Life giving you more than you can handle

[Canadiana]

Hi There,

I'm not exactly "new" to this site, I joined awhile ago, but I rarely post. Although I do know some of you by username, and enjoy reading about your little ones This thread is pretty general, so please feel free to move it if it's not in the right place.

I find that sometimes in different scenarios in life, people like to throw out the "you won't be given more than you can handle" line. Now, I guess how you see this might depend of how religious you are or even if you aren't religious at all.

Every single time I see it, I have to wonder. I really don't think that's necessarily true. I think sometimes stuff just happens in life, and I'm sure some people have more on their plates than they can handle. I've never understood why people assume they won't be given more than they can handle in life.

I would just find it completely insensitive if for example parents have lost all 3 of the children they have and someone throws it out there, that god doesn't give you more than you can handle" I would be so upset by that comment if it was said to me. I know someone might not mean it that way, but I always crings when I hear that comment, because it's usually said to someone who is overwhelmed.

Thoughts or opinions?

 

[Aoifesmum12]

Hi There,

I'm not exactly "new" to this site, I joined awhile ago, but I rarely post. Although I do know some of you by username, and enjoy reading about your little ones This thread is pretty general, so please feel free to move it if it's not in the right place.

I find that sometimes in different scenarios in life, people like to throw out the "you won't be given more than you can handle" line. Now, I guess how you see this might depend of how religious you are or even if you aren't religious at all.

Every single time I see it, I have to wonder. I really don't think that's necessarily true. I think sometimes stuff just happens in life, and I'm sure some people have more on their plates than they can handle. I've never understood why people assume they won't be given more than they can handle in life.

I would just find it completely insensitive if for example parents have lost all 3 of the children they have and someone throws it out there, that god doesn't give you more than you can handle" I would be so upset by that comment if it was said to me. I know someone might not mean it that way, but I always crings when I hear that comment, because it's usually said to someone who is overwhelmed.

Thoughts or opinions?

I agree with you..... Unfortunately sometimes you just have to handle things...but like u say if a parent loses multiple children...what makes her pain or grief any easier to handle than if it were to happen to Someone else?

Some people do just get dealt a shit hand for no reason.... And struggle with it.

 

[bananaz]

I agree, it's a condescending and dismissive response to someone sharing their struggles. I think sometimes people just don't know what to say and they think that it will be comforting or reassuring?

 

[Canadiana]

I agree and I think most who say it are trying to say the right thing, and definitely aren't being malicious. I'm just suprised at how often I see it, and wonder if anyone ponders the truthfullness of the statement.

 

[Flutterly]

I completely agree...in July, I was almost 7 months pregnant, my dad was in a hospice with a brain tumour (he died within 3 months of diagnosis) and my nan broke her hip! That was all way more than I could handle but I put on a brave face and stayed calm for the sake of my baby. I think if someone at that time had said that to me I'd have probably knocked them out!!!

 

[AP]

I agree to an extent...but sometimes is reassuring to tell myself that sometimes. It's inappropriate in some circumstances.

 

[staralfur]

I think that saying has a time and a place. In the example you gave, it's definitely inappropriate. I lost my dad, uncle, and three grandparents in the same year and by the time that 5th funeral came around, had someone said to me "It's okay, God doesn't give you more than you can handle" I would've punched them in the throat.

I understand that it's supposed to be uplifting but it seems in a way to be a nicer way of saying "you'll get over it."

That being said, if I was breaking up with my high school boyfriend or something then it wouldn't seem like a terrible comment.

As for whether or not I believe it's true...I don't know. I think that we are capable of handling and getting through much more hardship and pain than we know.

 

[Canadiana]

I would totally agree we can handle way more than we realize we can until we've been through something.

I have however seen real life scenarios where I think that person has had much more than what they can handle, and consequently their mental health suffers.

 

[Mummy Bean]

Me and my OH have seen first hand ppl that have been given tok much to handle and have ended thier life or at least tried to ( that the powers that be we found him in time). so i deff dont think it true and i deff think it a hugly inappropriate comment to make to others who are going through something challenging.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I hear it a lot when it comes to Alex and his heart condition. What people don't know is it's probably the most insensitive thing to say to anyone at any time.

 

[Andypanda6570]

It is SOOooo insensitive. When I lost Ava all I heard was this and other stupid things, it wasn't meant to be, well if it wasn't meant to be then why was it? Why was she here and born? I know most of the time people do not mean it and do not mean to hurt you, but God I just wish people would say sorry for your loss and stop at that. So sorry for everyone who is suffering now..

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I would never think of saying that to a mother who has lost a child

 

[Andypanda6570]

I would never think of saying that to a mother who has lost a child

Thank you. People do not realize how that just breaks you. Maybe some will read this and realize not to say it..

 

[sparkle_1979]

I think life can give you more than you can handle. My friend lost. Child at 7 months old, then two yrs later her 6 mth old was diagnosed with cancer. Another of her child has autism. Her husband left her and this all happened in a different country where she had no family. At one point I didn't think she would come out of it if I'm honest x

 

[fidgets mammy]

My god yr friends had it tough. These kinds of comments get my back up too. Whenever ive got stuff in like last yr, my grandad(my world) died, my real dad(whom ive nothing to do with) daughter sent me a letter askin if we could meet and work was horrendously stressful. I tjought i was going ti crack up. We were teyin for a baby too. People kept sayin yr strong youll get throufh it. I felt like screaming f off!!!!
Then we found out i was pregnant and id b high risk due to my health condition then we found out it was identical twins -also high risk. Needless to say a doubly high risk pregnancy on top nearly tipped me over the edge. So i went on the sick, decided my grandad had sent me the twins to keep me going and had contact with my half sister on the condition she never told her dad. I had the twins at 36wks perfectly healthy, my condition is in remission still and ive left work for good.

I felt like punchin those people too. Especially when both girls got colic reflux and lactose intolerance and first twelve wks were hell! Then son was havin bother at school, abd now his mothers bein a bitch.

If someone said "god only gives u what u can handle" id smack them and ask when god was gona give me a break.

Everyones stress and coping levels are different. I find it patrinising not supportive by those comments

 

[Eternal]

I have had that a times and its so annoying, I also get, it won't last, when I have been going through hard times. It's so insulting, you think, how many people who killed themselves because they can't cope we're told that?

I think it's a cop out, people don't know what to do or can't be bothered to help so they say that. As for death of a child. I can only cringe to think what some people must have said, I had a miscarriage which is no where near compatible but the things some people said made we want to punch them in the face.

 

[fidgets mammy]

Im with u on the comments about miscarraige. Like " it obviously wasnt meant to be, youll b over it in a few wks and can try again, better to find out now rather yhan later. I can bet those idipts had never gone through that hell. Anyone that makes stupid comments on someone losing a child should hang their heads in shame.

 

[Eternal]

Im with u on the comments about miscarraige. Like " it obviously wasnt meant to be, youll b over it in a few wks and can try again, better to find out now rather yhan later. I can bet those idipts had never gone through that hell. Anyone that makes stupid comments on someone losing a child should hang their heads in shame.

I know, I had,
It wasn't a good one
It's for the best
You am try again
The was something wrong with it

 

[fidgets mammy]

it???? Inconsiderate pricks. Pardon the french.

 

[Eternal]

I know!

People are used to hearing these saying and just say them without fully thinking eat try mean, if that makes sense?