Maybe a good thing I haven't conceived. Need to vent. Thoughts are welcome.

[MamaBunny2]

No, neither of us walk him regularly... or at all. He's been for a walk once or maybe twice in the 5+ months he's been here with my bf. I have made it a point that a dog of such breed and size needs extra care and daily exercise.

When my daughter got home from school today I happened to be arriving home from work. I was pulling up to the driveway and saw his dog dart out of the garage and leap at the neighbor boy who was clearly scared and tried to run as the dog ran after and leaped at him again. Great I feel this dog is a liability. Apparently before I got home it also managed to push himself through the smaller dog door my dogs use during the day and into the house after my bf got home. My son arrived home from school and when he walked in there was the dog. My bf tried making it seem OK because his dog didn't do anything like wipe drool on my furniture or have any accidents (at least not that he knows of because he was upstairs in the bathroom). The dog was in the main part of the house for less than 10 minutes, I sure hope it didn't do anything! What my bf fails to understand is his dog is ill mannered, high strung and disobedient, scares the sh*t out of the neighbors and no matter what, there's no way to prevent the mess of so much shedding from a large dog and keep drool and slobber off the floors and furniture and whatever else and it's ME that will be cleaning it all. His dog is not my responsibility, should not be and I made it very clear that I wasn't OK with the dog coming into my home but compromised and I've been suffering because of it. I told him today that after I've expressed my exasperation with the obligations and burden of his dog I thought he would TRY and at least be walking the dog after he got home, maybe cleaning out its kennel (it smells and is covered in hair) or sweeping up the hair in the dog area. His response was "Why would I do that and become even more attached to my dog if I have to get rid of it anyways?" Shouldn't he already be attached to his dog and WANT to give it the daily attention and exercise it needs? It's like the dog is just here to be here. And then he said that I don't give my dogs attention and exercise. That's why I have the breed that I do and will never own a large breed... they don't require what his dog does. Totally different temperament. Not all large dogs are disobedient, high strung, attention seeking nuisances... his dog was just never raised to be anything else but that unfortunately. My bf is now beginning to verbally express his "issues" concerning my dogs and claims he has just kept his mouth shut the entire relationship about it but I really feel he's doing it out of resentment

 

[MH5280]

I was hopeful he realized the deal and was ready as he could be to move forward! OMG! Wth!? I'm sorry Hun! This is just getting out of hand! He needs to figure his stuff out... Asap! And stick with it!

 

[MrsG09]

Ugh, so very sorry, MamaBunny! MH pretty
much summed up my thoughts... He seems to have some major figuring out to do. The fact that he asked why he would provide a form of care/clean-up for the dog and just get more attached seems a bit childish to me. Clean-up is a normal part of pet ownership and the way he won't participate seems borderline neglect in my honest opinion. It seems like the dog is more like his "trophy" (for lack of better word) or status symbol, rather than his baby, as he claims. So not fair to you or the dog. Someone puts time, effort, and care into their baby whether that to them is human or animal. I'm so sorry he seems to be backtracking. Hope things get better and continue on a path of betterment.

 

[MamaBunny2]

He still plans to rehome his dog, it just hasn't happened immediately which I'm not pushing but due to the daily stress it brings and also so we can begin to move forward I'd prefer sooner than later. He found someone to take his dog but most recently was thinking his dad might take it which would be even better and more convenient for my bf to visit it more frequently and pretty much stay in the dog's life without it ruining mine

 

[kittycrazy]

he is sounding more and more like a teenager as this thread goes along. i agree that he is using your dogs to get his own back. also i wonder if there may be stuff to work through when the dog is gone. it sounds like the issue isnt the animal but his attitude to it and the situation. i really cant disagree with anything you or anyone have said about any of it. he is being immature and irresponsible. oh and i just checked, my boyfriend thinks so too. so its not just us girls bashing him. x

 

[NurseGinger]

can i punch him in his face please? might knock some sense in his noggin

 

[MamaBunny2]

Kitty yes there are other concerns, not just the dog. He kind of got in my face yesterday during a discussion about his dog and mine and before it could get any worse I decided to remove myself from the situation and go sit in the bedroom until things cooled off. We then actually sat down and had a calm conversation about how we communicate with each other. I expressed that it's important for each of us to really listen to what the other has to say, try to understand how the other person feels, and not be quick to interrupt and be defensive because it pretty much always ends up escalating into bad fights which is not healthy for us or for the kids when they are around I also explained how his actions, or lack thereof, have been making me feel since him and the dog have moved in. I feel taken for granted, belittled, used and like I am expected to always pick up his slack, like I cannot come home and relax. It won't work if all he makes a priority is himself. The dog just being there (like a "trophy" as MrsG stated) to make my bf happy, even though it's causing me and others extra work and annoyance, is selfish. Or him not contributing to the living expenses because he ultimately doesn't feel he is obligated to and only needs to focus on bills that are solely in HIS name is irresponsible. If the mortgage isn't paid ultimately whose problem is it? Mine. Utilities? Mine. I have to be sure there's I know he doesn't purposely want to make me feel the way I have been and I wouldn't want him to feel like I'm taking advantage of him so hoping some changes are made between the both of us. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this guy and he has many great qualities though I happen to be focusing on some negativity right now. I just want to feel the way I used to towards him and reconnect and hopefully start a family with him in the future.

On a more positive note, I believe I'll be getting my Christmas bonus from work today! I haven't been able to do any Christmas shopping yet because I've been struggling to pay my bills So while my kids are with their dads this weekend guess what I'll be doing...

I'm so glad I have you ladies to help me sort out my thoughts and feelings!

 

[ottergirl]

Sending you a little more support. I hope things work out for the two of you!

 

[MrsG09]

Always here to let you get your vents out! It's so crucial to do so. I think it's necessary to have somewhere to let it all out so that you can then go discuss with your SO in a calm manner. I so hope that things get better and you're able to enjoy your holiday season! Sending hugs your way!

Have fun Christmas shopping for your kiddos!

 

[MamaBunny2]

So I got all my Christmas shopping done over the weekend which made me very happy!

But... the dog situation has not changed and there is always tension at home His dog spent probably 85% of the weekend locked up in his kennel because we were out Christmas and grocery shopping. Apparently, the story NOW is that he wants his dad to take the dog but that can't happen until the first of the year.

After shopping all day Saturday, I hopped on Facebook and saw two posts and photos my friends put, showing gifts and surprises their SO had given them. It made me really jealous and depressed We had a huge fight regarding how I have to pay all the living expenses and he never makes helping out with that a priority. He did give me the weekly amount we had agreed on, I just wish I didn't always have to say anything and he would just do it. I am ready to end it, but keep hoping things will improve...

 

[NurseGinger]

the hope of thinking things will improve is what always gets one to stay.. the "what if he improves", "maybe i should give it more time".. but how much time do you need? you already gave it 6+ months. From everything i have read I believe it really is time to cut it off, but only we can give advice and help you.. Its up to you to do what you feel is best. Ill be here no matter your decision, but remember your self worth and all the advice we have given you. I know it has to be especially hard thinking about all this during the holidays also.

 

[Laura726]

Mastiffs and pitbulls aren't for everyone. The dog can't help that it drools and smells, it's part of the breed. I own a Bull Mastiff mix. However, they do require tons of attention, training and a bath at least twice a month depending on skin situation(we bathe ours once a week). No offense, but from the sounds of it, your BF isn't taking proper care of his dog in the first place. I can see the situation from both sides... Mastiff's as well as Pitbulls require large amounts of space and tons of training, socializing and exercising. It's unfair to all involved for him to keep the dog. I can see your point of view, but it's very unfair to leave this breed of dog in a small contained area. If the two of you can't work something else out then I would suggest he either A. Move out or B. Give the dog a better home where people will be willing to devote the time required to properly train and take care of the dog. I'm not trying to be insensitive or rude but I feel bad for the poor dog. I can definitely see your frustration with the situation as it is your home. So maybe sit him down and give him an ultimatum?

 

[MamaBunny2]

Well now I'm really frustrated as I just got a today. Was NOT expecting that So he better get rid of the dog or else he will miss out on the next 9 months where he should be taking extra time to focus on this pregnancy and our relationship and getting his priorities in order. There's NO way either of us can handle that dog now! I'm so sad when I should be super happy

 

[prettybirdy27]

Wow that's a surprise! But congrats! Have you told him yet? I'd wait until I can get a blood test confirmation, and then decide what you want to do before you tell him.

 

[MamaBunny2]

Yes it's a huge shock! I mean we hadn't prevented conceiving this cycle but since it would be the 7th cycle and we hadn't been successful at all yet I figured this month would be the same and was firm about taking a much needed break from TTC. I tested on my lunch break and he had decided to meet me at home just so we could see each other for a bit before we both went back to work. I wasn't going to test but I just didn't have the willpower with the crazy temp spike and persistent hunger the past few mornings. He happened to come into the bathroom and I was filling my cup Of course while I was doing that I heard his dumb dog knock down the gate, jump the wall and come barreling upstairs as my son was yelling for him. Then I dipped the test and I explained to my bf that this isn't a sure thing because anything could happen and with the tension and stress I've been dealing with the past few weeks it could be harmful to a very early pregnancy. With that said, I'm so amazed that I even conceived

 

[tallybee]

Wow congrats hun and best of luck with the situation x

 

[Laura726]

Hugs and congrats!

 

[MamaBunny2]

So he finally took the dog elsewhere today. His dad is keeping it overnight to see how it behaves with his other dog (who is 14 years old I believe, blind and hard of hearing). If that doesn't work out then it's going with someone else who already has pitbulls as pets. We had yet another argument of course. I have been sick the past couple days, along with trying to let this pregnancy shock settle, and have just had enough. It felt good to sweep up the last big piles of dog hair and I hope him and I can now focus on US and more importantly preparing for OUR BABY!!!

 

[MH5280]

Mama that's good to hear he finally got him out!!! :yippe:
I hope things start to get better around the house for you two! It's definitely what needs to happen!

 

[westernmama]

Congratulations on the !
I'm glad that the dog situation is settled for now, however what happens if the dog doesn't get along with his dads?
Here's my thoughts on the dog thing, hopefully I can help a little as I do have some similar experience with naughty dogs! DH has a border collie, Snip. When he got Snip, he was single, living on his own etc. Snip became very protective not only of my DH but of DH's pickup. To the point that if he was in it, and people walked up to the box and Snip couldn't see DH, he'd snarl at them. When I started seeing DH Snip was 2.5. If I walked to the back door to try to pet him, before I'd even get to the door knob he'd growl. When we were just dating, we had a discussion. On what would happen if he ever showed agressiveness towards me or our child if we had one. DH said he'd put him down immediately. I didn't want that, I said we'd take him up to my inlaws. He's a trained border collie who works cows alongside my husband. Thankfully, he warmed up to me and has since warmed up to everyone. As long as DH and I are around, he doesn't growl EVER anymore. He's still protective, I wouldn't want anyone to try to break in, or steal him or the other dogs out of the kennel. He'd turn and protect. (We've been having an issue with people stealing dogs.) DH and I moved in together while we were dating, almost engaged. At that time, he took care of his dog (cleaning, bathing, food, shots etc) and I took care of my corgi. Who sheds like crazy btw. Eventually it just got to the point that we took turns and helped eachother. I'm not bathing a 40 pound dog by myself, so DH helps me. There HAS to be give and take in a relationship. He should WANT to help you. I do agree that confining him to the small area isn't a good way to take care of a high energy dog. As for the agressiveness and scaring the neighbors, I would either rehome or train. Training would be my first option.