Mental illness survivors

[anothersquish]

I will add a bit but its too long a story and too complicated to put it all!!
I am bipolar have BPD and suffer from panic and anxiety attacks. I was diagnosed just over ten years ago after spending my whole life (literally) being told i had one problem or other from SAD to ME, mainly because they refused to diagnose a pre pubescent with bipolar (I have obviously been bipolar since a baby...literally.) My bipolar is quite severe and I am on medication and I stay on medication thoughout pregnancy. I was fortunate that I was determined to breastfeed and managed to organise myself onto very low risk drugs and breastfed my son til he was 11 months old. I intend to do exactly the same with this one despite the MHT trying to convince me to go to bottles so I can increase my meds again...I am a stubborn bugger
I used to self harm but many years of support and growth in my awareness of my problems have meant I have been able to stop and havent SH for 6 years, the temptation is sometimes there but I have some good methods to work through those feelings and come out the other side without resorting to SH.
I have a serious history involving a couple of very poor choices as a teenager especially when it came to boyfriends (linked more to BPD than anything else!) but as Ive got older Ive got better and meeting my OH and having my son certainly helped me level out and stick with fiding a good combination of meds.
I see a cpn and psychiatrist regularly, all is going fine but I am closely monitored and will probably feel like Im under a magnifying glass through pregnancy but I live with it knowing there are people making SURE baby and I are ok and safe.

My bipolar is rapid cycle which is a bit nightmarish but I am thankful I never have weeks or months very low or constantly high (silver lining??!)

I am more than happy to answer any questions about meds (Ive been on lots and lots and lots and have therefore educated myself a little!) pregnancy on meds, breastfeeding on meds, potential for relapse after birth, dealing with PND ontop of other issues (I did not have PND but heavily supported a teen mum who was also bipolar and PND)
Quite open and honest about my 'issues' but the stories can get a bit long....especially the one where at 17 I walked down the middle of a motorway with a pair of pants on my head....*sigh* embarrassing now!

Applaud anyone who managed to come off meds, its something I would like to do in the far future but I know I have to be realistic in my expectations and I am lucky in that my meds do not hinder me by making me sleepy or 'feel weird' as some people find. I also an unable to work, again there are plans to get back into work ut that will come into effect slightly further in the future. I last worked when I was 17 (on meds) managed 8 weeks and was hospitlaised so was advised against that until everyone was sure I would remain stable long term.

Have managed to go on and on now so will stop!

 

[babystar]

to you all

 

[muddle78]

im bipolar diagnosed in 2004. i was taking olanzapine and citilapram prior to pregnancy. i am using st johns wort for depression during pregnancy but not finding it is strong enough. haven't had an episode of mania for two years and i have been in longest depression i have ever experienced ( since aug 2008 ). i am ok at the mo but still mild-moderately depressed. i lost my first son in 2003 (stillborn) and as a consequence was very unstable throughout 2004-2006? i also have ptsd symptoms associated with this trauma.

i have put a link up that i think other pregnant bipolar woman should have a look at as it highlights a disorder ‘puerperal psychosis’ that we are more likely to suffer and would be useful to prepare for, just in case, perhaps by sharing the info with family and doctor/midwife.

https://bjp.rcpsych.org/cgi/content/full/186/6/453

 

[PixieKitty]

Can I join please? I was diagnosed with rapid cycling bi-polar disorder in September 03, along with PTSD and anxiety. A few years later I began binging, making myself sick, and was diagnosed with bulimia. I've self harmed since I was 6, starting out small until the age of 11 I took my first serious overdose. In the years that followed, until I got pregnant, I OD'd, binged on alcohol and took drugs to numb myself. I dropped out of high school aged 13, started going to a college course in Liverpool and got into a gang of kids who smoked pot on a daily basis, as well as taking other drugs. Even now, I can't just have one glass of wine, it has to be a whole bottle, or more. And I still crave 'the high life'. But knowing I've got to be there for Jack keeps me from doing anything stupid. Only this morning I came so close to taking all my meds in one and ending it all. Dan managed to pull me through the worst of it... it still shakes me how close I come sometimes. I've been fed charcoal to soak up the toxins, and it still doesn't stop me. Although I now gag when I swallow pills, I still get the urge to just end it. I just think... what's the point? If life's going to be like this, what the hell is the point? I snap at Dan all day, he bears the brunt of all my anger and stress, him and Jack would just be so much better off without me. It's weird, when I'm that low, I can't remember feeling happy. When I'm on a high, I can't remember what it feels like to be that sad. I still remember what thoughts were going through my head, but I don't remember why, or what made me feel so bad...

 

[FEDup1981]

Fantastic thread Amy, only just found it. Thanks.

Most of you know my problems from the GS. Ive suffered from depression for many years, diagnosed in 2003. In january I had a breakdown after being started on some extra anti-depressants in december. Ive been under the care of the crisis team since. Those meds were stopped, and they increased my venlafaxine instead.
I recently started CBT, but didnt feel comfortable with my male therapist, so have gone back on the waiting list for a female.
Im kinda on a lul a the moment. Not feeling normal, but not feeling low, but coping most days i suppose. My husband is fantastic and really looks after me - but like most of our OHs he bears the brunt of my mood swings.

 

[babystar]

I had my psycho therapist coming out form the Alloway center to make sure I am OK since coming off meds etc and with the pregnancy. But she decided that this next appoint will be our last as she wont know it its hormonal or bipolar/bpd related. I kinda knew this was gonna happen cos it happened when I was pregnant with Elinor.

I'm kinda feeling at a loss cos as much as I moan about her she just now is my only network of support. And I am kinda scared that its getting taken away I do know I can phone her of health visitor etc if and when I need to. But still it is scary.

 

[PixieKitty]

I had my psycho therapist coming out form the Alloway center to make sure I am OK since coming off meds etc and with the pregnancy. But she decided that this next appoint will be our last as she wont know it its hormonal or bipolar/bpd related. I kinda knew this was gonna happen cos it happened when I was pregnant with Elinor.

I'm kinda feeling at a loss cos as much as I moan about her she just now is my only network of support. And I am kinda scared that its getting taken away I do know I can phone her of health visitor etc if and when I need to. But still it is scary.

That's insane! How can they stop your support like that?! Hormonal or not, if you've a mental condition you're even more likely to suffer during pregnancy... my God! at least you've got us hun always here if you can't cope and need to talk!

 

[reallytinyamy]

it really makes me mad how little regular doctors actually know about mental health issues and they feel its perfectly acceptable to remove support on a whim.

I actually count myself lucky that I've never been offered any support! I asked for a CPN when I was diagnosed and was laughed at!!

When I went into hospital to be induced, the midwives were advised by my dr that Mark should stay with me if I had to go to the ward afterwards, that I shouldnt be sent alone and I should have a side room.

Despite side rooms being available I was put on a shared ward and Mark was sent home. It was so traumatic, the midwives just didnt want to know


BTW welcome to all the new ladies!

 

[massacubano]

I just have to say PixieKitty that avi photo is so adorable!

Hi M.I.S. gals have a lovely week

stay strong X

 

[anothersquish]

Im suprised that a few people diganosed have no real support network. As said I have a cpn and psychiatrist, dont see the psychiatrist more than once every 2-3 months (will do more now due to trying to keep a tab on moods and meds) and my cpn every 2 weeks. Its quite odd to hear people with obviously quite serious problems that dont even have a MHT support worker at all and have basically been left to get on with it...my GP couldnt remove my MH support as they have their own system (though my GP is very understanding I must say!)
I was also put in a side room with my son as was made very clear I wouldnt be able to go on a ward at all...saving the poor staff any trouble this time and hopefully looking having a home birth.
Actually I have heard from a few people who have found it hard to get into the mental health care umbrella until they have done something extremely serious, apparently in some areas if you arent about to kill yourself or someone else they dont have the resources to help, very sad really.

 

[reallytinyamy]

I had psychiatrist until july 2007 then I was discharged. Thats all I've ever had, and it was a nightmare getting that!

It is a very sad state of affairs

 

[babystar]

I will get the CPN out after the birth etc. It was the same when I had Elinor.Unfortunately as far as help for bipolar etc goes here in Dundee it is pretty shit. I know a few men and women who I met through a bipolar group and they all say the same thing. They are all still waiting for help. 2 of them have been hospitalized recently for suicide attempts but have been released and have no further extra support from their CPNs or anything.

 

[Catastrophe]

I wasn't even really offered support this time on meds. I went to see my GP and told him I was struggling and asked to be prescribed Venlafaxine again as it had worked well last time. As far as I remember he just handed me the prescription and told me to come back if I didn't feel some improvement. I was seeing a counsellor at the university at the time so I wasn't without support entirely but I was surprised that they didn't seem bothered about monitoring me. I saw a psychiatrist once at some point after being but on them after the duty doctor asked if I wanted to be referred. It was a long appointment at the end of which she just said I seemed to be coping well and she would refer me back to my GP for follow up.

The previous time I had been on meds I was seeing a counsellor through college and was also expected to see a psychiatrist regularly to check how my meds were agreeing with me but I was a lot more poorly that time and on 225mg which I believe is about the highest dose they'll let you have without admission.

I don't know that I really need that much monitoring at the moment but I do worry that I might be more at risk of PND and then I think I probably will need all the support I can get.

 

[mizzk]

Hi ladies, feel stoopid posting this but
its just i have been feeling really down in the dumps for about a year or so now, i feel as though i have changed, i used to be happy go lucky always smiling and laughing and now ive been getting really upset at the slightest thing,
i don't like doing some of the things i used to love
i hate having to go out on my own to crowded places
i feel really anxious too...
in 2004 i self harmed when i was 17-18 then i done it just the once last year, havent done it since but i do get bad thoughts sometimes although i don't think i would do anything stupid.

this is soo not the way i was before and i hate it, i try so hard to be 'the old me'
i thought i might of been suffering from depression but somebody told me that sufferers are down all of the time... & i do have my 'up' times but feel down most of the time,
i don't know why tho, i mean i have the most fantastic partner,family home etc,
just wondering if any of you girls have any advice for me because i don't know anything about it really.

 

[jenny_wren]

my pnd is getting worse girls
this morning i was so close to giving up
my oh wants me to get meds
and ive never had or wanted them
but i just dont know what to do
ive not bonded with emily but i still
dont want her to see me like this
i seem to be getting worse
my pnd is really kicking in and my
bi polar is sooo not helping!!
the docs and hvs seem to think it
would be best but i dont want to
be dependant on pills ...

have meds really worked for any
of you?!?

xxx​

 

[babystar]

MizzK ....dont feel sorry for posting. And sufferers dont necessarily feel depressed all of the time.

I would say if you are feeling this way then speak to your GP about it. They might be able to refer you to a councilor to speak to and try and find out whats causing you to feel this way. Up here in Scotland the GP refers you to the mental health side of things...although the current waiting list up here for any kind of help is 9 months minimum. I am unsure how it goes down south tho sorry.

There are many reasons people suffer form depression. Could be a chemical imbalance in the brain... could be something inherited. Could be anything related to your circumstances IE surroundings, social environments etc. But speaking to someone who deals with mental health can help you try and sort out whats going on inside....give you an idea of what could be causing the depression.
1st step tho would be to speak to your GP about it.

 

[babystar]

my pnd is getting worse girls
this morning i was so close to giving up
my oh wants me to get meds
and ive never had or wanted them
but i just dont know what to do
ive not bonded with emily but i still
dont want her to see me like this
i seem to be getting worse
my pnd is really kicking in and my
bi polar is sooo not helping!!
the docs and hvs seem to think it
would be best but i dont want to
be dependant on pills ...

have meds really worked for any
of you?!?

xxx​

I haven't found a med that suited me or helped me as of yet.... and so I have opted for alternative remedies such as CBT, and councilling and my psycho therapist. Was not only my choice to try but also all my case workers decisions too. I was happy to try it although I find councilling etc very uncomfortable. Still unsure how its all going for me and its been canceled now until after bubs has came and my hormones are back "to normal". So for now I sit on the fence I guess

 

[sophxx]

i guess i should post in here! i have ptsd and serve anixety linked to this!
it was a bit better last year but seems to have come bk really bad at the mo!
im on a waiting list for cbt AS i dont really like meds! ive been on it a yr my oh wants to pay to go private! but im not sure!
hows every1 today xx

 

[mizzk]

MizzK ....dont feel sorry for posting. And sufferers dont necessarily feel depressed all of the time.

I would say if you are feeling this way then speak to your GP about it. They might be able to refer you to a councilor to speak to and try and find out whats causing you to feel this way. Up here in Scotland the GP refers you to the mental health side of things...although the current waiting list up here for any kind of help is 9 months minimum. I am unsure how it goes down south tho sorry.

There are many reasons people suffer form depression. Could be a chemical imbalance in the brain... could be something inherited. Could be anything related to your circumstances IE surroundings, social environments etc. But speaking to someone who deals with mental health can help you try and sort out whats going on inside....give you an idea of what could be causing the depression.
1st step tho would be to speak to your GP about it.

Thankyou for the reply

im the kind of person who really just wants to try and get on with life and be positive y kno and try be there for other people, i feel kinda selfish getting help going to my gp, probs scared of what they would say or do but i know it would be for the best, ive just been trying to get on with it myself without telling anyone, i spose i could class this as a start, we are ttc nxt month and im scared how i will react with all those hormonal changes! maybe it would be a good idea i get help and also let them know about ttc and take it from there? xx

 

[anothersquish]

Jenny, if you feel this bad then something needs to change. Taking meds for a few months will NOT make you dependant on them. I use homeopathy and Bach flower remedies to help control my mood swings and would highly reccomend you look at them to help your PND and your bipolar.
Meds work for me, it took a while to find something that worked well but not every med works for every person and you have to be patient and give things time and be honest if things arent working, dont just stick with something if it doesnt help.
Coucilling I am sure will help, being able to talk through exactly how you are feeling and all your concerns often helps make them seem more managable.

Although you dont have to try any meds at all try and keep an open mind. You dont have to suffer.