Made to feel stupid!

[Lubbird]

Hi everyone.

My partner and I have been trying for nearly 6 months to get pregnant now. I've had a break from posting here for a while because i've felt too down to discuss TTC with anyone.

Anyway today I was discussing my situation with a 'friend'. I was looking for someone to listen to me vent basically, because I was getting a bit fed up. Im young and healthy and finding it hard to understand why i'm not pregnant yet.

Now I know 6 months is not a lot of time TTC compared to many ladies on this site, but I do get down when I see people posting BFPs on their first or second cycles. This is my first time trying so I didn't really know what to expect.

So i'm talking about this with my friend, then she suddenly turns on me and tells me off for being stupid. She said i'm behaving like a child and that there are many women who wait years to have a child, and who am I to expect to get pregnant just like that. She said I should wait my turn nd be grateful i'm alive.

Oh man she really upset me. I felt really guilty for even saying anything. She hasn't had any children before and has said she doesn't think she will ever want them but I thought maybe she would just listen to my POV and give me a little sympathy.

Is it wrong of me to be so down when its only been 6 months?

 

[crowned]

Oh hon, I'm sorry. That's rough. I know what it's like to just want to vent, even though it hasn't really been all that long compared to others. I was also under the impression we would get pregnant within the first month or two. DH says he knew it often took longer, but he didn't say it at the time, so I thought both of us expected it to happen quite quickly.

Maybe your friend says she doesn't want kids, but is actually trying? Sometimes people use the 'I don't want kids' line when they're trying themselves to keep people off their back. It sounds like she might've gone through TTC herself, or maybe she's really close to someone who has been trying for a long time.

 

[EngineerGirl]

Aww...sorry that happened. Some friends think they right response to venting is to try and cheer you up with good advice when all you need is sympathy and that's the worst. Here's hoping you can find the right sympathetic friend!

 

[BH040]

Of course you're not wrong for being upset! You should never apologize or feel guilty for how you feel! I think that it is ridiculous that she would even say something like that to you especially when she cannot possibly understand how you feel when she doesn't even want children! You just have to keep faith that it will happen when it's your time... as hard as that is to wait for. Your time will come.

 

[Stinas]

DO NOT feel stupid or down!!! 6 months is not a long time...think of it like AF coming....then waiting to ovulate...then the dreaded TWW...its actually a long process. Its very very frustrating, but over time the outcome outweighs all the stress we go though during this time.
I completely 10000% understand how you feel about the comment your friend gave you. My friend is preg and it was a one shot thing, a "was not really trying"...so when it comes to venting...they are the wrong people to go to. It does not make them less of a friend, but in this department they are like strangers.
When I would get upset after AF would come she would totally fall off the face of the earth...it was annoying because I knew if it were her then world would be ending and everyone would hear about it.
I personally found it easer to come here and talk to "strangers" about it. There are a lot more people here that are going through the same thing or have already gone through the tears and frustration. It makes me feel better. I know venting to a friend should, but might not be the right thing with that particular friend. Liike "Crowned" said...maybe she is trying? Ive seen people act like that...say they are not but really are, even if you never even asked. You never know...people work in weird ways. Try to keep your head up. Everyone is here to help each other.

 

[littlemrsb]

Thats an awful thing for your friend to say!
We have been TTC for 9months. I'll never forget the first month I got AF I was totally shocked and deflated after the first 3 cycles and no BFP I thought my heart was going to break!!!
Every single month is a rollercoaster and I think before you decide to TTC you assume its a simple as deciding and doing the BD on day 14!!!

We spend years trying not to get pregnant and worrying we might be pregnant at the wrong time or with the wrong partner that we convience ourselves its so easy to become pregnant.

I stopped talking to my friends and family about TTC after the 3rd month because I couldn't listen to the nonsense about "just relax", "it'll happen", and the comedians - "are you doing it right? ha ha "

Your feelings are natural, appropriate and your not loosing your mind. Your friend may have been having a bad day or may have something else going on that you don't know about?? But she shouldn't have taken her own feelings out on you, that was wrong.

You should try to take some time out for yourself to take your mind off TTC (believe me I know how hard this is!) I like reading or watching old movies... If you can't take your mind off it then come on here and rant to us - we understand and are here for you x

Your baby is on the way I just know it x x x
Babydust x x x

 

[Lubbird]

Thanks everyone

Ugh yesterday was just a crappy day. We have been BD like crazy the past few days so I was feeling really sensitive yesterday since i'm entering the 2WW.

Feeling better today though after reading through this.



Give me a now! Lol.

 

[Rosered52]

Sounds like she has some unresolved feelings of her own on the issue. If you two are good friends, hopefully you'll be able to talk about her reaction, and find out what's up. She may even be surprised at her own reaction.

Regardless, best of luck to you!