Losing my mind

[Coolstar]

So quick update. My doctor just called me back... looks like I didnt OV this month so now we have to wait and see when I start my period and then schedule my HSG. So dont know if I am going to have a period naturally or if they will induce it. It feels like every time we take a step forward we take two steps back.

Also shes not going to give me a refill on my Clomid, apparently 3 rounds is all she is going to let me do. Depending on what the HSG and MRI show, she said she will probably be referring me to a specialist who can give me "the bigger guns"... maybe thats good news, I dont know. All I know is Im automatically out for November because my MRI doesnt happen til the 14th and then I of course have to wait for results and to see someone....I swear Im going to cry. Im so tired of this shit. December will be 1 year that weve been trying.

Sorry for BFN I know even if you are prepared for BFN the heart still breaks .I understand what you are going through.But the good news is that you will be referred to a specialist.Also 14th Nov is not that far, and you also know that you have high level of estrogen and they can give you med for that.I have a feeling once it is sort out you will ov soon and get your BFP.Just hang on tight.
I know about the 1 yr mark.Even we will be approaching our 1 yr mark on Jan .I always thought if you ov once on Clomid you will ov always but i guess i was wrong.

 

[s_love]

Our insurance doesn't cover the specialist, my hubby doesn't know financially how much we will be able to afford. I can't find a freaking job out here, so we are a 1 income family for now. I'm just starting to feel desperate.

 

[Coolstar]

Our insurance doesn't cover the specialist, my hubby doesn't know financially how much we will be able to afford. I can't find a freaking job out here, so we are a 1 income family for now. I'm just starting to feel desperate.

Stupid insurance.I hate insurance companies !! Maybe Next yr you can change your insurance plan and shift to a plan which will cover specialist.They are not covering this since it is related to infertility or they wont cover any specialist?

 

[sadangel777]

Love, I'm so sorry -- *HUGS*

I can't believe she only gave you 3 rounds of Clomid.

The HSG is supposed to give you a fertility boost; I hope you get great results from it.

Did you see the link I posted a week or two ago which was from someone's post on bnb that talked about financial assistance for fertility treatments? I'll try to find it again. I know what it's like to be in the situation where insurance doesn't cover something; our credit has taken a hit because we were uninsured for a long time.

Try to hang in there; maybe the specialist discounts self-pay patients.

 

[sadangel777]

This post talks about a fertility assistance program -- definitely worth checking out.

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/a...d-if-you-need-help-paying-fertility-meds.html

 

[s_love]

They don't cover it because its an infertility specialist. : ( I'm just at a loss. I was thinking she'd at least let me continue Clomid until I could see someone, what good will the boost from the HSG do if I'm not ovulating!? I'm stressed and feeling like a failure as a woman! My hubby is getting irritated with me and I know it... I'm not even back home yet and we are fighting over this!!

Thanks for the link Angel, I'm going to look into it.

 

[aknqtpie]

s_love ... you might even call the fs and see if they have any payment options for your visits/treatment. Worst that can happen is they say no. My heart hurts for you,and hopefully the fs can help you in the right direction. Do not feel like a failure of a woman, you are a strong woman and you will get through it. If you need to cry, cry... sometimes it does help. We are all here for you

 

[3yrsNwaiting]

So currently Im a stay at home wife, actively looking for employment ever since I PCSed with my husband to California in April. Im literally driving myself crazy because I spend about 95% of my free time (when not job hunting) looking at baby clothes, furniture, etc.. reading TTC forum posts and looking for information that may help me get my bfp- especially since I got on meds last month to help me get AF and O. Lately FBjust depresses me because everyone and their mama are posting pregnancy announcements and ultrasound pics. Any other stay at home ladies having the same issue? Lol all my other hobbies dont seem to interest me anymore!

I know exactly how you feel girl. I feel pretty obsessed at times myself. I work and hang with the hub but in any spare time I am looking for diets, vitamins, etc. and new info that might help me in conceiving. It's gets so overwhelming. I get to worrying more at the fact that I'm worrying so much about it. It does get depressing too. Something that has helped me feel a little more calm, relaxed and positive about the whole thing is taking a few minutes out of my extensive research to relax. I mean seriously RELAX. I know this is gonna sound a little ttc crazy all in it's own but... I don't drink, and I like lately to drink a wine cooler or beer and listen to some calm music and in a way meditate and just chill out. I really think clearing your head often is important! To be honest I feel a lot better about it all now that I have started taking special time out to relax.

 

[Chris_25]

So quick update. My doctor just called me back... looks like I didnt OV this month so now we have to wait and see when I start my period and then schedule my HSG. So dont know if I am going to have a period naturally or if they will induce it. It feels like every time we take a step forward we take two steps back.

Also shes not going to give me a refill on my Clomid, apparently 3 rounds is all she is going to let me do. Depending on what the HSG and MRI show, she said she will probably be referring me to a specialist who can give me "the bigger guns"... maybe thats good news, I dont know. All I know is Im automatically out for November because my MRI doesnt happen til the 14th and then I of course have to wait for results and to see someone....I swear Im going to cry. Im so tired of this shit. December will be 1 year that weve been trying.

Hi, love i'm so sorry about the bfn! well being referred to a specialist is a good thing and hopefully you will get super drugs which is what I would like too. The HSG just might help boost things up and you never know you could ovulate on your own this month coming!
I understand your frustration and it's really annoying especially that the insurance companies don't cooperate with all fertility treatments. I think we need to start a big petition!
This is such an emotionally draining time for us and I am just so heartbroken and in such a depression and I wish I could snap out of it and feel better and move on with my life, but unfortunately like many others here we just can't without our babies. Hopefully we will be able to soon
Tomorrow I go in for a baseline blood and untrasound and something tells me I have a cyst I can just feel it! I really wanted to get in to speak to the doctor but the nurse told me that usually you don't see the doctor until after 3 tries of the iui with the same medication. How does that even make sense if I already ovulate on my own and already get 1 follicle on my own and am only getting 1 follicle with the medication how does that help? Maybe I don't know what i'm talking about but I think it makes sense. Anyway i'm hoping they will raise my dosage this month and if not I have an appointment the end of November with the FS. I want to scream and run away from myself and so Love I know how angry you can get at your body, because that's how I feel right now and sometimes I want to punch myself there and say wtf is wrong with you! lol
I hope you and DH are doing better and you had a safe flight home.
Wow I just rambled on lol

 

[sadangel777]

Chris, i want to punch my body at times too. i have a love hate relationship with myself and mostly the hate wins. hopefully we can all try to take it easy and get our bfps in time.

i have to test tomorrow, and dont want to bcuz i know itll b a bfn. gotta get it over with and then on to next month ...

 

[Coolstar]

I was super emotional yest Maybe because i saw 1 of the pic of my preggo friend.I mean i knew she was pregnant long time back but somehow yest it just hit me.I just feel like giving up.I cant take this anymore.1st round of Clomid shouldn't i be excited but no i am not.As if i already know what will be the result.I told my DH yest that it would be nearly 1 yr coming Jan when we started ttc and he was so cool and told me some couple tries for yrs.Oh God i guess we will be 1 of those couples The pressure of ttc is so great feels like i cannot take it anymore.Maybe i should quit or else lose my sanity soon.I don't feel like crying now,i don't feel like doing BD, i dont want to think about ttc.
Yest we tried to do BD but my DH could not complete it.And i was so cool about it and just said even if you could then also what's the big deal.The result is always a BIG ZERO.Oh god !! i am so sorry for ranting out here.I know all of you are going through the same situation.Sometimes i feel maybe its my Karma and i should accept it.But it's really so hard accepting infertility when you see others conceiving so easily.

 

[sadangel777]

Aw Cool, I know how you feel. *HUGS*

My DH has problems completing all the time ... I feel like I'm putting myself through hell for nothing.

Got my BFN today So waiting for AF and starting round 4 of Clomid with little hope. I figure SOME day we have to time it right and he HAS to finish well, but I don't know sometimes.

 

[horseypants]

i say you need to get a cuppa fishies and do iui, that's too much torture i just left my car running in the parking lot at work with the keys in the ignition for the last half hour and didnt know it my favorite coworker is having twins and im having a hard time being happy about it. heart dropped into my stomach ...i really need to change something. i hate myself for feeling this way.

 

[sadangel777]

You're right, Horsey -- I need an IUI but I promised DH a compromise. Eh, I guess we'll time it right eventually.

Don't feel bad for feeling bad about others being PG -- especially with twins; that's like a double whammy. I feel the same way; can't feel happy for my cousin, even though she had some fertility issues and tried for almost a year. It's just a punch to the gut every time I think about it.

Try to stay strong.

 

[Coolstar]

Thanks Angel !! I feel much better now.Don't know why but was very upset in the morning.I just pray that you get your BFP next round.I know it will happen sometime but i just pray that it happens soon before we lose our sanity.

 

[sadangel777]

Me 2.

Still trying to decide if im going to go another round of clomid. ... thinking about taking a break from it, feeling like im putting myself through hormone hell for nothing. dh is ntnp and nothings changing that so why spend money and be miserable.

 

[Coolstar]

Taking a break is a good idea.Even i am thinking i will ttc next cycle and then take around 3 months of break.Cant be miserable for so long.

 

[sadangel777]

I think you're right. I'm going to try one more time and take a break for a few months.

DH's birthday is the 19th, and we have reservations at a local hotel in a jacuzzi room. I think it'll be CD17 -- it'll be very close to OV, especially if I do a trigger again and I OV around the same time.

Going to give it one more shot and hope for the best. What else can I do?

 

[Coolstar]

Angel: That would be really nice.Hope jacuzzi and a little vacation would help you get your BFP

 

[s_love]

Hey ladies sorry I disappeared! This weekend was the Marine Corps Birthday Ball for my husbands unit.. we partied like crazy and it was so stress free and fun! I know I didnt OV this past cycle but I still took another test just to be sure it was a BFN...I know Im dumb, but I hoped oh well. Still waiting on AF to show, if she doesnt show in the next few days doctor said we will induce bleeding so we can get this HSG going...

Ladies Im sorry everyone is having a hard time. Taking a break can be so hard but necessary. I keep telling myself it would be good for me to do the same, but I just know I wont be happy until this happens so I cant stop... ttc is really becoming an addiction. I decided to see the results from the HSG and MRI and talk to this specialist and see their game plan.

Try and stay positive ladies, I wish yall all the luck!!