Lightly slapping baby's hand to discipline?

[Buffy71]

Some of you mothers on here should be ashamed of yourself. I've seen some shit responses in my time on BnB but some of these have made my blood boil, I simply cannot imagine how upset the OP must be reading these - I bet she never comes back on here again. Well done! This mum has come on here for advice on how to deal with her partner and her child when discipline is needed she's not come on here to be treated like some sort of nutcase who is abusing her child.

Maybe some constructive advice would have helped her & her partner discipline in a more effective manner instead she probably feels like she's been cyber bullied and is a terrible parent - good job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To the OP I would imagine that the stern 'No' would be sufficient - I do this with Niall and have done since he was a similiar age. I say 'No' and move him away sometimes it takes a few go's sometimes it causes a little paddy but he understands that when mummy says no I mean it. End Of. I believe in boundaries & I have no problem setting them for my son. Life is full of boundaries I would be doing my son an injustice if I did not instill this in him in his early years...IMO.

if you need to come on an internet forum to ask wether slapping a 7 month old is wrong,then theres something wrong isint there

Actually, you're just being argumentative now. The original poster asked if it was possible for a seven month old to learn. She clearly already had an issue with the slapping. Try not to be rude.

 

[xbabybumpx]

Some of you mothers on here should be ashamed of yourself. I've seen some shit responses in my time on BnB but some of these have made my blood boil, I simply cannot imagine how upset the OP must be reading these - I bet she never comes back on here again. Well done! This mum has come on here for advice on how to deal with her partner and her child when discipline is needed she's not come on here to be treated like some sort of nutcase who is abusing her child.

Maybe some constructive advice would have helped her & her partner discipline in a more effective manner instead she probably feels like she's been cyber bullied and is a terrible parent - good job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To the OP I would imagine that the stern 'No' would be sufficient - I do this with Niall and have done since he was a similiar age. I say 'No' and move him away sometimes it takes a few go's sometimes it causes a little paddy but he understands that when mummy says no I mean it. End Of. I believe in boundaries & I have no problem setting them for my son. Life is full of boundaries I would be doing my son an injustice if I did not instill this in him in his early years...IMO.

if you need to come on an internet forum to ask wether slapping a 7 month old is wrong,then theres something wrong isint there

And if you need to be shitty to people on line to make yourself feel better about your own issues then theres something wrong isn't there

she asked for an opnion so she got it. i forgot you arent allowed to dissagree with people. sorry!

 

[pheobe]

Some of you mothers on here should be ashamed of yourself. I've seen some shit responses in my time on BnB but some of these have made my blood boil, I simply cannot imagine how upset the OP must be reading these - I bet she never comes back on here again. Well done! This mum has come on here for advice on how to deal with her partner and her child when discipline is needed she's not come on here to be treated like some sort of nutcase who is abusing her child.

Maybe some constructive advice would have helped her & her partner discipline in a more effective manner instead she probably feels like she's been cyber bullied and is a terrible parent - good job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To the OP I would imagine that the stern 'No' would be sufficient - I do this with Niall and have done since he was a similiar age. I say 'No' and move him away sometimes it takes a few go's sometimes it causes a little paddy but he understands that when mummy says no I mean it. End Of. I believe in boundaries & I have no problem setting them for my son. Life is full of boundaries I would be doing my son an injustice if I did not instill this in him in his early years...IMO.

if you need to come on an internet forum to ask wether slapping a 7 month old is wrong,then theres something wrong isint there

And if you need to be shitty to people on line to make yourself feel better about your own issues then theres something wrong isn't there

she asked for an opnion so she got it. i forgot you arent allowed to dissagree with people. sorry!

Disagree all you want...in a polite, respectful, constructive manner other wise the point you are attempting to make is hidden beneath mean words and emotive language and means precisely dick.

I believe after reading some of your posts on a previous thread babybump you would have a lot of constructive advice for this mum, but this has not come across.

 

[Kalah]

I haven't read the rest yet, there's too many pages to go through right now. I say definitely stop doing that! Right now all it's teaching her is that daddy is mean. She's just a baby she won't remember any of the discipline you teach her. At that age they pretty much run on instincts, and this is the oral phase, this has to happen. It's your job to move things that she shouldn't be getting into! I mean, if you put her on the table you couldn't just say 'ok now don't fall off, or you'll get a hit on the hand!'.
My LO likes to put everything in her mouth and if it's something she can't have I try not to even let her see it so she won't want it, other than that I let her chew on whatever she wants as long as it's safe. She can't crawl yet, but when she can I'll be hiding every single thing I wouldn't want her to have so I don't have to watch her like a hawk the whole time she's playing.

 

[MangoCoconut]

A smack can quickly become abuse for some people. My dad felt a lot of frustration, four kids and a noisy household. It started with just little things, slap here and there for touching things we shouldn't. Over the years it became hitting us with objects that were heavy because we were giggling too much in our bedrooms, or we didn't eat all our dinner, or we ran upstairs rather than walking, or we ate too loudly. Anything really. It became a real control thing. We were fearful and he ruled the house. It didn't make us respect him or love him. It made us scared to do anything and that, to me, is abuse. You have to be careful with slapping and smacking etc. Once the floodgates open there isn't always a way back. I am sure the OP wouldn't let things get that bad, but to start at 7 months there is only one way to go in my eyes. Which leads to a child who is scared like I was

I'm so sorry you went through this.

I was smacked here and there as a child, but only a light tap, never pain - just enough of a tap to grab my wandering attention, and there was no escalation, so I think your experience is not the norm. In turn, it never made me smack or bully other children, nor did I ever think it was an ok thing to do. I was never scared of my parents. Its all down to moderation I believe.

Its terribly sad though, and it hurts me to think you had to live in that environment.

xx

Still scared of him now. I see him, though rarely. I just dont have anything to say to him, we have nothing in common, no memories to share because its all been erased by what he did as 'discipline'. In the end it was just him controlling not disciplining, I see that now.
I think that the OP should perhaps sit down with her OH and make sure they are on the same page with something like discipline. Its vital that they share their parenting views. x

 

[aob1013]

Babies use their hands to explore, you can't 'slap' her for doing something that comes naturally to her.

Remove the object, get down to her level and firmly say 'no'.

I will never condon physical violence whatever the reason.

 

[Buffy71]

A smack can quickly become abuse for some people. My dad felt a lot of frustration, four kids and a noisy household. It started with just little things, slap here and there for touching things we shouldn't. Over the years it became hitting us with objects that were heavy because we were giggling too much in our bedrooms, or we didn't eat all our dinner, or we ran upstairs rather than walking, or we ate too loudly. Anything really. It became a real control thing. We were fearful and he ruled the house. It didn't make us respect him or love him. It made us scared to do anything and that, to me, is abuse. You have to be careful with slapping and smacking etc. Once the floodgates open there isn't always a way back. I am sure the OP wouldn't let things get that bad, but to start at 7 months there is only one way to go in my eyes. Which leads to a child who is scared like I was

I'm so sorry you went through this.

I was smacked here and there as a child, but only a light tap, never pain - just enough of a tap to grab my wandering attention, and there was no escalation, so I think your experience is not the norm. In turn, it never made me smack or bully other children, nor did I ever think it was an ok thing to do. I was never scared of my parents. Its all down to moderation I believe.

Its terribly sad though, and it hurts me to think you had to live in that environment.

xx

Still scared of him now. I see him, though rarely. I just dont have anything to say to him, we have nothing in common, no memories to share because its all been erased by what he did as 'discipline'. In the end it was just him controlling not disciplining, I see that now.
I think that the OP should perhaps sit down with her OH and make sure they are on the same page with something like discipline. Its vital that they share their parenting views. x

Now THAT is brilliant, and constructive advice that we should all listen to.

x

 

[xbabybumpx]

Some of you mothers on here should be ashamed of yourself. I've seen some shit responses in my time on BnB but some of these have made my blood boil, I simply cannot imagine how upset the OP must be reading these - I bet she never comes back on here again. Well done! This mum has come on here for advice on how to deal with her partner and her child when discipline is needed she's not come on here to be treated like some sort of nutcase who is abusing her child.

Maybe some constructive advice would have helped her & her partner discipline in a more effective manner instead she probably feels like she's been cyber bullied and is a terrible parent - good job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To the OP I would imagine that the stern 'No' would be sufficient - I do this with Niall and have done since he was a similiar age. I say 'No' and move him away sometimes it takes a few go's sometimes it causes a little paddy but he understands that when mummy says no I mean it. End Of. I believe in boundaries & I have no problem setting them for my son. Life is full of boundaries I would be doing my son an injustice if I did not instill this in him in his early years...IMO.

if you need to come on an internet forum to ask wether slapping a 7 month old is wrong,then theres something wrong isint there

And if you need to be shitty to people on line to make yourself feel better about your own issues then theres something wrong isn't there

she asked for an opnion so she got it. i forgot you arent allowed to dissagree with people. sorry!

Disagree all you want...in a polite, respectful, constructive manner other wise the point you are attempting to make is hidden beneath mean words and emotive language and means precisely dick.

I believe after reading some of your posts on a previous thread babybump you would have a lot of constructive advice for this mum, but this has not come across.

if you've read my previous posts then you can understand why im angry. it started off as shouting then turned to a whack. the whack didnt start till i was older(from what i can remember) so thats why i said to op if her oh is slapping now then its gonna get so much worse if thats his veiw on disapline,especially at this age

 

[JenStar1976]

I'm not sure I necessarily agree that everyone that shouts will subsequently turn into an abuser. I have chosen to lightly tap my son's hand when I feel necessary (which has not ended up being often), but I would never do anything more than that. Some of the language used on here today has been quite shocking: the OP was in no way talking about hitting her baby - just light slapping of the hand. x

 

[RJsMum]

To be fair, I don't personally seeing anyone here calling the OP a bad mom. They may not be wording it in a way that is all puppies and rainbows...but sometimes people need a bit of a realistic, straight-to-the-point response. I certainly don't think it was anyone's intention to make the OP feel any worse, but I think it's an issue that hits quite hard with some people...so rather than starting arguments and dictating how people should behave in a forum thread, state your opinion and reply to the OP the way you feel is appropriate. Otherwise you're just arguing for the sake of arguing.

I'm sure by now the OP has gathered enough that something isn't right with a slap (no matter how light) at her LO's age. Perhaps if she reads about how passionate others feel about it and their own experiences, it will help her to speak to her partner about it and give her the courage to tell him it's not acceptable.

 

[pheobe]

if you've read my previous posts then you can understand why im angry. it started off as shouting then turned to a whack. the whack didnt start till i was older(from what i can remember) so thats why i said to op if her oh is slapping now then its gonna get so much worse if thats his veiw on disapline,especially at this age

I have read your previous posts and I have a lot of respect for people who have had certain experiences and decide to have their own family and lead by the example they should have had as a child.

Unfortunatly I do not believe this was communicated in your / and others posts. I reckon what happens in these cases is that the construcive advice offered by others would be lost amongst the 'scary' words.

and yes RJsmum I too agree that sometimes people need straight talking - but straight talking and rudeness are a world apart

 

[divadexie]

I haven't read all the replies... but on teaching them what they can and can't do I think they need to be a little bit older to understand.
All the baby will learn is to be scared of the person because they randomly get slapped (even if it is lightly).

I use the same principles I do for the dogs- if my pup chews a wire, pulls things off the worktop, gets somewhere she shouldn't then it is MY fault for not hiding the wires, moving things back or keeping my eye on her.
It is your responsibility to keep the baby safe and if there are things you dont want them to touch or have, then learn to put them out of reach or put safety locks on the cupboard.
Children are nosey, its how they learn. But to punish them for learning is just wrong IMO. The OP's partner needs a good talking to, I would punch my OH if he ever smacked (no matter how lightly) my LO when she is too young to reason with.

 

[Buffy71]

To be fair, I don't personally seeing anyone here calling the OP a bad mom. They may not be wording it in a way that is all puppies and rainbows...but sometimes people need a bit of a realistic, straight-to-the-point response. I certainly don't think it was anyone's intention to make the OP feel any worse, but I think it's an issue that hits quite hard with some people...so rather than starting arguments and dictating how people should behave in a forum thread, state your opinion and reply to the OP the way you feel is appropriate. Otherwise you're just arguing for the sake of arguing.

I'm sure by now the OP has gathered enough that something isn't right with a slap (no matter how light) at her LO's age. Perhaps if she reads about how passionate others feel about it and their own experiences, it will help her to speak to her partner about it and give her the courage to tell him it's not acceptable.

In your opinion. Some others have different opinions to yours. Doesnt make yours right. Perhaps the variety of opinions expressed have helped her make an informed decision - although actually SHE WASNT ASKING ANYONE IF THE SLAPPING WAS OK, but whether the little one could make the distinction and learn from it. She ALREADY THOUGHT THE SLAPPING WAS WRONG - IT UPSETS HER! Much the same as many of the rude comments on here.

 

[charlotte-xo]

if you dont like your OH disciplining your LO in this way (its clear from your post that you dont) you need to tell him to stop. you should find a method that you both agree on that doesnt involve smacking.
all babies like to explore and its only natural to your LO to want to look around touch things ect...but i understand what you mean about cords and things they are dangerous but you could just try moving her away from the object or better yet get rid of the object if possible.

hth

--x

 

[Susie28]

if you dont like your OH disciplining your LO in this way (its clear from your post that you dont) you need to tell him to stop. you should find a method that you both agree on that doesnt involve smacking.all babies like to explore and its only natural to your LO to want to look around touch things ect...but i understand what you mean about cords and things they are dangerous but you could just try moving her away from the object or better yet get rid of the object if possible.

hth

--x

^

I totally agree with this. Like someone else said before too, it's important for you both to agree on how you choose to discipline your child, and be consistent about it. My hubby and I have discussed how we want to discipline Poppy and have decided that we won't ever smack her or tap her hand and luckily it's something we agree on.

Hopefully OP, you won't let some of these replies upset you. You are doing a good thing asking for advice on how to handle a situation that you are uncomfortable with. x

 

[xpinkness87x]

To be fair, I don't personally seeing anyone here calling the OP a bad mom. They may not be wording it in a way that is all puppies and rainbows...but sometimes people need a bit of a realistic, straight-to-the-point response. I certainly don't think it was anyone's intention to make the OP feel any worse, but I think it's an issue that hits quite hard with some people...so rather than starting arguments and dictating how people should behave in a forum thread, state your opinion and reply to the OP the way you feel is appropriate. Otherwise you're just arguing for the sake of arguing.

I'm sure by now the OP has gathered enough that something isn't right with a slap (no matter how light) at her LO's age. Perhaps if she reads about how passionate others feel about it and their own experiences, it will help her to speak to her partner about it and give her the courage to tell him it's not acceptable.

Your sig just says everything to me.

Not being funny but different people have different ways of telling children off. When i was younger and i was very naughty i used to get smacked... my parents never abused me. Im not scarred for life. If its not everyday what harm?

Its only recently this whole thing about smacking a child has happened.

Oh and now watch me get jumped on because i said that.... How many of you can honestly say because you were never punished as a child.

 

[RJsMum]

To be fair, I don't personally seeing anyone here calling the OP a bad mom. They may not be wording it in a way that is all puppies and rainbows...but sometimes people need a bit of a realistic, straight-to-the-point response. I certainly don't think it was anyone's intention to make the OP feel any worse, but I think it's an issue that hits quite hard with some people...so rather than starting arguments and dictating how people should behave in a forum thread, state your opinion and reply to the OP the way you feel is appropriate. Otherwise you're just arguing for the sake of arguing.

I'm sure by now the OP has gathered enough that something isn't right with a slap (no matter how light) at her LO's age. Perhaps if she reads about how passionate others feel about it and their own experiences, it will help her to speak to her partner about it and give her the courage to tell him it's not acceptable.

In your opinion. Some others have different opinions to yours. Doesnt make yours right. Perhaps the variety of opinions expressed have helped her make an informed decision - although actually SHE WASNT ASKING ANYONE IF THE SLAPPING WAS OK, but whether the little one could make the distinction and learn from it. She ALREADY THOUGHT THE SLAPPING WAS WRONG - IT UPSETS HER! Much the same as many of the rude comments on here.

My opinion is that it is never right, actually, but I never said anyone who thought otherwise couldn't be entitled to their opinion. I was going by the OP's reaction to her OH giving the baby a slap on the hand at 7 mos. There are no two ways about it though...a child has only just learned at 6 months that they are no longer a part of their mother and plain a simple if she's looking for discipline a slap is not discipline. Fact.

You sound really angry though...did my post upset you that much?

 

[Buffy71]

To be fair, I don't personally seeing anyone here calling the OP a bad mom. They may not be wording it in a way that is all puppies and rainbows...but sometimes people need a bit of a realistic, straight-to-the-point response. I certainly don't think it was anyone's intention to make the OP feel any worse, but I think it's an issue that hits quite hard with some people...so rather than starting arguments and dictating how people should behave in a forum thread, state your opinion and reply to the OP the way you feel is appropriate. Otherwise you're just arguing for the sake of arguing.

I'm sure by now the OP has gathered enough that something isn't right with a slap (no matter how light) at her LO's age. Perhaps if she reads about how passionate others feel about it and their own experiences, it will help her to speak to her partner about it and give her the courage to tell him it's not acceptable.

In your opinion. Some others have different opinions to yours. Doesnt make yours right. Perhaps the variety of opinions expressed have helped her make an informed decision - although actually SHE WASNT ASKING ANYONE IF THE SLAPPING WAS OK, but whether the little one could make the distinction and learn from it. She ALREADY THOUGHT THE SLAPPING WAS WRONG - IT UPSETS HER! Much the same as many of the rude comments on here.

My opinion is that it is never right, actually, but I never said anyone who thought otherwise couldn't be entitled to their opinion. I was going by the OP's reaction to her OH giving the baby a slap on the hand at 7 mos. There are no two ways about it though...a child has only just learned at 6 months that they are no longer a part of their mother and plain a simple if she's looking for discipline a slap is not discipline. Fact.

You sound really angry though...did my post upset you that much?

Hi - nope not angry at all.

I highlighted parts of my post as a lot of people seem to be missing that point. I agree - a slap is not discipline, it can however be a deterrant if all else fails. Just my opinion.

 

[Hayley90]

I'm not going to read everything, as its probably pages and pages of back-and-forth over the same issues, just like most other threads

As the other girls have said a 7 mo old is just exploring and learning new things, its not her "fault" so she doesn't need to be slapped or tapped on her hand at all.

I dont agree with physical punishment at all, be it a poke in the side or a punch in the face - otherwise the child will associate violence with anger, bad behaviour and attitude. All it does it belittle the child and create an "us vs them" attitude. Yes i was hit as a child, which is why i could never relate to my dad, communicate with him or feel any affection for him... to this day i never will.

I think just removing the object (cables shouldnt really be hanging around at baby-height anyway) will stop the issue, or saying "no" and removing LO from the area will be more effective... otherwise she will simply not explore anything, for fear of being slapped on her hand. She doesn't know the difference between safe and unsafe, for all she knows a fridge magnet could result in a slap and a plug socket a reward - it'll just confuse her if some things are "bad" but they are left there for her anyway.

xx

 

[letia659]

I wouldn't have smacked los hand at 7 months as I don't think any 7 month old understands the word no or stop so to me that's to early but I do use this form of dicipline and now that Zander knows what no and stop mean which usually work with just a stern voice I do give him a very light tap on either hand or his bottom if needed