually TTC. We are starting in January

 

[Jokerette]

Hi kitteykat- this is actually our first month! I'm took a test this morning at 9dpo, BFN. But it's still early so I'm hopeful!!

 

[KitteyKat2010]

Crossing my fingers for you.

 

[Jokerette]

Thanks... Still BFN at 13dpo... But normally my LP is 11 days, so AF is 2 days late! FX

 

[KitteyKat2010]

Keeping testing hun, can't wait to see a bfp

 

[kix11]

Hiya,

Fingers crossed for you getting a BFP! All sorts have changed for me over the last few weeks all of a sudden! I have just returned from a lovely family holiday in Menorca my AF came really early so I am now on CD13 but reckon I have already ovulated 2 - 3 days ago so we started our TTC journey for baby no 2 a week or so earlier than planned.

But really strangely and totally out of the blue my little boy suddenly decided one morning on holiday that he didn't want to breastfeed (he was only feeding in the mornings for the last few months). That was on Thursday morning and he hasn't fed since not asked for it or wanted it which is really unusual and although on one hand I am really happy that it has happened so naturally without tears I also feel a huge sadness that our breastfeeding journey seems to have come to a stop. I feel a huge distance from him I so dramatic and he is just fine but I can't help feeling sad even though it is ultimately exactly what I wanted to happen before getting pregnant again.

Must be fate! I am having to express a little bit over the last few days as I feel really uncomfortable I wonder if he really is done with feeding??

And who knows about my cycles they came back when my son was about 8 months old and have been 26 days on average but this last one was 23 days and the one before 29 days so who knows!

What do you use to track ovulation jokerette?xx

 

[Jokerette]

Hiya,

Fingers crossed for you getting a BFP! All sorts have changed for me over the last few weeks all of a sudden! I have just returned from a lovely family holiday in Menorca my AF came really early so I am now on CD13 but reckon I have already ovulated 2 - 3 days ago so we started our TTC journey for baby no 2 a week or so earlier than planned.

But really strangely and totally out of the blue my little boy suddenly decided one morning on holiday that he didn't want to breastfeed (he was only feeding in the mornings for the last few months). That was on Thursday morning and he hasn't fed since not asked for it or wanted it which is really unusual and although on one hand I am really happy that it has happened so naturally without tears I also feel a huge sadness that our breastfeeding journey seems to have come to a stop. I feel a huge distance from him I so dramatic and he is just fine but I can't help feeling sad even though it is ultimately exactly what I wanted to happen before getting pregnant again.

Must be fate! I am having to express a little bit over the last few days as I feel really uncomfortable I wonder if he really is done with feeding??

And who knows about my cycles they came back when my son was about 8 months old and have been 26 days on average but this last one was 23 days and the one before 29 days so who knows!

What do you use to track ovulation jokerette?xx

oh wow!! totally unexpected huh? How are you both doing with the change? has he nursed much since you posted? I use Fertility Friend to track ovulation with BBT and OPK's and checking my CM

 

[Jokerette]

No BFP... AF arrived on 15dpo, so I think my cross hairs might have been a little bit off, maybe I ovulated on what I thought was 2dpo. Eitherway I'm very happy with my luteal phase, so thats good!

As for breastfeeding, Kenny is just not ready to fully wean. I've been having my husband help with the bedtime routine and he reads Kenny a story and lets him pick out 2 stuffed animals to bring to bed with him and then he tucks him in. Kenny sometimes says "Mama, mama? nur! (nurse)" And my husband will say "No mama tonight, time for bed". And as long as Kenny goes to bed peacefully he lays him down and shuts the door. But if he keeps crying for me I go in and nurse him. I just really don't want it to be heartbreaking for Kenny. It's hard emotionally. But the last week he's done really well and he has only nursed to bed I think 2 nights out of 7. I still nurse him in the morning and he occasionally will ask during the day. I have been trying to distract him or offer milk BEFORE I think he will ask to try and predict when he might want to nurse. I think we are doing good overall. I just kind of hope he keeps gradually weaning

 

[Jokerette]

I had a heart to heart my husband last night and I have changed my mind.

I could use a little support and reassurance. I've made the extremely emotional decision that tonight will be my last nursing session with my 19 month old. We had such a wonderful experience with challenges at first, overcoming obstacles, and amazing bonding... but I am feeling the time has come for us to stop. As much as I love giving him this source of nutrition and comfort I am ready to be done. I have been doing gentle weaning for the last 3 months getting him down from 8 sessions to only 2 or 3. Then this past week we started eliminating the bedtime nursing session with help from my husband. It is the early morning sessions and the daycare pickup that will be the hardest I think. I know in my heart I am feeling drained and done, but I am feeling so guilty and I am close to tears just typing this. I feel so guilty because I know it will be hard for him. I worry I will miss it too. It's hard to believe tonight I will tell him that its our last time. I know even though I am ready to wean him i will look back and miss it

 

[Aimee4311]

You've done so well thus far, and if you think it's time, then it is! It will be hard for a couple of days, but you'll figure out other ways to comfort him.

Kenny will be fine, he's so lucky to have you as a mother, and so lucky you persevered through the obstacles to have been able to nurse him this long!

I'm sure tonight will be super emotional, I wish you luck and

 

[Jokerette]

Thank you so much Aimee I know tonight will be bittersweet. I am looking forward to nursing him for our last nursing cuddles, but I'm also looking forward to the change it will bring to our relationship once we get past the tough transition of weaning.

I just read this and it made me feel better... I have this book:

"In MOTHERING YOUR NURSING TODDLER, Norma Jane Bumgarner suggests deciding to either be happy with weaning or happy with nursing. Leaving the land of ambivalence makes a big difference for many mothers. If you are feeling defensive, obstinate, powerless, or guilty about weaning, you're probably also feeling ambivalent. Once you believe in your heart weaning is positive for you and your child, weaning will most likely proceed smoothly. How do you get to a place where the decision feels right? Over time, when you are struggling, learning, and looking for answers, things slowly become clearer. "

 

[Odd Socks]

19 months is amazing, well done!
I'm feeling all emotional for you *hugs* xx

 

[aliss]

Congrats Jokerette for making it this far! It`s okay to wean if you ready to. Listen to your heart, when it comes to a toddler nursing relationship, your instinct will tell you if it is right. You trusted it this far, so have faith! You`ve done amazing.

 

[kix11]

I completely sympathise and I'm in exactly the same boat. At 19 months and 5 days just last week my breast feeding journey stopped as I mentioned in my last post.

We were down to only nursing in the mornings I chose to wean the bedtime feed a few months ago and after that I cried and felt guilty for weeks but we still had our morning feeds. It was my little boys decision to stop the morning feeds and honestly that has actually felt worse sort of a rejection and sadness which I know deep down is so silly and I am so glad it ended nicely. I don't feel guilty though I feel proud we have made it to 19 months and proud I can start the journey afresh trying to conceive baby 2 without worrying about hormones affecting my chances of getting pregnant etc.

I think all the feelings you have are totally normal and show how unselfish and what a wonderful mum you are. If it feels the right time to stop then it is and although you will question it along the way you will be doing the right thing if it feels right.

Good luck! I have comfort knowing there is someone in the same position as me the other side of the world so thank you!!

Hope we get our baby no 2 bfps together!
Xx

 

[Jokerette]

I am just about to leave work and pick Kenny up at daycare. I am simultaneously excited and dreading this nursing session. I can't wait to wrap my arms around him and cuddle and nurse him and enjoy our moment together. But I am also dreading it because I know it will be our last one. I do trust my instinct and I do feel that our breast-feeding journey is ending. I am so happy to have made it this far, and have all the wonderful memories. But it is time for me to have a little me time before we get pregnant with baby number two

4:45pm UPDATE:
I nursed him after I picked him up and it was great... just how I imagined our last session would be. Happy, cuddly, and at the end he gave me a HUGE hug!!!!

 

[Jokerette]

Kix11- It is so comforting, like you said, to have someone going through the exact same thing! You did an amazing job too! Let's hope we geT BFP's soon!!

 

[cat lover]

youve done great. its always going to be a bit sad stopping whether lo is 2 years or 2 days. take comfort in knowing the benefits to his health will last forever as will the memories xx

 

[Jokerette]

I did it I did it I did it!!! I put him to bed all by myself! No crying! He asked to nurse and I said "Remember nursing is all done" and he looked at me and said "Nurse?" like he wasn't sure he was understanding. So I said it again and then I said "do you want to rock with mama and your lovey? and he said "yeah". so we rocked for about 10 mins then i said are you ready for your crib? and he said "yeah" and now hes in there sleeping. no tears!!! oh my goodness!! I'll update tomorrow morning with how he does in the morning

 

[Aimee4311]

Aww, how great! Hopefully it continues to be so smooth! He looks peaceful