Mental illness survivors

[Drazic<3]

Chris, I had no idea. If you ever need a friend, you can always PM me, I have been there and im here for you. Well - All of you.

I have had many problems in the past. I was abused when I was young, and to be honest its ruined much of my life. In care from 14, in my own home from 16, I have struggled. Been in councilling and psych care on and off for years. I nearly died of anorexia twice, but now struggle much more with bulimia and binge eating. Been diagnosed with ongoing depressions, linked to cyclothymia (rapid cycling mood disorder) with PTSD and OCD. Lovely hey? lol. Got to laugh.

Tried to commit suicide four times, and been hospitalised several times for self harm. I am doing so so much better now, and continue to fight. I always will, hard as it gets and will never let it get so bad again. I'm always here to chat to anyone, about down times, meds or stress. Just get in touch.

Love to you all (hope you don't think im a weirdo )

 

[Chris77]

Drazic, thanks for responding. I'm sorry you had to go through hell in your life too. I was hospitalized 2x, once for anorexia and once for major depression. I've been on a bunch of psych meds. I'm on Prozac now and it's a life-saver!! I love it!

My mother also has a mental illness. She was diagnosed with a psychotic disorder and paranoid schizophrenia when I was 11 and she was in and out of hospitals for the next 9 years. It was absolute HELL ON EARTH!! Complicating matters was that she NEVER believed she was ever sick - she still doesn't think she had a mental illness! In fact, she really believes she was in a mental hospital because she and my dad had a fight! She once said to my father, "You know....you really have to stop putting me in here everytime we have a fight. We're wasting alot of money."

I was in therapy from the age of 11. It was very difficult for me b/c since I spent so much time with my mother's psychosis, I started to believe in her delusions and paranoia as well. It took years of therapy before all that was wiped from me. I believe my depression and eating disorder was borne out of that experience. Although, I'm sure I would have been unstable anyway, as mental illness runs in my family.

I"m happy and proud to say that my mother is doing wonderfully!!! For the past.......8 or 9 years, she's been the healthiest she's been since before I was 11 years old! *phew* Such a relief. After going through that 5 times, I don't really know if I could go through it all again.

Anyway, I don't think you're a weirdo...not at all. If you're a weirdo.....well...then I'm the QUEEN!!!!!!

 

[Drazic<3]

I think you have done amazingly hun, especially with all that to deal with. I have had mental illness in my family too and it can be soul-destroying. It's harder to talk about than most physical illness and it can make you feel ashamed, even though it never should. EDs are cruel and blindsight when you least expect it - I'm so please you are still fighting. Do you feel better today? -x-

 

[Chris77]

Thanks hun.

Yes, I feel MUCH better today! Thanks!! It was just so weird how that happened all of a sudden, the urge to purge hasn't hit that strongly in YEARS! It was like all the events from the past 9 months came crashing down in an instant, you know? But I dealt with all the emotions and I'm feeling sooooo much better today!!

 

[Drazic<3]

I'm so glad your feeling better hun. It's the nature of the beast to try and grab you at your lowest and I'm really proud of you for fighting.

 

[Floralaura]

Hi, not sure if i should be here as nobody seems to have the same as me..i have Health anxiety and OCD traits..which i have had for over 3 years. Ive not been on meds for it, but started CBT last Nov, which to be honest hasn't helped much..i have days (like today) where im really low and have no will to do anything because of the 'illness' that i have at that time..i've 'had' heart attacks, strokes, clots, brain tumours, lukemia, AIDS, and today it was leg cancer, fun eh? lol..I find it hard to deal with illness, as im when i have a headache its not because im tired/dehydrated etc its because i have a brain tumour or something equally deadly. The weird thing is i KNOW its stupid, i KNOW heart attacks don't last for over 7 weeks, i CAN laugh at myself and take the p!ss out of myself, yet i cant stop myself thinking these things..i've spent the last 3 years scared im dying and honestly i have had enough now. :O(

 

[kimfrye661]

Floralaura I have my moments like that a lot. My whole family refers to me as a hypochondriac. I am ALWAYS thinking something is wrong with me. Either its cervical cancer, ovarian cancer, gallstones, just a bunch of random stuff. When I get sick I make it seem like its the end of the world. I hate it because even though I KNOW im fine, I cant stop my thoughts.


Anyways...
I haven't been "diagnosed", but depression/bi polar runs in my family, and im almost positive I have it. I get really down a lot, and for the longest time I had a lot of suicidal thoughts. My depression has been at its worst since ive gotten pregnant.

for everybody on here suffering from any kind of mental illness.

 

[Elphaba]

OK if I join this thread too? I've never been diagnosed but I suffer depression (I currently score 43 on the Goldberg scale). I am having counselling which is helping a bit but as the depression seems to be quite general rather than triggered by particularly traumatic events it's hard to get to the 'root' of it.

Don't think it helps that I've been out of work for about four months now after being made redundant. I'm working really hard every day to apply for jobs but it's just tough going at the moment with the current climate.

I also tend to deal with my down days by overeating which I'm also working on both sepearately and together with my depression.

I hope you are all having good days today.



K x

 

[Drazic<3]

to you all.

Floralaura - I have OCD traits, so big big to you. If you ever need a friend or want to chat, please feel free to message me.

kimfrye661 and Elphaba - Depression is so horrible and I have fought with it for years too. As long as you are keeping up the fight that is the main thing . Kim, that is such a fear of mine from getting pregnant as I heard it can trigger mental illness relapses.

Huge hugs to you all, and loads of strength. You are all an inspiration.

 

[Tegans Mama]

Hi everyone. I hope no one minds me popping in here, I just really need to talk someone

My GP said she *thought* I had bipolar disorder when I was 14. She said the same everytime I went back asking for a referral to someone who would help me so I could finally get things sorted out. She said that she'd prefer if she didn't and she would try and sort things out herself. For 5 years she messed about with anti depressants and god knows what. I came out of it no better, and probably slightly worse..
At 19 I moved GP's and after my first GP had messed me around so much I decided that it'd be better to just keep my mouth shut and try and keep myself going. Well things carried on being pretty crap, with huge highs and huge lows and gaps inbetween filled with.. well I suppose normality?
Whilst I was pregnant I was a complete emotional wreck. I went totally and utterly cuckoo, there was no balance at all in my mind. I'd be fine one minute and screaming and shouting and throwing things the next.
After Tegan was born last year things got even worse - I think her birth actually traumatised me, and as she has spina bifida and a few other things that go with it, she spent 8 weeks in hospital.. Her birth was terrifying, I spent a long time being induced only for it to fail, I am phobic of hospitals anyway. My waters broke on their own and it all ended in a c-section but the epidural wasn't working and I basically felt the whole thing.. It was so scary I still have nightmares about it.
While she was in hospital I started hallucinating and generally feeling low. When she came out of hospital I started to get better and actually I was too good, I was getting by on 2 hours sleep a night, the house was spotless, we were both washed and dressed and fed and out of the door doing things all day.. A week later I crashed into a heap and sorta stayed there for a few months.. Those months were quite hard but not as hard as the last couple of weeks. The halluncinations are back, I'm hardly sleeping at all, but I can't keep my eyes open.. I don't really want to do anything but I know I have to keep going. I can't really talk to anyone because I only have a few friends, most of them are pretty small minded and some I haven't even told about all this.
I got my refferal btw - I had to fight for it, I actually threatened my new GP that I would report them.. they reffered me to the community mental health team and I've been there today. It was so scary, I had a panic attack in the waiting room and then another whilst I was in there.. My GP was right with her diagnosis, I have bipolar disorder with psychotic episodes or something.. I need a blood test on thursday before they start me on Lithium.

Basically it was just a huge vent. I'm sorry for offloading here, I normally keep myself to myself but.. Bleh.

(oh and I hate blood tests! Lol)

 

[hellohefalump]

can I join you please?

I've suffered from depression from age 12 (I'm nearly 24 now). It's been up and down and has been pretty severe in the past (I was hospitalised at one point for seven months and tried to kill myself a few times when I was a teenager). I'm struggling a bit at the moment, it's either because of hormones (I'm pregnant) or because I'm off my anti depressants (because I'm pregnant). I came off them completely a week ago, after cutting down gradually like my doctor told me to.

I also have issues with self harm, which started when I was 16. I'm struggling at the moment with this but hanging in there.

And also anorexia and bulimia. Anorexia started age 13 or 14 and bulimia when I was 15. That's also got pretty severe and needed hospital treatment, but it's currently under control. I was in a bit of a relapse (anorexia) before I got pregnant but I've sorted it now. I haven't been sick since I got pregnant with my daughter, 3 years ago. I'm struggling with the thoughts... but eating ok. I'm getting fatter and fatter with no control, but I'm pregnant so I'm trying to ignore it...

Oh, and there's also trichotillomania (pulling my hair out) which was very severe (huge bald patch!) for most of my teenage years, but for the last few years has been 'under control'. Which means I still do it, but most people don't notice because my hair isn't too thin.

So yeah... I'm just a bit of a mess up really. Nothing really bad happened to me, like abuse, unless you count when I was extremely young before I can remember. I just never grew up 'normal'. I never really fitted in at school, and then in my teenage years, due to my huge bald patch, I never had boyfriends or anything, and just didn't really fit in. I think some things might be to do with my mum (LONG STORY!) but who knows?

 

[Windmills]

Can I come in please? Been trying to get the courage to post in here for a couple of days!
I don't really know where to start. I grew up around domestic violence, and was physically abused until I was 13 or so. I've suffered from varying scales of depression since I was 12, and Bulimia since around the same time. I'm now 19. I was sexually assaulted several times by a family member when I was 13 &14, and eventually raped at 14. Anyway, after several hospitalisations for bulimia, a couple for self harm and one for a suicide attempt, I'm now trying to get my life on track. I'm not in therapy or counselling, as it doesn't really 'work' as such for me.
So yeah, that's my little tale!

 

[Sophie1205]

Can I join please?
I suffer with depression. I have done since I was about 14 but only been brave enough recently to seek help.
Im 19 now so had it for about 5 years. Ive had a really rough time the past 5 years. After I had Leo it got A LOT worse so I realised I had to get help. I have my first counselling session next week. Im quite scared. I have a lot I need to talk through.

Has anyone gone through counselling for depression and has it helped??
x

 

[Catastrophe]

Hey guys, been having a rough few days. Just feel like crying all the time Not really sure why, everything just feels too much and I want to crawl back under the covers. Fingers crossed it will pass soon.

Hi to everyone who's posted since I was last around. Sophie1205, counselling is not as scary as you probably think it is. A first session will mostly be getting to know you and your issues so the counsellor can decide how to proceed. It can be very helpful. Best of luck.

 

[reallytinyamy]

welcome to all the new survivors

 

[Sophie1205]

Thanks Catastrophe. Im hoping it goes well i could reallyy do with getting it all out!! x

 

[Floralaura]

Well i went to see my CBT therapist a week or so ago..even though i knew that CBT wasnt helping me it made me feel better knowing i had 'someone'..until she said she wasnt going to be making another appointment for me...so now what do i do? Gah

 

[Sophie1205]

My counselling next friday cant come quick enough. Has anyone who has suffered with depression have any tips on how to handle things on a daily basis??? Im going mad, I feel like crying constantly. Im starting to get sort of panic attack things too... My heart rate goes mad and ughh you know x Help?? x

 

[pennysbored]

Hey there.
I know most of you don't know me, I've got a 7 month old daughter, I'm also 5 months pregnant.
I've always struggled with anxiety issues, but now especially they really seem to be taking their toll. I've never actually been diagnosed with anything, but my mother is bipolar, so I've been surrounded by mental illness my whole life. I know how ugly it can get untreated.
In my adult life I've always just sort of been really aware of my mindset (I've made some very bad choices in the past in my manic states, especially in my teen years) and its really helped. But two pregnancies in a row, no break hormonally, its just been too much. Its hurt my relationship with OH, we never got to know each other very well right from the get go (we knew each other 3 months when I got pregnant), so its really been a strain. He's supportive, but he just doesn't understand.
I have always been sort of reluctant to seek professional help, I'm a pretty proud person, ha ha, I'd rather suffer in silence than say there is something wrong with me. Well, what used to work, it just isn't now.
I talked to my GP about it (she is taking care of my pregnancy, and is a pillar!), she gave me a referral to a pre/postnatal mental health care specialist. I had my assessment yesterday, it was tiresome, but it felt good to talk about what was going on in my head without feeling like I was totally insane.
She has given me and OH a referral for couples counciling, which is great, we have had so much thrown at us without the pleasure of courtship, we could use some help learning to communicate with each other.
She has also thrown the idea of antidepressants at me, which I don't know about. I just watched my mother on them my whole life, and she seemed so....broken? I'm not sure if that's the right word I want to use. It just seemed like she whether she was on meds or not, she couldn't cope with anything. It seemed like a crutch to me, and it didn't seem to help much, no matter what she was on, or what her dose was.
I'm sorry if I'm just babbling here, I'm just trying to process right now.
Yesterday was big for me.

 

[icclebaby]

Hi girls
Does anyone suffer from social phobia??? Thinking I may have it, always been really shy and not wanted to go to things where I didnt know anyone and can even remember this as a small girl, things have got worse over the years, have heard people say I am boring - which doesnt do much for your confidence. So I now know I dont make people laugh, I barely can strike up a conversation, even with people I have known for ages and I absolutely dread any social situation for months on end, and come up with one excuse after another so I dont have to go, or if I do have to go I end up replaying every single thing I have said over in my mind for hours after, analysing it. To make matters worse my OH is very loud and outgoing (which is probably what attracted me to him, hoped it would rub off on me!), so are all his family and all his group of friends/wives. He doesnt understand me at all. Had a baby in January and it was thought I had PND but have since gone back to work and feel much better on that score. Have got a Hen-do this weekend, really dont want to go - any one any tips - I just want people to like me and want to be my friend - god that sounds so sad! Having read your posts you have all been through hell, but it really does feel like my little world is hell too sometimes. Any suggestions, was thinking about the CBT but it doesnt sound like its really helped many of you guys - also it works on what you think people are thinking - but I know not just think it as I have heard it said on various occasions over the years. I have never been able to relax and let myself go - what do I do girls?