Just found out a complete bombshell about my OH :(

[UC J]

I am sure this is very hard for you , that is understandable , but try not to be , like he said it was an unplanned pregnancy, a child that they weren't ready for but yours together was planned and you guys are ready , expecting the baby .....that makes it a whole new experience for him which you guys are sharing together , cheer up ,this experience is still very special

 

[feeble]

sweetie i know its tough but men just think differently about things than us...

My OH barely even registers our stillborn baby, he never mentions her and when i say to people we are having our third pregnancy he looks confused.

It probably wasnt something that entered his head until you got pregnant and then he wouldnt have wanted to worry you hun xx

 

[_jellybean_]

I would feel betrayed too, because of him hiding that from me. I really do agree with the other lady who said it would seem like punishment if you don't let him come to the scan. I think you should forgive him. He went through a lot obviously too, and doesn't deserve to be pushed to the side (by not being allowed at the scan) because of your anger/hurt. Everyone makes mistakes. I bet he will make sure to be open with you about everything from now on.

 

[seany3]

Thanks so much for all these replies, they have helped me out so much with rationalizing it all and putting it into perspective and I woke up today after a proper nights sleep feeling much calmer. We had a big chat about it today and know now that's this was one of the worst things he has ever gone through. I explained that's why I'm so upset that I had no idea because he had kept it from me, and my initial reaction was pure shock,and jealousy which I know sounds terrible, but jealous that this wasn't all knew to him too. My hormones are all over the place lately as it is but I told him how sorry I am that this happened to him and he's sorry he didn't tell me, he just didn't know how and didn't want to talk about it. So we are drawing a line under it all now. I also went to my gp this morning and told h how I was feeling. He checked my blood pressure, which was perfectly normal. had a feel of my stomach and told me all my symptoms etc are completely Fine and to just wait the 2 weeks for my scan as there's no reason to be stressed or panicky. So all I'n all I'm feeling much better thankyou again each and everyone for helping me through this. I'm truly grateful. Happy and healthy 9 months to all xxxx

 

[seany3]

Oh and also meant to say he will definitely be attending the scans with me im over that bit too xx

 

[Myturn]

Good I am sooo Glad that you guys got through this!!!! It will def make your relationship stronger! I'm so happy and excited for you both! Way to go momma and daddy!

 

[pinkcatgirl]

Glad to hear you are talking to each other and going to scans together. I am sorry you had such a shock and I can imagine it was difficult for you. I remember when my husband told me he had bought a house with his ex, been with her for 9 years and theyhad been engaged and broke up 8 weeks before the wedding! I ran out the room and didn't speak to him for 12 hours. Getting engaged and planning the wedding was occasionally awkward as we'd have to discuss what he had had "last time" and make sure this time was different which was a bit annoying for me at times because I was banned from looking at certain venues, cakes, themes etc. I look back now though and think, well he was soo much younger then and we're happily married now so why stress? As someone said, they're an ex for a reason. I know a lot of the hurt came from finding out from someone else, but maybe this was an oversight on his behalf rather than genuine malice?

Fingers crossed your scan is perfect.

 

[judge12]

My husband has another child, I have to deal with jealously that he been through everything before...That hurts so much more. Your husband is new to this and this will be his and your first child, and it be together!

You got nothing to be jealous or insecure about, could be a lot worse!

 

[_jellybean_]

Glad you have worked things out, and that he's going to the scans with you.

 

[puppycat]

I can understand that you are upset because it does take the shine off things. DH has a son from a previous marriage and I was a bit upset that we weren't going through the first excitement together.

That being said spare a though for your hubbie who will no doubt be scared that history could repeat itself and is probably worried about you and his baby. Men don't open up about hurtful things in their past like we women do and tbf you did just assume it was his first time without asking him at all.

If DH had told me his ex had a mmc at 12 weeks I'd immediately panic and think that it could happen to me. I'd rather not know. We're all different in how we react to news but I can't help feeling sorry for your poor hubbie who must be terrified

 

[puppycat]

Thanks so much for all these replies, they have helped me out so much with rationalizing it all and putting it into perspective and I woke up today after a proper nights sleep feeling much calmer. We had a big chat about it today and know now that's this was one of the worst things he has ever gone through. I explained that's why I'm so upset that I had no idea because he had kept it from me, and my initial reaction was pure shock,and jealousy which I know sounds terrible, but jealous that this wasn't all knew to him too. My hormones are all over the place lately as it is but I told him how sorry I am that this happened to him and he's sorry he didn't tell me, he just didn't know how and didn't want to talk about it. So we are drawing a line under it all now. I also went to my gp this morning and told h how I was feeling. He checked my blood pressure, which was perfectly normal. had a feel of my stomach and told me all my symptoms etc are completely Fine and to just wait the 2 weeks for my scan as there's no reason to be stressed or panicky. So all I'n all I'm feeling much better thankyou again each and everyone for helping me through this. I'm truly grateful. Happy and healthy 9 months to all xxxx

Awww I'm so pleased you chatted
Congrats hun and look after yourself