Little rant about ani-co-sleepers

[madasa]

I sleep better when LO was cosleeping (although it was DAMN uncomfortable!!!!) and now I wake at three in the morning and can't sleep till 6 or 7 even though she's right next to me in the cosleeping cot.

She doesn't sleep next to me since I stopped BFing. She's like "no booby, no me!"

And I think (ESPECIALLY if you're BFing which is the NATURAL way) that co-sleeping is inevitable to a great degree. I'd be interested to know how many mums who breastfeed managed to NOT co-sleep.

ALSO my nana coslept, as did her nana etc. so I come from a long line of cosleepers who have genetically survived the dangers. I'm sorry if that's just nonsense but I think there's a valid point in there somehwere.

I've heard that you SHOULDN'T cosleep if you don't BF.... much less safe...

 

[redpoppy]

I've heard that you SHOULDN'T cosleep if you don't BF.... much less safe...

I'm glad my LO was aware of this.

 

[Rachel_C]

I sleep better when LO was cosleeping (although it was DAMN uncomfortable!!!!) and now I wake at three in the morning and can't sleep till 6 or 7 even though she's right next to me in the cosleeping cot.

She doesn't sleep next to me since I stopped BFing. She's like "no booby, no me!"

And I think (ESPECIALLY if you're BFing which is the NATURAL way) that co-sleeping is inevitable to a great degree. I'd be interested to know how many mums who breastfeed managed to NOT co-sleep.

ALSO my nana coslept, as did her nana etc. so I come from a long line of cosleepers who have genetically survived the dangers. I'm sorry if that's just nonsense but I think there's a valid point in there somehwere.

I've heard that you SHOULDN'T cosleep if you don't BF.... much less safe...

Why is that? I can't see how it makes any difference to me... Leyla was only BF for three weeks but I'm still just as aware of her in my bed now as I was then.

 

[madasa]

There are a lot of factors. Less awareness is part of it, but also that BFing mums and babies tend to wake more often, the position of mum and baby tends to stop baby getting to the pillows, a BFd baby moves around the bed less (focus is on the boob) and BFd babies are at lower risk from SIDS even when they sleep in a cot (so presumably there is something about the milk itself which has an effect on sleep patterns). When I had DS, I read somewhere that a baby under a certain age should only ever sleep in an adult bed if they are next to a BFing mum, and not dad or other siblings. I also saw a recent news thingy about a study in the US.... all the cases of babies who died while sleeping with adults over the period of 18 months were bottlefed babies, without any exception.... I think maybe FF is pretty much the norm in the US, especially in some parts... but even so, it's hard to believe that is merely coincedence.

 

[im_mi]

thats really interesting about BF/FF and co-sleeping.

However, i do think that FF mothers should still consider co-sleeping as a safe option, as long as safety recommendations are adhered to.

 

[cleckner04]

My own brother and his wife brought it up NUMEROUS times about how horrible I am for co-sleeping and how she will be attached to me forever, yadda yadda yadda. They didn't even have kids at the time! There's always some horror story about some kids cousins friend who still sleeps with their parents. whatever. She's MY kid. I happen to LOVE having her with me at all times. I think the more loving and nurturing you are, the better they will grow up to be. I can't even imagine putting her anywhere but beside mommy at night. I've never heard of a law against cosleeping either. Sounds more like a scare tactic.

 

[Tashry]

I admit I was (quietly) against co-sleeping until I had my own child. I had some pretty strong opinions about it, thinking that you would end up with your kid on your bed for a long time and that it wasn't a healthy option for the child. However, due to my son's medical problems (it's a very long story) he ended up sleeping in our bed for a while and after that there was no way he wanted to sleep on his own.

I had to make a decision = either fight it, let him cry it out and none of us would get any sleep, or embrace co-sleeping, learn about the pros and take it from there. I chose the latter. My son slept in our bed for 3 years and you know what - he was not a clingy spoiled child, he was very well adjusted and confident, and we ALL got a great night's sleep.

Now he is 3, sleeps in his own room in his own bed every night and honestly, now that he is in his own room, I wouldn't change a thing. I got 3 years of great sleep with some wonderful cuddles with my son. I would have liked to have him in his own room earlier, but he just wasn't ready and I do not agree with letting my child cry it out. I do not plan on co-sleeping with my new baby, but I have no regrets over my decisions that I made with my son.

 

[im_mi]

If there is a law against co sleeping, it should be bloody well overturned. How disgusting that anyone can say that having your child in bed with you is some form of child abuse. *rages* they'd be better off making a law against leaving small babies to scream all night long in their cots.

 

[Eskimobabys]

Ideekay thats what the CPS lady said to my mother. what age are y'all going to put ur children in there own bed? just curious.

 

[mommyof3co]

For me Casen went to his own bed at 11mo, Casen we moved him to his toddler bed in our room at 12mo but he only slept in there for a couple hours then would wake and come to our bed. At 15mo he slept through for about a month in his own bed. Now he's 2 1/2 and rarely sleeps through, most nights he comes to our bed...probably 95% of the time. My 7yr old climbs in bed with us sometimes There will never be a cut off age where if they want to climb in bed they can't, if they are comfortable with it we are. BUT they do all go down in their own beds, or sometimes on the weekend we'll let them go down in our bed, we move them when we go to bed though

 

[cleckner04]

I honestly can't put a timeline on it. It's the same as breastfeeding. I just can't predict when either will stop. When she's ready. I've read enough and researched enough on the subject and I don't believe in CC/CIO so we shall see! I'm all about letting Emma guide the way. And the same goes with any future kids. I love the way things are now and wouldn't particularly want it to change anytime soon.

 

[Eskimobabys]

whats CC? i know CIO is cry it out.

 

[mommyof3co]

CC is controlled crying, I had never heard of it until being on here...maybe a difference in the area I live in vs most being UK here. To me it's the same as real CIO, no expert that I've seen that is reputable actually recommends to let them scream for hours on end...which is most here consider CIO to be. CC is more letting them cry for a little bit, comforting, then crying again, comforting...over and over til they finally fall asleep.

 

[Kit]

There are a lot of factors. Less awareness is part of it, but also that BFing mums and babies tend to wake more often, the position of mum and baby tends to stop baby getting to the pillows, a BFd baby moves around the bed less (focus is on the boob) and BFd babies are at lower risk from SIDS even when they sleep in a cot (so presumably there is something about the milk itself which has an effect on sleep patterns). When I had DS, I read somewhere that a baby under a certain age should only ever sleep in an adult bed if they are next to a BFing mum, and not dad or other siblings. I also saw a recent news thingy about a study in the US.... all the cases of babies who died while sleeping with adults over the period of 18 months were bottlefed babies, without any exception.... I think maybe FF is pretty much the norm in the US, especially in some parts... but even so, it's hard to believe that is merely coincedence.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe this at all. Having BF and FF I can say with some confidence that there has been absolutely no difference in my awareness, sleeping patterns, sleeping position, and the issue about SIDS is quite simply a red herring since deaths caused by co-sleeping (usually rolling onto the baby) are nothing to do with SIDs which is an unexplained death. So the fact that a BF baby may be at lower risk of SIDS doesn't make them at lower risk of accidental death from improper co-sleeping.

I have to say that I have never seen evern the slightest suggestion that you shouldn't co-sleep if you FF. If I see such a study, I will read it with interest. I am not someone who poo-poos research where the issue is something that can be properly isolated and quantified, but something like co-sleeping involves so many other factors that I think it would be difficult to isolate a single risk-factor like feeding method. Perhaps the people in this study were less well-informed generally and didn't know about the benefits of breastfeeding just as they didn't know about the way to co-sleep safely.

There are so many reasons for a FFing mum to feel that her child isn't getting the best, without suggestions starting up that our bond with/awareness of our baby is less than it could be. I know how aware I am of my child and I can assure you that he has never been at risk in bed with me simply because I don't BF.

And incidentally, the child-abuse/co-sleeping law does not exist.

 

[madasa]

There are a lot of factors. Less awareness is part of it, but also that BFing mums and babies tend to wake more often, the position of mum and baby tends to stop baby getting to the pillows, a BFd baby moves around the bed less (focus is on the boob) and BFd babies are at lower risk from SIDS even when they sleep in a cot (so presumably there is something about the milk itself which has an effect on sleep patterns). When I had DS, I read somewhere that a baby under a certain age should only ever sleep in an adult bed if they are next to a BFing mum, and not dad or other siblings. I also saw a recent news thingy about a study in the US.... all the cases of babies who died while sleeping with adults over the period of 18 months were bottlefed babies, without any exception.... I think maybe FF is pretty much the norm in the US, especially in some parts... but even so, it's hard to believe that is merely coincedence.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe this at all. Having BF and FF I can say with some confidence that there has been absolutely no difference in my awareness, sleeping patterns, sleeping position, and the issue about SIDS is quite simply a red herring since deaths caused by co-sleeping (usually rolling onto the baby) are nothing to do with SIDs which is an unexplained death. So the fact that a BF baby may be at lower risk of SIDS doesn't make them at lower risk of accidental death from improper co-sleeping.

I have to say that I have never seen evern the slightest suggestion that you shouldn't co-sleep if you FF. If I see such a study, I will read it with interest. I am not someone who poo-poos research where the issue is something that can be properly isolated and quantified, but something like co-sleeping involves so many other factors that I think it would be difficult to isolate a single risk-factor like feeding method. Perhaps the people in this study were less well-informed generally and didn't know about the benefits of breastfeeding just as they didn't know about the way to co-sleep safely.

There are so many reasons for a FFing mum to feel that her child isn't getting the best, without suggestions starting up that our bond with/awareness of our baby is less than it could be. I know how aware I am of my child and I can assure you that he has never been at risk in bed with me simply because I don't BF.

The thing about FF making cosleeping less safe is JUST what I was told.... don't shoot the messenger!

We may not be aware of any changes in how deeply we sleep or our awareness of LO.... but I don't think any of us can know with absolute certainty changes are not happening on a deeper level, subconsciously, or changes in our body's biochemistry (not sure if that is the right word) because of BFing, or stopping BFing. I found I was definitely less aware of DS after I stopped BFing... BUT I can't know for certain whether it was that that caused it or whether it was that he reached an age where he didn't NEED me to be as aware and to rush to his side immediately as he did when he was a couple of weeks old. I won't dismiss either possibility out of hand, though.

I've used FF and the bond with my kid is great as far as I am concerned. Regardless of whatever studies say on the subject may say, I'm happy, he's happy, what more matters? I could write pages and pages about bonding and hormones and chemicals in the brain and lord knows what else relating to BF/FF but hardly any of it would be relevant to co sleeping and none of it would change the fact that my child (and doubtless yours as well) is happy, healthy and we adore one another..... so, meh

Glad to see the law hasn't gone COMPLETELY crazy

 

[Eskimobabys]

So i was reaching about co-sleeping (to help me make an informed decision)and ALOt of ppl like it and alot dont but i came across this guy he kinda an ass but i do see his point on SOME things but just wanted to see what you ladys thought about him i think he has a book or DVD on how to get the child into there own bed when ur ready for them to leave u and ur husbands bed.
https://www.drhull.com/EncyMaster/C/co-sleeping.html

Question how do your DH/OHs feel about having a family bed? i was all for doing the natural parenting my DH is supportive of it all except he said NO to the family bed.

 

[mommyof3co]

I don't really agree with him, I don't think it sets them up for bad sleep habits at all. And I know many mid-upper class white families that cosleep....us being one of them.

Mark is completely supportive of them sleeping with us. There was probably 3mo that Hayden kept scratching him in the night so he slept on the couch to allow Hayden to stay in bed with me. We only have a full size/double bed so it's not that big. Even now there are nights that he wants to go get Hayden and bring him to our bed to snuggle with him

 

[Eskimobabys]

my husband aggrees with that man that "the marriage bed should not be cluttered with children." so no co-sleeping here but i might sneak the baby in bed when hes out to sea

 

[T-Bex]

He's entitled to his opinion, but regarding sleep; when you've been trying to put the baby down in her basket AND crib for two weeks straight and getting no-where, THEN he can comment on whether you get a good nights sleep by co-sleeping.

 

[Kit]

There are a lot of factors. Less awareness is part of it, but also that BFing mums and babies tend to wake more often, the position of mum and baby tends to stop baby getting to the pillows, a BFd baby moves around the bed less (focus is on the boob) and BFd babies are at lower risk from SIDS even when they sleep in a cot (so presumably there is something about the milk itself which has an effect on sleep patterns). When I had DS, I read somewhere that a baby under a certain age should only ever sleep in an adult bed if they are next to a BFing mum, and not dad or other siblings. I also saw a recent news thingy about a study in the US.... all the cases of babies who died while sleeping with adults over the period of 18 months were bottlefed babies, without any exception.... I think maybe FF is pretty much the norm in the US, especially in some parts... but even so, it's hard to believe that is merely coincedence.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe this at all. Having BF and FF I can say with some confidence that there has been absolutely no difference in my awareness, sleeping patterns, sleeping position, and the issue about SIDS is quite simply a red herring since deaths caused by co-sleeping (usually rolling onto the baby) are nothing to do with SIDs which is an unexplained death. So the fact that a BF baby may be at lower risk of SIDS doesn't make them at lower risk of accidental death from improper co-sleeping.

I have to say that I have never seen evern the slightest suggestion that you shouldn't co-sleep if you FF. If I see such a study, I will read it with interest. I am not someone who poo-poos research where the issue is something that can be properly isolated and quantified, but something like co-sleeping involves so many other factors that I think it would be difficult to isolate a single risk-factor like feeding method. Perhaps the people in this study were less well-informed generally and didn't know about the benefits of breastfeeding just as they didn't know about the way to co-sleep safely.

There are so many reasons for a FFing mum to feel that her child isn't getting the best, without suggestions starting up that our bond with/awareness of our baby is less than it could be. I know how aware I am of my child and I can assure you that he has never been at risk in bed with me simply because I don't BF.

The thing about FF making cosleeping less safe is JUST what I was told.... don't shoot the messenger!

We may not be aware of any changes in how deeply we sleep or our awareness of LO.... but I don't think any of us can know with absolute certainty changes are not happening on a deeper level, subconsciously, or changes in our body's biochemistry (not sure if that is the right word) because of BFing, or stopping BFing. I found I was definitely less aware of DS after I stopped BFing... BUT I can't know for certain whether it was that that caused it or whether it was that he reached an age where he didn't NEED me to be as aware and to rush to his side immediately as he did when he was a couple of weeks old. I won't dismiss either possibility out of hand, though.

I've used FF and the bond with my kid is great as far as I am concerned. Regardless of whatever studies say on the subject may say, I'm happy, he's happy, what more matters? I could write pages and pages about bonding and hormones and chemicals in the brain and lord knows what else relating to BF/FF but hardly any of it would be relevant to co sleeping and none of it would change the fact that my child (and doubtless yours as well) is happy, healthy and we adore one another..... so, meh

Glad to see the law hasn't gone COMPLETELY crazy

OK, I just had the impression you were endorsing this theory since you commented about it being too much of a coincidence.

I actually did a bit of research on this and the vast majority of the studies seem to be into SIDS related issues and anything about feeding method is a side issue or not dealt with. I did find a study which suggested that there was empirical evidence to suggest it might be less safe but the author clearly stated that study into this specific issue was needed. There seemed to be a US study which suggested a link but this was carried out on such a small scale that I don't see how any conclusions could be drawn.

Everything I saw suggested that co-sleeping reduces SIDS and BFing reduces SIDS which to me would suggest that it would be better for a formula fed baby to co-sleep than not.

I am generally prepared to accept the results of good, wide studies into specific things that can be identified and demonstrated, but the bond between a mother and a child is not, in my view, one of those things. There might, in due course, be a study that shows that more FF babies are killed accidentally during co-sleeping, but there would still be problems in isolating factors such as parental education, lifestyle etc. Short of rigging up a whole load of FFing mums to brainwave monitors or similar on the offchance that some of them rolled on their babies, I don't see how the awareness issue can possibly be proved.

As far as I can tell this issue seems to be one of those things that has entered the general consciousness without any substantial support. It is mentioned on various websites but without any backup. A well-respected parenting blog contains a very thorough and detailed breakdown of the various studies into co-sleeping, SIDs etc - and then the author sticks in a paragraph about FFing risks as though it is of equal factual status as the rest of the points she backs up with evidence when it is clearly just her opinion!

It seems that co-sleeping does reduce the risk of SIDS. I would hate for someone to avoid doing something potentially beneficial because they have read that FF babies shouldn't do it.