More MIL woes - **No joke, even more!!!!** UPDATE

[aly888]

Might sit them all at the top table and then have me and OH in with the guests I swear she thinks I'm doing it just to get at her. But honestly, all the parents were looking forward to it, just she is the only one having a moan about it!!!
But she is seriously stepping on my toes with the guest list thing. And I've made it more than clear that I'm not interested in her friends coming. She's already gone ahead and mentioned it to them!! But I refuse to be bullied into having people I don't even know at my wedding

I feel like I can't say anything to her though. She's offered to do the flowers (although everything I come up with she turns up her nose at it!!!) and I don't want to be ungrateful, because I am really grateful, but if I tell her to eff off she'll think I'm being a brat!

 

[Lauren25]

How on earth do you not say anything?!? This woman is unreal, I would deffo have to say something to her! My MIL has so far been no problem apart from when she told me she found a dress for herself and when I asked her what it was like she told me it was cream, I told her to stop there and hell no would she be wearing any kind of cream/white/ivory!! I do have a very tell it like it is relationship with MIL though

What does your OH say about it all ?

 

[Mummy May]

Yeah I would also have said something, or gotten OH to say something. It isn't her day and she needs to realise she doesn't get her say!! She is putting unneccessary pressure on you that tbh you just don't need, wedding planning can be quite stressful anyways, never mind with all her crap added in! You tell her that her friends AREN'T invited and show her the flowers YOU want, if she doesn't like it, or says anything, just tell her you can get them somewhere else if she doesn't want to do it! Honestly what a knob she sounds. I would have hit the roof by now! xx

 

[aly888]

I spoke to OH about it last night...convo went like this:

Me: 'I don't know how much more of your mum I can take in all this wedding stuff!'
Him: 'f*ck what my mum wants...we'll do what what ever we want!'

So yeah, I think he agrees with me I did have to explain what happened yesterday though because she only talks to me about it when he's out of the room!

 

[Mummy May]

Your OH sounds like mine Were not telling his Mum or Sisters or Auntie ANYTHING about our wedding, because they just can't keep their effin mouths shut and it winds me up! And he said its more fun not to tell them anything its like I don't want everyone to know whats happening at my wedding day and what I have, before its even bloody been. Pfft in laws ehh!! xx

 

[Lauren25]

Atleast he agrees with you! Would he not say something to her ?
I'd say to her that its your way or she won't be involved at all!

 

[Mummy May]

I'd say to her that its your way or she won't be involved at all!

THIS!! I keep saying this to OH hahahaha! xx

 

[aly888]

But I can't coz of the flowers thing!! I can't be doing with having to think about and pay for flowers this late in the game which makes me sound like i'm just using her for the convenience!
I was too tired to do seating plan/guest lists last night, so gonna do it tonight instead

 

[aly888]

And I can't remember if I said yet or not, but she has given me her list of people she wants to invite to the meal part...it's 11 people over and beyond who we were/are going to invite! ELEVEN!!!! We're only having 50 people INCLUDING the bridal party. What makes her think she's entitled to 20% of the guest list for HER friends!!! argh that's actually got me ragin again. I shouldn't have counted. Haha

 

[Mummy May]

No, just ring her and say sorry but we won't be inviting your 11 guests! Cheeky bitch! xx

 

[Lauren25]

Is she the type of person that if you did put your foot down a bit she would refuse to help you out with the flowers ?

And 11 guests is she having a laugh, my MIL tried making me invite her friend and her husband and I told her hell no but 11!!!!!!!

 

[aly888]

She would take it very personally and wouldn't let it drop. She wouldn't necessarily say she's not doing the flowers, but she would restrict how much she would be willing to spend on them, just to spite me!

Currently doing the seating plan...eek

 

[lozzy21]

Get her to pay and then tell her lol

 

[aly888]

Oh the flowers are another thing stressing me out. She just keeps faffing. I just want it done! I've got a feeling she thinks she's gonna have the final decision on those too

I've just played around with top table arrangements...the only way she can be up there is if she is sat between my dad and my step dad. Which she will not like!!

 

[MrsNuke]

If your fiance is standing behind you and saying its your wedding, your day and what you want, stop trying to please her. Do the table top the way you've envisioned it, not the way she wants it.

MIL thinking she's entitled to her own part of the guest list OMG I've been there and know exactly what you're going through.
When DH and I were first discussing our wedding, we wanted small and were thinking about 50 people, when we did our guest list it was around 100 so double. MIL knew we wanted a small 50-person ceremony, but still gave us a list with over 10+ guests so same as yours 20% of our list. Then we'd left the guest list out by accident, mil saw it and said we needed to allow all the guests to bring +1 thereby increasing our list by about 25-30 and had the nerve to say that since my family was bigger she should get her additional guests to make it even....I couldn't believe it, and boy did DH hear about it later! In the end we decided to have a small ceremony with just our parents and a couple of our best friends in the backyard, it was beautiful!!!

I'm not sure if you've already sent out the invitations or if you've given one to mil. If not don't until after the wedding. I read on another forum about the mil actually photocopying the invitations and sending them out to her guests, the poor bride ended up having 2 extra tables of guests because of this. Something to keep in mind since your mil has already told her 11 guests about your wedding.

 

[aly888]

Oh my goodness, that's shocking!! I don't think my MIL would have the nerve to photocopy our invites. If she did then she would be ejected from the wedding along with her guests!!

Funny though, the reason your MIL gave is very similar to my MILs reasoning. Because I have a big family she seems to think she needs more people on her side to "represent" for her and OH! she's on another planet, I swear!!

 

[VetaNova]

I'm a big fan of saying "I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is what we've decided." It works in just about every situation.

She wants to sit at the top table? I'm sorry you feel that way, but we've decided to have only XYZ people there.

She wants to invite additional guests? I'm sorry you feel that way, but our space and budget is limited and can't accommodate any extra guests.

It's plain English, it's polite and doesn't leave any room for argument. This is your wedding and your marriage. Honestly, from what I've seen my own mother do to my sisters in law, I highly suggest to set the boundaries now. Because this won't stop when the wedding is over.

 

[aly888]

Ok...I'm not sure I updated in this thread but we did the seating plan so MIL was on the top table (so already against what we wanted as we didn't want parents up there at all!!). We've gone for the traditional arrangement except where the MOH and Best Man would be we've got my Step mum and step dad. That's fine. So the layout from left to right is stepmum-FIL-mum-OH-ME-dad-MIL-stepdad

Today MIL drops in to see OH at work and low and behold brings up the top table thing AGAIN!!!! She doesn't know she's at the top table by this point. She's whining about being "stuck on a table with no-one she knows" so OH says to her "well it's either that or sit at the top table between Alys dad and stepdad" ....apparently her face dropped!!! So yes, now she wants to be sat at the top table but in a seat of her choice. FFS
I raged at OH when he told me. I'm sick to the back teeth of her not going with anything we want/decide!!!

 

[aly888]

And I'm so close to biting the bullet and going to a florist for our flowers!!!

 

[Lauren25]

You are kidding me
I think she's done way too much dictating now, does she actually think its her wedding and she gets to make all the choices

Did your OH not say anything to her when she reacted the way she did?