Miserable

[loopylew]

Hi girls

Feeling pretty miserable today, we've not BD'ed for 2 days, this being our third and im right on ov. Last night we started to and DH wanted to watch "Shameless" instead!!!!!!!!!!!!. He then wasn't interested after that. He says i am pressuring him and it affects his attitude to Bd'ing. I'm trying not to pressurise him but i need to take my temp etc when he's still in bed with me. It was like this to some extent last cycle, ok till ov time then nothing. Gonna just not talk to him about it i think.
Can't help feeling that he doesn't want a baby like i do cos he's already got a little girl so has been through the whole pregnancy experience thing with his ex. I've wanted a baby for nearly two years but he was insistent on getting the house sorted and getting married so we stayed on bcp, now with these irregular cycles its a lot harder than we thought.

 

[polo_princess]

Sorry your having a tough time with it poppet.

Try to act like your not bothered by it for a while and see what happens

 

[*babydust*]

awww sorry your having a bad time at the min.im sure things will get better soon.my OH says i demand it too much too..women are just much more maternal then men,and that side of us shows up alot more when on the road of TTC,and i dont think they really understand it (even when they try to!)

 

[suzan]

am sorry u r feeling this way
Try to avoid talking about this issues with ur DH as it seems he feels pressured. I minimized talking about it bec it does affect BD! he feels as if it is somthin that SHOULD be done.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Aww LL
My OH is already giving me the same kind of signs and this is only the 2nd cycle. I suppose its different for different couples. Some men are only too pleased to oblige and others can be really sensitive about it. My sister just demanded BD from her OH but I wouldnt get anywhere with my DH with that approach - he'd be even worse.
I'm planning on cooking a nice dinner this evening for my OH and stroking his ego some more and then not expecting anything in return. Easy for me to say this morning as we finally BD'd last night after 2 days of nothing - I felt exactly like you do now just 24hrs ago. Desperate not to miss the boat.
I'd try to back off but resist the temptation to sulk/give him the cold shoulder(which is what I really wanted to do!).
I dont know how temping works but is there anyway you could do it with out him there?? I keep all that side a secret - at this point I dont think he needs to know the 'science'.
If you ever want a natter PM me x

 

[loopylew]

i have to temp when i wake up which is same time as DH so its difficult to test temp when he's not about, ill try do it when he's in the loo but that just seems secretive to me

 

[loopylew]

i am trying to "act" like i'm not bothered today in the hope that we might BD tonight as FF says i'm still fertile. My temp went up this mornign so there may still be a glimmer of hope. Don't wanna build my hopes up though as ill be dissappointed again. Its more difficult cos im not well at the moment as well, sore throat, headache etc so i don't feel like i have masses of energy to "get things going"

 

[SwissMiss]

oh Sweets, I SYMPATHISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in the EXACT SAME boat (I'm Oing as we speak, I think, and we haven't bd'd in 2 days either) I can't tell you how bl'dy frustrated I am w/ my DH - he's giving me the SAME song and dance and I am INCAPABLE of resisting the temptation to give him the cold shoulder and sulk (you're a better woman than me!) I do it EVERY TIME!
I told him that every forum I go on, all the women seem to have the support of their DH's - just MINE feels like I'm "pressuring" him! and the worst is, we used to be MEGA active, it was NEVER a problem! Now suddenly bd isn't for fun to him - although I enjoy it even more now I think, IF we ever get around to it. No, for him bd = (which he says he wants) and suddenly his you-know-what wont' get up EVER, never mind when it SHOULD!!!!
I even went so far as to ask if I should go back on the bcp b/c I can't take the frustration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm trying to avoid talking about it at all to him, maybe it'll get easier as the cycles go by... Anyway, I'm here for ya if you need me...

 

[HAYS]

aw sorry poppet,it can be a strain on the relationship,hope u get it sorted.
xxx

 

[Louise81]

It's all so stressful isn't it? Sometimes my hubby makes me feel like I'm ruining the experience of TTC by making it scientific but then I think maybe he/we had the wrong expectations of what TTC would be like. It could be fun and it is exciting to think that we're trying and it *could* happen... but for me I just *have to* try to figure out when I'm ovulating etc otherwise we could just 'see what happens' for months and not get anywhere. Time is precious!!

I hope you feel better and manage to get things sorted. xxx

 

[poppy]

Don't worry Loopylew, you'll get your BFP soon. I know that you said that you were not going to talk to him about it, but maybe if you sat him down and explained how you felt, then he would realise how important this is for you. Try to make sex fun all the way through the month and then DH maybe won't feel so pressurised around ov time (I wouldn't even mention that it was ov time - hubbies don't usually have a clue anyway about cycles and such like).

I hope you feel better soon petal.
xxx

 

[Carolina]

totally understand! its a strain and we might take a break from it for a month but i dont really want to! We havnt talked about babies for days and i think thats helped things with us! OH has had colds and flus over the months which has meant less bd at fertile times. It annoys me but i guess Oh's arent baby machines! Try and have a talk with him

 

[pinkmommy]

I know how you feel, last cycle before I even Oed (it was one crazy month) he was mad b/c he said it felt like a pressured him to Bd when it should come natural. I told him about you are only fertile a certain times of the month and I do not wnat to get ot the point to be on fertility drugs but if that happens it will be hard to turn them down. First time we TTCed with DD I was not so crazy after him b/c I thought it would just happen and after 6 cycles it did. But this time around I am a litle more educated and know what is going on in there. Sofar he has changed his tune with me, but I am curious to see what happens when O comes around this month, but when AF arrived I told him how upset I was and that we need to BD more in ther fertile window. He did not answer me back.

Hang in there.

PS I take my temp when DH leaves for work or he goes to the bathroom depending when he wakes up, not hiding it but trying not to do it out in the open and freak him out, Women are just different then men.

 

[Dee_H]

Before we got pregnant last time both my husband and me felt that our baby making fun turned into a job. We had a big talk and started making sex fun again.This is probably too much info...but try role playing or having your fun somewhere else(go away for a weekend or to a hotel) We found this took some of the pressure off both of us and sex was much more enjoyable. Sorry for getting too personal but it worked.

 

[avistar]

Maybe try to not share when you think you are Oing with your DH. I think guys like the excitement and desire of having sex. I know mine likes spontaneous BDing. I don't really share with him when I think I might O (though he figures it out anyway) and it seems to help. He gets upset sometimes too, like sex is just a mission and it isn't wanting to be with him. I am sure you guys will work things out. TTC is really a quest!

 

[Mervs Mum]

My other top tip is....Primark!! They have a great range of cheap fancy underwear - I paid less than £10 per set of bra and knicks.....they did the trick for me!!
I also agree about keeping the technial stuff to yourself - its not being secretive at all, I think it just freaks them out/turns them off!

 

[diva4180]

i'm sorry you're having a tough time right now hun

 

[loopylew]

Thanks so much for all your advice, it has really made me feel like i'm not alone. Im gonna try not focus on it (with him) and try to take temp when he's not in the room. It doesn't help when my opk's come to the house addressed to him today as ebay account is in his name!!! anyway not mentioned it since he's been in from wk and gonna try go with the flow. We've got a weekend away booked in York around the 16th Feb which won't be a fertile time but might at least make BD fun and he'll forget when fertile time is

 

[Vickie]

Like the others have said men do tend to dislike the technical side of TTC. Try to BD in between your fertile times as well to make him feel like it's not all about baby making. Hope you get your BFP soon!

 

[loopylew]

we do BD in between fertile times more than anything, he seems to have the problem with fertile times