So my temp is up this morning, and the crampiness is gone - just like when I Od after my first mmc. I dont usually cramp with O, but I did that first cycle last time too. I guess that means I Od right on time...either that or my temp never dropped 🤷. Hoping its the former. Would love to move on sooner rather than later. Didnt realize that Oing 2 weeks after a D&C was a thing, but seems it happens for some. My LP is usually only 10 days, so maybe less than 2 weeks until AF is here 🤞
I looked back at your posts and just want to share a few thoughts from my experience:
1. Whatever you feel at any moment is never awful. Youre probably going to have sad moments and sad days for a while. You need to take care of yourselves and your own hearts and ask for space when you need it. My brother and his wife are oopsie expecting baby 2 on her first pp O with PCOS. They knew we were expecting and so they know of our loss, and Ive asked them to give me time and let me reach back out when I feel I can handle it. The key for me is taking on painful triggers slowly and when I can control it rather than all at once or by surprise. The first time my other SIL unaware of our loss sent us a text announcing she was having a boy with an ultrasound and bump photo while I was still bleeding. I nearly lost it and had DH tell her what was going on and ask her to only give us updates when we asked moving forward. Oh man, if I had a penny every time I felt like an asshole on this journey, Id be rich 🤣
2. Its completely possible to be both happy and sad in the same moment. My best friends son was 1 when I went through my first mmc and I sobbed the whole way home after my first time hanging out with them after. I was so happy when I was with them, bc I love them, and my little nephew was so fun, but my heart was aching to be a mama and I didnt know if I was ever going to get what she had. Going and being with them that day was still the right decision for me; the crying was cathartic, and it got easier with time.
3. I was desperate to get pregnant again after my first mmc, and that feeling is not much different this time around. The thought of being pregnant again within 1-3 months of my mmc kept me afloat for that time, but as month 3 came and went that hope deflated and I had to grieve all over again. I saw many women pg with rainbows 1-3 months after and I hope it happens for all of us here, but odds are it will only happen for some. Obs tell you its most likely his bad luck, but the percentage of miscarriages causes by chromosomal abnormalities is just 50-60%. The other 40-50% of women are like me...theres something else going on like an easy to fix thyroid disorder or clotting disorder or hormone imbalance or something like endo or PCOS which can affect egg quality (although I guess the egg quality issues would show up in that 50-60%). It makes me so mad that they dont just screen for these things when its just a simple blood test. I guess my advice is hope for that easy road from here but expect to be trying longer just in case, and push for testing sooner rather than later if you have any gut feeling at all that something is off. I have short cycles and a short LP so I just knew something was wrong and had to fight tooth and nail to get them to check and refer me. *sigh* It just really depends so go with whatever works best for you, just keep in mind that if you put all your hope in it happening fast then it can be crushing if it doesnt work out that way.
4. Speaking of timelines, they can just add to how hard this is if you focus on them too much. I wanted my first baby before I turned 35. I had her 3 months after that and it didnt really matter. Meeting her brought my heart so much peace regardless. I want my kids to be 2 grades apart but we only have 1-2 shots left at that so Im trying to grieve that dream and let it go just in case. Those thoughts will always be there. Its more a matter of not giving them too much of your time bc you just never know.
5. The anticipation of my EDD was far worse than my EDD itself. It will come, you can do something special to remember your baby, and then it will go. At least thats how it was for me. I cried of course but I was no stranger to that over the 7 months prior. Having just gone through my second loss the week prior, four friends welcoming healthy babies in that month prior (one exactly on my EDD), and with DH out of town, I thought I was going to fall to pieces, but I didnt. It was actually a very healing day; a day when I could finally let that baby and the dream for what could have been rest. Regardless of how it hits us individually, we will all get through it together
Last, I cant remember who mentioned the emails but ugh yes it took me forever to get rid of them. One formula company even sent samples to my moms address around my EDD last time. I dont even know how they got her address, and I hadnt shared anything with her so she was very confused! Hope those reminders are gone for you all for now
AFM, I have my moments. I had this beautiful dream of my two kids playing together and woke up crying. Im mostly ok, but I think thats a combo of being a mama now and numbness from what I went through before. Somehow I feel like Im doing this wrong, but its ok that its different this time. Doing my best to take my own advice, be kind to myself, and just trust my heart to get me through this again no matter what lies ahead.
mind if I join? I’m over 2 weeks out from my D&C now and thinking I might be Oing based on cramping but idk. We can’t try this cycle but I want to know when to expect AF. Been doing lots to focus on myself and my own health and that helps. Fruitie - I’ve sadly been through this before, so if you’re feeling it I’ve probably felt it before too. Losing your first is different in a lot of ways. I know how hard it can be. I do have my rainbow now and I can say that pregnancy wasn’t nearly as joyful and blissful as it was the first time, but every milestone means so much more, and once you get through this you can look back and appreciate how your journey helped shape you to be a better mother and person in general while still hating that you ever had to go through it in the first place. Feel it fully for it is the only way to find healing. Also I may be biased (esp now that it’s for sure that I will only have rainbows), but I’m fully convinced that rainbows are just the best babies ever 
