light hearted ttc

[AC1987]

A friend of mine just had a baby, and another one is about to have a baby. This is not helping me with waiting to try. Even though I know I have to.
BLAH! I went to the dentist last week, turns out I have 14 cavities... Need to get that all filled before trying again.

 

[hello_kitty]

You have a date in mind of when to try again Ashley?

 

[AC1987]

Not really no, because I haven't even brought it up to the hubby, and I want it to be above board, I want him knowing fully well that we will be trying, not a surprise.
But I would hope to start trying anywhere from fall onwards..

 

[hello_kitty]

It wont be anytime this year for us. The hubby is dead set on ttc until at least next year. I dont think I am ready for another anyway. I get baby fever sometimes but once it passes, I am glad I only have these two for now.

 

[AC1987]

Yeah I feel content with two at the moment, I mean I'd love another baby but then its like I am happy with two Its so hard watching them at times too!
Cassidy still is whining, and lately is into EVERYTHING.
And Rose has crying jags for no reason.

 

[AC1987]

I've been in Canada since the last week of June. Omg its been SO amazing! I wish I didn't have to leave. If I could just magically end up living here I'd be so happy!

 

[AC1987]

Blah me and hubby has reached a rocky point in our marriage... I don't know what to do I don't know how to go on.. its so confusing.
He of course is completely oblivious and doesn't see anything as the matter.

 

[hello_kitty]

Did you go to Canada with your hubby Ashley or was it just you and the kids? Glad you had a fun time.

I hear you about the rocky marriage thing. My husband and I have had our share since Jayden was born...so probably 2 years now? We argue about the littlest things. He also gets offended over EVERYTHING even if I meant it lightheartedly. He's the first man I've came across who is so sensitive.

This is also another reason why I am so indecisive when I think about having another kid. I mean, I would love another baby, but I dont want to add to the problem when I am fully aware there's something wrong with our marriage. Blehh whatever. Just want to take good care of myself and the kids at the moment, having another baby is far from my mind at this time.

 

[AC1987]

It was just me and the kids, for about 6 weeks, it was so therapeutic, and it really made me realize how much I belong there. I just hated having to leave..

Just me the hubby just are having a horrible time with communication, I used to tell him EVERYTHING, but after being told too many times that he isn't listening, or when I realize I'm talking to a wall it seems I've just shut myself out..

Also our intimacy has reached a real low. I find myself not even wanting anything from him anymore.. it used to be I'd WANT stuff and he wouldn't, now its like I feel like I've given up.
I think he senses it cause he was trying EVERYTHING to make me happy, he bought me flowers, chocolates and even gave me money which he hasn't given since before we were married.
But its not helping me...
I'm not sure what I even want from life.
So yes at the moment having another baby is FAR from my mind.

 

[AC1987]

He decided he wanted to talk about it last night, only I really hate being talked down to, like it felt like I was getting a lecture from a father figure.
So I told him that I felt like our marriage had issues and he denies it And then he apparently wrote me a letter saying that yes our marriage has had issues for a long time, but made it seem like its my fault because if I were to be happy then everything would be fine.
So I said fine I'll be happy. Even if I'm not I'm gonna fake it just so he'll get off my back

 

[hello_kitty]

Thats not good. My husband is the same at times. He's 8 years older than me, so he always act like he knows better. When we get in an argument though, I am usually the mean one, which is not a good thing, but I just feel like I'd rather be mean than to be hurt.

Have you considered marriage counseling? I havent tried it personally but I know a friend who did it and it saved her marriage. In the past, she couldnt even stand looking at him.

 

[sheeps24]

Hey ladies! Sorry to but in the thread but I used to post on this thread 4 years ago when ttc number and I used to chat a lot to Patrice and a few others! Here I am 4 years later and ttc number 2!

 

[AC1987]

Hey sheeps!! I might remember you!

Patrice has kinda vanished from this thread, so has a lot of the ladies who used to post.


Lily, I thought about it.. but its kinda pricey so I'm hoping we can work things out. I know that there has been issues from the start, I just thought marriage would fix it. But its made it worse... it feels like we're on a slow decline..

 

[AC1987]

I hope you ladies don't mind me venting here! But I don't really have anywhere else to..

Anyways, so me the hubby have been trying to work through things. I just feel so emotionally dead inside. Like my walls are up when I am around him. So I started asking people around me for advice, my sisters couldn't really give any, I then asked my mom who just made me feel really horrible about myself.
It just feels like I have been treated badly through this marriage (emotionally only!) and then as soon as I call it out, I come out looking like the bad guy and everyone pities my hubby while telling me I need to come to my senses
Like I know I am the bad guy now because NOW out of the blue my hubby wants to make it work, even though the past 5 years hes been making it feel like he wants me to leave like he hated it when I was pregnant. And then always nitpicked everything I did..
But NOW hes trying his hardest to make me stay. I told him however I wasn't going anywhere... because I have no where to go and I don't think breaking up our marriage would be helpful to our kids or to both our parents.
I mean I want to make this work, but I don't know how I'll ever go back to feeling about him how I did when I first married him..
I just want to be HAPPY. But no one else agrees that its an option for me. My hubby SAYS he wants me happy but then he'll be miserable without me.


Sorry just needed to let that out!

 

[ricschick]

I think you need to tell him straight how he makes you feel and that he needs to change his ways if he wants you to stay! Maybe spend some time together without the children? Find what you feel in love with the first time xx

 

[hello_kitty]

Ashley,

Hope you are hubby are doing better. I agree with Claire, you need to have a nice talk with him, although nice talks doesnt necessarily mean anything if he's like my husband. With my husband, the changes are temporary and then it goes back to square one.

We disagree over everything and to be frank, I barely enjoy being around him. When he's at work, thats the only time I feel relaxed despite having to take care of kids on my own. This morning, I cried over the face that he said I developed my hobbies thanks to him. It makes me feel like he's taking credit for molding me into a better person I am today. No dude, its called growing up nothing to do with you. I married him before I turned 21, and I seriously was naive at the moment. Wasnt aware of the world around me. I did a lot of growing during the past 8 years and he thinks he influenced that. I swear to God, if there were a time machine I would go back and NOT get married at such a young age.

My mom used to be the same, always acting like he is a saint, but nowadays, she takes my side more. Which is not always nice because if I tell her too much its not good when we try to mend our relationship, she'll have a bad impression of him. So nowadays I just keep everything to myself.

Im really just waiting for the kids to grow up and go from there. We also only have one care, so even if I wanted to go somewhere I couldnt. I could come up with a master plan if I were dead set on leaving him, but its not gone that far yet. I guess I can turn a blind eye for now, but let me just say I feel like I wasted a precious 8 years of my youth on an undeserving guy.

 

[AC1987]

Things are getting messy.

He is convinced that I am cheating on him he has asked me like 4 times if there is another guy.
And then he is now going through my drawers, he grabbed my phone off of me the other day, it scared me I wasn't expecting it

I'm just so stressed.

 

[ricschick]

im so sorry you both are going through hard times! I wish I had words of wisdom but I don't really but I do no that life is short and not to be wasted on people who do not deserve it!!

 

[AC1987]

My family adore my hubby, and I really would hate to break up my family over something that isn't that big of an issue, like I know there are a lot worse things.

I just know my hubby and me have grown apart

 

[ricschick]

Maybe as I said just spend some time together. X