this is just a copy of the post I put in the old limbo thread.
Claire- I still don't 100% trust him. Do I REALLY think he'll do it again? no. Not after the state on him when he realised what he had done. However, I'm not fully trusting him for a long time because if it happens again, at least it'll hurt a bit less. I've always been a committed person, one person for me, no cheating, no lies, trust etc etc. And he was hurt by his ex so bad I assumed he was the same. It got brought up again today. He said "Old habits. I was an idiot. I'm sorry. I should've stopped when we met" So they'd been doing all that dirty talk crap for a long time, he admitted he didn't even like the look of her, he just couldn't meet a gf, and his ex had messed him up, and it was just something for him to "get off" to. But that to me, in my head is cheating. At one point they even discussed what it would be like to have a one night stand behind my back. It never happened, no, but that thought never leaves my mind. That they were getting off on the idea of my heart being broken.
Getting angry now. see, i'm not going to act like it goes away. I think it was just before xmas it happened too. Worst time of my life. When I found it, the feeling I had in my stomach. Oh god I've never had anything like it. He is my first love, i've been hurt by men before in different ways but I was never in love, or pregnant with their child. But I get how awful those conflicting feelings are. You can't live without him, he's the only person you want when you're so low, but he caused that pain and you don't want to give in. But this pain of him talking to someone else, feels like you lost him slightly, and so when you see him, you want to cuddle him , because you're scared of losing him. It's so hard. But some men genuinely do make mistakes and don't do it again. He knows if it happens again he's goneeee. And he changed his number and deleted his facebook so at least that was a start. Bloody internet can be evil for relationships, same with texting. I go through his phone sometimes, and even if he catches me he says it's fine, i don't blame you. So far so good. But it's not been that long. test of time..
I confided in NO ONE about the bf thing, however; Claire your situation really did make me feel like I had to let you know that It's happened to me too. And when you hear of it happening to someone you feel sad for them ofcourse, but going through it is undescribable as he is my everything after years of crap.
Sadface.. hopefully time will help
Ceecee- Happy 30 weeks my sweet, It was mine yesterday. exciting and scary!
vicki- leftover treats? so jealous. Boyfriend has promised chocolate cake will be waiting for me after the baby. Don't want to risk it now with the GD as sugar will make baby too big. But mmm. lucky!
MrsPOP- I hate facebook now. And will never rejoin it because I think for men it's tempting. Girl with a slutty profile pic, the option of private messaging. Nuh uh not anymore. Hope you enjoy your course! I really wanted to go but like the 4D scan we decded not too as we struggle a bit financially. I'm also so sorry to hear about your mother and can't imagine what you are going through. So pleased after this wait that she is going to get something to help her, and I bet those months felt like such a long time..
& Yay for the half day. I'm off tommorow, then 2 more shifts, and i'm off for holidays and maternity leave.
On that note, when is everyone going on mat leave?
I'd also like to add, I wish we all could meet in real life, and all give eachother a massive hug! You girls do keep me sane alot of the time & I love this thread.
Ceecee made a new one as this one is now in pregnancy groups & discussions, so are we all going to agree where to post?? as some have posted on there and some are still posting here haha.
I have a growth scan tommorow.
Last time I went to see diabetics and consultant, I got a routine scan, and despite being told that my gestational diabetes will more than likely make her big, she measured too small. So tommorow morning we get a growth scan down at radiology, and I see the diabetic team, I've had good readings for the past 2-3 weeks, they were bad when I went last and they said if they got worse I'd have to forget diet control and go on meds, or insulin. So thats a positive that they've gotten better.
I'm sorry girlies, I type really fast and so it's so easy for me to get carried away and write these HUGE posts, please tell me if it gets irratating!
Love to all. x