Multiple IVF failures...what now?

[oneof14]

Yay, so excited to here your bean is on track!! love it!

AFM, I go back tomorrow for b/w & u/s - hoping they see more follices. This sh*t is so nerve racking. I start ganerlix tonight.

 

[MoBaby]

Glad your baby is right on track septbride!!
Patricia Im sure your scan will be great IVF is so freaking nerve wrecking! I hate it!

 

[oneof14]

Thanks Mo! I went to acupunture tonight and told her, lets get this show on the road!!

How are you holding up? I'm sorry about you most recent delay, it's so frustrating.

 

[MoBaby]

Holding up. Tired of waiting. Not really interested in much outside of wanting to be pg and im trying to just let go of it but I can't. Delays really stink and in mentally trying to prepare myself for the lining to still be messed up in a couple weeks that way I'm not disappointed. I'm used to bad things always happening to me as I've never had anything easy in life. I'm Hoping no more delays but not counting on it

 

[whattheiveff]

Good luck tomorrow Oneof! I'm sure more follies will show up, but if they haven't try not to get discouraged. I only had 6 follies up until my last monitoring appointment and I went from 6 to 12 overnight!

 

[oneof14]

Aw Mo, I'm sorry for what you've been through. Life is so unfair and as much and you try to be positive, there is always something in your head that says, wait a minute, why am I setting myself up for disappointment. Funny, all my IVFs I worried so much about everything, I never stopped to think, hey this might actually work. I completely understand your feeling dissapointed and I pray that your lining is perfect and ready for your FET at your next visit.

 

[oneof14]

Thanks whatthe, I'm thinking of you today.

 

[whattheiveff]

Oneof - Did you have another monitoring appointment yesterday or today? If so how did it go?

AFM, I ended up staying home from work both Tuesday and Wednesday. I just couldn't quite get it together. I wish I could just accept the fact that I might not be able to get pregnant, but I'm not there yet. I know if in a couple of years we end up with an adopted baby that I will be so happy and grateful, but right now I'm just devastated. Even though I have DOR, each cycle we've had at least 1 really good embryo to put back, and yet none have stuck. I worry that my body just doesn't want to be pregnant, and moving on to DE would just cause more heartbreak if thats the case. It feels like everyone else is on Planet Earth and I'm on Planet I Can't Have a Baby and Nobody Can Tell Me Why. Ugh, sorry for the pity party and rambling. I have another question for you ladies....has anyone heard of myeggbank? It was started at RBA in Atlanta and its pretty amazing. A clinic in my area just started participating and are 10 for 10 of completed cycles right now. Its basically a frozen egg bank of pre-screened, college educated women who donate their eggs and then they're frozen via vitrification. For around $17K you get 6 mature eggs, ICSI, FET, monitoring, etc. and the overall success rates are 65%-70% since 2010. Just curious if anyone knew anything about it?

 

[MoBaby]

whatthe. Know how you feel as my dr doesn't know why I mc or why cycles didn't take. We all deserve our babies and it's not fair

 

[oneof14]

Whatthe, I am so sorry and you are more than entitled to have a pity party. I feel exactly the same way, as far as feeling my body just not wanting to be pregnant, when everyone in the world around you is getting pregnant You know you have it bad when even reading that a celebrity is pregnant can put you in a deep depression. Just take time and grieve, it sux especially when there really is no explanation. It really is hard to think next steps, I refuse to think I am there yet. I am scared to even entertain the thought of not being able to have our own biological children.

I've not heard of myeggbank, but it sound very interesting w/a very high success rate.

Are you keeping your consultation with Dr. Davis? If so, are you doing it via telephone or in person.

Im giving you a virtual tight hug right now!!!

 

[oneof14]

AFM, Ive been moitoring all week, they really dont say much other than I do have follices growing and my E2 levels have been on track. I learned not to ask any questions and go with the flow. Knowledge in my case is not power, its a whole bunch of worry and fear.

This morning the dr doing the monitoring said maybe another 2 more days before they are rip enough to trigger. I am praying that all goes smooth and that we get a decent amount of embryos and maybe, just maybe 1 to freeze.

I've been keeping occupied by work and so tired to think about anything when I get home, as I've been getting on a 5:30 am bus in order for me to get to the hospital by 6:30 am for moniotring. Im keeping my fingers crossed and praying my body reacts as it should.

 

[whattheiveff]

Thanks for letting me vent ladies. You're the only ones who understand.

Oneof - Yes, I'm definitely keeping my appointment with Dr. Davis on March 18 and we're doing it in person. I want to see the clinic and get a feel for how things operate. Unless I really don't like him (which I'm sure won't happen) the plan will be to cycle there 1 more time with my own eggs, but it will probably have to wait until August since I have so many weddings this Spring/Summer that I'm already committed to going to. In the meantime, we are meeting with an adoption agency this sunday and getting the ball rolling with that. Lastly, if this 4th cycle doesn't work (and I have no frozen embryos), and they still think that nothing is wrong with my uterus/ability to carry a pregnancy, we will try DE once. And then obviously if that doesn't work we will proceed with adoption. I truly love the idea of adoption, I'm just not ready to give up my dream of experiencing pregnancy. My hope is that if 4 fresh IVFs and a DE cycle don't work, I will be able to move on to adoption without any regret.

Also, I think its great that you're not finding out too much about your follicles during this process. I'm definitely going to try that next time. The more we know, the more we worry and its just not worth it.

 

[L4hope]

Whatthe no one can truly understand this process unless you experience it. I'm sure we've all taken "sick" days to try and cope with the reality of another failed cycle. I know I sure have. You have every right to vent and feel frustrated and cheated.

The thought of not having your biological child and experiencing pregnancy is a dreaded thought. But, you are not there yet and I'm hoping you have a great consult next week. Sometimes a change in clinics makes a big difference. I'm not familiar with the DE program you were mentioning but sounds very good if you would need to go that route. Thinking of you girl and sending more big bear hugs!

Oneof I also agree that information absolutely leads to more worry and increased googling! I don't often ask for more specifics than they offer for that reason. You're getting so close to ER! Fingers crossed for some beautiful embies soon!!

 

[septbride]

I'm so sorry, Whatthe. There is no rhyme or reason to any of this. It's good that you are looking forward and have a plan in place already. I know DE doesn't offer certainty, but if they have ruled out uterine problems, then it could give you very good odds. Anyway, take care of yourself and hopefully Dr. Davis can figure this out.

 

[Lucie73821]

Hi all! I've been lurking, but haven't been good about posting lately.

One, I think going with the flow is a good plan. This process is so stressful as it is, it's nice to have one less thing to worry about.

What, I think you have a pretty good plan in place. I hope your upcoming appointment goes well.

I hope everyone else is doing well.

As for me, AF finally arrived. Dr said it could be up to 6 weeks from last beta (Feb 14), so I was pretty glad when it arrived on the first. Bad news is we still have to wait for another cycle before we can begin FET. So we're looking at end of April, start of May before we can get started. . I hate the thought of waiting that long. Plus, doing the FET in May wont be real convenient because it's the end of the school year for us, and that month is pretty stressful. But, I'll take inconvenience over having to wait longer!

 

[oneof14]

Whatthe, I'm so happy you are keeping your appointment with Dr. Davis and have a plan. I truly believe I am in the best place and if it fails, i know I did all I can. I think your plan sounds great.

 

[septbride]

How are you ladies doing? Oneof, are you getting close to trigger?

 

[oneof14]

Hey Sept. I just got back from my retrieval, they got 10 eggs. They didn't tell me how many are mature etc. I'm just so happy that this portion is over, now tomorrow is another big day. For some reason my fert rate hasn't been that great, but I'm hoping with the co-culture, it's better this time around.

How are you feeling?

 

[MoBaby]

YAY! 10 eggies!! FX for a bunch of embryos! Are you having ICSI done? How are you feeling?

 

[septbride]

Wow, 10 eggs, that's awesome! Fingers crossed for a great fert report. I'm sure the co-culture will help things along. Hope you're resting up and enjoying some special treats.

All fine here, thanks. Tired and nauseous, but not complaining!