Lightly slapping baby's hand to discipline?

[better2gether]

My LO is almost 7 months. She is a very active crawler and gets into everything. She mostly likes cords, Daddy's Xbox controller and headphones, my cellphone, the dog's bone (!!!), our shoes, etc. She even knows how to turn up the volume on our TV. Everytime she does it, I think the speakers are blown!

Husband wants to discipline LO and start early. He believes if you slap their hand lightly whenever they go for an object they aren't supposed to, they will eventually learn not to. He has done it a few times and it scares LO, because along with that, he says "no" in a very stern and deep voice. She always cries. And then I feel terrible!

I don't know if I'm being a naive softie in thinking that as much as I try to keep an eye on her, she is going to get into stuff. She is just exploring, so let her be. But I have to admit, I obviously don't want her playing with cords or anything extremely dangerous. At the same time, his discipline isn't doing jack! Can babies "learn" this young?

 

[cabaretmum2b]

I wouldn't do that at all, ever. All it teaches is that it's okay to hit. Say no, give her a time out, whatever, but I would NEVER smack a child, no matter how lightly. Especially at her age, when she doesn't even know what naughty is, and is just in to everything!
The emotional and attachment pathways in the brain are really created in the first two years of a baby's life. Smacking them isn't going to do them any favors.
Is there some way you could get your OH to stop and rethink? I think Dr Sears does a very good discipline book that avoids the smacking and shouting route, you could look it up. I think it's on Amazon for about £6 at the moment x

 

[hivechild]

I wouldn't do it myself either. At that age, they don't understand 'discipline' and I believe the best thing you can do is remove them from what they're doing, or remove what they're not meant to have, telling them why you're doing it and then distracting them with something they can play with/do. They might not understand you now, but they're smart little buggers and will understand what you're telling them long before you realize they can understand.

For example, rather than saying no and slapping your LO's hand for turning the volume up. Pick her up and tell her that we don't turn the knob because it makes a loud noise that hurts mummy's ears and then take her over to play with a toy or something else interesting but safe.

I don't want my son to be scared or frightened of me which is all I think slapping and speaking sternly like that would achieve.

 

[mrsthomas623]

There are so many better options, sounds like you guys need to baby proof your house. At that age they are learning by exploring. Redirection should be the only "discipline" at that age.

 

[RedRose]

I second removing her/the object and tell her why, then quickly distract her with something she can have. You might feel like you're doing it a hundred times an hour, but it will keep her safe and happy. It's natural for her to be curious about objects around her and I wouldn't want to frighten her into not wanting to explore them. I wouldn't want to frighten her ever about anything!

Just thinking if my DH ever slapped our daughters hand and told her off Nd made her cry I think I would make him sleep in the car, it would break my heart!

 

[lanaross]

Slapping? I would just re-focus the attention into something else. Slapping doesn't teach anything but to be afraid of everything.


PS Also to add to hivechild's point about them understanding things you say long before you realize they do -- it amuses me how Bella understands the long phrase "where is our kitty-cat" and starts looking for a cat, making funny sounds but a short "no" she doesn't get I have a feeling she knows what it is, judging by her look, but it's a matter of selective hearing

 

[sandrass]

I don't think she would understand at that age, nor do I think slapping is appropriate tbh. Alessa is almost 7 months and I couldn't imagine trying to "discipline" her this young...I don't think she knows any better.

 

[xbabybumpx]

Why would you want to slap a babies hand when they are doing whats natural to them,exploring. As our babies are similar in age your post kinda upset me and feel sorry for your baby. If your dp is slapping your lo hand when she isint even 7 months then what ir he going to do when she is a toddler and really being mischeivious. I think you need to nip this in the bud now

 

[HannahsMummy]

I agree with the above posts. My LO was into all the stuff you mentioned... so we put the TV on the wall, covered the cords and put the TV/Xbox controllers/Phones out of her reach! Your LO is just exploring, she doesn't know right from wrong yet and how is she meant to know they are not for her? Baby proofing your house would be a better option than smacking.

 

[dom85]

Are you kidding? Slapping a 7 month old baby? Sorry, its just wrong. As a parent its your responsibility that that don't get into anything dangerous at that age and baby proof properly, most of the time its just a phase, Brady went through the wire one as well, but I think constantly telling them no doesn't have any affect on then after a while. At that age the best thing is to re-direct their attention and eventually they'll find other things mor interesting than what you don't want them to touch.

 

[Miss_Bump]

My LO isn't crawling yet but still wants EVERYTHING in reach or anything I've got lol

Its totally your decision how you wish to discipline your child but I feel that any sort of physical punishment, no matter how lightly shouldn't be used with a baby this young

As other have said, distraction is great and if my LO grabs my phone and tries to eat it I'll get out her soft phone and we play with that

Hope this helps

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Sorry, I find that quite shocking. Sounds like you have the right attitude but it is not shared by your partner, which needs to be changed pronto.

If your baby plays with something that may hurt them, or that they may be able to do damage to it is YOUR fault as parents for leaving the object in their reach.

I think a lot of people need to realise that disciplining a child doesn't work in the same way as training an animal!

 

[hivechild]

Claire, I trained my dog with removal and distraction as well when he was a puppy! I don't think smacking animals achieves anything more than creating fear avoidance behavior and would much rather positive reinforcement for desired behaviors. It's funny how often i stop and realize I'm doing the same thing with the monkey I did with the dog as a puppy.

 

[maisiemoo]

I dont think I can add to whats already been said. If you are not comfortable with your partners methods then I think it's better to do something about sooner rather than later. Perhaps go to him with alternative suggestions, such as baby proofing, distraction methods etc I hope you're able to reach a compromise x

 

[Feltzy]

Could he not just use the word 'no' alone without the tap on the hand? Does he know that you feel uncomfortable with it? Personally I think 7 months is too young.

 

[Kimmer]

I actually can't believe what I'm reading.. How anyone can think they can 'train' a 7 month old baby is beyond me. I wouldn't even treat a dog like that!

As everyone else has said, it's your job as a parent to make sure your baby can't reach anything that could be dangerous.

What is the aim in this anyway? Do you want your baby to just sit in one place and only play with the toys you give him/her?
Sorry, but babies explore.. it's how they learn.

Our babies are of similar ages and this has really upset me.

 

[redpoppy]

I would agree with you and get your OH to read some books on alternative ways to discipline children in general never mind a 7 month old baby.

I think you have to allow babies and children to be children and when they do something unacceptable you have to question if it was in any part your own responsibility (baby proofing the house for example) plus what they will learn. My LO is 11 months and I hardly ever say no to her but when I try to is when she pinches and scratches my face. But I do it by looking straight at her, saying "no, we don't pinch/scratch" in a calm and low voice and holding her hand so she can't do it before quickly distracting her with something else. That's when I'm not casually ignoring it as I don't think it's going in half the time.

It's just as likely to work as hitting in my opinion but without the added effect of stifling her curiosity for things. At some age she'll understand what you're saying no to but "training" a baby like you would train a dog isn't in my opinion the best way to teach discipline.

I keep saying this but either kids are too young to reason with or they can be reasoned with (and trust me they will when they love you and when they learn to have better control on their impulses) and either way hitting a child is not fair or appropriate.

 

[Natasha2605]

Reading that brought a lump to my throat. Summer's only a month younger than your LO and if anyone lifted their hands to her, however ''gently'' there would be hell to pay.


IMO the tap can't be that gentle if your LO cries, she must feel intimidated. All smacking at this age will achieve is building fear of her father. Tell your OH to face reality and never lift his hand to your child again. Children crawl, children touch things their not meant to, it's what they do. Your child isn't being naughty, their learning about their surroundings and the silly things that mummy and daddy leave lying about. xx

 

[NG09]

Can't you just pick things up and put them out of LO's reach rather than hitting her?? Would that not make more sense?? IMO it's your fault for leaving things lying about.

 

[MangoCoconut]

At 7 months a child doesn't understand. They are not being naughty they are discovering their world for the first time. I would say around 14 months they start to test boundaries but even then it is a learning curve and not because they are destined to end up with ASBO's!
Slapping teaches fear. Your child is becoming fearful. I was slapped/hit and do you know what it taught me? To be afraid of men! It was my dad who did it and it taught me not to trust. Luckily I managed to seek help later in life and have a wonderful OH but I now know discipline is about consistency, about keeping calm. As soon as you lose control and use violence you are the one with the problem, not your baby x