Let's just call this my leaving-my-manboy diary

[Meezerowner]

He moved out. Even though I wanted him gone, I still feel very melancholy about this. Tonight it's just me and my kiddos for the first time. He won't be coming home.

Try to remember this is a new beginning.
Do something nice for yourself and your kids this evening (sorry it probably is already evening where you are so a bit late).

 

[creatingpeace]

It is always bittersweet no matter what! An ending to something no matter how horrible is difficult. I know you have tons of adventures and fun ahead. Hang in there Momma!

 

[Proserpina]

Ugh. He came over to watch the kids this morning, took a shower, and left his magical Mormon underwear on my bathroom floor. Melancholia's gone.

He has exactly one week to figure out that this is not his house and I won't be cleaning up after him anymore, and then any magic underwear that he leaves on my floor goes into the trash. And no, I will not even cut out the magic symbols first!

(Sorry, Mormons. I shouldn't be calling it "magic underwear"--I know how disrespectful that is--but I'm in a bad mood.)

 

[daddiesgift]

What on earth is magical underwear

 

[Proserpina]

What on earth is magical underwear

He's a lifetime member of the Mormon church. After one has been Mormon for so long, s/he becomes eligible to go through a Mormon temple and participate in rituals there. Once you do that, you have to wear special underwear called garments. These garments have special (in actuality, Masonic) markings on them. It's white and the tops are like a t-shirt and the bottoms are almost knee-length and it isn't very attractive.

When this underwear wears out and is ready to be thrown away, Mormons are instructed to cut out the symbols and either throw them away separately or (if you have a flare for the dramatic) burn them. DH was a burner.

If he keeps on leaving his sacred underwear laying around my apartment, I'm so throwing it out. If he's gonna leave it on my bathroom floor like that when he doesn't even live here, it must not really be all that sacred.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEPv4VEeYUo

 

[Meezerowner]

What on earth is magical underwear

He's a lifetime member of the Mormon church. After one has been Mormon for so long, s/he becomes eligible to go through a Mormon temple and participate in rituals there. Once you do that, you have to wear special underwear called garments. These garments have special (in actuality, Masonic) markings on them. It's white and the tops are like a t-shirt and the bottoms are almost knee-length and it isn't very attractive.

When this underwear wears out and is ready to be thrown away, Mormons are instructed to cut out the symbols and either throw them away separately or (if you have a flare for the dramatic) burn them. DH was a burner.

If he keeps on leaving his sacred underwear laying around my apartment, I'm so throwing it out. If he's gonna leave it on my bathroom floor like that when he doesn't even live here, it must not really be all that sacred.

Wow. You learn something new everyday!

 

[creatingpeace]

OMG that is AWFUL!!!! How incredibly UNSEXY

 

[Proserpina]

Yeah. Just over two years ago, we were going out of town for the weekend and I asked him if he would wear some normal guy underwear for the weekend. He responded that I was persecuting his religion. I threw out all of my thongs after that. I figured, if he doesn't want to wear underwear that I find attractive, I won't return the favor.

Today was worse. He absolutely trashed this place this morning. Refrigerated stuff left out, garbage laying around, dishes used then not cleaned. He got out a can of chunky clam chowder, opened it, then left it on the counter uncooked so that it spoiled. He put my bread in the freezer for no reason I can see.

He keeps this crap up, I'll take away his apartment key and run the kiddos to his apartment every morning.

 

[daddiesgift]

WOW about the underwear!

 

[creatingpeace]

So why is he coming in and making himself at home in your place and reating your food? Isn't he in his own place now? I think I might be missing something.

Ugh those underwear...refusing to even spice it up for a seexy weekend...you are soooooo much better off, now go buy some new thongs for your future!

 

[Proserpina]

So why is he coming in and making himself at home in your place and reating your food? Isn't he in his own place now? I think I might be missing something.

That's exactly why I got on his case about it. I don't mind him fixing a snack while he's over here watching his son and getting our daughter onto the bus, but leaving messes for me to clean up and wasting my food is completely unacceptable.

Ugh, I'm having childcare drama again. Will give more details later. Wish my brother would hurry up and get here.

 

[Proserpina]

I had mentioned that a woman from my husband's church was caring for my kids until my brother moves out here. Here's what just happened:

I'd been having trouble getting daycare set up for my kids due to the fact that the only daycare in the area that was both open past 6 PM and had openings for an infant and a 7 yo was 8 miles away from my daughter's school. School transportation absolutely refused to go that far (I don't blame them; they've been hella short on drivers this year) and the daycare doesn't offer transportation that far, either.

I finally received an offer from my daughter's one-on-one school aid to drive her to daycare after school every day; very kind of her! So I was happy. I finally had daycare worked out.

Was at my husband's church and I announced this good news to my buddy in the mother's nursing room, and another woman there spoke up. She basically said that her husband had died in a car accident back in August of last year, she had moved here a few months earlier to pursue an online relationship, and she was very short on cash. And she would really, really like it if I would let her do daycare for me. She said she would only charge $1k per month for both my kids. She lived within the bus'ing zone for my daughter's school, so it'd be more convenient. She has at least 3 kids of her own (she says she has 6, but no one has ever seen the other 3).

I was slightly uneasy about this, because I don't know this woman, and she has no assets or roots in this area, meaning that if she chose to take my money and run, I'd have no means of recovering it. But I didn't doubt that she really was poor and needy, and she was going to save me $400 per month, so I decided to go ahead and let her do it. Maybe we could help each other out. I cancelled all of the work I had done on setting up daycare so that this woman could care for my kids, including forfeiting my $100 daycare application fee.

She doesn't have a car. Anyone who lives in the suburbs north of Chicago could tell you that the public transportation out here is terrible and it's pretty much impossible to survive without a car. She asked me for rides to the store after work a few times. Inwardly I groaned, because I had just worked a long day and just wanted to pick up my kids and go home, but I went ahead and helped her, because in spite of what some people at BnB may think of me, I actually am a pretty nice person and I really try hard to help others.

This past week she began talking about how someone in Indianapolis was going to sell her a car. This person was apparently willing to give it to her unsecured and let her make payments. She said she was going to need to get out there to pick up the car. I shrugged and said, good luck with that.

Thursday morning, she texts me at work to beg me to take her out to Indianapolis that night. She says the person won't hold the car any longer and she has no one else to ask. To cut this short, I said no. I didn't have room in my sedan for my two kids plus her and her 3 kids, and Chicago to Indianapolis is 3 hours. Just a ridiculous request. (Like, Bimberly-wanting-rides-to-and-from-Chicago-every-day ridiculous.) I suggested she see if she could take a train there or something.

I guess she worked out a train schedule and arranged with the person to bring the car to an hour south of Chicago, and she was going to go out and meet them early on Friday morning and be back to her place by 11 to watch my kids. The last thing I got from her was a text at 8:40 AM on Friday saying she'd made it and was going to sign the papers on the car and then head back to her place.

My estranged husband went to drop off our son at her place at 11 AM. No one was there and she wasn't answering her phone. At 11:40 AM she texted him: "phone dying car didn't make it." That was the last we heard from her until around 4 PM.

At 4 PM she texted my husband to say the car had died on her 15 minutes after picking it up, but she'd finally made it back to her apartment. He said, okay, can I come drop the kids off now so I can get to work. She said sure. Went to her place again and no one was there. We heard nothing else from her for the next 24 hours or so. No responses to texts, didn't pick up the phone when we called.

She sent me a brief text yesterday saying she'd had a breakdown and would be "back" on Sunday. I don't know where she's been, but I'm fed up. I'm sure this stuff with the lemon car was stressful for her, but I am depending on her. The least she could have done was keep me posted or give me an explanation once she got her phone charged. I really can't be turning over my kids to be watched by someone who is falling apart like this.

Now I am frustrated. My brother is going to come out here, but he was supposed to leave today and didn't; driving time from Seattle to Chicago is 2-3 days. I wouldn't put it past him to flake on departure for a few days. It's really not worth it to try and set up the daycare again if it's only going to be for a week; it will take a week to get the one-on-one providing after-school transportation for my daughter again. I am so stressed out and annoyed by this. I feel like I tried to do a nice thing for this woman, and she flaked out and screwed me over big time.

 

[daneuse27]

No offense but I wouldn't have left my kids with her in the first place. Moving somewhere poor with no financial stability to pursue an online relationship is plain dumb and she has proven to not make wise decisions. I can't imagine begging for a job rather than presenting myself as a professional. Sounds very sketchy I would never leave them with her again if I were you!

 

[creatingpeace]

Oh dear LORD she sounds like a total headcase. How scary. I think you are doing a very wise thing, forget about her. Unstable.

So sorry this must be so frickin hard. I hope something lets up real soon.

 

[Proserpina]

No offense but I wouldn't have left my kids with her in the first place. Moving somewhere poor with no financial stability to pursue an online relationship is plain dumb and she has proven to not make wise decisions. I can't imagine begging for a job rather than presenting myself as a professional. Sounds very sketchy I would never leave them with her again if I were you!

Yeah, I knew it was a bit of a risk when I did it, and maybe it was a little dumb on my part to go through with it, but I really did feel bad for her. I don't have any family in the Chicago area, either, and I know how hard it is to be living in the north suburbs without transportation, so I felt pity for her. Serves me right.

 

[daneuse27]

No offense but I wouldn't have left my kids with her in the first place. Moving somewhere poor with no financial stability to pursue an online relationship is plain dumb and she has proven to not make wise decisions. I can't imagine begging for a job rather than presenting myself as a professional. Sounds very sketchy I would never leave them with her again if I were you!

Yeah, I knew it was a bit of a risk when I did it, and maybe it was a little dumb on my part to go through with it, but I really did feel bad for her. I don't have any family in the Chicago area, either, and I know how hard it is to be living in the north suburbs without transportation, so I felt pity for her. Serves me right.

I wrote that as I was lying in bed about to go to sleep, sorry if it came out sounding overly harsh. lol.
I've read a lot of your posts and can tell you're a very intelligent woman. I'm sure that however this woman presented herself to you in person (despite it sounding a little sketchy just reading it online) you were the one who was there to meet her face to face and are a much better judge than me. I'm sure you wouldn't have if you'd had any feeling that she was un-fit. I'm super protective of my daughter, but she is a toddler who doesn't have the words to tell me how things go - this is why I've chosen a registered daycare centre, I just feel more comfortable knowing they are obligated and held accountable by certain guidelines of safety, curriculum, treatment of kids, etc. You, having an older child can ask "How was your day? Did you like ____ (insert name of carer)?" and therefore evaluate her services that way. Whereas I cannot. So that may have been where my shock came from. Apologies if it came across harsh

So all that being said, I'm sorry that it didn't turn out the way you hoped or the way she promised you. To me, she sounds very self-entitled. If she wants a job, she needs to be prepared to WORK for it and present herself professionally for it. Begging someone for a salary because you made un-wise decisions isn't going to work with most people After all this, I'm guessing she may expect you to forgive her for having left you out to dry and expect to nanny again. I personally wouldn't after all this. Someone who isn't willing to work for things and is too self-involved to see the distress she has put you through can't be trusted with your older child, let alone your infant.

 

[Proserpina]

I wrote that as I was lying in bed about to go to sleep, sorry if it came out sounding overly harsh. lol.
I've read a lot of your posts and can tell you're a very intelligent woman. I'm sure that however this woman presented herself to you in person (despite it sounding a little sketchy just reading it online) you were the one who was there to meet her face to face and are a much better judge than me. I'm sure you wouldn't have if you'd had any feeling that she was un-fit. I'm super protective of my daughter, but she is a toddler who doesn't have the words to tell me how things go - this is why I've chosen a registered daycare centre, I just feel more comfortable knowing they are obligated and held accountable by certain guidelines of safety, curriculum, treatment of kids, etc. You, having an older child can ask "How was your day? Did you like ____ (insert name of carer)?" and therefore evaluate her services that way. Whereas I cannot. So that may have been where my shock came from. Apologies if it came across harsh

So all that being said, I'm sorry that it didn't turn out the way you hoped or the way she promised you. To me, she sounds very self-entitled. If she wants a job, she needs to be prepared to WORK for it and present herself professionally for it. Begging someone for a salary because you made un-wise decisions isn't going to work with most people After all this, I'm guessing she may expect you to forgive her for having left you out to dry and expect to nanny again. I personally wouldn't after all this. Someone who isn't willing to work for things and is too self-involved to see the distress she has put you through can't be trusted with your older child, let alone your infant.

I wasn't offended. I'm not an easily offended person and I love a blunt woman. But no, I won't give her another chance. She is impulsive, she's been proven to make unwise decisions both in life and in love, and if she's having so much of a "breakdown" that she had to ignore our attempts at contact all weekend, then I don't feel safe leaving my kids with her.

My brother is on his way from Washington state to Illinois! Texted me a few hours ago to say he was in Montana. We have something worked out for Tuesday and a highly-recommended nanny will be watching the kids at my place on Wednesday (too expensive to use on a regular basis, but one day was fine). Brother should be here by Thursday and then he can watch the kids.

Got my first paycheck today! Feels good to be earning money for my babies.

 

[daddiesgift]

Im, again, in shock childcare costs so much in your part of the country! Im an in home day care provider where I get paid from parents, USDA, and the government and I still make crap. So if I was there Id help you out So glad your brother is making his way there!! It feels great to financially provide for our children, great work!

 

[Proserpina]

Im, again, in shock childcare costs so much in your part of the country! Im an in home day care provider where I get paid from parents, USDA, and the government and I still make crap. So if I was there Id help you out So glad your brother is making his way there!! It feels great to financially provide for our children, great work!

If you were here, I'd totally hire you. Yeah, I think most people are unaware of the cost of child care in the US until they actually go through it---which leaves a lot of people lazily telling single mothers, "Just put your kids in daycare and get a job!"

If you make very little money, then your child care expenses will be paid for or subsidized by the government. However, there is a very uncomfortable income bracket where you aren't making enough to actually meet your expenses, yet you're just barely making enough that the government won't help you. Crossing that gap is difficult and this is why so many people can't get off of welfare. I'm pretty much crossing that gap now and it isn't fun, but I have faith that in 1-2 years, I'll be doing much better financially than I am now.

Anyways, my brother is in Austin, Minnesota (6 hours from Chicago) and should be here today!

Latest manboy update: he approached me yesterday to beg for $20 for gas, citing "extra gas costs" of our daycare crisis. I frowned and said I couldn't see how I had cost him all that much extra $$ in gas as the pick-up/drop-offs for the children have all been pretty much in line with his regular route. Only a little bit of running around amounting to maybe 20-30 extra miles has been required, not enough to bleed him dry a week before his next paycheck.

He got irritated with me and stormed out, then sent me a series of text messages complaining that it wasn't really extra gas charges, is was just that moving into a new apartment meant electricity security deposit and other starter expenses, blah blah blah.

Yes, I knew that, manboy. Maybe now you understand why I said, "No, you cannot spend thousands of dollars on coachings with your dance partner, you need to save up to move out." But you blew me off and spent thousands of dollars on coachings with your dance partner anyways, and now you want to bum cash off of me for basic living expenses.

 

[daddiesgift]