Looking for buddies with mental health problems to share my journey with..

[ces2008]

i have a history of cutting too. def not what you wanna do. luckily my scars arent too bad, so i dont have to cover them. but in april of 2011 i cut my arm alot and got admitted. when i went back to work, i had to deal with questions from my coworkers and patients. cant really tell my patients i did it myself. they just assumed i scratched it bad on something and asked what i scratched it on. i just said i didnt wanna talk about it. im learning that not only is it a way for me to relieve some of my stress, depression and anxiety, but growing up in a chaotic home with and alcoholic father it was a way for me to control what i could. i could control what i did to my body. ive been helping raise my little brothers sinc they were born in 2001 aned 2003. i went to school, came home and had the baby until bedtime cuz my mom worked and my dad drank. i still have the urge, but if it gets too bad, i tell dh and he talks me through it or brings me in if its bad enough. i dont like being hospitalized but i dont wanna attempt suicide either. i really really reccomend you dont start doing it. once you do, its hard to stop. i dont mind posting the daily meditations. when i got out of the daily outpatient group therapy that i went to for 3 weeks (had to be on leave for work) they gave me the book. i read it everyday. helps a little. my therapist helps alot tho. he prob helps more then my psych dr. my psych dr had a "less medication, treat the anxiety disorder and the depression will go away" idea. cant realy switch cuz there arent many psych drs around here. gave me the freedom to work on decreasing the seroquel (actually the generic) at my own pace and to add it back to the full dose (200 in morning and 200 at bedtime) along with my remeron.its hard to get in to see him tho. he said come back in 3 months but his only appt was at 6 months wso i have to wait to see him again til sept. if i need to in between go see my primary who ive seen since i was 2 years old. i actually trust him more with my life then my psych dr.

 

[1eighty]

The scars I have from cutting and attempting suicide are only visible on the one arm, thankfully. Now I live where I do, I always have a light tan and they are now always visible. I'm not ashamed of them, it's part of my history... but at the same time, I know that it's not something to be repeated. My parents knew about both suicide attempts and my mum I think knew about the cutting. They were saddened, but not ashamed, which I think was also an important factor in my eventual recovery.

Ces is right, it's a bit like smoking/drugs/getting tattoos - once you start it is difficult to stop. Everyone has their own ways of coping and expressing their illness, but I'd recommend kickboxing or throwing tennis balls at the wall of the house over DSH any day of the week. Do something that tires you out and just go to bed. Bed was my sanctuary, I crept in there and waiting for the bad to go away. Sometimes, when I woke up, it had at least retreated. It's still my first port of call if I have a bad day, I just take myself off to bed and burrow in there.

Big hugs, ladies x

 

[ces2008]

"May 26: Taking a Break: As our recovery progresses, so do our responsibilities and commitments. Before we know it, weeks and months have passed with no time for ourselves. When we do this, we put ourselves in danger-emotionally, physically and spiritually. There comes a time when we need to say to ourselves, I NEED A BREAK. I DESERVE A BREAK. I'M GOING TO TAKE A BREAK. Then we must make sure we tak it, We cannot afford to get run down, We need tlo take care of ourselves. If needed, do I take a break today? Thought for the day: Taking a break when I need it means I value and protect my health."

 

[ces2008]

sorry its so late today! laundry day

"May 27: Rebuilding and Maintaining Our Social Lives:
For many of us with a mental illness, life revolved around ourselves and our illness, at least for a time. Many of us could not reach out to our families, friends, or people in the community to do the things we liked to do, Some of us could not leave home. Our social lives faded away and we fell into isolation.
But today we know that we can no longer afford to live in loneliness and isolation. We need to taked a risk and reach out to others. We need to betgin rebuilding and maintaining our social lives.
For some of us, this is still a frightening prospect. Yet only when we break free from our isolation can we rebuild our social life (and even discover new friendships and new freedom).
Today, do I reach out to others and begin building bonds?
Thought for the Day
Reaching out and connecting with others is an essential part of my recovery."

Hope y'all are having a good weekend!

 

[ces2008]

"May 28
To manage our illness, we must be consistent with what keeps us healthy-emotionally, physically and spiritually. We cannot afford to take our medications or get adequateed sleep or attend support groups just when its covenient.
Yet learning to be consistent take time, practice, and patience. If we practice every day, one day at a time, we will soon become consistent.
Am I consistent in managing my illness today?
Thought for the Day
Consistency means taking care of myself each a every day"

Ok. With that posted, how is everyone today? The past couple days havent been good ones for me. Talking to my therapist helps, but still. I'm feeling really depressed. I dont wanna do anything, see anyone. I dont really feel like eating. Having super vivid dreams still. Having the urge to cut myself, but not planning on doing it. Idk. I re-increased my Seroquel so maybe after a few days it'll help. I'm hoping so cuz i work all but Friday this week. Get Holiday Pay today, so it'll be a nice check, but if I had my way, I'd be going back to bed any staying there for days! Hope you all are doing better then me!

 

[BearsMummy]

Hi Ladies, can I join in?

I have Bipolar II and personality disorder. I had a major breakdown in 2003, started self harming and tried to take my own life on one occasion.

I have been clean of SH for 2ish years, although the feeling never goes entirely. I just try to occupy my mind elsewhere.

I have about 200 scars on my left forearm, I am not at all ashamed of my scars, they are part of me and helped to make me the person I am today. I now have a tattoo under my scars which says 'sulum vix dico a fabula' which translates from latin to 'every scar tells a story'

 

[ces2008]

bearsmummy welcome! feel free to add me as a friend! its actually really helpful to have people to talk to who actually know how you feel mentally and emotionally. im not ashamed of my mental status. im not proud of it, but its who i am. i will always have to deal with it. i may go into "mental health remission" but even after 30 years a day may come where ill fall out. im learning that you should never be ashamed of who you are. you make mistakes and learn from them! however im struggling right now. majorly struggling. im feeling like all i wanna do is climb into bed and never come out!

 

[ces2008]

ok. todays isnt gonna apply to all of u. it def doesnt apply to me, but im gonna post it anyways. sorry if it doesnt apply to you.
"May 29
Many of us with a mental illness are also dependent on alcohol or other drugs. We have two illnesses that demand our attention. We tend to use alcohol or other drugs (r both) to relieve our symptoms. But eventually they only make our lives worse.
Yet recovery from dual disorders is possible. Each day we remain clean and sober we gain strength, courage, ad the wisdom to cope.
Today, am I committed to my dual disorders recovery?
Thought for the Day
Having dual disorders requires having a dual recovery program."

 

[emmaxlouise20]

im 20 too, my hubbys 24, i was in hospital last july for an OD of sleeping pills and self harm, ive got a personality disorder x

 

[ces2008]

welcome! again, feel free to add me!

 

[ces2008]

May 30
Letting Go of Shame
The arrival of a mental illness can leave us morally and spiritually distressed. The solid relationship we have had with our Higher Power can seem to vanish. We may feel ashamed because of our illness and what it made us do, and feel unworthy of such a bond.
But as we begin to heal, the shame will diminish. More and more we will come to accept ourselves and forgiv ourselves. Slowly, we envision a renewed and stronger relationship with our Higher Power.
Today, do I practice letting go of shame?
Thought for the Day
My Higher Power remains with me even when my shame makes me feel unworthy.

 

[ces2008]

May 31
Pacing
Sometimes we can't help but get excited about plans we've made. But then we discover that our energy has run out and we wonder what's wrong.
What happened was that we forgot to pace ourselves. Although our mind thought otheerwise, our body did no have time to restore itself.
In our new way of life, it's important to set a pace that is realistic. Everything will get done. Everything will unfold in its own time. Tomorrow will arrive when the sun comes up, and not before.
Am I pacing myself on my journey today?
Thought for the Day
Lif is not a race.

 

[ces2008]

June 1
A Chronic Illness
Like any illness, we neither expected nor wanted to have a mental health disorder. But like with other illnesses, no one has a choic about who and when mental illness strikes.
Over time, we are gettin to know it better; the pain, loneliness, and uncertainty it brings-as well as the stigma. Yet over time, it's getting easier to accept it for what it is: a no-fault, chronic illness, And just because an illness is chronic, does not mean it has to define us.
Today, do I accept my illness a little more?
Thought for the Day
The more I know about my illness, the easier it is to accpet it, learn from it, and recover from it.

 

[ces2008]

June 2
The Value of Friends
When we meet with friends, our hearts are warmed. Good friends can be loving, careing and nonjudgmental. They share their feelings, insights, strengths, and hopes with us. They help us laugh. They comfort us when we cry. They are with us in times of need and refuse to leave us in times of crisis. In bad times they make our lives more bearable; in good times they add to our joy.
Am I grateful for my friendships today?
Thought for the Day
Every friendship is a huge gift-to both parties.

 

[ces2008]

June 3
Coming to Terms with Fear
Fear has struck each and every one of us with mental illness. It has touched all areas of our lives. We feared our illness, our past, our present, and our future. We may have even feared our family and friends. Some of us were afraid of ourselves.
Fear is natural. But it becomes unhealthy when we lt i run our lives and make all of our decisions.
Coming to terms with our fear requires that we look beyond the fear itself. Usually there is a secondary reason for fear behind what we think is causing it. When we discover what that is and face it, we no longerhave to let fear control our every action. We can make choices that are not based on our fears.
Do I work on coming to terms with my fears today?
Thought for the Day
When I come to terms with my fears, I find freedom.



So, lets discuss fears. What are y'all afraid of? Im afraid of spiders, snakes, clowns, hights, and small spaces. But my biggest fears in life are none of those. My biggest fears are: 1) That I will NEVER get pregnant, 2) That if I do get pregnant I wont be a good mom and 3) That eventually my depression and anxiety will get so bad that I actually attempt, or even succeed, in commiting suicide.

My sister told us today that my 9-month-old neice is crawling and pulling herself up to stand by herself! Makes me proud of her, but jelous of my sister too.

My next appt with my obgyn is wed morning. Hopefully he will look at my charts and figure out a way to help me. Officially been ttc for over a year. Driving me nuts! lol!

 

[ces2008]

June 4
Parents with Mental Illness
Many of us who cope with mental illness are parents or have responsibility for other people in our lives. When we're well, we tr every day to be first-rate parents or caretakers, But some days, our illness takes over and we can't give our all. Then we just do the best we can and pray for their understanding.
Let us make the most of the good days and avoid getting lostin regret or guilt.
Today, do I make the most of my time with the people I care for?
Thought for the Day
I am a caring person with a chronic illness that is not my fault.

 

[ces2008]

June 5
Our Relationship with Our Higher Power
We don't have to impress our Igher Power. We can simply trust that there is a Power greater than ourselves that does not require anything special from us, that accepts us as we are.
We can think of our Higher Power as a friend who is always ready to listen. Our Higher Power will give us what is best for us, though it may not be what we expect of desire.
We can share all of our secrets and our shortcomings and not be ashamed.
No matter how we may feel, or what we may believe, or how angry we become,this Power will be there for us.
Do I trust that my Higher Power is there for me today?
Thought for the Day
Even when my faith fades or all seems hopeless, I am not alone.

 

[ces2008]

Hey ladies. So, I go back to see my obgyn tomorrow for my 6 week follow-up. I'm planning on asking him about my meds. I'm gonna ask him if he thinks I should switch my antidepressant and seroquel. Ask if there are more "pregnancy safe" meds. I'm nervous. I know he will prob say I should get off them completely, but idk if thats a good idea. Idk if I'll be safe enough off of them. Any thoughts?

 

[ces2008]

June 6
Finding Humor in Our Illness
From time to time,our illness can put us in some compromising and embarrassing situations. Learning to laugh at them can be one of our greatest assets in coping.
Laughing may not come easily. False pride, perfectionism, and a need to rise above every situation may get in the way.
Yet we all have a sense of humor and it can shine through the barriers we have built. We can find humor where there was once embarrassment and anguish.
Am I stuck in pride and perfectionism today or can I find the humor in my illness?
Thought for the Day
When I can laugh at myself, I can better love myself.

 

[BearsMummy]

Hey ladies. So, I go back to see my obgyn tomorrow for my 6 week follow-up. I'm planning on asking him about my meds. I'm gonna ask him if he thinks I should switch my antidepressant and seroquel. Ask if there are more "pregnancy safe" meds. I'm nervous. I know he will prob say I should get off them completely, but idk if thats a good idea. Idk if I'll be safe enough off of them. Any thoughts?

Good Luck.

I came of seroquel and amitriptyline earlier this year, and in all honesty, i feel better and more in control, but I think this is because I was ready to, and I believed it was the safer thing should I get pregnant, so my head was in the right place to start coming off the meds.