Military Wives/Fiances/Girlfriends Support Group

[Nimyra]

We're cosleeping too, and I have grown to like cosleeping, and I nurse her to sleep (the first time) too, but she often doesn't stay down... and then it can be a mess after that. Some nights I'll go and nurse her some more for hours. It's these times that I'm really confused about.

If she wakes in the middle of the night and won't go back to sleep after nursing, I sometimes put ear plugs in and turn away from her and hope she goes back to sleep. I feel bad, but I'm usually sooooo tired in the middle of the night, and I rationalize that at least she isn't alone. What do you do in those instances?

I also think cribs are a bit creepy. We have one at home (not at home now) but I almost never used it. Maybe a few times during the first few weeks. When my husband gets back I'm contemplating setting Maya up in her own room on a full sized futon mattress on the floor. That way I can still nurse her to sleep lying down.


**Edit She fell asleep finally. Feeling better already.

 

[Nimyra]

And while we're on the topic of self-doubt... My mom's next door neighbor is a pediatrician who is also a very strange guy who I don't like. Anyway, I have to be nice to him when he comes over to hang out with my mom's husband (not my dad). He was over yesterday and commented that Maya had a bit of "preemie head" (?!) and then told me I should be doing tummy time with her and starting to introduce solids. I'm thinking... did I ask you? I don't do tummy time with Maya 'cause she hates it and I think she'll be fine with it later when she's ready. I also had no intention of starting solids for a while. Of course now I'm feeling paranoid and questioning myself. I wish he would keep his opinions to himself. I get such a bad vibe off him... I don't know why I even waste my time thinking about things he says.

 

[cleckner04]

Okay. Well when Emma was your daughter's age she would often want to be attached to me all night long. If I removed my boob from her mouth, she'd wake and freak out. And it pretty much sounds like you are dealing with the same thing. I know it's comforting for them to suckle. I never was into the whole pacifier thing so I just dealt with it and would sleep when she did. Can you sleep while she's still attached? I always just slept right through Emma nursing. Is she full blown throwing a fit in the middle of the night than? Like latching on doesn't calm her? Have you tried sneaking a pacifier in there when she decides she wants to be attached for hours on end? I know this is all basic stuff I'm throwing out there and I'm not very helpful.. Emma did grow out of that. She slowly started nursing to sleep and than unlatching herself to roll over and sleep. Now she still wakes in the night once in a while but she just nurses, and unlatches when she is done. So it's really about how much you are willing to take. I think babies will grow out of these things naturally. Have you read on kelly mom at all? They have some great articles about night feeding.

I think a futon mattress on the floor is a great idea! Emma's bed is really just a full mattress with a low profile box spring on the floor in her room. We never got an actual bed for her. I just didn't see the point. And we had a nice crib. Still have it but I took it down months ago. She slept in it maybe 5 times at the most. Complete waste of money. I never thought I'd be a cosleeper though.


As for the pediatrician guy. I find that doctors are usually the LEAST educated when it comes to natural parenting. And some don't seem to notice the new weaning guidelines. I was also recommended to wean Emma at four months. I didn't. We waited until a week before she turned 6 months. A banana..And she mostly just played with it. I say just nod and smile when he recommends something and than just forget about it. Your baby-your rules.

 

[cleckner04]

I know this might not be exactly what your worrying about right now. But it helped me feel like I was doing the right thing by nursing Emma to sleep every night. Whenever I had a doubt in my mind, I'd come back to this article.

https://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comfortnursing.html

 

[Nimyra]

she doesn't have to be attached to me all night... its more like, she wakes up fully refreshed and wants to play at 9pm, 3am, etc. I shouldn't really complain though, these problems don't happen every night. Most nights she is a decent sleeper. The hardest part is getting her to bed the first time, and usually repeated nursing works, eventually!

Maybe I've thrown her off tonight because I (at my mom's urging) freed her arms from the swaddle. My mom was telling me it'd help her sleep because she sometimes uses her hands to self-sooth. This is true, but she also wakes herself up by flailing her arms in her sleep. I think I need to ignore my mom and go back to using my baby straight jacket *cough* full swaddle.

Thanks for the support tonight, Cleckner!

 

[cleckner04]

Aww okay I get it more now. I guess I interpreted the situation wrong. That'd definitely be frustrating even if it's only occasionally. I think keeping with the tight swaddle is a good idea. I always envy girls that can swaddle their babies to give them comfort. Emma hated it from the start. The nurses in the hospital when she was first born kept swaddling her and she would rip her arms out and scream. She refuses to be covered with a blanket most nights too. I have to wait until she's asleep to cover her. Such a strange child.

I bet once you settle back into your house she will probably be right back on track. Just ignore your mother.

 

[Opal]

Hi ladies! May I please join?

My husband is Air Force, has been in for almost 6 years, has deployed once to Afghanistan for 8 months (BUT we weren't together then). He is leaving for Turkey in February. One FULL year. My daughter and I can't go.

I'm moving back in with my mom to save money. I don't know how I'll cope. I enjoy my independence. But I have to do what is right for my family. I can't be selfish.

Honestly, I don't like military life! I respect what my husband does (along with all the men and women who serve). I don't fit in with the wives. Like others have said, some can be snobby and look down on you if your husband is a lower rank than their husband. It just seems like a clique in high school. And in high school, that didn't work out for me either! Haha. I've met two nice wives. Gave them my number and all that to get to know them better and NOTHIN'. At least I tried, right?

A horrible incident happened the other night. It was my husband's going away party at a co-worker's house. They ordered kegs even though my husband hardly drinks. He wanted to make sure it was a safe enviroment for me and our daughter. The drinkers were to stay in the garage and non-drinkers (read: mommies) were to stay in the warm house. Well, one co-worker in particular started drinking at 4pm... And by 10pm, he was completely GONE. He was walking out of the bathroom and dived head first into the wall. My husband, myself, and some other wives were laughing as we watched him. It wasn't funny, but more pathetic. We weren't loud or obvious, but I guess he focused enough for a few seconds to single at my husband. He stumbled over, my husband stood up, and then he SWUNG at my husband. His attempted punch didn't make contact, but this guy is huge so his body weight knocked my husband back on the couch. My husband had to hold him by the throat. I completely freaked out. My daughter was in her carseat SLEEPING. There was another baby in his mother's lap, another mother's little girl was tottering about, two women were sitting on the floor. I went to pull this dude off my husband (he was a full foot taller, 200 pounds heavier than me which my husband now groans about since I could've gotten flung aside easily) when two other guys rushed in to help. Then dude's wife tries to grab me and say, "You are making it worse!" Really? How can it get worse?! I started screaming, not giving a damn. I said, "Get your f***ing husband under control! What a disgrace!" I'm not the type of woman to yell or swear, honest. Totally out of character for me. Long story short, she started crying hysterically and was terrified of her husband. Goes home with her infant son and leaves her husband at the house for everyone else to babysit.

Everyone at his work wants to keep it hush hush. I HATE THAT. This guy already has two strikes against him. I don't care! He put everyone's life in danger. My daughter. My husband. HELL NO. Mama bear came out that night... I want an apology from that waste of skin!

So yeah, nice to meet you all!

 

[Opal]

To add to the co-sleeping discussion, I do it as well. It feels right. Her and I both sleep better. Many cultures co-sleep. I think it is how nature is intended, but of course I respect any mother's decision. Each of us know what is best for our child. And yes, I have gotten crap for my decision. One wife said, "You need to fix that ASAP! She'll be 2 and sleepin' with ya!" There is nothing to "fix." Ugh, so judgemental...

 

[cleckner04]

Opal hi!! :wave: Good lord that story sounds so familiar. This is why I don't hang out with military people. Someone always gets too drunk and violent. That must've been so scary!!

And your issue with wives and handing out your number. BEEN THERE!! I can't even count the amount of wives I've added to facebook to try to make friends with them, and than get no responses back. So I just block and delete them and move on. I can't be assed to bother with people that don't give anything back. I want real friends. Not girls that just want to see me when their husbands are gone. Or girls that say they will hang out and than back out at the last second. I'm not that way at all. If I say I am going to be there, I'll be there. And I don't just give up on friends because my husband is home. Those are the times we go out and do couple things with my friends and their husbands, etc. I totally feel your pain hun.

I'm so sorry your hubby has to leave for a year. Do you plan on flying over to visit him occasionally? I hear turkey is beautiful. It seems to be a typical place that they send air force people. No clue why. Is there a big AF base there or something?

How old is your daughter? Where are you from? Sorry I'm totally nosy!

 

[cleckner04]

To add to the co-sleeping discussion, I do it as well. It feels right. Her and I both sleep better. Many cultures co-sleep. I think it is how nature is intended, but of course I respect any mother's decision. Each of us know what is best for our child. And yes, I have gotten crap for my decision. One wife said, "You need to fix that ASAP! She'll be 2 and sleepin' with ya!" There is nothing to "fix." Ugh, so judgemental...

I started a playgroup when I first moved here. Met 3 other wives and we started getting together a few times a week. It was a bit 'off' from day one because I breastfeed and none of them did. I'm okay with that but they weren't. They kept making snide comments about it. Than came the cosleeping issue. One girl especially got on me about it. She said she lets her son cry to sleep. He was 6 months old at the time. She said she has done it from the start. Than all the girls wanted to have a drinking night and sleepover. Again, I breastfeed so that's not happening and I'm a grown adult, I'm gonna take my daughter to her own bed at night. Not take her to some strange house so I can get wasted. So they all got together without me. No big deal. Than we all went to a museum and they all had their strollers but I had my carrier. They acted like I'm crazy and kept asking if Emma was burning up and said she would be clingy because I carry her everywhere. But than a lot of things escalated and the topic of circumcision came up at a different playdate. I told them I won't be circumcising if I ever have a son. I just think it's mean and there is no reason for it. I didn't condemn them, I just voiced my own side of it. But later that night I sent a message to apologize to one of the girls because I think I hurt her feelings and I didn't want it to be like that. She messaged me back saying I'm a horrible mother and my daughter is horrible and I don't punish her(she was 10 months at the time and liked to get into stuff..) Than she went on to say my future son will be made fun of because he's not circumcised and I don't care about my children's future. I just messaged back and said I know bad news when I come across it and she's not worth getting a reply. Than I blocked and deleted all of them. It was horrible.

I never once judged any of those girls for their choices. But I was judged every single time for the 'natural' things I did with Emma. I just dont' get it. I try my best to be a good friend to people.

So I guess I'm trying to say you aren't alone hun. You have us now.

 

[cleckner04]

justagirl- how you been hun? You haven't popped in here for a while.

nimyra- How you holding up?

 

[Nimyra]

Hi Opal! :waves:

I have to say... I've been visiting my mom for 2 weeks now and although I was really nervous about being here (I'm really independent too), it has been really nice having help with my LO. So, I hope living with your family is better than expected. I think I find it easier to get along with my mom than I used to because I'm so desperate for adult company since my OH is away.

-- what I've been up to -- (sorry this is probably boring) I'm trying to make decisions about buying a larger car. This would be a lot easier if my husband was here, but I'm getting impatient and my old car is having more and more problems that I just want to be done with... besides the fact that hauling my daughter's carseat carrier in and out of my 2 door car is getting difficult!

 

[Nimyra]

my mom is crazy so that's the main reason we don't usually get along so well. She's been quite stable since I've been here though. it's great!

The time continues to fly. My husband will be home in less than 2 months. I absolutely cannot wait!!!

I need to start looking into once a week childcare for Maya because I'll be starting a class in mid-January. I was really uncomfortable having her watched when she was younger but she's getting more independent and I think she'll do fine being babysat.

oh, and I think she's starting to teeth. That's my news

Cleckner, it really sounds like you are better off without those women in your life! They sound awful. I'm so sorry you had that experience. I'm starting to feel really glad that my OH and I aren't really involved with Army things. We just do our own thing.

 

[cleckner04]

Ooo teeth already! I hope she's not being too grumpy for you!!

I hope you figure out a car! We had a honda fit and loved it but it was a bit tiny in the backseat since I'm doing extended rearfacing. My carseat just takes up too much room when being rearfaced. But than DH totaled my car a week before he left so I'm just driving around my jeep wrangler. I have to open the back tailgate and window to put Emma in. It's so horrible but works for now. I totally understand wanting a bigger vehicle though! I'd actually LOVE a van. I always said I'd never be one of THOSE moms but I totally am. I just think it'd be so comfy.

I knew your DH was coming home soon but didn't realize it was that soon!! YAY!!! I hope it's an awesome reunion. Don't abandon us when he gets back though ok?!

 

[Nimyra]

LOL I'm not going anywhere. I'm a bit addicted to BnB. And I'll still be home alone during the day with Maya for a year or so.

I'm totally van shopping. Well, I already know what I want (Honda Odyssey), I'm just trying to decide when and where to buy it, how to pay for it (!!), and what to do with my old car (I'm tempted to trade it in, OH wants to keep it as a back up car... we're currently a one-car family). I've been reading about extended rear facing and that sound like it will be much easier to do in a minivan.

 

[cleckner04]

OMG I want a honda odyssey!!! That's the one we've been eyeing. It's SOO nice. I want one in white.

 

[Justagirlxx]

To add to the co-sleeping discussion, I do it as well. It feels right. Her and I both sleep better. Many cultures co-sleep. I think it is how nature is intended, but of course I respect any mother's decision. Each of us know what is best for our child. And yes, I have gotten crap for my decision. One wife said, "You need to fix that ASAP! She'll be 2 and sleepin' with ya!" There is nothing to "fix." Ugh, so judgemental...

I started a playgroup when I first moved here. Met 3 other wives and we started getting together a few times a week. It was a bit 'off' from day one because I breastfeed and none of them did. I'm okay with that but they weren't. They kept making snide comments about it. Than came the cosleeping issue. One girl especially got on me about it. She said she lets her son cry to sleep. He was 6 months old at the time. She said she has done it from the start. Than all the girls wanted to have a drinking night and sleepover. Again, I breastfeed so that's not happening and I'm a grown adult, I'm gonna take my daughter to her own bed at night. Not take her to some strange house so I can get wasted. So they all got together without me. No big deal. Than we all went to a museum and they all had their strollers but I had my carrier. They acted like I'm crazy and kept asking if Emma was burning up and said she would be clingy because I carry her everywhere. But than a lot of things escalated and the topic of circumcision came up at a different playdate. I told them I won't be circumcising if I ever have a son. I just think it's mean and there is no reason for it. I didn't condemn them, I just voiced my own side of it. But later that night I sent a message to apologize to one of the girls because I think I hurt her feelings and I didn't want it to be like that. She messaged me back saying I'm a horrible mother and my daughter is horrible and I don't punish her(she was 10 months at the time and liked to get into stuff..) Than she went on to say my future son will be made fun of because he's not circumcised and I don't care about my children's future. I just messaged back and said I know bad news when I come across it and she's not worth getting a reply. Than I blocked and deleted all of them. It was horrible.

I never once judged any of those girls for their choices. But I was judged every single time for the 'natural' things I did with Emma. I just dont' get it. I try my best to be a good friend to people.

So I guess I'm trying to say you aren't alone hun. You have us now.

Oh my god that is horrible. Personally I don't use attachment parenting (Dont do CIO either) But I'd never judge you for how you are raising Emma, those women sound terrible. It's sad because the whole play group thing could have been so amazing if it went the way it should have...

 

[Justagirlxx]

justagirl- how you been hun? You haven't popped in here for a while.

Hey ladies! Sorry my cable was out for a few days so couldn't come on, just saw all the new replies in here today! Anyways I decided to not go the morning after pill route, my period is no where to be seen and I feel nauseas, sore BBs, ect. I really really hope it's all in my mind because I see a lot of girls TTC with these symptoms that don't end up being pregnant.

Testing day Dec 14th...

 

[Justagirlxx]

my mom is crazy so that's the main reason we don't usually get along so well. She's been quite stable since I've been here though. it's great!

The time continues to fly. My husband will be home in less than 2 months. I absolutely cannot wait!!!

I need to start looking into once a week childcare for Maya because I'll be starting a class in mid-January. I was really uncomfortable having her watched when she was younger but she's getting more independent and I think she'll do fine being babysat.

oh, and I think she's starting to teeth. That's my news

Cleckner, it really sounds like you are better off without those women in your life! They sound awful. I'm so sorry you had that experience. I'm starting to feel really glad that my OH and I aren't really involved with Army things. We just do our own thing.

Mine is starting to get a tooth in now too! I felt it the other day! He's been miserable with it, poor thing. He fusses a lot and gets all drooly and such and instantly stops fussing when I put the gel on. I cant believe he's getting a tooth so young.

 

[Justagirlxx]

I'm having such a hard time at work. I never do anything wrong, always have a smile on my face, I'm never late, work hard, etc etc and it's seemingly getting me no where. I work in a restaurant and I recently got the job there after I had JJ. No matter how well I do the people who have been there longer (who the manager is friends with) get rewarded with the best sections, etc even though they are always fucking up, coming in late, etc. I have alot of friends there but the managers seem to hate me all of the sudden? I don't know why or what I did.

I cant wait till the day I finish my BA and never have to work in another restaurant again.

I signed up for classes for the spring, they start 3 days after DH leaves for basic. But I think it's the right thing to do. I need to finish my education and I need to do something to occupy myself while he's gone.