Military Wives/Fiances/Girlfriends Support Group

[Justagirlxx]

Just found this group. :wave:
Name: Samantha
Military Branch: US Navy
How long he's been in: 8 Years in January
Currently Deployed?: He leaves Tuesday for 7 months.
How long you've been together: 9 Years on New Years Eve Married for a little over 6 years.
How do you like the Military Life?: Hate it TBH. I'm not a typical 'proud' wife. We've seen and done far too much at this point and know how corrupt it all can be. But we are pushing through and dealing with it. You'll never see me walking around with navy affiliated clothes or house items, etc. Some wives are really over the top with it all.


So DH leaves Tuesday. We aren't prepared at all. He wrecked my car a week ago and totaled it. So right before he leaves and now I don't have a good car. But I have my Jeep that I've had since high school so it will get me by although it isn't nearly as safe as my 5 star crash rated brand new car. I just worry with Emma. This will be my first full deployment since Emma has came into the picture. We did the whole 3 month homeport change early this year, but that is nothing. This will be my 4th long deployment without him though. But I know it will be completely different with Emma to care for. She can be a major handful at times. But at the same time, I think her keeping me busy will help the time fly by.

Coincidentally, Nic and my husband were on the same ship before her DH got out of the navy.

Hey ! I think it's going to be really tough with a baby but I think that may have it's ups and downs... since you have Emma now you are never alone and you have her occupying you a lot, maybe it will make the time go by faster. Right now for me my DH is gone almost constantly working so I feel like a single mother already and I'm ready to take that on. I'm more worried about the emotional side of things with him being gone. I hope things are ok with you. I saw your journal and I absolutely love the pics of Emma you have, they are sooo cute!

 

[Nic1107]

Today is one of those days... actually it's been one of those months! were I wish I could send DH straight back to his ship for that deployment. We're completely broke and he's getting on my nerves playing computer games all the damn time. I promised him I'd support him whatever decision he made, and he decided not to re-enlist because he'd miss Carmen too much. But it's feeling like the wrong decision now, nobody is hiring and he's taking his sweet ass time looking into using that new GI Bill for school.

I swear if he doesn't use it, I will!

Sorry for the rant, ladies. How is everybody doing today?

 

[cleckner04]

Why doesn't he use the gi bill? He'd still get paid the same as he was while in school. Than u wouldn't be struggling as much!! I'd be nagging him constantly if he was my husband. He has a family to support!! hope u can whip him into shape.

Justagirl- it does get easier with time too. As long as you guys communicate through email, calls, etc. That was the hardest part for us in the beginning. I was still in highschool when dh first joined! communication is key though. And finding good friends too which is sometimes easier said than done. I've found some military wives to be totally weird. and some like to 'wear their husbands rank' so if they have a husband higher up, they think they are higher up too iykwim.

 

[Nic1107]

He keeps going back and forth between 'should I work?' and 'should I go to school?' and since he's doing neither we've got no income coming in at all.

 

[Nimyra]

Nic, I think school is a really good option in this economy! I hope he hurries up and figures out what he wants to do. It sounds really frustrating.

Cleckner, I totally understand what you are saying about the other "wives"... I'm new to being a military wife and I don't think I'm very typical either. We live off base and I only know one other military wife and she's also new to this too. We're just normal people, aside from hubby being gone.

Things are good here... I'm starting to count down the weeks until OH's return. The dates aren't certain or anything but we're definitely within 3 months of him coming home. I've been staying up at my mom's house for the last week and will probably be here through the holidays. My mom's place is 7 hours away from home and I sort of miss being home, but its nice having help with Maya.

 

[cleckner04]

Nimyra- Yeah some of the wives are just 'off' I guess is the nicest way to put it. I have met some lovely ladies but I had to go through a lot of bad ones before I found a good one. And I hate meeting wives through my husband. He seems to find friends that are completely not people I'd hang out with. People that have parties every weekend, etc. I guess I'm the odd one because I'd rather stay home and play board games or go to the drive in movies or the park with Emma. I'm only 24 but I've had my party days and I'm over it. I have had 2 glasses of wine in the past 2 years. I'm so lame. That's awesome your hubby is coming home soon! Three months should fly by. I've already got a countdown going on my computer for my own coming back and he hasn't even left yet. We have about 8 more hours before he leaves for the ship. We are going to try to stay up all night together. I'm sure I'll regret it tomorrow with Emma if she's in a grumpy mood.

 

[Nimyra]

Cleckner, I hope those 7 months fly by! Having a baby to keep you busy really does help! Even though I've missed having OH around to help (and keep me laughing) with Maya, having her here has really made the last 3 months go by quickly. We don't really hang out with any of OH's work friends, although we've had one or two over for dinner in the last 2 years. My OH isn't super social (we much prefer being at home!) so most of our friends are people I've met at activities (or online ).

 

[Nic1107]

Cleckner, it is seriously too bad we didn't meet up when we were living in the same area!! All DH's friends' wives were the partying type, I felt like an old granny who just wanted some damn peace and quiet and some mature friends to hang out with, ykwim? I never got the hang of the 'military wife' lifestyle, for us it was just basically his job and not a source of our identity I guess. And I had literally no friends, it sucked!

 

[cleckner04]

Nic- I'm the same. I live in military housing now so I'm kinda forced to be around it all but I don't feel like a 'navy wife', I feel like myself! I gave birth at the langley air force base in Hampton, and I kept getting SO pissed because they only wanted DH's info. They didn't care about mine. I don't even think they knew my name. Just his. And his social security number. I went months before I really found any good friends here in california. And I met her from BnB, and she has NOTHING to do with the military. It's great!! And I have one other military wife friend, but she is so flaky and backs out at the last minute when we have plans. And there are always the wives that disappear once the husbands are home. I don't understand that. To me, a friend is a friend no matter what my husband is doing.


Nimyra- I'm glad the deployment is flying by for you. I hope it's the same for us.



So I didn't handle him leaving very well this morning. I normally don't cry or anything, I say bye and try to get it over with fast so I can go be on my own. This time, I kept bursting out crying, he was crying, Emma was tired and just wanted to sleep so she was grumpy. It was seriously horrible. And now I'm just sick to my stomach. Probably mostly from lack of sleep. And I keep randomly bursting out with tears. Emma keeps looking at me like I'm crazy. DH didn't want Emma to go to sleep at all last night. He said 'once she goes to sleep she wont see me again for nearly 7 months'.

On a good note, I calculated it on my computer and it's closer to 6 1/2 months. So not TOO bad.

 

[cleckner04]

I just read back my post, and I sound so self-involved. I swear I'm not usually like this. I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself today.


Justagirl- when in January does your man have to leave? Where is bootcamp at for the army? How long is bootcamp for him? Does he know what job he's going to have yet?

Nic- If you take DH's GI Bill, do you guys still get paid BAH like we would if our husbands used it?

 

[Nic1107]

I'm not sure if we would, but if he decides he'd rather just work I'm not letting college money go to waste! He wants to go for his BA though, as soon as he figures out which school to go to and all that.
I hope the next 6 months fly by for you hun.

 

[Nimyra]

Cleckner You don't sound self-absorbed. I think bursting into tears is a very normal reaction. I sobbed for a couple of days after my OH left. Take care of yourself. We're definitely here to listen if you feel like talking.

One of my closest friends I also met on BnB in the TTC section. She's married to a guy in the Navy (also new to this, and lives off base like me, but about 30 minutes away). Her husband doesn't deploy but has to go away some times for training. They've been incredibly supportive to me through my OH's deployment.

 

[Justagirlxx]

hey Cleckner - you don't sound self-involved at all!! You have every right to be sad that your husband and babies father just left for 7 months and every right to talk about it! Thats what I made this group for! How are you feeling today? How is Emma?

Massive

 

[Justagirlxx]

Justagirl- when in January does your man have to leave? Where is bootcamp at for the army? How long is bootcamp for him? Does he know what job he's going to have yet?

He leaves at the end of January. JJ will be 5 months old. His Basic is in Oklahoma and AIT is in Georgia. His AIT is so long, 24 weeks! His job is 25N Nodal Networks System Operator/Maintainer. He's wanted to join the Army for awhile now (ever since the middle of my pregnancy) but we've been waiting for 2 specific jobs to open up and one finally did! I'm very happy he got the job he wanted. It was important to us that he has an IT job so that he gets training in that specific area for when he gets out.

Anyways I re-applied to college... I really really want to finish my BA while DH is gone. I think it will give me something to do to occupy myself (besides being a mommy of course) and also I will be so much better off if I have my degree. I only have 1 semester left!

 

[Justagirlxx]

I have a confession to make...

DH and I last night with no protection. I feel like such an idiot. I don't want to be pregnant right now. We were planning on WTT till he gets back in August for #2. Should I get the morning after pill?

 

[Nic1107]

I have a confession to make...

DH and I last night with no protection. I feel like such an idiot. I don't want to be pregnant right now. We were planning on WTT till he gets back in August for #2. Should I get the morning after pill?

I imagine it would be extremely difficult having a young child and being pregnant while he's away! But it's up to you hun, I wouldn't feel right advising yes or no but if you are going to take the morning-after pill, best do it quick! Good luck hun xx

 

[cleckner04]

justagirl- I really can't say one way or the other. I don't particularly agree with the morning after pill just because I think if it's meant to be, it will be. But if you feel a baby is most definitely not something you want right now, I would support that. You would need to do it quick like Nic says. Do you know when you ovulate next? Where are you in your cycle? I definitely could not imagine having a 3 month old and being pregnant again. That would mean you'd have a year old toddler just learning to walk, and a newborn. That would be hell.

Also, you can go with him for his schooling right? In the navy, they allow wives and children to go with them if they are in school. I did it for some of DH's extra training while I was pregnant with Emma. His actual A and C school I was still in highschool through so I didn't go than obviously, but I know it's possible as long as you're married! So it may not be as bad as you think.

 

[cleckner04]

So I spent most of my day in the hospital with Emma this morning. DH left only 3 days ago and we've already had a hospital visit. This is SO hard. Read my journal if you want details...link in siggy. It's too long of a story to write out again on here.


Hope you are all okay!!

 

[Nimyra]

This doesn't compare at all to Cleckner's day, but I feel like a bit of a crap mom because its nearly 1am and I've had like 4 failed attempts to put Maya to bed and she's still wide awake. I'm staying at my mom's house right now for a few weeks and I feel like she's pressuring me to have Maya cry it out (which Maya is way too young for). I think I'm doing the worst of both worlds though, because sometimes I let her fuss for quite a while before going to her and go to her when she's really worked up (which maybe just teaches her to get worked up so mom will come??) I find all this sleep stuff so confusing and I really don't know what the best thing is to do. I think that I'm a bit haphazard which I think is a lot worse than being consistent.

I also think I'm responsible for Maya not falling asleep so well anymore because I haven't been consistent lately with getting to bed at the same time or keeping our routines stable. Especially with not being home, I've been letting things slide a bunch.

 

[cleckner04]

Oh hun. I went through a phase that I was so inconsistent too. I nurse Emma to sleep and we cosleep. But I started doubting myself when family kind of gave me grief for it. So I started trying to get her in a crib. It felt so unnatural to me so one night I'd put her in it, and another night I'd yank her back out. So confusing to her I'm sure. Just do what feels natural to you hun. Forget what anyone else says or thinks. I still cosleep with Emma so my little issue didn't last long. I plan on starting the move to her big girl bed next week or at least when she starts to feel better with her fingers. And I hope I can be consistent this time around. It's a bed not a crib anymore so I think I'll feel better about the whole thing. Something about cribs weird me out like she's in a cage.

Sleep is really confusing to know what is right. Just figure out what really feels right to you, and stick with it. It's never too late to change up a routine and get it consistent again.

ETA- I don't even necessarily think babies need strict routines every day anyways. Whatever works for your family is all that matters.