Maternity info session - was I an idiot to go?

[apple84]

Last night I went to a maternity info session for my teaching district where they gave details about lengths of leaves available and benefits ect. I overheard one woman saying she wasn't pregnant and just came for the information, but everyone else in the room was clearly pregnant. The ladies running the event seem to think so too as they congratulated us on our upcoming births (a little painful for someone so desperate to get pregnant).

On top of that, I don't know how to apply what I learned at the session, because I don't know what kind (if any) teaching position I'll have in the Fall. Benefits could be good or they could be non-existant...all depends on what kind of job I get and being in the union means there's not much I can do to ensure a job.

I'm a little depressed, but still want to try in May. Is this irresponsible? If I knew I could get a permanent job I'd wait, but without knowing, should I put the rest of my life on hold?

 

[Louise N]

I'm in a similar position with my career (though i'm not in teaching). The thing you and your OH have to think about is, will you cope if you don't get the best possible maternity benefits? Is there any sacrifices (worth sacrificing?) to be made that will enable you to go ahead?

 

[poppy]

I think it was really responsible of you to go and find out. I think it is important to know what kind of financial position you will be in and what rights you will have. I am a teacher in Scotland and they don't give you sod all info unless you are pregnant. To find out anything you have to traul through internet sites and get vague info on maternity pay etc.

 

[apple84]

I'm in a similar position with my career (though i'm not in teaching). The thing you and your OH have to think about is, will you cope if you don't get the best possible maternity benefits? Is there any sacrifices (worth sacrificing?) to be made that will enable you to go ahead?

I think you're right. I mean, who doesn't want all the maternity benefits? But are they really worth waiting another year or more? Financially we could afford to live without the maternity benefits, but it would be less stressful with some of the extras.

Either way I still get EI and that pays pretty good in Canada (55% of my income up to a max of $1500/month). It's not as good as teaching benefits, but we would survive. DH, on the other hand, doesn't want to just survive we wants to be "financial secure" which is a phrase he uses often but can never truly define.

 

[Aria]

You did the right thing in going. Even if you don't know how to apply the info now, you've still gathered it.

However it is important to have stability and a means to support a child before having one. Waiting is hard, yes, but you need to do what you can to give your baby the best start possible, even if this means delaying trying by a year. The extra effort in waiting will more than be made up later. Having a new baby will be stressful enough without the extra financial stress. You'll enjoy the pregnancy and everything more by waiting until you are comfortable.

By asking if you're being irresponsible, some part of your brain is trying to tell you you may need to wait. Your emotional heart doesn't want to, but your responsible mind is telling you you.

 

[Amygdala]

Aria, I don't fully agree with you. I think asking the question whether she's being responsible (if she means it and would accept both answers) only shows that she DOES think about what's best for the baby and her family.

I think the question you need to ask yourself is whether you'd be happy to live in the "worst case scenario". I.e. could you survive and be happy with the least possible amount of benefits that you may get. It doesn't sounds like it's a matter of financial security but rather a matter of financial "comfort", is that right? Then I think you totally need to listen to your heart. Having said that, if the number in your name is your year of birth then you're only 25 and waiting another year untill you're in a better place financially doesn't seems a huge sacrifice yet. But of course that's a very personal decision to make.

 

[Aria]

Amy, I'm not saying she's not thinking about her family, just that if she has the doubt about being ready, she probably isn't just yet, and this is a GOOD thing to acknowledge, nothing wrong with it at all. She needs to figure out things such as if she'll be fine living with minimal benefits before she can be/feel ready. She's working out the details, and this is very, very good. I'm glad she's putting thought into this before just deciding she's ready. Sadly, too many people decide they're "ready" without thinking all of this stuff through. Just wanting a baby doesn't mean one is ready. Her baby will be off to a good start with parents who are actually thinking about these things before jumping in and doing it just because they want to. She and her OH are being responsible, and this is very nice to see.

 

[1st_baby]

Aria I was is no way ready for a baby , I personally dont think anyone is ever REALYL ready to have one ..your world is turned 360 dg when a baby is born and sometimes things are out of control

I think yes she is responsible for going to get the info ..but if she thinks she can live without maternity then thats ok .. life cant be planned hun even if we try hard sometimes

 

[apple84]

I think the question you need to ask yourself is whether you'd be happy to live in the "worst case scenario". I.e. could you survive and be happy with the least possible amount of benefits that you may get. It doesn't sounds like it's a matter of financial security but rather a matter of financial "comfort", is that right? Then I think you totally need to listen to your heart.

You are right, we can do fine in worst case scenario. We were fine on just DH's income for years when I was a student and we have put away a lot in savings this past year, so we will be fine. The maternity bonuses would be just that - a bonus. DH and I really don't want to wait any longer. I am 25, but DH is 31 and we've been together 5 years and married for 2. We've traveled and both of us have university degrees ( I have two) and careers. We have a large supportive family living close. Originally we planning to TTC in January 2009, but as I just got a new position we decided to wait, so we've already delayed once. I don't want to delay again.

Maternity benefits really would be fabulous, but I just don't think I'm willing to put financial "comfort" over our dream of starting a family.

 

[MoonMuffin]

I think it was smart to go, no such thing as being too informed. And if you want to start a family and can make it work financially then go for it, why compromise your happiness?