Leaving a baby home alone...

[Foogirl]

But surely a baby would ALWAYS be deemed to be at risk if left alone therefore making it illegal! A baby can't get out if there's a fire- therefore it's at risk!

Not always. There have been cases where parents have not been prosecuted for doing this, but are instead cautioned and assigned a social worker.

I think the law is too vague in this respect and there should be a legal age, but that brings it's own problems I suppose.

 

[broodyc]

But surely a baby would ALWAYS be deemed to be at risk if left alone therefore making it illegal! A baby can't get out if there's a fire- therefore it's at risk!

Not always. There have been cases where parents have not been prosecuted for doing this, but are instead cautioned and assigned a social worker.

I think the law is too vague in this respect and there should be a legal age, but that brings it's own problems I suppose.

Whilst the law doesn't set out a legal age limit, it does state that the child must be have a level of maturity and understanding. Clearly children under the age of 12 (and some over) do not have a level of maturity or understanding therefore those children would be deemed 'at risk' therefore the act of leaving those children at home alone would be illegal.

I am a Social Worker in a children and families team and deal with Child Protection referral's day in day out. Whilst yes you may be right with regards to there not always being a successful prosecution in court, most parent's who commit this offence are most definately charged by the Police as they have broken the law.

I know what you mean about the law being very vague though . I suppose that is the law's way of protecting vulnerable children up to the age of 16. I have worked with cases where the 15 year old child has been left alone however they have a learning disability and are clearly at risk when left alone.

x

 

[Eve]

I would speak with someone about this....

 

[Betheney]

i can give you a different point of view on the situation

From someone who has personally had SS called on them for a reason that didn't exist it was one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life. The case was closed as soon as it was pretty much opened. But that didn't change anything. To think that someone thought i was that kind of mother was so incredibly insulting and depressing. There are so many mums out there who you know are great mums but in other peoples eye's i was viewed as one of the crappy ones. I want you to imagine that someone called SS on you and how that would make you feel and how people must be viewing you and then when it all turn out to be fine i want you to imagine the person shrugging their shoulders and saying "better safe than sorry" it's not better safe then sorry. Someone could go through an unbeleivable amount of pain like i did and all the person who caused it can say "better safe than sorry" no. unacceptable.

Their excuse (i found out who did it) was that they didn't want to come to me directly because they didn't want to jeopardise our friendship. But it's not up to that person to chose if our friendship was more important than a call to SS. because i can tell you one thing, if i had the chance to choose between our friendship and a SS call i sure as hell would not of chosen our friendship!! (considering i hated the stupid bitch to begin with)

Someone else said "oh but it's closed now so it's fine" it's not fine, it stays on record for 7 years and if they have a second call then shit get's serious. I talked to my nurse about this and she said they receive alot of calls about babies crying at night. So what if this poor woman is trying out CIO for one night the neighbour call SS and because you've made that previous call they now seriously think this woman is unfit and a bigger investigation will take place.

If you KNOW the child is being left alone then i think you should do something, if she is a friend of yours or you know her you could slip it into a conversation to find out. It sounded like you weren't sure, if your not sure i wouldn't make the phone call until you are sure.

Could you imagine if you received a phone call from SS about someone making a report you left the baby alone inside when you hadn't????? i want you to actually imagine the emotions that you would feel and how incredibly hurtful and upsetting it would be receiving that phone call and then knowing your on record.

So in summary my advice is YES make the call if you are ABSOLUTELY sure.

This comment has come off rather..... angry? it's not suppose to be, in fact i'm kind of glad i can shed light on a situation from the other persons point of view. Having SS called for a non existing reason was really truly the most traumatic thing i've ever gone through, in fact i spent the last day fighting over whether to post on this thread or not because i hate dredging up any memories to do with it.

Love Love Love

 

[broodyc]

i can give you a different point of view on the situation

From someone who has personally had SS called on them for a reason that didn't exist it was one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life. The case was closed as soon as it was pretty much opened. But that didn't change anything. To think that someone thought i was that kind of mother was so incredibly insulting and depressing. There are so many mums out there who you know are great mums but in other peoples eye's i was viewed as one of the crappy ones. I want you to imagine that someone called SS on you and how that would make you feel and how people must be viewing you and then when it all turn out to be fine i want you to imagine the person shrugging their shoulders and saying "better safe than sorry" it's not better safe then sorry. Someone could go through an unbeleivable amount of pain like i did and all the person who caused it can say "better safe than sorry" no. unacceptable.

Their excuse (i found out who did it) was that they didn't want to come to me directly because they didn't want to jeopardise our friendship. But it's not up to that person to chose if our friendship was more important than a call to SS. because i can tell you one thing, if i had the chance to choose between our friendship and a SS call i sure as hell would not of chosen our friendship!! (considering i hated the stupid bitch to begin with)

Someone else said "oh but it's closed now so it's fine" it's not fine, it stays on record for 7 years and if they have a second call then shit get's serious. I talked to my nurse about this and she said they receive alot of calls about babies crying at night. So what if this poor woman is trying out CIO for one night the neighbour call SS and because you've made that previous call they now seriously think this woman is unfit and a bigger investigation will take place.

If you KNOW the child is being left alone then i think you should do something, if she is a friend of yours or you know her you could slip it into a conversation to find out. It sounded like you weren't sure, if your not sure i wouldn't make the phone call until you are sure.

Could you imagine if you received a phone call from SS about someone making a report you left the baby alone inside when you hadn't????? i want you to actually imagine the emotions that you would feel and how incredibly hurtful and upsetting it would be receiving that phone call and then knowing your on record.

So in summary my advice is YES make the call if you are ABSOLUTELY sure.

This comment has come off rather..... angry? it's not suppose to be, in fact i'm kind of glad i can shed light on a situation from the other persons point of view. Having SS called for a non existing reason was really truly the most traumatic thing i've ever gone through, in fact i spent the last day fighting over whether to post on this thread or not because i hate dredging up any memories to do with it.

Love Love Love

I can totally empathise with what you are saying Betheney and I can imagine that it was a traumatic experience for you. That said, I have to disagree in essence with what you are saying.

I think that if anyone has a suspicion regardless of whether they are 100% or not about a child being neglected, harmed or abused then they have a responsibility to address this by contacting Social Services to pass on these concerns. I recognise that there are lot's of malicious referrals and inaccurate referrals which are put to rest once a visit has been made to the parents in question like in your case but every now and then there is a child who is at risk and can be protected. There are too many cases out there (particularly in the UK....not sure about where you are) where there has been child deaths which could have been prevented had someone spoken up about concerns they had, take Baby P for example. There were many neighbours came out the woodwork in the aftermath stating they had their suspicions....well why didn't they voice these before...if they had it could have made all the difference to the little boy's outcome.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that I know it would have been difficult for you emotionally, as it would be on any parent including myself if it were to happen to me, but i'm afraid the reality is that regardless of how the parent will feel about such a visit from Social Services the welfare of the child is paramount.

x

 

[MizzDeeDee]

i can give you a different point of view on the situation

From someone who has personally had SS called on them for a reason that didn't exist it was one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life. The case was closed as soon as it was pretty much opened. But that didn't change anything. To think that someone thought i was that kind of mother was so incredibly insulting and depressing. There are so many mums out there who you know are great mums but in other peoples eye's i was viewed as one of the crappy ones. I want you to imagine that someone called SS on you and how that would make you feel and how people must be viewing you and then when it all turn out to be fine i want you to imagine the person shrugging their shoulders and saying "better safe than sorry" it's not better safe then sorry. Someone could go through an unbeleivable amount of pain like i did and all the person who caused it can say "better safe than sorry" no. unacceptable.

Their excuse (i found out who did it) was that they didn't want to come to me directly because they didn't want to jeopardise our friendship. But it's not up to that person to chose if our friendship was more important than a call to SS. because i can tell you one thing, if i had the chance to choose between our friendship and a SS call i sure as hell would not of chosen our friendship!! (considering i hated the stupid bitch to begin with)

Someone else said "oh but it's closed now so it's fine" it's not fine, it stays on record for 7 years and if they have a second call then shit get's serious. I talked to my nurse about this and she said they receive alot of calls about babies crying at night. So what if this poor woman is trying out CIO for one night the neighbour call SS and because you've made that previous call they now seriously think this woman is unfit and a bigger investigation will take place.

If you KNOW the child is being left alone then i think you should do something, if she is a friend of yours or you know her you could slip it into a conversation to find out. It sounded like you weren't sure, if your not sure i wouldn't make the phone call until you are sure.

Could you imagine if you received a phone call from SS about someone making a report you left the baby alone inside when you hadn't????? i want you to actually imagine the emotions that you would feel and how incredibly hurtful and upsetting it would be receiving that phone call and then knowing your on record.

So in summary my advice is YES make the call if you are ABSOLUTELY sure.

This comment has come off rather..... angry? it's not suppose to be, in fact i'm kind of glad i can shed light on a situation from the other persons point of view. Having SS called for a non existing reason was really truly the most traumatic thing i've ever gone through, in fact i spent the last day fighting over whether to post on this thread or not because i hate dredging up any memories to do with it.

Love Love Love

I can totally empathise with what you are saying Betheney and I can imagine that it was a traumatic experience for you. That said, I have to disagree in essence with what you are saying.

I think that if anyone has a suspicion regardless of whether they are 100% or not about a child being neglected, harmed or abused then they have a responsibility to address this by contacting Social Services to pass on these concerns. I recognise that there are lot's of malicious referrals and inaccurate referrals which are put to rest once a visit has been made to the parents in question like in your case but every now and then there is a child who is at risk and can be protected. There are too many cases out there (particularly in the UK....not sure about where you are) where there has been child deaths which could have been prevented had someone spoken up about concerns they had, take Baby P for example. There were many neighbours came out the woodwork in the aftermath stating they had their suspicions....well why didn't they voice these before...if they had it could have made all the difference to the little boy's outcome.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that I know it would have been difficult for you emotionally, as it would be on any parent including myself if it were to happen to me, but i'm afraid the reality is that regardless of how the parent will feel about such a visit from Social Services the welfare of the child is paramount.

x

And may I add that it has to be really bad...at least in the US, for SS to take children away? My SIL has two founded cases of neglect against her and she still has her children. They are supervising her at home, making her go to classes, closely monitoring her..but seriously...TWO founded cases of neglect and she still has her children, so while it would certainly stink to be monitored so closely it doesn't automatically mean a call means a child is taken away.

Have to say though, I get it what people are saying though.. it would piss me off if someone called me into SS too...just that in this situation that OP talks about... I would think it needs to be done for the protection of that baby.

 

[Eve]

If there is a possibility of neglect, I would contact the proper authorities on the matter. I understand what you mean Betheney but at risk of sounding unsympathetic here, the moms feelings do not outweigh the possible safety of the baby in question. If more people spoke up when they thought something was wrong, perhaps less children would suffer the same fate as those poor children who aren't with us today.

 

[Betheney]

i did think about not commenting because maybe my opinion is too biased and maybe it isn't the correct path i just think it is because i've had the path of an unfounded report and how much it sucked and i don't mind that any of you disagree with me, it's our experience in life that shape our actions and decisions. Your opinion on the matter is probably more correct than mine and your opinions are completely logical. I contemplated not commenting because maybe my opinion is so clouded i could give the wrong advice. But then i thought maybe i should just share my experience regardless so some people know the other side to the story. I know a child safety is so crucial it just sucks that innocent people get reported in the quest to report the not so innocent and i wish i could say that it's worth it in the end. But my experience sucked so incredibly bad that i don't know if it is.

It wasn't just the connotations of SS that sucked and what that meant for me as a mother. But the person who reported me was from my mothers group and i live in a new state with no family and very little friends. I felt that there was no way i could return to my MG which meant after 6 months of meeting with my mummy friends after every week and having our babies play together for 6 months since they were 2 months old i now had no one, i just felt like i lost everything. An over exaggeration i'm sure but at the time it felt like everything was turned to shit.

But life must go on and i'm fine now :-D

 

[kerrie24]

Thanks Betheney for your point of view,Im sorry that happened to you.

As I have said I am not able to have a conversation with the mother as she cant understand us at all,and we tried to ask the girl who watches her baby brother but it worried me more how she avoided the Q and seemed to be worried about the police coming for her mum.

I reported it because I am 99% sure and in the time it took me to find that other 1%,something serious could have happened to the baby.

If someone reported me I would be terribly upset but at the end of the day I havent done anything wrong,this woman needs some help.

 

[Eve]

Oh yes, I totally understand what you mean Betheney. It would be heartbreaking to have someone call SS on you without good reason etc.. Glad things turned out okay

 

[Leanne27]

i can give you a different point of view on the situation

From someone who has personally had SS called on them for a reason that didn't exist it was one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life. The case was closed as soon as it was pretty much opened. But that didn't change anything. To think that someone thought i was that kind of mother was so incredibly insulting and depressing. There are so many mums out there who you know are great mums but in other peoples eye's i was viewed as one of the crappy ones. I want you to imagine that someone called SS on you and how that would make you feel and how people must be viewing you and then when it all turn out to be fine i want you to imagine the person shrugging their shoulders and saying "better safe than sorry" it's not better safe then sorry. Someone could go through an unbeleivable amount of pain like i did and all the person who caused it can say "better safe than sorry" no. unacceptable.

Their excuse (i found out who did it) was that they didn't want to come to me directly because they didn't want to jeopardise our friendship. But it's not up to that person to chose if our friendship was more important than a call to SS. because i can tell you one thing, if i had the chance to choose between our friendship and a SS call i sure as hell would not of chosen our friendship!! (considering i hated the stupid bitch to begin with)

Someone else said "oh but it's closed now so it's fine" it's not fine, it stays on record for 7 years and if they have a second call then shit get's serious. I talked to my nurse about this and she said they receive alot of calls about babies crying at night. So what if this poor woman is trying out CIO for one night the neighbour call SS and because you've made that previous call they now seriously think this woman is unfit and a bigger investigation will take place.

If you KNOW the child is being left alone then i think you should do something, if she is a friend of yours or you know her you could slip it into a conversation to find out. It sounded like you weren't sure, if your not sure i wouldn't make the phone call until you are sure.

Could you imagine if you received a phone call from SS about someone making a report you left the baby alone inside when you hadn't????? i want you to actually imagine the emotions that you would feel and how incredibly hurtful and upsetting it would be receiving that phone call and then knowing your on record.

So in summary my advice is YES make the call if you are ABSOLUTELY sure.

This comment has come off rather..... angry? it's not suppose to be, in fact i'm kind of glad i can shed light on a situation from the other persons point of view. Having SS called for a non existing reason was really truly the most traumatic thing i've ever gone through, in fact i spent the last day fighting over whether to post on this thread or not because i hate dredging up any memories to do with it.

Love Love Love

I can never agree with the feelings of the parents becoming more important than the safety of a child. I am sorry that you had a bad experience and I really don't mean this to sound horrible, but I do believe that in this situation your advice is definitely clouded.

I really do wish people would stop saying you have to be 100% sure before you contact the authorities, I work very closely with SS and we are ALWAYS encouraged to contact them and make a referral with any suspicions. Suspicions, not facts. Protecting children is paramount.