Maintaining male interest

[291]

So we're on our 14th month of ttc #2.
It seems however that DH is disinterested on the days that matter the most.
Now I've tried not letting him know when it's a good time and when it's not as well as not saying at all, to see what he wants to do/when.
I've tried nice underwear, playing in the lead up the evening BD, going with his lead, showing no signs of interest.

He seems to have the sex drive of a elderly man.
When on clomid we were told BD for 4 days in a row, he'd say no come day 3 + 4. I've told him how important regular BD is, as he has low count, poor motility and has antibodies - which makes things really hard.

Should I take this as he's not interested, and quit trying, or just sit it out till our IVF turn comes up (12 months time, + 1 month for freezing).

I dislike that he's most interested when I'm bleeding (which is always rejected as the mare thought of it is off putting) or in the 1-2 days before AF arrives.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

I'm sorry it's becoming such a struggle with your DH. Have you tried pointing it out to him and asking what holds him back?

The last few cycles DH and I do lots of bd'ing up until my fertile time, then DH doesn't get in the mood and tells me it's unsexy to say we need to because of O time. When I pointed it out to him that I fear we'll never get pregnant (with #1) until we bd at O time so he's working on it... but we still seem to be missing O day.

Best of luck

 

[Ariannda]

To be totally honest i'd question id he really WANTS another baby. Ive gone through this with my husband who has no kids, when push came to shove he was worried about so many other things that he was pushing his wants and desires aside for more practical reasons. Also performance anxiety puts men off, and the disappointment that comes with every period if it's something they want as well. Lots of couples who spend a long time TTC (we tried 18 months before finding out i had blocked tubes, with prior pregnancies, go figure) and our sex life became more relaxed when we didnt HAVE to have sex on x and y days. We're going ahead with the procedure to clear my tubes, my DH doesn't want to know exactly when it's done, he just wants to have sex with me when we see fit and if it happens he will be thrilled. Does it makes sense ? yes, and no lol

 

[hopefulfor1st]

I would say that maybe since you both know he has fertility problems if you don't bd at o time he's not to blame, and doesn't feel less of a man for not getting you pregnant.
Does that make sense?like You can't fail at something if you don't attempt to do it? I would talk to him and ask if this is really what he wants because if he does he needs to put an effort in.

Also I would be question being told to dtd every day for 4 days over o if he has low count, usually with low count every second day is suggested

 

[MissLM]

I agree with hopefulfor1st, even before I'd read her post I thought the same thing.

I don't think we take into account how a man feels when we get a BFN and especially if the man knows he has fertility problems it must be hard for them and they blame themselves, maybe its his way of knowing the outcome will be a BFN anyway but he cant be blamed for it.

I would definitely try to bring the subject up with him and reassure him and maybe it will take the pressure off.

Good luck to you