Ladies who are 40+

[mumoffive]

waitandwonder, i really feel for you, i do. I felt by your post that there were other factors that were holding you back and ones not of your own making.I can fully appreciate you not wanting to put your dp under any pressure. Its a hard one. I think in some way, you need to make him see how you feel. Maybe not put him under the 'i want a baby now' pressure but make him clear of the facts, that time is truly against you. I think if you dont share this with him and you and you have difficulty ttc, it could slowly erode your relationship. You may, subconciously, resent him for making you wait. I think basically making it clear is the only way. You have been with him 2-3 years and are planning a future together. How will he feel if you wait to ttc and find it harder than you thought? I dont honestly think there is another way unless you just leave it and be content with the possibility of no children.

 

[waitandwonder]

waitandwonder, i really feel for you, i do. I felt by your post that there were other factors that were holding you back and ones not of your own making.I can fully appreciate you not wanting to put your dp under any pressure. Its a hard one. I think in some way, you need to make him see how you feel. Maybe not put him under the 'i want a baby now' pressure but make him clear of the facts, that time is truly against you. I think if you dont share this with him and you and you have difficulty ttc, it could slowly erode your relationship. You may, subconciously, resent him for making you wait. I think basically making it clear is the only way. You have been with him 2-3 years and are planning a future together. How will he feel if you wait to ttc and find it harder than you thought? I dont honestly think there is another way unless you just leave it and be content with the possibility of no children.

I worry about resenting him and I worry about him feeling that I'm not enough if we can't have a child together. He says that won't happen on his side but who really knows. He already has a son, it may be easier for him to accept. I already see the emotions in myself that I don't like, having to stop myself from distancing from certain things because it hurts. We're about to spend the holiday with his family and a new baby and I will see my family and nieces so i'm sure it will trigger more reactions and prompt a conversation. I love him and want to spend my life with him regardless of any of this. Whatever the end result is I need to be at peace. I'll put my brave big girl pants on to mask my fears of abandonment and rejection and try to get this convo moving.

Thank you again. I truly appreciate the support.

 

[Driving280]

Wow, this is tough. I understand and went through something like this but fortunately when I was "only" 35. At the time, I told my SO that I would leave him and go it alone because I wanted a child. Amazingly, he came around and is such a happy father now. Another of my friends also went through something similar in her late 30s but when the guy finally proposed, she was 41 and could no longer have her own genetic children. But, they had three children via an egg donor!

 

[waitandwonder]

I never seem to give him enough credit when I should. I was able to bring up the topic, he had actually brought up the topic of getting a bigger place sooner than later on the trip and then later after a few glasses of wine (me) and having so much fun with the kids the topic came up and I let him know that I was concerned about waiting too long and he asked if I wanted to push up the time, when I expressed why exactly and that it may take us awhile to actually get pregnant and there may be road bumps along the way he totally understood and was fine with it. He's such a "we'll make it work" kinda guy. I still feel weird putting the cart before the horse talking about buying a bigger house and trying to get pregnant before we're even engaged but we both know this is it, no one is going anywhere, we are a family So now we just need to decide when to go ahead and pull the goalie and start trying! It's a little overwhelming thinking off everything but everything always somehow works out, I trust this will too.

Thanks for the kind words

 

[mumoffive]

wait and wonder..im so pleased for you. xx Goodluck and hope it happens quickly for you. I will be stalking you for when you get your bfp!! x

 

[waitandwonder]

wait and wonder..im so pleased for you. xx Goodluck and hope it happens quickly for you. I will be stalking you for when you get your bfp!! x

Thank you! I know it will still be a bit before we start trying but once he gets something in his head, he's pretty quick to start moving along. I would like to start in the spring, if we're SUPER lucky maybe it will happen before I turn 43!

Driving, that's certainly an all's well that ends well story! I do feel very strongly that I need that genetic connection because of my own history and lacking that myself but I so admire those who bring life into this world in whatever way possible. I have a friend who acted as a surrogate for her best friend and they wound up with twins! What an act of kindness, I can't even imagine. People are truly amazing when you let them be

 

[waitandwonder]

wait and wonder..im so pleased for you. xx Goodluck and hope it happens quickly for you. I will be stalking you for when you get your bfp!! x

Thank you! I know it will still be a bit before we start trying but once he gets something in his head, he's pretty quick to start moving along. I would like to start in the spring, if we're SUPER lucky maybe it will happen before I turn 43!

Driving, that's certainly an all's well that ends well story! I do feel very strongly that I need that genetic connection because of my own history and lacking that myself but I so admire those who bring life into this world in whatever way possible. I have a friend who acted as a surrogate for her best friend and they wound up with twins! What an act of kindness, I can't even imagine. People are truly amazing when you let them be

Wow had no idea it had been SO long since I was here. Just popping in, that we're full board trying and hoping for some good news...now before or not too far after I turn 44 - yowzers. Anything is possible, I hope.

 

[Bohrer]

I am 46 TTC
Heard about Royal Jelly and Fertiligreens, will this help?