light hearted ttc

[AC1987]

I'm back in the US now... I hate it I'm trying hard not become depressed about it, but I feel like I'm failing. I just miss being up north so much!

I had such a backbone to move down here, I wish I had one to move back up! I just feel like I have no means to

 

[ricschick]

Oh Ashley I wish there was something I could do to make your life easier! Is dh still being a dick? Leave and move bsck Is that really not an option? Xx

 

[josephine3]

Do u ladies all get summer holidays with the kids off school? Hope ur all having a good one.
I kno rics has seen on my testing thread but my dog died last week so its been pretty traumatic here
I also got 'af' a week early the same day the dog died but then a day later, on my birthday got what looks like a bfp (however may have been after time limit) then various faint lines including this cb. Bleeding has stopped but im very confused about all this.

 

[josephine3]

Here was my obvious one i got whilst bleeding

 

[AC1987]

Claire, no there really isn't any way to, first I really have no way to leave, like everything is in his name, the van everything... I don't have any money of my own too, and I have nowhere to go either. I have no family I can stay with either...
Like my parents would be ok with me with them for short while but they wouldn't under the circumstances of me leaving my DH only of him telling me to go, then THAT apparently is fine.
I just feel so done with my life down here, I'm unhappy with my location, with my in laws, my dh, and all my friends I had here doesn't want to know me anymore. I just feel like my time here is over but I'm still lingering.
My dh STILL thinks I'm cheating on him when I'm not. And is still being annoying... it feels almost like he WANTS me to tell him its over.

Jo, oh I see a line! But af is there you say? That is odd!!

 

[ricschick]

Oh Ashley what an impossible situation! I can't believe that your family are giving you no support! 😡 And why on earth does he think your cheating? Guilty conscience maybe! Xx

 

[josephine3]

Yeah maybe!! Do u think he is up to no good? Im still struggling with oh but at least i have some support from friends and family.. do u have any sort of benefits system over there? Say he upped and left what would the protocol be? Does he kno how u feel? You could suggest a temporary split like we did? Even tho now we are together its made me feel stronger mentally, now i kno i can cope on my own if i need to and i feel more independant.

 

[AC1987]

He did the whole "We need to talk" thing again. So this time I'm like ok "WHAT needs to be talked about" But this was like the worst its ever been. He went from being so happy in the evening I thought oh good hes in a good mood. To him all in my face demanding answers.

He told me that he's my husband so that he deserves answers.

And this was to questions about Why I miss Canada, and that I shouldn't because ideally I need to be happy down here.

Then he finally says "Three things are going to happen, either you become happy here, we go up to Canada and then you're happy there, or you leave"
But like I've made a point on NOT moping or being miserable infront of him.

It just sucks... like I was so looking forward to the weekend, we're planning to watch the eclipse... then Myrtle is the week after. But now I'm just so upset I don't know what to do.

 

[josephine3]

Whats myrtle?!
Well at least he knows now how serious things are. Would u consider moving up there with him in tow?

Things with my oh are actually on the up for a change! I think losing the dog has brought us closer together. You kno how last month i got excited cos he put it near me with no condom lol? Well the other day we dtd without one at all!!! Breaking news here ladies!! Ok so he did use the pull out method but blimey! Progress or what??!!
Im still agonising over last cycles tests tho. My opk today is almost pos which makes no sense. Heres another cb from last night

 

[AC1987]

Myrtle is a beach near us...

I think he makes me upset because I feel like I can't give him the answers that he wants.
Like he complains that I'm not happy, but then when I am, he puts me down until the point where I am sad again.

One of my sisters told me I could go stay with her if I need to, but I cant because I know he or his parents would take the kids, and I can't live without them


Jo, that's great!!! Maybe you'll get a bfp before long

 

[josephine3]

Why would he take the kids?! Just dont let him!!!

 

[AC1987]

How would I stop him though? Like wouldn't he have legal custody to do so? I mean it used to be that moms would get custody, but now its whoever can provide for them, at least that's what I thought. I don't know much about any of this.

 

[ricschick]

No he can't just take them from you there as much yours as they are his! Plus how on earth would he work and take care of the children. I think if you can't work things out with him you will never be happy so take the offer and take your girls and go to your sisters. The atmosphere in your house must be awful and that's not good for the girls. How are things on a day to day basis? Xx

 

[josephine3]

Im not sure how it works for you (maybe look it up!) but we have a thing called parental responsibility. So u can make medical decisions and stuff. A mother always has it automatically. If the father is married to the mother at the time of birth he has it too or if he registers the birth jointly with the mother. You apparently can take the child on holiday for example without the others permission but not out of the country.
Like rics said tho how would he look after them if hes working? I think thats why a lot of times the mother 'gets' the kids cos shes the one that is already at home with them anyway.

 

[AC1987]

Well we don't "fight" our fighting is more silent, like we just don't talk to eachother.... or he'll just be snappy with me.
But there isn't any yelling.

I don't know how my kids feel about it, like they never tell me they miss their dad when we're up north.

I guess I'm just scared, like I have so many thoughts, like if I got a job or part time job, I have no one to watch my kids. And daycare is insanely high. Like my hubby hates that I don't work, but then he knows there is no way we could afford day care. And personally I enjoy watching and taking care of my kids, yes its hard work but I like it.
I just feel like I'm not going to be financially stable if I did leave with the kids.
I keep telling myself I'll give it one more year.. but that's been going on for two years now

Sometimes he is a good dad to them, but a lot of the time he just ignores them. Or he is just completely clueless! He has no idea how to feed them, or anything like that!

 

[josephine3]

See there is often yelling in our house
Even this weekend i thought we were getting on really well then he just snaps again and goes all angry! Hes fine again now but he has these outbursts of anger.

 

[josephine3]

Surely he can manage a basic eggs on toast or summat for the kids?

 

[AC1987]

No he is clueless when it comes to a lot of that. To him feeding them means Mcdonalds.

Last night was stressful...actually the whole day was! So first I opened up to my mom on the phone and told her everything, I was almost in tears, like I told her I didn't know if my marriage was going to last, and told her some of the things he has been telling me. And she tells me that he is right.. that I have to be happy here. And then as a women I am better off with a man so I need to do everything I can to keep him.
It's like she just DOESN'T want to hear about the bad things..

Then last night he decided the girls MUST go to dance lessons, so I said ok we could research it. So he finds a place online and I understood we were just gonna drop in, ask questions then come home and talk it over then decide. Nope he decided right then and there that he was gonna register, and even pays as well.
Then I asked if I'm allowed there too, like the kids have never been away from me except to see their grandparents. And I was told no that they like to establish that they're the boss not me to the kids. Which to me raised a red flag but my hubby seemed quite happy about it.. then Cassidy starts to have anxiety and has a complete wig out over it saying she doesn't want to have to go without me. To which my dh laughed at..
But things like that bothers me, it upsets me to see my kids that upset. So I told her that she just has to go for one lesson and then we'll decide I don't care if my hubby has decided they're going and that's final. He should have discussed with me
I got such a horrible stress migraine from it then got sick from it.

 

[ricschick]

Well what a shocking response from your mum!! Outrageous she should be backing you not him!! He is an idiot no two way about it! And quite clearly controlling! You need to see what your options are Hun. Xx

 

[josephine3]

Its crazy that your mum would say that. There are so many single moms out there loving life and doing just great!! Women are amazing they can cope with so much!! Im the same tho im too scared to make a clean break, but since we had that time apart i feel much stronger mentally and more independant. It made me seek out my friends too so now i have a better relationshio with them too x