Just need to vent..

[AEM1803]

Why hello again ladies,

I just need to vent.. get this off my chest before i break down

I am so tired of pretending to be happy.. pretending everything is ok.. pretending im over what happened.. IM NOT!!

My friends keep telling me to get over it.. its done there isnt anything i can do.. there is no need for me to be sad anymore.. some of them even had the nerve to tell me that they dont want to talk to me anymore because i to sad and depressed and they dont need the added stress in their lives

I lost a baby!!! not a shirt.. or a pen or my keys.. IT WAS A BABY!! A LIVING BEING.. MY BABY!

Ugh i dont understand why nobody is there for me while im trying to get through this!!
so i am forced to smack a smile on my face and pretend that my life is perfect and that I am ok..
truth is.. Im not

thanks for listening to my rant..

 

[kiki04]

Im so sorry I am starting to feel that way too... people think that well its been three weeks now, I ahve carried on with life. I havent. I think about it ALL.DAY.LONG. When I ma on the internet, I am researching "fertility after m/c" "pg after loss" etc etc etc or as bad as looking up where I would have been. I lost Hadlee at 16w6d and should be 20weeks this friday so I still look at where I should be. You are so entitled to those feelings and who cares what others think say or feel. You lost your baby. Plain and simlpe. You do not need to justify yourself to anyone. It hurts. You lost the one thing you wanted so badly. It really makes me upset that people are treating you this way. Maybe take a week or two off work if your dr will write you a note and take some time to shut off the world, think and cope in the ways YOU feel comfortable with. Cry scream yell whatever might help and rethink the idea of other people in a couple weeks. Most people just let me be for awhile but sent email condolences etc etc which was easier. I preferred not talking to people to have to repeatedly answer questions about what happened. My situation is a little different but the pain is still the same I hope you find a way to heal

 

[Nat0619]

I am so sorry hun and see so many e-mails like this, where others just don't seem to get what we are going through at all Like you say, we've lost babies - it's IS a big thing!

I don't think it helps personally that so many people keep miscarriages to themselves so I think a lot of people don't have much exposure to it and just don't understand it. I really do think you have to go through this to understand how it feels.

We are all here for you hun and know exactly how you feel

 

[roothy]

Hi hun... am so roory for your loss and how you are feeling

As has been said - some people just don not get it at all. I had mc in Feb - first ever pregnancy after 2 yrs of trying. NOw ttc again which is a rollercoaster.
I have found that things have and do get easier - they really do. I dont know how long it is since your loss. But it never truly goes away. Just 10 dys ago I was in floods of tears as my period had come and I had convinced myself I was pregnant. All that loss came crashing back. I think what has changed for me is that although that despair still overwhelms me at times - I can then put it away somewhere inside of me and move on. That said - sometimes it can take a long while to calm down.
Talk to the people who do give you support - this forum is amazing for that And do talk to your GP and get some support from there

We are here for you as much as you need us

 

[redrose89]

I know how you feel. I was watching a movie last week, where the character has a miscarriage. Seeing the scene was heartbreaking, not only for the character, but for me as well. It was like I was reliving it all over again. I couldn't calm myself down. It was so scary to feel all the feelings again. I had my first miscarriage in March then a chemical in May. I feel so inadequate, and there is no one that can understand. You go through one miscarriage, you are scared of others so much more than ever. It scars us.

I think it's a really good thing for us to have this site, for us to vent and talk to people who really understand what we are going through. It's tough to push through our sadness and depression, but we all will make it through it, for we know we will have our little beans someday!!

Hugs to all

 

[Tweak0605]

I'm so sorry. I'm feeling the exact same way.

I had to talk to my mom on the phone earlier this week and pretend like everything is a-okay. I'm sick of pretending. I just want to feel happy again.

It'll be 3 months tomorrow since I had my D&C. And just over 1 week since we found out about our 2nd early miscarriage. I'm sick of pretending to everyone, including DH, that I'm fine.

That, and I'm sick of reading about pregnancy announcements on FB. Our belly pictures, or whatever else. I've thought about deactivating my account, since all they do is make me feel more down.

We'll all get our rainbow babys. Like my friend said, it'll be all that much sweeter when we do, because of everything we've been through.

 

[addy1]

I am finding that I still want to talk about the baby and the miscarriage, but nobody asks anymore how I am doing. It is a hard topic to bring up, and I am getting the impression that people just do not want to listen to it anymore. DH is good, but having this site has been such a help.

Hugs to all!

 

[LittleBird]

It's a hard situation, especially when you don't have people around you who have had a loss. I know my BFF went through some really hard losses, so I have been able to talk to her to an extent, but I still rely on my friends here on BnB when I need to talk through things. I admit, I tend to spend more time on here than talking to my friends and family about things lately. I don't know if that's healthy or not, but at least I feel like I'm surrounded by other people who have been through it and understand how much I'm hurting. And since we've been TTC, these are the people I trust for symptom spotting, cheering me on through the 2WW, helping me pick myself up after another failed cycle.

It takes time to get past a miscarriage, don't beat yourself up about it, and don't allow your friends and family to trivialize it. If you can't talk to them about it, talk to us! We don't want you to feel alone in this -- like you can't be yourself.

 

[AFGrandaughtr]

I'm so sorry momma I hate how people never seem to understand...I had a mc at around 14w...its never easy. People even went to the next level saying that I faked my pregnancy. Everytime I would talk about it I would cry...like that isn't proof enough. Some people can be so mean, they assume the worst out of everyone, or they have a problem with you so they nip it where it hurts. I hate people like that....

It doesn't matter how long ago it was either. Its been over 5 years and I'm still stressed about it. I haven't been able to concieve since, and I'm worried something is wrong with me. The pain does get better.....but you'll definitly never forget.

 

[Cheesepuff]

I am so sorry for your loss ! You are totally entitled to feel sad, as you said yourself, you have lost a baby. I had a very early loss at just over 5 weeks and it is hard. I am slowly coming to terms with it, but I find that I am still extremely emotional.

You need to look after yourself now and be goos to yourself!

 

[SeaThreePeeO]

((((hugs)))) Oh hun, I could have written that post. I really wish there was some sort of magic pill we could take that would make the hurt go away. Not forget, never forget, just make it no longer painful to remember. xxx

 

[skeet9924]

WOW I feel the exact same way as everyone else on this thread....I pretend I am happy yet I am not. I had a really good feeling about this month ...actually got 3 just to test two days later and get a and then it all started. I cant even talk to anyone about this. my Oh doesnt even count this one as an MC Everyone keeps saying I dont understand why you are so upset...atleast you can get pregnant...

I was like WTF!!! yes I can...but who knows if I can carry it!!

I'm here for you hun if you need anything ...I find I live off this site and it is the only place where I can go that people actually understand me

 

[blondemop]

I'm right there too. In fact, I just walked out of work about an hour ago and barely got to my car before the fake smile came off and the water works started. Sat there sobbing for 30 minutes. what a mess!
hang in there. thats all you can do.

 

[Mammatotwo]

I too could have written your post.
How sad that we live in a world where miscarriage is so hidden and expect women to just get over it and move on. We lost something so wanted, so loved and when we lost our baby all the hopes and dreams we had for the pregnancy, birth and that baby were lost too. The constant reminders of where we should be in our pregnancy are heartbreaking and all we are left with is grieving in silence.
I hate faking it too. I paste a smile on and carry on as normal and every now and again the smile slips and I find myself like I did the other day sobbing uncontrolable in the car after dropping my daughter off at kindy. There I was in our driveway sobbing with my poor 20 month old looking confused.
I lost my baby last month at 11 weeks.
I feel like shouting- Yes everyone you can pretend it never happened but it happened to me and it did happen and it left a huge whole in my life.

 

[daopdesign]

It's very difficult, I really feel for you hunny but you will find your strength soon and be able to move on with a much more positive outlook. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling after your loss so if you need to get 'it' out then do, that's perfectly healthy. I've found the ladies on this forum absolutely wonderful and we are here to offer support, big hugs xxx

 

[SatansSprite]

The OH's family was a great support at the beginning, and even to some extent a little bit still. It helps though that OH's sister actually went through a miscarriage and then in her next pregnancy had similar issues happen in it, and so had to be taken care of in order to keep that pregnancy. So they understand, but even they have their own lives and aren't around me 24/7 and everyone else, is like "im sorry" and that's it.

Then sometimes we've told a couple people that something we (OH and I) need in order to heal, is to just get into trying again. I'm one of those who hold on far too much to stressful situations and dwells on it way more than healthy. Some people of those that we've told we wanna try again as soon as possible have been like "You should wait, and let yourself heal first." They don't seem to understand that yes I've just been through a major loss, and yes I will grieve for it, but I also need to move forward with life and not dwell on this bad thing.

I'll grieve all over again with another pregnancy, I'll be scared witless during it, I'll be an emotional rollercoaster. I know it's not quite the same as your situation, but still, it's crazy how people just don't understand how sometimes we either need an ear for, quite some time, to get over it or even that sometimes the most effective way for some of us...not everyone...is to not dwell on the negatives and look forward to the future, including trying again.