May 2013 Babies

[Courtney917]

Okay sorry if this seems rude but how many of you ladies deal with close friends or family members who have NEVER had a LOSS or MISCARRIAGE of any kind with a child and insist how you have to move on and celebrate life?? WTF is that?! Okay, lately I have been feeling down because the holidays are coming up and Dec. 5th was my due date so I am dreading Thanksgiving because I would have delivered early due to my high risk, which would have been around Thanksgiving... Second, Christmas Day will be 18 weeks and 5 days for my current pregnancy and that is when I delivered my precious baby girl. How the hell can they say, oh just think about Jayla and this being her first real Christmas? OFCOURSE I am excited that my 2 year old will be more alert and able to enjoy presents, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I delivered at that same point in my pregnancy!! Do they not realize that it is a traumatic event that happened and you can't just move on from it... Not to mention the fact that I just delivered in July and am still grieving... OH and the fact that THE DAMN DOCTORS HAVE NOT DONE THEIR JOB AND GIVEN US HER AUTOPSY REPORTS SO WE CAN CHANGE ALL THE INFORMATION LIKE HER UMMMMM BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND DEATH CERTIFICATE, SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, OH AND HER URN TO HER NAME!!! Everything is still under a boys name because they gave us the wrong gender when she was born.... So who the hell can tell me how I am supposed to move and act like everythng is fine when they have never gone through anything remotely this difficult. They have lost grandparents and mom my lost her mother, but these people were in their 80s. I will NEVER know my daughter, I WON'T have any memories except her birth and the fact they these lazy ass doctors took forever to give her the damn closure our family deserves!!! OMG OMG OMG I am so pissed right now! These idiots have no idea how it feels to lose a child. They are so dumb considering they have kids so I wish they would imagine losing a child of theirs so maybe they could know where I am coming from! Oh ladies, I am pissed off right now! Don't tell me to move on like I gave birth to a watermelon! Whew!!! Okay taking deep breaths now... trying to calm down... I am about to keep all of my feelings about this and my current pregnancy to myself except for my hubby, big brother, and you lovely ladies because clearly some ppl don't know what compassion means. How dare you try and tell me how to feel when you have never experienced the lost of a baby. F*ck you!

*so sorry ladies, but my children are my life and just because one is not with me anymore, does not mean I don't love her any less or won't go to war for her.

I feel a little better now... I think. Can't wait for hubby to get home, I need a hug.

Aww I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. Many people simply can't grasp the pain you are going through, its tough. No words I say can make you feel better. Just remember that although your little one isn't here, she is an angel that watches over you and her siblings. Celebrate her in a special way during the holidays. Maybe an ornament on the tree? I know that seems insignificant but you can look at it and remember that although she's not here in the flesh she remains in your heart and forever will. My thoughts are with you, I can only imagine how tough this is for you. Nothing but hugs for you!

 

[MizzPodd]

Courtney- thank you. See that's the words that help me. That means a lot to me and that is a beautiful idea. Thank you

 

[Courtney917]

Courtney- thank you. See that's the words that help me. That means a lot to me and that is a beautiful idea. Thank you

 

[CupcakeBaby]

MizzPodd.

I can't begin to imagine your pain. And I totally sympathise with how you're dreading the dates that are coming up. We all have dates and parts of pregnancies that are emotional for us.

People who haven't lived it just can't understand.

I also think that telling us to look forward and enjoy life now etc etc is them thinking they're helping.

I know it doesn't feel it, but from the outside, I think dealing with someone who's going through a pregnancy loss can be daunting and scary for people.

I have friends who haven't talked to me since. They're just scared. And while it hurts my feelings on days where I feel strong I realise its just that they don't know how to treat us, not that they're trying to be mean.

You take all the time you need to feel better. But don't make your sadness and anger worse for yourself sweetie. I honestly think people are trying to help, they just don't know how to.

Xxxx

 

[MizzPodd]

Cupcake- I couldn't agree more. In my heart I know they mean well. It is just hard when they tell me to move on. I can't move on but I can get better. You ladies are helping me feel better. I know they want to help but I wish they would be a little more understanding and not so demanding. But I can definitely understand that they don't know to handle it from the outside and how it must be hard. Thank you so much for your kind support.

 

[EMTAmanda]

Mizz- let it out honey! You have EVERY right to your emotions and try have NO rights for their assumptions on how you should feel when they've never walked in your shoes!!! It's okay to cry, be angry, or any other emotion you want to feel!!!

Pad- big hugs honey I'm praying so hard for you!!!

 

[manuiti]

Mizz -

I think unless you've gone through it yourself, you can never begin to know what it's like. And everyone is entitled to deal with and move forward at their OWN pace, not that which others expect it should be.

My MIL kept asking me about my mc & D&C in emails and I just didn't feel like talking about it with her (especially as she felt the need to blab about it in the first place to all her friends) so I would reply but just not answer those questions. 10 days after my D&C she'd emailed my hubby saying she hoped it had gone well and that we could now move on with our lives. Then we were talking on Skype a little bit before we found out about this pregnancy and she just point blank asked me again if I'd had my D&C, how it had gone, what had the Dr's said and when were we going to try again. I'm sure she was asking with the best of intentions but it cut like a knife and I was reduced to tears and I had to leave the room and left hubby to then have a go at his mum for being so insensitive. Her response was that she didn't understand what the problem was and that she thought that we'd be excited about trying again. Just clueless.

 

[Tournesol]

to you guys.
People will never understand. They can be unbelievably insensitive. Disgustingly so.

A week after my MC, my so called "best friend" (what a joke!) called me a selfish, spoilt brat because my doctor had given me that week off work.
I was working with her at the time and she had to cover for me for a couple of days while work found a replacement.
She didn't have to do any over time or lose her days off or anything, nothing changed for her.
Anyway, long story short she flipped out at me, called selfish and other horrible things, then told me that I had to wait for her to cool off and earn my forgiveness from her!!! I told her where she could stick her forgiveness and her friendship. Actually, I didn't, not in so many words. I just cut her off completely, had nothing to say to her. I blocked her on FB, which sounds childish, but that made her REALLY angry, which gave me a strange sense of satisfaction.
She left work and moved away, so hopefully I never have to see her EVER again.

In times of crisis you really find out who your real friends are.

 

[ILuvBabies200]

Mizz-Don't even get me started! I was crying the other day knowing my DD was coming up and my mom had the nerve to say I didn't even care about the new baby coming. I about flipped a lid! It isn't like that at all! I had a loss and I have a right to grieve that loss as long as I want! GRRR!!!

DS has ADHD we think and his mood has been off the charts. They had to get him on a stabilizer. He's only 5 and I am extremely overwhelmed with all of this. Just breaks my heart...

 

[Storm7]

Pad - (hugs). So sorry you are having all this additional worry at a time where you should be starting to relax. Our bodies like to let us down at very in opportune times.

Mizz - I have had my fair share of the "at least you have one baby " comments served up with "it obviously wasn't meant to be" and it gets me riled. I booked a holiday so I was out of the country on my EDD and am now coming up to 12 weeks which was the date of my first loss and it hurts and is also scary and I think only those who have been here will ever understand.

Courtney - Great scan!

Hugs to everyone else.

AFM: up at stupid o'clock to catch a flight an wanting to go back to sleep! Only 4 sleeps till my 12 week scan though....

 

[CupcakeBaby]

Oh ladies. I can't believe we've all had people be so insensitive.

I'm so sorry for every single one of you that your had to lose a baby. I wish I'd been the only person it's ever happened to.

Until it happens to you 'miscarriage' is just a word.

I was so naive about it before ours. And probably would have acted like some of these friends of ours who have inadvertently upset us.

One of my very best childhood friends really really disappointed me in the way she behaved. I'm still a little mad about it now. But she was just scared.

My aim now is to just be a supportive as I can to anyone living through the nightmare. As much as its made some of them uncomfortable I've let all of my friends know so that at least of it ever happens to them they know someone they can come to.

 

[Tournesol]

Cupcake, you're right. Miscarriage is just a meaningless word until it actually happens. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

My friends back in the UK were so supportive, they said all the right things. It was just this one girl here in France. It's sad really, she was the only friend I had out here, but I do not need friends like that. I think she's lost more than I have, I was her only friend as well and she always told me how she'd never had any 'real' friends before, they'd always 'let her down'. Well now I understand if that's the way she treats people!

Anyway, I refuse to be bitter it any of it. I'm going to enjoy this pregnancy (as soon as I stop throwing up) and I'm going to have a beautiful baby in May. We all are xxx

On a happy note, I'm 11 weeks today! I've got a lime

 

[CupcakeBaby]

Yaaay!! Congrats on the lime!!!

 

[MissMummyMoo]

Congrats ok the lime tournesol x

 

[EMTAmanda]

Ugh my inlaws kept trying to come over right after my miscarriage Nd couldn't understand why I didn't want them around!!! Ummm let's see.... Because I'm in pain, still bleeding, heart broken, and a wreck and don't want y'all over here destroying my house and bringing it up! Ugh insensitive pricks!

 

[EMTAmanda]

Sorry if I'm moody today ds2 who has always been a great sleeper has woke up the past three nights in the middle of the night and kept me up all night so i'm exhausted!!!!

 

[manuiti]

Sounds like we've all had our fair share of insensitive comments. But that's also why this thread is so wonderful as we've all suffered, so even though everyone's own experience is unique, we all 'get it'.

Tour - congrats on 11 weeks!

Afm - 10 weeks today!! Though it was somewhere around this time last pregnancy that baby's heart stopped so I'll be holding my breath between now and the next scan (or once my doppler arrives and assuming I'm able to pick up a heartbeat this early). Keeping the hope going!

 

[MizzPodd]

Thank you every one of you for your support and words! I'm sorry you all have had to deal with this too... I am so happy we r all preggos together and can share this beautiful moments with our rainbow babies

It was so overwhelming and ppl kept being insensitive an then not even realizing my child was not stillborn. She was kicking all the way to delivery and she lived on her own for two hours so screw all of these ppl who don't have enough compassion to understand how it feels to have your child die in your arms. Okay I'm going to stop now because it just opens up another heartbreak. I must stay happy as possible and feel grateful that I was given another beany.

Also the patient relations guy is looking into why we haven't received results so hopefully next week at my appointment we will finally get the papers so we can change our daughters info and FINALLY let her be at peace.

 

[MizzPodd]

Manu- Awww I can't wait for you hear that beautiful heartbeat again. Your baby is staying strong for you sweetie

Amanda- exactly! Wow took the words right outta my mouth! I live in NC, if we were in the same area we could be bump buddies in person. Lol I don't have any of those here.

Tour and cupcake- that is the way to be, positive and happy about your current pregnancy! Congrats on being 11 weeks tour! You ladies are so helpful in time of need

Everyone here please know how much I appreciate everyone of you... Even those who haven't been on in a while! We have to stick together right?

 

[MizzPodd]

Iluv- I'm sorry you are going through all that at once... I definitely understand how scary it is coming to the date that is significant as that. I am getting nervous thinking about mine too and the due date which is the same month but I just know these babies are going to make it alllll the way I'm thinking your angel is smiling at you and protecting their little brother or sister remember we have our guardian angels protecting us

Storm- omg so ignorant! They assume we should love our baby angels less because they aren't with us physically anymore. I love my kids equally unconditionally. I just don't get the thinking of some ppl. I could never love my children more than the other.... Ever! But we are all here for you if you need to vent cry yell anything. It's only natural to feel anxious around this time for you. I pray you get through this okay