Just thought i'd explain my journey & say hello!

[LoolaXx]

Oh no kim 😔 bad news??? Is all ok?

I wish kika would post just once, just to let us know she's somewhat ok, even though she is not going to be right now, who would but I understand she needs time, that's if she can ever handle coming back here, either way I hope she knows we're all thinking of her 💕

 

[fluffet521]

Thanks, Louisa, you're such a sweetheart. Things will be OK. I'm still in the process of accepting the bad news, but it's nothing like Kika's. Her news made me even more sad. This has been a terrible, sucky day.

I too want her to post just once to let us know she knows we are here for her and love her very much and to come to us if she needs anything at all. I wish with all my heart that we could all teleport to her and just be there for her to cry on our shoulders and whatever else she needs. I'm literally crying, I'm hurting so bad for her.

 

[fluffet521]

And Louisa, I'm so glad you're back. I'm sorry I didn't mention that earlier. I missed you, my sweet, even for that short time.

 

[LoolaXx]

As I said I just really really hope she's surrounded by a lot of people who love her because obviously living in the States is still new and I hate to think of her facing this basically alone, besides OH that's why I feel bad because the only support we can be to her is online support and I don't like it. If she still lived here I would have driven to her with flowers and chocolate by now hfjsjdurjwks I don't even know what to say I just can't accept it nor believe it

Kim you have really worried me this day can't get any worse, can it? Everything was going so good here, guys just please tell me lil monkeys okay? Please

thanks sweet lady, I love being back here I couldn't stay away for long but the thread is a really upsetting one today. God bless our kika, I don't understand. She seems to have done everything right, eaten lots, there are so many questions aren't there? xx

 

[fluffet521]

Yes, my dear, Lil Monkey is alright. I appreciate your concern, and I'm sorry to worry you. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, I promise. I just want to take a little extra time to grieve for Kika and her angel, and feel it would be somewhat disrespectful to even mention my issue as it seems silly compared to Kika's.

 

[LoolaXx]

Completely agree, I feel a little bad for changing the subject away from kika now.. But I just care about you all, in the same way as my real life friends. I honestly don't know what else to say and it makes it harder that she isn't here, I wish she would post. I'm going mad over here!!! I wish I had her number or something where we could just make sure she's 'stable'? Ugh, I know she needs time and we have to respect that but I'm still going insane at the thought of how she must feel. My heart is broken as you said kim so I dread to think of how hers is, unfixable as you said! Our poor sweet friend. I hope she knows we love her, a lot

 

[HopingCarter]

Yes Kika, please post honey. We Love You and we're praying for you and hubby. Just let us know how you're doing please.

Hi Kim. Glad to hear Peanut's okay...ttyl

 

[LoolaXx]

Good morning ladies, I had a rough night sleep last night
Kika I hope you're holding up okay, would be great to hear from you at some point today! there's no rush and you need time we know that but when you're ready, we are here.
Love you all lots xx

 

[HopingCarter]

Good Morning Guys!!

I completely missed that post you had yesterday about possibly being pregnant??? WTH, why haven't you went to the Dr's yet? What are you waiting for? What if you are pregnant and just didn't know it?

 

[LoolaXx]

Morning honey bunch!!!

Because there's no way I can be and wouldn't know about it until now. Because I wouldn't still get positive opk's around O, regular periods, no bfp's. There's no way, I have googled it and a lot of people say muscle spams and trapped gas in your gut can feel like a baby kicking, it's probably all in my head I keep feeling really tempted to book a private scan just incase 1 day Shara, and kim

Kika, still thinking of you sweets. xx

 

[HopingCarter]

Okay, well if you insist....but I would still check it out if I were you, especially considering you said you feel pregnant..

Yes, 1 more day!! I get to see my baby(ies) and Kim's gender scan! Hopefully the baby positions right so they can get a clear shot at the sex...I am in such anticipation to hear what she's having

 

[HopingCarter]

Kika come back soon! We miss you and we hope you're okay out there.

 

[Kika7]

Hey and thanks for all the sweet posts and prayers and concern. It's sad and horrible and unexpected but even if it was expected it would still be sad and horrible. I felt so sad for my first angel up to the point of my second pregnancy positive test...then I felt hope and purpose and although I still remembered my first angel I was kinda focused on the wellbeing of the second. I know that I'll be sad and devastated until I get my next bfp...

So...baby measured a week behind and they thought at 8w5d there should be a heart beat and if not then it's a MMC. This baby lived longer than the first but still not long enough. The tech was a stone face and heart, she made no comments during the scan, she gave no feedback during or after the scan and I wasn't allowed to see the baby

The first time at least they told me that there was a yolk sack and baby had implanted high and it looked fine except for the lack of HB. This time I know nothing. The OB I think was a bitch too. She called me a few hours after the scan and said "so, no heart beat at this point means the inevitable. Do you want to wait it out or shall I send a meds prescription to your pharmacy?" I told her I'd think about it and call her back. And she said if I bleed more than 45 min I should go to the hospital and if all goes well then I should book a check up appointment a month after I've passed everything.

And that's all she said.

Last time the EPU had apparently called my GP cause a day after my scan GP called me to ask how I was doing and if I needed any help or advice. And the EPU receptionist called me every morning at 9am until my miscarriage was complete.

Anywho... I think the OB would be of no help-->she didn't ask to see if my cervix was dialated and they didn't tell me how thick the endometrium was like they did the first time, so thank goodness for payed healthcare as I'm going to search for a fertility specialist and go see them once I'm done with the miscarriage.

I do need a specialist as I do have issues...I kinda wanted to believe in miracles...

I don't want you guys to talk about me any more or to feel bad about me. I need you to focus on your babies and give them love and care and support each other through TTC and pregnancy...

...I'll take a little break...and I'll come back when I'm ready to TTC again hopefully before or around Kim's little monkey's bday

I may need to ask you guys questions on health care and/or need support and stuff but let's use messaging rather than post sad stuff here. I need it to be happy and baby friendly here so keep it that way till I come back.

I love you all and I couldn't have done it without you

 

[LoolaXx]

I'm so excited for you shara, another set of SSM twins would be wonderful!!! And I can't wait to hear of peanuts gender, I still say what do you guess?! tomorrow will be a good day!

Kika private mailed me, poor sweet lady she said she will be back when she feels ready which is great to hear

 

[LoolaXx]

Kika!!! amazing to see you post. I am shocked and so sad for how they treated you. Sounds worlds apart from how you would have been treated here and that truly sucks because this is home, huh is it a relief that the baby lived longer this time than last time? I hope it was just another unfortunate mmc that was nothing to do with your 'issues', because that should give you more hope for next time. No matter how much you tell us not to be sad for you, were gutted still and I personally am heartbroken for you but if you would rather we don't speak about this horrible situation then we respect that so proud of you for coming across as so strong right now, you are courageous and brave Kika and we LOVE you xx

 

[HopingCarter]

I read her post, and I am very, very upset! I am going to respect her wishes to not talk about her, that's fine by me, but I am very pissed that she would request such non-sense. Then to say to "may" be back mid-year, that just made me even more confused. She's our SSM!! It's not like this is some non-personal "pregnancy" thread, we're supposed to be closer than that...at least I thought! And I don't need nobody telling me how hard it is to go through this because I JUST went through this right when I met you and Kim, Lou Lou, remember? I couldn't have gotten through that without you guys. Yeah, I had hard days, but I needed that support from you guys. And that's what we were supposed to be for each other. It just seems so weird. I know everyone handle's it differently, but why would you runaway from the people who have been there and can offer you support. If she doesn't want to talk about the MC, I understand, but to just turn away from us like we were just an online chatroom is not fair. I'm just pissed and salty and being really selfish right now....I'm so sorry ladies. I wish I could just be cool with her walking away, but something in me is disturbed about that..whatever, I'll just be there for her by not being there for her since that's what she wants. Kika, I'm gonna let you live you life and may God comfort you in your time of need and I hope all works well for you

Sorry, I'm being bratty about someone else's decision to just walk away from us, but I feel neglected, and you ladies how I feel about neglect and abandonment. Maybe I need to see somebody about MY issue lol....I just hate to see one of us go. Father forgive me.

Anyways Louisa, I think too!! But we shall see lol

 

[LoolaXx]

I know I understand her wanting you guys to focus on your babies and me and tara to focus on conceiving one but this was HER baby and she's OUR SSM so it's hard to just forget and not talk about but we have to respect her wishes looking forward to when she decides to come back and if she can get a BFP using protection then I doubt it will be long before she's back on the right road but that decision and timing is all down to her

Guess what shara I think I O'd... I think my chart is looking how it should

 

[HopingCarter]

Trust me there's a lot more to that post, and you're gonna have to forgive me but I had to get some things off my chest...damn these HORMONES

But....Yaaaaayyy for O! Did you get the temp spike today?

 

[HopingCarter]

WHERE'S MY JODIE??? I know they're packing up to move in a couple of weeks, I just wish she could stop by and say HI!! I miss her

 

[fluffet521]

Kika, I understand where you're coming from and that you would like some space right now. Please just know that we love you very much and are here for you. When you are ready to come back, we will be here. Hopefully you will feel better sooner and decide to come back before Lil' Monkey is born, but that choice is totally up to you. We love you, sweet lady, and will continue to pray for your healing.