Lightly slapping baby's hand to discipline?

[MangoCoconut]

Can't you just pick things up and put them out of LO's reach rather than hitting her?? Would that not make more sense?? IMO it's your fault for leaving things lying about.

I agree. We have baby proofed everywhere if anything for her safety! If we left a knife out on the floor and she hurt herself it would be OUR fault and not hers, similiarly if we left expensive electrical equipment in reach and she ruined it it would also be our fault. She doesn't understand yet, and is learning every day. WE however, DO understand and we should be thinking ahead. Slapping is one of those quick fix solutions. It may stop her doing what she shouldnt be doing, ie picking up a remote or something that shes not allowed but shouldnt we be accountable and actually put it somewhere she cant get it?!

 

[Buffy71]

Sorry I disagree. A one fingered tap (not a slap, per se) is a better deterrant from pulling wires and trying to remove safety plug covers than an electric shock. When you have removed them for the millionth time, and distracted them for a few seconds before they return to the wires/plug smiling at you cheekily while grabbing them again (so cute and tough not to laugh - lol!) sometimes you have to try something else. A tap doesnt hurt - but distracts. And a time out, for a seven month old... seriously.....?

Its a bit condescending to say "you need to babyproof". that's like saying lets make water flow up hill. I have enough babyproofing equipment in my house to make the Health and Safety Executive look slapdash - but she STILL manages to get into something else.

I also think that if you move every last piece of electrical/breakable equipment out of baby's reach, that's fine in your own home, but a nightmare when you visit someone else's home. Baby can be trained that "no" is no (although grandma's "argghhh" noise seems to work better lol). Otherwise you spend your entire visit terrified that you cant let lo on the floor incase they get into something they shouldnt, or hovering over them like some dreadful wraith.

I'm sure she's determined to turn every last hair on my head grey!

 

[MangoCoconut]

When my DD touched wires etc I said 'No' if she then did it again, I carried her from the room and we sat in a quiet place where I hold both her hands, look in her eyes and say 'No that's dangerous'. Its the way I say it that makes her realise I am serious and the eye contact that she responds to. She then cuddles me and do you know what? She doesnt do it again. We worked hard at this discipline, because toddlers DO test boundaries but it is up to you to reign them in. Slapping easily turns into smacking as the child grows older and where does that stop. First hand I know the fear that causes. I will never shake it completely. There are other ways. Thats all.

 

[bluebaby]

I think some people need to think before they type, some of the things that have been said are probably quite hurtful to the OP. She didn't say she tapped her LO and therefore to make her feel bad is wrong.

 

[RJsMum]

This is the age where consistency begins and is the reason I believe so many children are unruly as they get older. Sure you can say no, but as others have pointed out quite clearly, redirection is the MOST important thing at this age.

DS is 11 mos and when he goes near something he shouldn't or tries to touch something he shouldn't, I tell him (for example): "The power cords are electric and not toys. Here are Ryan's toys." And I pick up some of his toys or physically remove him from where he is and place him by his toys.

Sure I feel like a broken record some days, but I know this will pay off in the end as long as I am consistent with what I say to him, the way I say it, and my follow through on redirecting. It takes a lot of self-control on my part as a parent because shouting would be "easier" but in the end I want him to understand why so he won't do it again. THAT is discipline. Slapping a hand is a punishment, and punishing doesn't make sense when they don't yet grasp right and wrong.

 

[JenStar1976]

I agree with Buffy. Alex is nearly 11 months and he only started to crawl 2 weeks ago. I've consistently said "no" and moved him whenever he's approached something that we can't "baby proof" and if I felt that his actions could have been dangerous, then I have given him a light tap on the hand at the same time - he's only cried once when I've done this. I have to say that in this short time, it seems to have worked: he now approaches something and just sits and looks at it, and then looks at me and moves on to something else - he now knows that he can't touch it. x

 

[SassyLou]

I was disciplined this way as a child, there is a theory that you have a tendency to discipline the way you were disciplined. I was a young single mum and followed my mothers way of disciplining so I used to lightly tap my eldest sons hand if he touched something etc. (probably a bit older than 7 months). The problem with this is the taps slowly and steadily get harder to have any effect, plus you are telling them its ok to tap/smack. When I had my other two boys I'd seen the error of my ways. We used distraction as a technique and as they got older time out. The difference in my children is remarkable (obviously genetics, having a full time dad may have played a part too), the younger two are pleasant, gently boys. The older one has always been quite aggressive and has caused a lot of problems. When my eldest son was young my mum used to look after him while I was at work and also used smacking as a punishment.

I'm not telling you what to do either way just giving you my experience.

 

[redpoppy]

I suppose there's also an aversion in my family against raising kids to simply "do as they're told" which is why hitting is never an option. Reasoning is the prime directive for us and if they're learning to just do as they're told before they're even taught or learn to reason then I don't know how you can "undo" that learning to make them more independent minded when they're older.

Although I do suppose some parents do want kids to just do as they're told. especially when they're trying to kill themselves.

Each to their own.

 

[bbyno1]

I would NEVER dream of slapping Aliyah.
Sounds horrible even writing it!

I would rather put everything out of her reach (up high,in a cupboard etc)
I think it will just make your LO scared of her father which you don't want.
Babies always grab things they arent meant to. Thats just what they do!

Slapping isn't going to prevent anything!

 

[Buffy71]

I agree with you Redpoppy. I want H to be an independent and thinking person. I only do the "tap" as a totally last resort and only when its an issue of safety.

The rest of the time I'm all about "no, we dont do that because..." (I'm boring the poor child to bits!) and moving her away and distracting her with something else. She is, however, obsessed with bloody wires - (I think she might have been an electrician in a former life, and a binman.... and a hairdresser.... but I digress!!) and I tap her hand to demonstrate where the "no!" is aimed.

My own mother was a controller (a wonderful mother nonetheless) and despite being strongminded (strongwilled!) and a determined person, I was quite easily subdued by adults and always wanted them to like me. I do NOT want H to be the same, but by the same token I do want to be able to make her recognise when it is very important that she stop what she is doing (pulling the safety plugs out would be an example - eek!!).

I hope that makes sense - I'm confident in my methods and she has never got upset at the tap, although my telling her no and removing the object in question has sometimes made her cry - but just thought I would qualify my statement - I'm not just a "because mummy said so" mummy. Far from it. She's very intelligent and I want her to learn why its not ok to do somethings. And for the most part I think she does know - she just pulls the wires smiling at me because she knows it'll make me stop what I'm doing and talk to her. (this is why my hair is never straightened all over, the washing up is never completely finished, and there are half done jobs all over my home )

 

[Mynx]

It's certainly not something I would do either.
Evie's a year old now and walking, and is into absolutely everything, so we've had to put a big ottoman thing in front of our TV so she doesnt poke it, or stick her fingers in anything she shouldnt. Anything else that's dangerous for her is out of reach.
As has already been said, it sounds like you need to babyproof your home now that your LO is mobile.

Obviously there is going to be stuff you cant babyproof.. for example, Evie's always trying to get under our computer desk, so a stern "no" usually works. If that doesn work then I'll take her out from under the desk and distract her with something else. Works everytime, with very little tears or tantrums.
Distraction is far more effective than slapping, even just lightly

 

[RJsMum]

It's certainly not something I would do either.
Evie's a year old now and walking, and is into absolutely everything, so we've had to put a big ottoman thing in front of our TV so she doesnt poke it, or stick her fingers in anything she shouldnt. Anything else that's dangerous for her is out of reach.
As has already been said, it sounds like you need to babyproof your home now that your LO is mobile.

Obviously there is going to be stuff you cant babyproof.. for example, Evie's always trying to get under our computer desk, so a stern "no" usually works. If that doesn work then I'll take her out from under the desk and distract her with something else. Works everytime, with very little tears or tantrums.
Distraction is far more effective than slapping, even just lightly

We've had to put a gliding footstool in front of ours to keep him from getting to the Sky box or XBox...but he has now sussed how to just move it out of the way.

 

[RedRose]

I think some people need to think before they type, some of the things that have been said are probably quite hurtful to the OP. She didn't say she tapped her LO and therefore to make her feel bad is wrong.

I understand what you're saying, but in OP it says that her OH slaps the baby's hand and says 'no' in a stern voice, which 'always makes her cry'.

I think a lot of people find that shocking, not only using the slap and making her cry, but 'punishing' her natural curiosity. She's only 7 months!

Of course you want your baby to be safe, but the OP is questioning the methods her husband is using as it 'makes her feel awful'. People are mostly backing her up, and she should feel awful tbh. I know I would if my husband thought that was an appropriate way to discipline our seven month old baby.

 

[Mynx]

It's certainly not something I would do either.
Evie's a year old now and walking, and is into absolutely everything, so we've had to put a big ottoman thing in front of our TV so she doesnt poke it, or stick her fingers in anything she shouldnt. Anything else that's dangerous for her is out of reach.
As has already been said, it sounds like you need to babyproof your home now that your LO is mobile.

Obviously there is going to be stuff you cant babyproof.. for example, Evie's always trying to get under our computer desk, so a stern "no" usually works. If that doesn work then I'll take her out from under the desk and distract her with something else. Works everytime, with very little tears or tantrums.
Distraction is far more effective than slapping, even just lightly

We've had to put a gliding footstool in front of ours to keep him from getting to the Sky box or XBox...but he has now sussed how to just move it out of the way.

LOL! Our ottoman is a great big wicker thing, and it's bloody heavy.. it's also full of cloth nappies, lotions, wipes etc, I'd be amazed if she could move it! But you know babies and determination....

 

[xemmax]

i don't think you should be slapping her to teach her not to go near cords. i could understand you punishing her (although not with slapping!) if she was continually going near them after she'd learned they were dangerous (so obviously in the future), but slapping her won't teach her anything. she doesn't understand what they are or how they're dangerous.

why don't you just move the cords?!

 

[redpoppy]

I agree with you Redpoppy. I want H to be an independent and thinking person. I only do the "tap" as a totally last resort and only when its an issue of safety.

The rest of the time I'm all about "no, we dont do that because..." (I'm boring the poor child to bits!) and moving her away and distracting her with something else. She is, however, obsessed with bloody wires - (I think she might have been an electrician in a former life, and a binman.... and a hairdresser.... but I digress!!) and I tap her hand to demonstrate where the "no!" is aimed.

My own mother was a controller (a wonderful mother nonetheless) and despite being strongminded (strongwilled!) and a determined person, I was quite easily subdued by adults and always wanted them to like me. I do NOT want H to be the same, but by the same token I do want to be able to make her recognise when it is very important that she stop what she is doing (pulling the safety plugs out would be an example - eek!!).

I hope that makes sense - I'm confident in my methods and she has never got upset at the tap, although my telling her no and removing the object in question has sometimes made her cry - but just thought I would qualify my statement - I'm not just a "because mummy said so" mummy. Far from it. She's very intelligent and I want her to learn why its not ok to do somethings. And for the most part I think she does know - she just pulls the wires smiling at me because she knows it'll make me stop what I'm doing and talk to her. (this is why my hair is never straightened all over, the washing up is never completely finished, and there are half done jobs all over my home )

Same here!

I see what you're saying, I suppose the fear is that a tap leads to a smack as they get older which isn't abuse but it's just an increasing line as opposed to a decreasing one.

As for the wires, my LO is the same and we have two boxes of cables, computer wires, etc. in the house, packed away. Every once in a while I'll just take the whole box out and let her go crazy with them. Wires are only dangerous when they have electricity running through them!


(also a stern no, is just as effective in my opinion )

 

[Blaumba]

If my OH slapped LO for grabbing at his X-Box controler (which, if it's so precious, should be out of reach anyway!) I'd smash his X-Box up myself and lob it out the window. Even now at 1 year old, my LO is just doing what babies do! Just this morning he has pushed 3 coat hangers through the gaps in the stair gate, tried to move the kitchen bin 5 times (his latest obbsession!?) put a whole loo roll into the toilet but NEVER would I consider slapping his hand for any of it. If he is being mischevious or downright naughty the ONLY thing to do is distraction! What your OH is doing is wrong wrong wrong!! Please, for the sake of your LO, address this situation imediately!

 

[louandivy]

I really don't want to make you feel guilty because you haven't done anything wrong, but you definately need to talk to your partner! At 7 months old your LO isn't capable of being 'bad' or 'naughty', she's just being curious and exploring, so it seems very unfair of your OH to punish and upset her when she has literally done nothing wrong. I hope you manage to convince your OH, you're not being a naive softie by being upset by this, youre being a loving mum!

 

[Buffy71]

If my OH slapped LO for grabbing at his X-Box controler (which, if it's so precious, should be out of reach anyway!) I'd smash his X-Box up myself and lob it out the window. Even now at 1 year old, my LO is just doing what babies do! Just this morning he has pushed 3 coat hangers through the gaps in the stair gate, tried to move the kitchen bin 5 times (his latest obbsession!?) put a whole loo roll into the toilet but NEVER would I consider slapping his hand for any of it. If he is being mischevious or downright naughty the ONLY thing to do is distraction! What your OH is doing is wrong wrong wrong!! Please, for the sake of your LO, address this situation imediately!

Perhaps he worked with H as a binman in their previous life...?

 

[kirstylm]

I think a stern "no" is efficient enough at that age to be fair!