July 2014 IVF Buddies

[Emmi]

Maybe he thinks he will 'head butt' baby ;-) Honestly, men have no clue and I have needs!!

X

 

[Redbean]

Haha, I know. I was such a hornball too but was just too big. Couldn't move!

 

[lizzie78]

ha ha oh Emmi what a shame! Doesn't he realise he should make the most of it while tis on offer?! xxx

 

[Redbean]

Honestly, Emmi, that issue got to be really hard for me. Still is. Pretty sure hubby doesn't see me in that way anymore. We were still kind of newlyweds when I got pg too. The lactation consultant suggest he help stimulate my breasts and he kind of looked grossed out. It's bad enough to feel like your body is going to hell, but to feel unwanted too gets real. Try not to let it get to you, but if it does know that I understand.

 

[Aurora CHK]

Aw, bless his cotton socks; can you show him a diagram of female anatomy so that he can see that he can't get anywhere near baby? I know its probably not that he actually thinks it though, just one of those irrational worries like we have about things going wrong!

 

[Emmi]

I keep saying to him that he needs to get some whilst he can!! I have x rated dreams if I am not getting my quota so he needs to step up!!! I think it's just irrational thinking and I suppose getting jiggy with a whale lookalike must be hard!!!

Redbean, crikey, helping you stimulate your breasts may not be the best suggestion to get him to be intimate. I think hubby would find it interesting but most definitely wouldn't make him want to jump my bones!!
I think like you say, we don't want them to look at us differently, I still want to feel wanted and for him to always look at me with desire.

We were pretty much newly weds too before he had to go on the fertility journey, we were so.... errrrr...'romantic' in the early days and but then timed bonking with opk's was as erotic as toothpaste and then it was the ivf journey! But I have always been hot blooded and these hormones are crazy!! Oh it's tough being a woman sometimes ;-)

Xxx

 

[Redbean]

Well, since we can't bd, I'm trying to find any way for hubby to touch me: foot massage, breast massage, snuggling, hand holding...I have to ask him really nicely to do any of it. He's reluctant. After seeing me not just as a farting whale, but as a bloody mess he has to help in the bathroom, and then as a bf mother, not sure how I'll get sexy back.

 

[Emmi]

Well, since we can't bd, I'm trying to find any way for hubby to touch me: foot massage, breast massage, snuggling, hand holding...I have to ask him really nicely to do any of it. He's reluctant. After seeing me not just as a farting whale, but as a bloody mess he has to help in the bathroom, and then as a bf mother, not sure how I'll get sexy back.

Hubby is totally affectionate but we haven't gone through birth yet like you have.
Like all things, time I guess. So many big changes for you both emotionally and for you physically and you really have just had your precious babies. I can't foresee how hubby will be so I guess gotta just wait....

Xxx

 

[Aurora CHK]

Ok ladies this is waaay tmi but as we're talking about it...

I jokingly promised DH that if he ever managed to knock me up I would *ahem* perform a certain intimate act on him at least once a week throughout pregnancy as long as morning sickness didn't make it too challenging (ok now you all know what I'm talking about

I know it's not gonna get our jollies in the same way as but might it be a way to interest our SOs in some intimacy? Feedback on this idea NOT required as I realise it's extremely personal and apols if that was too much info for anyone!!

 

[Redbean]

Yes, I did that for awhile and then he started turning me down! (I'm hoping bc he felt bad)

We were fine until I was seriously so big I couldn't move so I imagine you ladies won't have these issues. HOWEVER, in a vaginal birth the man sees a lot he doesn't want to, which wasn't as bad for me. Just warning you, it is GRAPHIC. I've seen one live. Some hubbies stay on the north end, but they still have a nose to smell ��

 

[Emmi]

Yeah Redbean, I know hubby will want to see everything but it concerns me that he will never look at 'it' the same way again......

Hubby loved getting his special treat Aurora but as Redbean said, he would then turn it down. But when I wasn't so big, we would get jiggy and all good. But now the combination of stress at work and worrying about baby has nearly turned him into a monk!!! I on the other have become a horn devil!!!

xx

 

[nobump]

Aurora hubby doesn't get the treat very often, I want the little swimmers to be deposited elsewhere if you know what I mean

Emmi, oh you poor thing... I agree with Aurora suggest a picture may help, often easier to visual things.

Redbean, I hope you get back to your sexy self soon.... I am sure you DH is busy with you precious babies and he is there to love and support you, as they say all good things come to those who wait.

Wee moan from me copied from another post as I am back home can use lap top!

Unfortunately I am still bleeding, so phoned and got an emergency doc appointment and he has prescribe Norethisterone 3 times a day (days 5 to 25 of cycle) so can take for the next 5-7 days to see if it helps.. he also recommended I take iron 3 times a day again... I am also having bloods done to check my thyroid and blood count, need to book an appointment to get bloods taken. Doc has also encourage me to make a decision one way or another soon.... Will look to book private appointment soon... I just feel worn out... want this to end one way or another... I just need to make up my mind which way... sorry to put a negative post... I have a counseling session on Thursday, hopefully this will help.

xx

 

[amy8686]

Nobump, I hope you can catch a break soon! Crazy. Glad you're getting help.

Redbean, sorry to hear it's been so hard for you guys. I realize this time period is actually a significant chunk of your marriage so far, but realize that it's short-lived in the context of the rest of your marriage to come. You will look back fondly on this time one day for the joys it did bring, even if bd'ing or feeling remotely attractive wasn't part of it. I'm sure your hubby will have no trouble at all bouncing back when you're ready... he's just focused on other (more important) things right now.

The way I see it is that all of our husbands, by virtue of the fact that they've been willing to go through all this IVF nonsense, are a dedicated bunch. It's gonna take more than birth-related ickiness, seeing our bodies change, and helping us in the bathroom to turn them off from us in the long run!

Between me being uncomfortable and now being cautious of the placenta previa, we haven't been doing too much either. It's hard and I do long for more closeness, but we've settled into a "it'll happen later" attitude. Hopefully we'll be able to find time/motivation later. My husband is still cutely affectionate but it's taken a decidedly unsexy turn, like rubbing my belly and cuddling lots (he's been taking advantage of my new internal heater and warming himself on me at night).

I'm sure it'll get to me if it lasts too long post-baby.

Got my date today - looks like it'll be a St. Patty's baby as long as I don't bleed sooner. We're scheduled on the 17th, bright and early in the morning!

 

[lizzie78]

Whoohoo for your date Amy, great news. I just had a little giddy shiver for you

Red, Emmi I dont have anything helpful to add but what the other ladies are saying makes sense to me. I'm trying hard no tot think of when I get to that position as DH is not going to be great...

I have to say you are a dedicated bunch, I haven't offered DH any "treats" unless you count making sure there is something for dinner each night and i'm guessing that isnt what you are all talking about

Nobump - you should get it off your chest here that's what we are for. I'm sorry if you have said this before but I can't remember. Dont any of the Drs you have seen think any of the problems that you are having could be related to why TTC is so challenging for you? Considering the hell you go through just with AF it doesn't seem like it could be unrelated or am I being incredibly stupid? I'm not surprised you are worn out or feeling down by everything at the moment but its such a hard thing to make a decision about that it cant be rushed x

 

[Aurora CHK]

Nobump, my heart breaks for you every day. You are so supportive to us all and really deserve to have your dream. Counselling has been a life-saver for me through this journey and I'm really glad you're getting some support here too. Like Lizzie said, vent here all you need - I know I have, do and will! X

 

[Aurora CHK]

Gorgeous goddesses, if your menfolk aren't back to salivating over your luscious forms soon I'll eat my hat. Evolutionarily they're programmed not to be randy atm as nature wants them to stick around to give their offspring resources rather than start sniffing round the next fertile lady. I know that doesn't help atm so in the meantime I hope you are giving yourselves a lot of personal loving care!

 

[Emmi]

Aww No bump, you really have been through it and you really are so supportive to all of us, very humbling…..I so wish I had some words of wisdom but I do know the pain and I really hope that the counselling will help. Big hugs.

Ahhhh, a St Patrick’s day baby possibly for you Amy, how wonderful. I was trying to avoid the 17th as that’s my brothers birthday!! But the luck of the Irish is with him and will be with your Baba too.

Aurora and Lizzie, how are you both doing??? I can’t scroll back, have you both had you OTD’s??? Sending so much sticky dust to you both.

How are you Bebe, thinking of you honey.

How are things Redbean?? Really hope you are getting there healthwise and your 3 beauties are doing good??

Well I guess that’s the thing, our OH’s have stuck by us through all the ivf hideousness so am sure we’ll ride the sexy time drought….. I know hubby still finds me attractive but I guess me carrying his baby has made him think I am some fragile china figurine when I am actually a robust Randy sex machine!!!

Xxx

 

[amy8686]

Hi girls,

In light of our recent conversations about bd'ing and such, I thought I'd share a podcast that I just listened to and found helpful. The podcast is called The Longest Shortest Time and the episode is "Parents' Guide to Getting it On." I found it free on iTunes.

It's entertaining (Dan Savage is on it), but it also touches on all of the frustrations we've been discussing as well as some that I bet we'll be experiencing soon enough. :-/ They give suggestions, but mainly I liked it just for the perspective that all parents go through this, it's ok, and it'll pass. Look it up if you have some time. Redbean, sorry I didn't find it while you were sitting around on bedrest!

Aurora and Lizzie, how's pregnancy treating you???

 

[Redbean]

Thanks, Amy and ladies. I'll give it a listen as I'm pumping.

Hope all are well. Sorry I'm at a loss for words and a bit brain dead. I feel like I've been hit by a bus. Pumping for three after surgery and w preeclampsia is like trying for a marathon. I'm losing a pound a day.

 

[Emmi]

Thanks for that Amy, will listen to it whilst I have some time at the moment! I walk the dog a couple of miles to make sure I exercise but the rest of the time is spent more and more like a beached whale!!

Wow, red, that is pretty extreme in what your body is going through. Am sure it's so very tough and I so feel for you. Hope that you are being looked after by hubby and family, I don't want to see you waste away!!

Xxx