Losing my mind

[sadangel777]

Cool, I feel the same way. I'm very angry at my younger self for not TTC sooner -- even though we are technically the same person, there is this separation of self. I can't stand myself most of the time, and I am always angry and sad but mostly angry. I can't feel happy for others, because it hurts so much I feel like I'm being socked in my gut every time I see someone who is pg or has a baby. I get to listen to the women in my grad class talk about being moms every Monday night. And read books about people who abuse their children. Argh.

There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel for us.

 

[Coolstar]

Cool, I feel the same way. I'm very angry at my younger self for not TTC sooner -- even though we are technically the same person, there is this separation of self. I can't stand myself most of the time, and I am always angry and sad but mostly angry. I can't feel happy for others, because it hurts so much I feel like I'm being socked in my gut every time I see someone who is pg or has a baby. I get to listen to the women in my grad class talk about being moms every Monday night. And read books about people who abuse their children. Argh.

There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel for us.

Yes we are getting old but i always thought you should start ttc before you hit 35.I am 30 and would be 31 coming Feb.But then many ladies get pregnant easily in 40's.Even i feel mostly angry then sad.Angel i just hope we get our BFP soon

 

[s_love]

I think the worst part of being so sad and angry with ourselves is that people outside of the situation-even some who are ttc, have babies, etc,even our husbands - DO NOT and CAN NOT understand it. Its the worst feeling!! It honestly makes me feel like less of a woman and failure when I see people get pregnant in 1 or 2 tries or on accident- females who are 16. And Im sorry, waiting for the "perfect time for us" its so not true. You cant tell me the pregnant lady in an abusive relationship is in a perfect spot to have a baby, someone who cant feed themselves let alone a baby, crack whores and people who dont want kids... like really?!?! Ok. End. Vent. Lol

^ I want to say this is a Clomid-hormone rage too lol but Im not taking it anymore so its allllllll me

 

[s_love]

Sorry ladies that Im so full of rage. I was explaining to my husband about the people who have been trying 1 or 2 months and they post "its a miracle" when they've had no issues what so ever. He pretty much told me to stop and hes tired of hearing only negativity coming from me. He said unless I have good news and a positive attitude Im not "allowed" to talk to him about babies or conceiving or anything.

 

[aknqtpie]

I am sorry your DH is being insensitive. Men really don't get it.

 

[Coolstar]

Oh God we are all so angry today.Hhhhmmm it might be clomid side effect who knows . Yes love you are correct even our DH DO NOT UNDERSTAND . i was so angry today that i was about to cry, my DH saw me and told me i should not lose patience and get angry.How can he be so cool.OK now i hate him also.I hate everyone.
I saw the thread in the evening Miracle can also happen something like that.I read the post thinking she might be ttcing from a very very long time and she got BFP now,thought reading the post will motivate me.But she was ttc from last 3 months when i was in my 3rd cycle i did not know about bbt or opk.I was not at all worried.
I guess i should stop now.I can write whole night to vent out my anger. Feel like shouting.I really hope it is a Clomid effect or else it would be the other side of me whom i was never aware of .

 

[s_love]

Its like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde! We are 2 different people... I really do blame the Clomid! Its hormone rage... My body got used to it and now I'm having withdrawal!

 

[sadangel777]

LOL you guys make me feel better!

We are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, aren't we?

My DH told me a long time ago he is sick of me crying over not being PG; he isn't one of those guys who can just hug you and tell you it will be OK -- he just wants me to "calm down" and be happy with where I am when I am so miserable I wonder if he really knows me at all.

I don't believe in the "it will happen when it's meant to" BS either. Or that I'm "too stressed" to get pregnant -- what about people who are living in third world countries and getting bombed daily? I think their stress levels are a little higher, but they are still getting pregnant! If that makes me sound like a spoiled American, so be it. But I'm just trying to prove a point.

Love, I have heard that the Clomid does stay in your system for a while after you stop taking it!

 

[Coolstar]

Pheeewww I feel better today.The rage rampage i had yest was terrible.I am glad yest is over.

 

[s_love]

I was feeling better until my hubby decided to pick a nothing fight with me... geez hes allowed to throw a bitch fit over nothing but I'm not allowed to be upset over something legitimate?!

 

[sadangel777]

Yes, didn't you know, men are allowed to get angry at nothing and we are supposed to 'grin and bear it' when we are upset over pretty much anything!

 

[aknqtpie]

Angel - With everything that has gone on, there are times when I just want to go home and cry, but my DH has the grin and bear it mentality, like this isn't that bad of a thing..

But then he starts pouting and bitching and PMSing over stupid things that are out of my control.

 

[Conceive81]

What I've noticed over the years is that I can't complain much to my hubby. If I do, I'm negative, or worry too much. When they do, it's alright though. Also, what really bothers me is I can't get upset when AF is in town, because sure enough, he will blame her! I just learn to pick my battles and in some cases, I make a joke about it to show him how ridiculous he is being...better than doing it back. Tried that and then I'm 'just being immature for giving it back'. There's no way to win.

 

[Chris_25]

Hi girls so sorry I've been MIA I have so much to catch up on! I have been so busy at work this damn hurricane did a lot of damage!
i have just been so down and depressed! I need to get away alone I briefly read the last few posts and I totally know exactly what u girls mean I can't be happy for people either and is it nice? No, but what else can we do? I am miserable and exhausted and have never been so depressed in my entire life! I pray hard for us though!
Men don't get it and neither do these people that never been through it! So basically that leaves us alone, besides having each other!

 

[Coolstar]

My DH gave me a gift today.2 days back he picked up cold and he gave it to me.An add on to my misery
Chris- Nice to see you.We were missing you!!

 

[Chris_25]

Oh no colds suck!
Aw thanks missed u girls too

 

[Conceive81]

I think we all need a vacation!

 

[s_love]

A vacation would be lovely! Well ladies I got my appt for the fertility specialist, November 20. And still waiting for my MRI on the 14th. Still no call from the doctor about scheduling my HSG and inducing my period... Ugh.

 

[sadangel777]

I'm glad you have an appt with an FS; I think you'll be happier with them than your other doc.

I'm having a rough day, too -- had a dream I was a mom and woke up and wasn't. I can still feel the child's arms around my neck and it hurts. I'm also working on a story about adoption for the paper I work for, so ... it's in my face.

Can't wait for this week to be over.

 

[Conceive81]

I'm glad you have an appt with an FS; I think you'll be happier with them than your other doc.

I'm having a rough day, too -- had a dream I was a mom and woke up and wasn't. I can still feel the child's arms around my neck and it hurts. I'm also working on a story about adoption for the paper I work for, so ... it's in my face.

Can't wait for this week to be over.

Sorry Angel, that's rough....tomorrow is Friday! Time to relax.