me and my toddler dont really see eye to eye...

[leahtaba]

i have a 26 month old DD who it goes without saying i love with all my heart. Shes amazing and full of character and so funny but sometimes I feel like i'm not doing right by her...
She is hard work and takes a lot of discipline and trial and error, she prefers to run around burning off energy than to sit and play with me, and if i try and take her any were like swimming or a toddler group she spends the whole time testing me and pushing boundaries. Because of this I sort of feel like we never have any good quality time together because a nice day out turns into tears and tantrums.
I mostly have a lot of patience with her but sometime I snap and shout at her like tonight I feel like ive felt the whole day shouting at her and now shes in bed I feel very guilty but dealing with a toddler and a new born is tough and some days are harder than others.


Her and OH have a wonderful relationship, they run around mad playing and laughing and I just feel like the one she tests and the one who disciplines, and its starting to get me down...
Although I'm the one she comes to first if shes tired and upset and we do have a close bond I just feel like I haven't found the right balance of enjoying time with her, I always try and sit and color, or teach her her numbers etc but shes just not interested at all...

I dont even know if i'm making sense or getting my point across and dont even know what im asking really... maybe if anyone can relate to my ramblings? feeling like a bit of a crap mum today

 

[fortunecookie]

I'm in exactly the same boat Hun. My boy is 2.5 and is a spirited live wire. He has a very short attention span and wants to be creating havoc wherever he goes. Since DD arrived he spends his whole waking moments pushing me...spitting, sticking his tongue, licking his sister, waking her as soon as I managed to put her down. I try spending all my time showing him attention but am seriously losing my patience. I seem to spend all day shouting at him, threatening him, sending him to his room for time out. I have tried getting to his level and talking to him (he refuses to look at me) and praising when he is being good, but he then reverts back to being a pain in the ass. It is making life very stressful coupled with the lack of sleep. So I have no answers but letting you know you're not alone. I am told it is normal toddler behaviour and the HV told me his actions are age appropriate.

 

[Wilsey]

I'd say it's been magnified what with both of you having new babies. This is their way of saying 'I don't like that there is someone who is distracting you from me' 'I'm feeling uncomfortable'. And yup, all sounds pretty normal.

Personally, the key for me has been to follow through early when it comes to testing behaviour. So, for example, if I don't want my son to bang a toy hammer on the glass door I will say 'I don't want you to bang the hammer on the glass door, it's dangerous' and if he does it again I say 'You're having trouble keeping the hammer away from the glass door, I'll help you by putting it up here'. And I take it off him. Of course he gets upset, who wouldn't when something gets taken off them. I let that tantrum happen. I say 'you were having fun with the hammer. You didn't want me to take it away. it's upset you.'

It's over pretty quickly when I react like this.

I used to say 'Please, don't bang the hammer on the door' 'I need you to stop banging that' 'Sweetheart, it might break!'. And each time i asked, I found myself getting more and more annoyed and he was feeding off that. Seeing that he was getting to me. They're just testing limits and seeing how far they can push things, it's how they learn. So now, I don't let myself get in that position.

It will get easier as baby gets bigger. I found the tipping point was 6 months when baby could sit up by herself and they could play a little better together.

Best of luck x

 

[EarthMama]

Wow feeling the exact same, with a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old!!

My son licks his baby sister too! What's up with that?

 

[AngelofTroy]

It's not unique to those with baby siblings! Micah is testing me every second!