Military Wives/Fiances/Girlfriends Support Group

[Justagirlxx]

https://i262.photobucket.com/albums/ii109/cyndilm0212/MilitaryWivesPrayer.jpg

Hey Ladies! I know there is already a group on here for Military Wives but it seems as though it has died unfortunately I'd really love to start up a new group for all of us that are still here and looking for support! I am a newbie, my husband just joined the US Army and is leaving for BCT in January. I'm so new to this and am scared/anxious/excited and would love to find other women who are going through the same thing or have been through this.

I would love to hear any advice you all have for a newbie just getting started in the Army lifestyle. Any poems/songs/prayers and anything else that you can think of that help you get through please post them!

Tell me a little about yourselves so we can all get to know each other!

Name:
Military Branch:
How long he's been in:
Currently Deployed?:
How long you've been together:
How do you like the Military Life?:


I've placed a link to this thread in my Siggy hoping to find some of you!

 

[Justagirlxx]

Name: Kim
Military Branch: Army
How long he's been in: Just signed!
Currently Deployed?: Not yet, leaving for BCT in Jan
How long you've been together: Almost 3 years, married for 2 weeks
How do you like the Military Life?: Not sure yet, doesn't seem real that he's even leaving

 

[Nic1107]

Hi!
My husband just recently got out of the Navy, but he was in when we met, when we got married, and sadly he was out to sea when our baby girl was born. It wasn't until she was 3 months old that they even met!
Even though we're no longer military, I hope I can offer some support regarding military lifestyle, pregnancy/birthing/raising a child without your partner home, and readjusting back to civilian life in future.

Name: Nic
Military Branch: Navy
How long he's been in: Just got out after 4 years
Currently Deployed?: Not anymore!
How long you've been together: Nearly 4 years, married for 1.5 years.
How do you like the Military Life?: I loved some aspects of it; living in a new place, the consistent paychecks & BAH, the pride I felt watching my handsome hubby leave for work in his uniform. Other aspects I hated- the uncertainty, the loneliness, the fact that our lives were so controlled by the military in so many ways.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Hey Nic! Thanks so much for replying! It's definitely great to hear stories from women who have been through this and made it out alive and for the better! Our plan right now is for my husband to do his 4 years, get his IT training and experience and then for him to get a civilian job when his 4 years is up. We decided the military would be a great choice for our family because of the excellent training and benefits they receive. Right now as its stands my husband would never be able to complete his education due to the fact that we had a child and we need him to work full time in order to support ourselves and stay afloat. But with the Army he can get his education and get a great job when he gets out. I am very excited about this! But also scared at the same time. Military families make such a huge sacrifice- I can only imagine how hard it will be in the coming years. How is your life now that your husband is out? I can not imagine my husband being gone when our baby was born, you are such a strong woman for doing it on your own! I only hope someday I can be that strong. I want to have a second child but I know that before we ttc #2 I need to be prepared that he will not be here for the birth and that I could possibly be doing it all alone.

 

[Nic1107]

Honestly, it's more difficult now that he's out, only because the job economy is so terrible and we're struggling as he's just got made redundant. But now, for that reason among others, is a great time for your OH to join up. The new GI Bill is fantastic too; when he gets out, they'll continue to pay BAH while your OH goes back to school if he so desires. After a while, it becomes second nature to organize your life around the military, and though the times when he's away will be difficult, it's always worth it when he finally comes home and you're in each other's arms again. One of the things that they don't tell you enough is that there are a lot of programs available to aid spouses and children while the servicemember is away- support groups, child care, counselors to help you find housing and medical care, even transportation to doctor's appointments and such if you don't have a vehicle (I don't). Good luck hun, it'll not be the easiest road but it can be a lot of fun and a great way to start you on the way of a great, secure future. I wish you and your family the best and I'm always here if you need to talk!

 

[Justagirlxx]

Thanks so much hun... yes this economy is a huge reason why he joined...its an extremely tough job market out there right now and because of that its almost impossible to get a well paying job without an education/experience. I'm really hoping it will be better in 4 years when he's finally out. Thanks so much for the encouragement... that is really cool to hear that they will still pay BAH while he's in school! Thats awesome actually!

 

[Mercy2]

Hi there x Can I join in? x

Name: Nikki

Military Branch: British Army

How long he's been in: 10 and a half yrs

Currently Deployed?: No, but due to start training for the next deployment to Afghanistan very soon

How long you've been together: 5yrs

How do you like the Military Life?: Well. Sometimes I think its pretty good, esp knowing that he has a much higher level of job security given the current financial climate, but there are far more times when I find myself hating the lifestyle being a military wife entails! I often feel like I never see him, he is always away doing something or other and has just returned from a 6week training deployment to Kenya, and has missed so so much in the few short weeks since our DD was born!

I do love the sence of community between the wives who live on our base tho. I dont think I could cope without the friends I have made here!

 

[Nimyra]

Name: Emily
Military Branch: US Army
How long he's been in: forever (nearly 20 years)
Currently Deployed?: yes.
How long you've been together: together 4 years, married 1.5 years
How do you like the Military Life?: I like it, but we're not really a typical military couple. We don't live on base, my husband isn't part of a normal unit, etc. I love that my husband loves what he does. That's the most important thing for me - that he's happy and fulfilled. I love knowing that he makes a difference. The retirement benefits are also fantastic.

That said, I haven't had a lot of support with my husband going away. Those free rides to dr's appointments would have been helpful. I had to pull teeth to get some folks at a nearby Fort to give me some assistance. Had my DH been part of a normal unit with a family readiness group things would have been different though.

I am really proud of my husband and I'm proud of myself for handling his deployment as well as I have. I think us military spouses and significant others are really strong!

 

[Justagirlxx]

Yayyy Hey ladies! So glad you replied! I really love BnB and so glad to see there are other military mommies out there! (Not like I'm really official yet)

Do you ladies think it'd be OTT if I got a "Proud Army Wife" bumper sticker for my car? Lol I'm just so proud of him and want everyone to know! I have seen a few deployment bumper stickers and I don't think I'd ever get one. I dont think I'd want to be shouting out to the world that my husbands gone and I'm home alone all the time yano? But I'd love to get one that shows how proud I am of him!

Nikki - I'm glad to here there's support and a feeling of community at the base you're at. It's hard for me to imagine moving away from all of my family and friends and on top of that having my DH deploy. I'd be completely and utterly alone and that thought scares me. I'm really hoping to meet friends on whatever base we get stationed at.

Emily - That sucks you aren't getting the support you need. Why would they treat you any differently just because your husband isn't in a typical unit? Thats so not cool. I had another questions....I've actually heard a lot of bad things about Tricare (for you UK ladies this is the US Military's healthcare) ... how is the health insurance? Is it good or is it a huge pain to get things covered?

 

[Nimyra]

It's not on purpose, its just... an issue of me falling through the cracks. After I showed up to Army Community Service in tears one of the social workers on site got me hooked up to some programs. They mean well, but it *is* a big bureaucracy after all.

I think a sticker would be great! I want to get one of those "Go Army" ones with the star. I like those.

I've heard mixed things about tricare depending on what MTF you are near. Where I live there is a tricare prime alternative plan for military families that uses civilian doctors and it is FANTASTIC... so its worth seeing if there is one in your area (just ask at the tricare office). I've been very happy with my health benefits.

 

[Nic1107]

Hi Nimyra & Mercy2! :wave:

I've had good experience with TriCare, but only after we switched to Standard. Under Prime, we had a nightmare of a time trying to get appointments on base; McCoy was really close to our house but they were too small and overcrowded, and didn't have the cardiologist I needed to see. They sent us to Portsmouth but it was far away and DH couldn't get out of work for the appointments available. No one told us about the free rides either. So, since I was already in third tri and hadn't seen a doctor yet, I just said "screw it" and switched to Standard so I could see a civilian doctor. BUT the amazing thing about Standard is that maternity care is almost 100% covered! I only paid $700 for all my pregnancy care, and that is only because I needed to have a heart scan which wasn't covered. But for just maternity, everything is taken care of. As soon as Carmen was born, we enrolled her in DEERS and her care (at a civilian pediatrician of our choice) was also fully covered except for a very small co-pay.

 

[Nimyra]

I didn't know Tricare standard covered so much, that's great to know in case we move to an area that doesn't have a good alternative plan!

 

[Justagirlxx]

Hey ladies How is everyone doing today??? I'm a bit worried because another military mom on here just told me that I may be forced to move down to GA during DHs AIT because it's longer than 18 weeks... (its 24 weeks to be exact) and that they would take away our BAH if I don't move if they provide me housing down there. Do any of you have any experience with this? Were your husbands AITs long and did you have to move with them during it? I was planning on staying up here to finish my own education since I only have 1 semester left before I get my bachelors degree. x

 

[Natalie Flynn]

Name: Natalie
Military Branch: British Army
How long he's been in: Almost 5 years
Currently Deployed?: Nope he doesn't deploy with the unit he is currently at
How long you've been together: 3 years
How do you like the Military Life?: I hate it to be honest but I suppose it has its perks aswell.

Hii x

 

[Nimyra]

Justagirl,

I don't know the answer to your question, but... what if they aren't providing housing in GA... maybe your OH could rent a cheap room somewhere and his BAH could cover your housing in Connecticut?

Is that an option?

I think you should definitely stay put and finish your degree since you are so close, even if it costs more money.

good luck!

 

[Dolly.]

Hi, can i join in?

Name: Hannah
Military Branch: Royal Air Force
How long he's been in: just over 2 years
Currently Deployed?: Yes, but only 3 weeks in california
How long you've been together: nearly 9 years
How do you like the Military Life?: I enjoy it so far, but hubby hasn't been away for longer than 3 weeks yet. I love my married quarters, like the idea of moving around and seeing different places, love the uniform job security is good for hubby

 

[Justagirlxx]

Hey Hannah! Thanks for replying! I'm hoping more and more of us find this group!

Sometimes I don't know how you ladies do it. At night when my husbands gone and still at work I wonder how I'll be able to make it. I picture him not coming home for months and it makes me so sad. My cat got hit by a car 2 nights ago and I can't help but imagine how horrible that would have been if he hadn't been here. Who would have held me while I cried? Who would have gone and gotten her body from the road and helped bme bury her? Who would have told me everything's going to be okay and she's in a better place now? All these things go through my mind on a daily basis. I know someday he won't be there when I really need him, and I'll have to somehow do it on my own, and pick myself back up from something absolutely devastating, by myself.

At night it seems like it's the worst, after JJ goes to sleep, I am so lonely, and feel very very alone. He works all the time now and I barely see him as it is. 2 months before he leaves. Hope I can make it through all those lonely nights somehow.

 

[Nimyra]

Justagirl, *hugs*

A few thoughts... 1) its always hardest when they first leave. I bawled my eyes out for days and was so depressed it was hard to get out of bed for a couple of weeks. and then 2) it gets better. I don't know if you just get used to it, or what, but you do. then 3) you become more independent. you have to, and you will. and 4) you'll be surprised how much people are willing to help. My neighbors give me a hand with heavy lifting and emergency child care. I have a lovely lady who helps me clean (I pay her) and another guy who takes care of my yard (pay him too). One nice thing about the crap economy is its pretty easy to find people who want to make a little extra cash and are willing to do odd jobs for very cheap. I also have a nanny I use sometimes when I need a break from my LO, but she's not cheap.

It's good to be proactive with asking for help though. Tell your friends and family that you are going to need a little extra support. I spend a lot more time with my Dad since my husband left. I go out to his place for weekends sometimes just to have some company and help with Maya. I also reached out to my church for some support and they connected me with some (free) pastoral counselors who I could call when I was feeling blue. During the early months of the deployment this was a godsend.

So, reach out for help. People *want* to help.

It helps me to remind myself of all the ways my husband and I are fortunate. Yes, it sucks that we have to be apart, but we are building our future together. We have a house and a beautiful daughter. We have kind friends and neighbors. We have enough money. We have each other (even at a distance). Really, we are so fortunate.

Also, it helps not to look too far into the future. 12 months feels like forever, that's too long. We just focus on today. One day at a time.

 

[Dolly.]

I know, I'm not looking forward to the lonely months either but ive made a few friends here and close to my neighbour and know we can call on each other whenever.
My hubby went away when I was 16-19 weeks pregnant and he missed our very first 1 year anniversary whiched sucked big time! just a sacrifice we have to make eh

 

[cleckner04]

Just found this group. :wave:
Name: Samantha
Military Branch: US Navy
How long he's been in: 8 Years in January
Currently Deployed?: He leaves Tuesday for 7 months.
How long you've been together: 9 Years on New Years Eve Married for a little over 6 years.
How do you like the Military Life?: Hate it TBH. I'm not a typical 'proud' wife. We've seen and done far too much at this point and know how corrupt it all can be. But we are pushing through and dealing with it. You'll never see me walking around with navy affiliated clothes or house items, etc. Some wives are really over the top with it all.


So DH leaves Tuesday. We aren't prepared at all. He wrecked my car a week ago and totaled it. So right before he leaves and now I don't have a good car. But I have my Jeep that I've had since high school so it will get me by although it isn't nearly as safe as my 5 star crash rated brand new car. I just worry with Emma. This will be my first full deployment since Emma has came into the picture. We did the whole 3 month homeport change early this year, but that is nothing. This will be my 4th long deployment without him though. But I know it will be completely different with Emma to care for. She can be a major handful at times. But at the same time, I think her keeping me busy will help the time fly by.

Coincidentally, Nic and my husband were on the same ship before her DH got out of the navy.