Military Wives/Fiances/Girlfriends Support Group

[Opal]

cleckner, we're in Colorado at the moment. My husband hates this base. He thinks people are all over the place and don't really know what they're doing. He isn't happy to go to Turkey, but once he goes to Turkey, we all go somewhere else together so he is happy about that. Guess where? CALIFORNIA! It is funny because we didn't pick California, we picked all east coast places. Figures huh? I guess my husband gets a few days off at his halfway point. So he plans on flying back to see us. I'm so grateful I get to see him. Ah! But it is going to suck driving him back to the airport so he can go back to Turkey and I don't get to see him for another 6 months! My daughter is 7 months and I'm worried because she is a daddy's girl to the MAX. I need to change my avatar and show her off. I love your daughter's red hair. So gorgeous! Oh, I'm almost 23 and my name is Opal. Haha. Those women you had to deal with sound absolutely dreadful! So glad you got that nastiness out of your life.

Nice to meet you, Nimyra! I'm fairly close with my mom. So I know she will be a HUGE help. But like with any family, it is easy to get annoyed of them and want a break! I'm going to need to suck it up and think of all the money we are saving... I think it will be safer too since since we currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment. It would be too big for the two of us, especially since she co-sleeps!

Justagirl, thank you for starting this thread. It is just what I needed during a time like this. That is so cool you are finishing your education. I need to do the same.

I'll tell you what, I've gone to military spouse support forums and I hate them! I basically said what I told you ladies... That I was sad my husband was leaving for a year and that I didn't know what it would be like, it was my first deployment, etc. I was told, "Well, you signed up for it. Suck it. Put your big girl panties on. Get a tougher skin." I don't know about you ladies, but I HATE hearing "I signed up for it." I just wanted to marry the man I loved! I know I will deal just fine with him being gone. But they were once in my shoes... So I just wanted some kind words. Nope. Haha. BnB is so much better. You all seem so much sweeter and understanding!

 

[Justagirlxx]

Oh no.. I just threw up after I had a cig. Same exact thing happened when I was preg with JJ, cigs started making me nauseous.

 

[Opal]

We're all here for you! Keep us updated. I know you are worried from reading your previous posts, but I agree with cleckner in the sense that things happen for a reason. Do you live near family? Have a good support system?

 

[cleckner04]

oh justagirl!!! I'm so utterly jealous of you. lol. I would take your place in a heartbeat.(we were trying before DH left) I hope no matter what, you get what you want. Whether it be another baby, or that it's just a false alarm. It does sound promising already though.

Opal- We only wanted the east coast too. LOL. Go figure right?! We were in Virginia before here and owned a house there and everything. It wasn't too bad there. This place I don't particularly like but it has grown on me with time. We've only been in California since April so it's still a bit new for me. Where in California will you guys be? I'm originally from Ohio, DH is from Indiana.(just over the state line from eachother)

 

[Opal]

How do you like San Diego, cleckner? I see your name is Samantha. Do you have a preference?

We'll be at Travis. On wikipedia, it says it is near the San Francisco bay area. Haha.

 

[cleckner04]

I don't mind either name. You can just call me Sam, it's quicker to type.

So you'll be a good 8 hours from me. LOL! But we just went to san francisco a few weeks ago for vacation and it is AWESOME! Have you ever been there? It's so neat. So much to do too. The hills are terrifying to drive on though. And it's all really packed tight so I could never see myself living there forever but it'd be so fun as a temporary place to live.

San Diego is okay. Just okay... The people are kinda rude so I hated that at first. They all drive like crap too. But there is a lot to do that is kid friendly so that's good. When we first moved here I hated it. Just absolutely hated it. Everything about it. No grass really because it never rains, all the hills and mountains so I felt claustrophobic. I'm from flatlands so you can see for miles. So that was hard to get used to. Than the mean people. Not really mean but just not friendly. I'm from a really small town and everyone says hi and helps eachother out. This place is not like that at all. They all pretty much keep to themselves and not so much as a wave. But I've come to accept it all. We are here till 2012 so I don't really have a choice.

 

[Opal]

Oh goodness. I've heard California drivers are bad. Erm, no offense to anyone. Rude people drive me mad! How will I cope there? Haha. I just feel uneasy because it took such a long time for me to meet military wives here and even when that happened, it was a disappointing experience. I feel like I'm the type of person who is shy, but at the same time, I put myself out there when need be. Like with giving my number to those two military wives and then them not calling or texting me. It's like how many times can you try before you are pestering and looking pathetic and desperate? That's how I felt so I just let it go. Now I'm back to having no "girlfriends" to talk to. Maybe I should look into some mommy groups? I just don't know.

I've never been to California, so it will be a new experience! I'm trying to keep an open mind. Do you know where you are going to after 2012 or is it too early to tell?

 

[cleckner04]

I totally know the feeling hun. I've put my neck out there a few times on facebook because I'm on a USS carl vinson wives group which is the ship my husband is on. And I've added people and tried to talk and been super friendly but some girls just aren't interested. So than I feel pathetic when I'm really just trying to connect with someone. I have handed out my number as well to a neighbor that lives across from me. I invited her to a playdate and she stopped by for 5 minutes and than left because her dog ran away. Which I understand and it was nice of her to stop, but I than gave her my number and told her to text anytime because I'm always here alone so I'm pretty much always free to hang out. And I haven't heard from her since. But she waves whenever we see eachother outside. It's so strange.

San francisco was very kid friendly! And we stopped at a park while we were there so Emma could burn up some energy and there was 2 playgroups there with their little babies. So I bet you could definitely look into something like that! Meetup.com is great for things like that. You just search 'playgroup' with the zipcode that your looking for.

I know it's so hard to just put yourself out there like that. I'm very shy when it comes to that so I am being super brave when I email random people on that facebook wives group trying to meet new friends. I ended up meeting a girl from BnB that has nothing to do with the military. And I love her! She's my one and only friend here. It's so funny because I have tons of friends back home! I go back home and I'm always busy visiting and hanging out with everyone. But here I'm anonymous.

We don't know what is in our future after 2012. DH is almost hitting his high year tenure so they may not let him re-enlist. The navy is over manned so they are shoving people out left and right. He passed his advancement exam. But they advanced ZERO from his rate/rank. It's completely locked down. So if they don't open it back up, than we are done.

 

[Opal]

I'll definitely have to check out that website. I've tried getting together with one of my husband's friend's wives (she is not military) and that was a waste of time. It was her comparing her child to my child for hours on end. Bleh. I just want to meet normal, laidback moms! Haha. I hope I can...

I had NO idea the Navy was going through that. I'll hope for the best for your family though! You also said you were TTC before your husband left? How exciting! My heart is aching for another baby, but I know it isn't in the cards yet. Maybe a few years off. Husband was an only child and thought it was great. I had a brother and thought THAT was great. I'd really like Elysia to have a sibling! How did you come up with the name Emma Sophia? Beautiful. It rolls off the tongue nicely.

 

[Nimyra]

Sam, I hope thinks work out with your husband's advancement. Does he have a back-up plan in case he has to leave? My husband wants to stay in as long as he can, but a lot is going to depend on if he gets his next promotion. We're trying to be open-minded about our options. We still don't know where OH's next assignment will be. He's requested to stay in the DC area and it looks likely that he'll get his request but nothing is ever certain. I have a feeling after this next one we may be sent to Kentucky.

I had a busy day today with LO and my mom. We bought Maya a jumperoo for Christmas (but set it up right away lol), she's still a bit small for it, but she seemed interested.

There was a deployment support group at Fort Meade for a little while and the women there were really supportive. It was canceled for lack of attendance though.

 

[Nimyra]

Hi everyone. Hope your weekend is going well.

There has been a lot of chaos here. We had a credit card stolen and I've been dealing with that. I also am buying a minivan, so lots of administrative stress involved in that.

**edit. I have officially given up on trying to sleep train Maya. After 4 nights it is clearly not working and it is making me too sad. I have a delightfully strong-willed baby who knows what she wants and will accept no substitutes. She is just like her momma. I have learned also that I like our snuggle time and am not willing to give it up so soon. Maybe my husband can fix bedtime when he gets back.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Hey ladies. Just wanted to update you all and tell you that AF came! I am relieved to say the least.

Only 1 month till DH leaves and it's really getting to me. Makes you really appreicate what you have when you know it's temporary. Even little things like him going out and getting me some aleve when I was in massive pain from the AF cramps. Just sweet little things that I'll miss so much

Hope everyone is doing well...

 

[cleckner04]

Nimyra- OMG at your credit card! I hope it all gets straightened. That must be horrible. Especially around the holidays! As for the sleep training. I can tell you it is something they learn on their own. Emma still feeds to sleep quite often but we have our nights that she just goes to sleep without me so I know she is slowly growing up IYKWIM.

Justagirl- It's so hard saying goodbye that first time. Stay strong hun. We are here to listen and talk.

 

[Nimyra]

Justagirl, in some ways the weeks leading up to him leaving will be harder than actually having him gone. I find the anticipation is often the worst part. The best thing to do, now, and while he is gone is to practice staying in the moment. Several months feels like a long time, a year feels like forever, but one day (today) is manageable. Just keep taking each day at a time. That's the only way I've coped.

 

[Nimyra]

Sam,

It is so good to hear that eventually they go to sleep more easily. I was up and down for about an hour and half tonight. I still feel awful about our failed experiment, but there has been a silver lining to this experience:
- I have learned about my unique child and what does and does not work for her
- I appreciate more my nursing and snuggle time and I realize now how important this is to me. I also realize I'm not ready to stop cosleeping or to have her stop nursing at night.
- I understand now that there is no perfect way to parent. All children are different and what works for them is different. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, so it was hard for me to cut myself some slack. I also see more clearly now why people can't really give you perfect advice because no one knows your child and what works for him or her better than you do.

Thanks for the nonjudgmental support

By the way, my name is Emily, but Nim works too.

 

[cleckner04]

Nimyra has excellent advice. I think you're definitely right about the anticipation being the worst part. We'd enjoy the moment and than it'd hit me he was leaving soon and I'd break down crying from nowhere. But once they are gone you just get on with things and it gets easier.

Oops just read your second post saying your name is Emily. Nim and Emily is much easier to remember for typing purposes. You are absolutely right when you say nobody can give perfect advice because only YOU know what your child needs. I couldn't agree more. I think that is the problem with this site at times because some girls take things completely literally when it should just be taken with the way it was intended.. as advice!

 

[Justagirlxx]

Thanks so much ladies. It does seem like the anticipation to him leaving is almost the worst part, and when he leaves it will jsut be like okay well he's gone now, I have to get on with life. My little man is smiling at me right now and I know that things are gonna be ok as long as I have him. Thanks so much for your support.

 

[cleckner04]

I just realized it's already been half a month since DH left!!! That flew by.

 

[Nimyra]

I just realized it's already been half a month since DH left!!! That flew by.

wow! Congrats. I think the first month is the hardest. Time will continue to fly

 

[Nimyra]

Christmas with OH away officially SUCKS. We have nothing to do, and no one to see.

Also, there is a chance he'll have to stay away an extra month.