LTTTC #1 - Support Group *Please share your story

[Myshelsong]

Hey Ladies thought I would check in, the thread has gone pretty quiet lately with so many of us on a break.

Hubs and I are still technically not trying, although he is taking the vitamins that the Dr recommended to try to fix the DNA fragmentation issues. But I am not holding out hope that this will work anymore. I cant keep being positive and broken at the same time.

We have gone even further into the adoption process and have started the home study process and getting our names in the agencies in the area. I cant help but feel sad in doing this, it is us really giving up on the hope of biological children. and although it has been over 4 years now, letting go of that hope is painful.

Our cat Corbin passes away October 1, it was crazy heartbreaking. I never knew I could feel that emotional from a pet loss. He was only five years old and we adopted him as a kitten so he spent his whole life with us. It was horrible to go through. I am just glad that we have two other happy healthy pets in the house that need love and affection.

 

[KatO79]

Hey Ladies thought I would check in, the thread has gone pretty quiet lately with so many of us on a break.

Hubs and I are still technically not trying, although he is taking the vitamins that the Dr recommended to try to fix the DNA fragmentation issues. But I am not holding out hope that this will work anymore. I cant keep being positive and broken at the same time.

We have gone even further into the adoption process and have started the home study process and getting our names in the agencies in the area. I cant help but feel sad in doing this, it is us really giving up on the hope of biological children. and although it has been over 4 years now, letting go of that hope is painful.

Our cat Corbin passes away October 1, it was crazy heartbreaking. I never knew I could feel that emotional from a pet loss. He was only five years old and we adopted him as a kitten so he spent his whole life with us. It was horrible to go through. I am just glad that we have two other happy healthy pets in the house that need love and affection.

Awww so sorry you're feeling so bad Myshel Maybe you already mentioned this but would donor sperm/eggs be an option? Or even donor embryos? That way you could still go through the experience of being pregnant and get that experience. Maybe even have kids that are related genetically to one of you. I'm currently open myself to donor eggs (since there's nothing seriously wrong with DH's ) but we'll see after IVF#1 if there's any chance we may need to make that final decision.

I'm so, so sorry to hear about your cat I know how super painful it is to lose a furbaby I lost my previous kitty in 2012 (liver failure) and was so heartbroken for months on end. I would cry myself to sleep and in the beginning cry in the mornings when I didn't see her sleeping in one of her usual spots. I'm here if you need to tallk about it

 

[Myshelsong]

Depending on the SA that comes back this December we may decide to look further into donor sperm, but right now we are just waiting.
I know that if we did adopt I would love the baby or child and be a great parent, I am just having s hard time being "happy" about having to adopt. Happy about not having a child that is biologically related to both of us. That is what I want obviously, I want a baby that is both mine and my husbands, and when we start opening the options of sperm donor or embry donation it is not our child. And giving up hope on that is scary and doesn't feel good at all.

 

[deafgal01]

Myshel- I know where you're coming from. You go through a process grieving for the child that will never have both of your genes when you go through that door. I guess it gives my husband comfort knowing the child gets half of its genes from me so it'll still be our child (especially considering he's going to be the one with me for all dr appts and baby related stuff). It is scary and it took me a long time to feel ok with the decision.

 

[Myshelsong]

That is good to hear Deafgal. The idea of donor sperm is something we are casually talking about, but I want him to seriously think about it before we proceed.
Can i ask you a personal question. when deciding to do the donor sperm, did you look for someone that looked similar to your husband? Did you consider people in his family?

I am just trying to see what other people did and discussed.

 

[deafgal01]

We had discussed that. We looked at donor profiles to see what type of features they had. Mainly we were looking for like brown hair type of thing, blue eyes, white person of course. We did discuss family members and agreed both of us didn't feel comfortable with the idea of using donor from within family as Z is private. Hence why we looked at the friends pool to see who we trusted, and the sperm bank. We settled on a friend I know out of state (I should say that he's more of a close friend of mine, a family friend if you will think of it that way). If it doesn't work out as in we tried for a year and I still don't get pregnant doing home insemination, we might look at donors from bank again but more likely will focus on adoption route.

Questions we had considered in our choice...
1. Were we comfortable with the idea that the donor might have other "half siblings" out there for our child? (I was afraid if my child went to college in say California and met its half sibling and unknowest to them started dating someone who is their half sibling).
2. Were we comfortable with the idea of not having anyone similar to the child if a need arises for medical reasons - bone donor or whatever? (not saying this would happen but this was one factor that worried me, the fact that something medical issue arises and we can't use the donor to help out with supplying blood/bone marrow/etc. if need)
3. Did we want our child to grow up knowing half of its genes came from someone we didn't know? Or did we want it to be from someone we have contact with and sort of familiar to us?

I'm sure we had other concerns/questions that factored in our choice but you can see I'm quite paranoid about things I guess... Especially when they're not in my control.

 

[swimmyj1]

hey gals dropping in, i swear i use to follow this thread but it somehow got deleted on me.

Has anyone had a sonohystogram before, im nervous for mine on Wednesday. After my last MC in September me and my DH finally decided to go see the fertility specialist. Still waiting on all of the blood test results. We know i have low progesterone and im doing clomid this cycle again but i'm just ready to be more aggressive with ttc. really hoping it pays off.

 

[KatO79]

hey gals dropping in, i swear i use to follow this thread but it somehow got deleted on me.

Has anyone had a sonohystogram before, im nervous for mine on Wednesday. After my last MC in September me and my DH finally decided to go see the fertility specialist. Still waiting on all of the blood test results. We know i have low progesterone and im doing clomid this cycle again but i'm just ready to be more aggressive with ttc. really hoping it pays off.

Hi swimmy :wave: I had an HSG last November but don't know if that's the same thing? If it is, mine was fine although it was very uncomfortable, especially when they started injecting the dye. But it was over with quickly. I'd recommend taking a pantyliner with you as you may spot afterwards. If you're afraid of any pain then maybe take a pinkiller 1 hour or so before?

AFM AF showed up yesterday which seems to fit in with the flow chart we got from the hospital. Doing ok I guess on the Suprefact but it does give me occasional nausea, headaches, hot flashes and makes me very moody, like AF moody times 2 Next appointment is on November 2nd so here's hoping everything looks good and we get to start stimming that day

 

[Myshelsong]

Hi swim my!
I had one done a few months ago. It was more terrifying than anything, but that is because I had such a horrible experience with my hsg. I took a couple advils and did some breathing techniques before I went in and it was smooth. A little pinch through the cervix but after that I didn't feel anything painful. Just a bit uncomfortable.

Kat, so excited you get to start swimming soon! Yay for you guys!

Good luck!

 

[KatO79]

Kat, so excited you get to start swimming soon! Yay for you guys!

Good luck!

Thanks Myshel Yeah I can't wait until Monday. Of course if they say I need a couple more days downregulating I'll be disappointed

 

[swimmyj1]

Yeah you gals were right not horrible but at least uncomfortable. No issues found and my labs look good, except for the low progesterone (which we already knew I had). Now just waiting on the genetic testing, and ultrasound to check folicles next week. Yesterday he said it looks like I might have 2 but too early to get a real check.

 

[KatO79]

Glad to hear it wasn't too bad swimmy and that the results were good I hope the positive results keep on coming now!

AFM still feeling nausea, headaches and occasional hot flashes It's been fairly bad the last 3-4 days and I'm hoping that once we start stimming, these side effects go away Once I start stimming I'll be taking a lower dose of Suprefact (from 0.5 ml to 0.2 ml) so that should help also.

On a more personal note I think I'm soon cured of "stalking" my narcissistic brother's and sister's FB profiles. My narcissistic sister only puts pics up of her kids or telling how wonderful it is to be a mother (don't know if it's a dig at me since she knows I'm going through infertility). My narcissitic brother was going on about his "amazing" SIL recently and how he hopes people will donate since she's trying to raise money for a charity. He always writes how "amazing" she is on FB. So tired of seeing how everyone else he knows is so great and he never mentions me on FB, only likes my stuff every 4 months or so and just despises me and what little contact we've had it's been him being condescending and telling me what an utterly awful human being I am (also while I'm going through infertility), especially when I protest against his abusive behavior I just don't need this

 

[KatO79]

Well it's crappy news: I have a cyst in my right ovary so need to downregulate 1 week more. I'm just so upset even though I know it's silly She seemed pretty confident that it'll go away but otherwise they'll have to go in and remove it. Also had a blood test to see what my hormones are like.

Next appointment is November 9th.

 

[wannabemummyb]

Well it's crappy news: I have a cyst in my right ovary so need to downregulate 1 week more. I'm just so upset even though I know it's silly She seemed pretty confident that it'll go away but otherwise they'll have to go in and remove it. Also had a blood test to see what my hormones are like.

Next appointment is November 9th.

sorry Hun that's crappy. I hope that the cyst goes away and your body starts behaving itself.

So I am back once again got another docs appointment Friday because I can't carry on like this and don't want to be fobbed off with the thyroid and PCOS reason, I want them to send me for tests.

 

[KatO79]

Well it's crappy news: I have a cyst in my right ovary so need to downregulate 1 week more. I'm just so upset even though I know it's silly She seemed pretty confident that it'll go away but otherwise they'll have to go in and remove it. Also had a blood test to see what my hormones are like.

Next appointment is November 9th.

sorry Hun that's crappy. I hope that the cyst goes away and your body starts behaving itself.

So I am back once again got another docs appointment Friday because I can't carry on like this and don't want to be fobbed off with the thyroid and PCOS reason, I want them to send me for tests.

Thanks wanna, yeah I was so upset because everything else was otherwise looking good e.g. uterine lining thickness. Not only that but while I was waiting to be called in for them to take blood at the blood lab, a father was cuddling his small baby girl and it just made me even more upset given the news I got. Ugh when will the almost non-stop crap stop happening for me in my life, enough already

I'm so sorry wanna, 1000 , I think you're right about getting tested. If they won't take your concerns seriously then find another dr.

 

[wannabemummyb]

Well it's crappy news: I have a cyst in my right ovary so need to downregulate 1 week more. I'm just so upset even though I know it's silly She seemed pretty confident that it'll go away but otherwise they'll have to go in and remove it. Also had a blood test to see what my hormones are like.

Next appointment is November 9th.

sorry Hun that's crappy. I hope that the cyst goes away and your body starts behaving itself.

So I am back once again got another docs appointment Friday because I can't carry on like this and don't want to be fobbed off with the thyroid and PCOS reason, I want them to send me for tests.

Thanks wanna, yeah I was so upset because everything else was otherwise looking good e.g. uterine lining thickness. Not only that but while I was waiting to be called in for them to take blood at the blood lab, a father was cuddling his small baby girl and it just made me even more upset given the news I got. Ugh when will the almost non-stop crap stop happening for me in my life, enough already

I'm so sorry wanna, 1000 , I think you're right about getting tested. If they won't take your concerns seriously then find another dr.

I know the feeling Hun, it just seems so unfair that the same people keep having to go through crap all the time. Huge hugs and lots of vibes coming your way x

 

[KatO79]

Thanks wanna It's so great to talk to someone who gets it. Not everyone would understand it since not everyone has grown up with a dysfunctional family and experienced a lot of adversity in their lives. I'm definitely one of those people that can never catch a break it seems (except for finding my DH that is).

I really hope you get the dr to take you seriously and do those tests

 

[wannabemummyb]

Thanks wanna It's so great to talk to someone who gets it. Not everyone would understand it since not everyone has grown up with a dysfunctional family and experienced a lot of adversity in their lives. I'm definitely one of those people that can never catch a break it seems (except for finding my DH that is).

I really hope you get the dr to take you seriously and do those tests

Yeah ditto with me. I always try to tell myself everything I've been through has made me who I am and has made me strong but sometimes I would just appreciate catching a break...

If the worst happens and your cyst doesn't do one what are your next steps?

 

[KatO79]

I know, right Here's hoping things soon turn around for us both

The RE talked about that if it doesn't go away during the extra downregulation week they'll have to go in and remove it I'm so hoping it doesn't come to that though. I just fear though that this bodes poorly for the success chances of this IVF round but sincerely hoping I'm wrong

 

[swimmyj1]

Wanna - Im sorry I really hope they run more tests.
KatO - really hope you wont need surgery to remove the cyst. Fingers crossed. We need some good news around here.

AFM- cd14 scan my lining is good but only one mature folicle ugh!!! We wanted 2-3 so next time increasing the dose. Going home to see my family this weekend, really hoping that my mom doesn't bring up ttc she was really mean about our last mc idk if I can take her negativity.