Mums/Moms after Recurrent Losses (MARL) - Come join us!

[Neversaynever]

Oh and I also leave Louis is he's whining/being a plum but you can tell the difference and if he's crying im in there ASAP

Xxx

 

[croydongirl]

Kat- Your poor mama! I am so sorry you had such a rough time. CIO is not for everyone. And in time I do think that Grey will learn to sleep more easily without you guys rocking him. You have to do what you feel is best and that you can handle. Levi's longest crying was about 40 minutes, (not hard crying the whole time, but still) we had the TV up really loud and dh was checking the monitor because I just couldn't bear it.
If we hadn't seen significant change the next night (only 15-20 mins) I never would have kept it up but dh was insistent we had to give it a few days so he took the lead and I distracted myself so I couldnt hear it. We did it just before 6 months but only to go to sleep at night.

It is certainly not something that works for every family, or every baby. But I do think that it makes every mama just as sad to do it.

I think it is traumatic for parents more so than the baby. Iam glad Grey settle quickly after that. I hope that the extra mattress works. Levi didn't like to unlatch, but I used to use my little finger to break the seal gently and that used to ease him off without disturbing him.

Wishing you and your family a sleep-filled and restful night.

 

[KatM]

Thanks Ladies. I appreciate the kind words and encouragement. DH has decided to continue wearing Grey for now. He felt like a bad dad that was not putting his son first. Plus it caused tension between us, so both his son and his wife were very unhappy. I thought of the compromise of DH wearing Grey for the first 2 naps and then I would rock him down for nap 3, the least important one. That way I know G is getting enough sleep and won't be cranky the entire day. If he is tired after nap #3, I can put him to bed early.

NSN,
Grey has only slept on his belly once. That was last night. At this point, I would be thrilled if he slept on his belly.

Croy,
For night time, CIO makes total sense to me. For a 30 min nap, it does not. G barely fusses at night.

Tucks,
Thanks babe.

Melfy,
I am glad you don't mind, but I will say that I don't like it.

 

[bumpyplease]

Fili - I'm sorry I panicked you more. My point was Alfie is nearly 9 months old and his weight is extremely low so I have a different set of worries! I'm sure in a few months when they are all running about all our babies weights will stabilise. She will be fine Hun she is no where near off the scale or anything.

Hi never - wow 8 teeth!! I still have a gummy bear over here! He is doing so well with his crawling and pulling up on things!

Hi Davies - nice to see you! I go back to work in 5 weeks too - dreading it!! Are you full time? I am going back 3 days a week. I think it's Alfie's hair that makes him look grown up - he has so much of it my little helmet head!!!

Kat - hugs sweetie. Glad he liked the egg though!

Melfy - yay!!

Hi everyone else x

 

[filipenko32]

Thanks Bumps yes I am sure she will even out soon on the diet I have her on now lol!! She left 5oz on her second feed so I think her tummy has settled and she knows what she wants now. And Alfie looks perfect to me! The HV also said to me that she looks at the baby too if they are thriving etc

Kat I am not sure what to advise as I am no expert and don't think I do it correctly with Lexi. Here are all my pitfalls sleep-wise with Lexi: She needs a dummy to fall asleep and stay asleep which is really bad as say 3/7 nights in the week I am up on the hour to push her dummy back in BAD! She needs shushing and stroking and dummy pushing to go to sleep unless she is very tired. She seems to want to sleep on her side now???!! She falls asleep on me all the time. We are still having to 'car seat' her sometimes (put her in the car) to get her to sleep. There are occasions when she will nod off on her own but ATM she is no sleep angel! She suddenly seems to have stopped her 4 hour stints with no dummy pushing I hope that's helpful in some way xxx

Oh and she can use the handle of the dummy to pull it out and launch it to the other side of the cot - then she cries out because she doesn't have it!! Dumb baby!!!

I find it very difficult to leave Lexi crying but I think I might have to do something about this dummy situation soon...

Melfy that's wonderful news! So happy for you oh yes, the hb would def not show up yet yay a rainbow rainbow - you'll be a SMARL - Secondtime ........

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Hi ladies,

Tuckie, don't be so hard on yourself,jeez anyone would be the same after sleep deprivation. what I find strange is that your MIL or no one came to get you if Bay was crying for so long, but I know you've said that yourself that they don't get involved too much.
Also Emelia is similar to what you have described about removing distractions etc. when trying to get her to sleep.

Kat, I really do sympathise as I think that must be soo difficult to have Grey nap on one of you's/your husband having to wear him in the sling. I know its no joke but I cant even imagine my husbands reaction if he were to do this. Unfortunately for you guys you must be so desperate that you try anything and everything for a sleep.
Im the same with CIO, willing to do it for up to 10 mins if its not hysterical crying but I couldn't let Emelia get herself into a real state as it makes me upset.
Also hard going that Grey still wakes 2-3 times through the night even after his dream feed, do you think he isn't getting much milk at a time and maybe just using your boob for comfort? I know in an ideal world a baby should sleep through if full enough, I would seriously consider the benefits of formula for a midnight bottle.

Its hard to say though because people can offer all of the advice in the world as to what works for their baby but Grey is just an individual.

Like NSN said Emelia can also only stay awake for 3-4 hours max even during the day before she starts to get cranky so she needs a nap.
This is the routine that we follow, up at around 7.30 or 8am to feed and play etc. then Emelia always needs her nap 11-1pm for two hours. Then awake again and will maybe have a small nap at 4 ish or 5ish. Then she goes down to her bed at 8pm everynight, wakes for a midnight feed then back to sleep until the morning again.

When we put her down she expects her routine of getting put into her sleeping bag, dummy in the mouth and cot mobile on. Last week we ran out of batteries for the cot mobile and it really upset the routine as she was harder to settle.
The best thing we ever done was put her into her own room, just like everyone kept telling us. We were scared about doing this so didn't until 23 weeks.

Kat, I would really advise you to get Grey used to his own room by trying to put him in there for naps during the day because when you eventually want him to sleep in there overnight at least he will be familiar with it. Apologies if you already do this.
The reason I say is because my brother and sister in law have a child at almost 2 and he still has to sleep in their bed every night and will not sleep in his own bed, they reckon its because they tried to just put him straight into his own cot cold turkey.

Again regarding CIO and listening to your baby cry, I think that its upsetting for any "normal" loving parent to listen to listen to their baby cry. There is a huge difference though in what we all are prepared to do compared to people that genuinely neglect their babies.

I find it so upsetting to watch Emelia cry.
last night for example we were forcing her to do tummy time as she is still terrible at it and has barely any arm strength, she started going hysterical and my husband kept telling me to leave her as we're not helping her by giving in. Needless to say after a couple of minutes even he couldn't watch it and picked her up.
As I said she is still not great at tummy time and can not extend her arms to puch herself up. I watched a video on you tube the other night which showed a baby developing typically and atypically. Emelia does everything classed as normal development with the exception of on her tummy. In this case she was exactly like the baby that couldn't do it.
I feel seriously paranoid about it at times and hate that my family think Im stupid for being concerned but Im going to give it to she is exactly 7 months old and then if still unable to do it I will ask my health visitor to actually watch her unable to do this and see what they think.
I am in direct contact with other babies at the baby sensory class which are the same age or younger and I cant believe how they are all doing it well.

Im sure it was Mrsm, that said to me when all our kids are running about together you would never know who was the first to crawl or do things etc. which I know will be so true but in the meantime I need this to be checked.
The health visitor mentioned that its normally a physiotherapist that assesses these type of things.

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Fili, what you describe with the dummy is the exact same for Emelia, she needs her dummy to fall asleep, even if she's clearly overtired and cant keep her eyes open she needs that dmmy in before she will fall asleep.
Also wakes at times during the night if it falls out and I need to get up to put it back in.
The best thing we got was the cord that you attached to the dummy and clip to their clothes as she also is fascinated at outing it in and out her mouth and dropping it.

My fear is that we are going to struggle down the line to stop her needing a dummy as I personally don't like the look of it when you see kids walking about with dummys but you do hear of kids that come home from school and still want their dummy in the house!! I know my cousin had a child with that problem.

Melfy, I meant to say that's good news about the scan and things are how they should be just now. Oh and I cant believe how much milk Zoe takes, that's double what Emelia consumes.

 

[filipenko32]

Just I read somewhere recently that tummy time is practically irrelevant when all babies will crawl eventually and it makes no difference when like mrs migg was alluding to. I think it was in that book: What to Expect for First 12 Months yes I think it was

And no 3/4 year olds with dummies is not a good look i agree!! Yesterday in Canterbsury I saw this obese woman with a 4/5 year old (also overweight) in a pram (!!!!) with a dummy. It was disgusting...

 

[filipenko32]

Are any of the lovely MARL babies showing a preference for sleeping on their side? I think I am going to have to start putting Lexi on her side instead of back as she sleeps much better but can't quite get on her side herself yet!

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Fili, I've always been really blaming myself for lack of tummy time since day 1, so I started to do it on a daily basis for a couple of months now and Emelia is still no better at pushing herself up and holding herself up. I was just saying yesterday that I don't think a lack of tummy time is to blame for it now.
My mum thinks I over react and she said that she never had us on our tummies and also none of the 3 of us ever crawled as we went straight to walking all for our first birthdays.

I honestly think that some of these milestone charts and percentile charts are a bad thing as you start to freak out about what your baby is NOT doing. I guess in our day when we were babies they never had these things!
I would just hate to think that Emelia has something underlying wrong with her as that's what I start to get paranoid about. She was 3 weeks early and I know they say that a gestation of 37 weeks onwards is not early but sometimes I swear she is a few weeks behind other babies. When you think of it how a lot of babies are even 2 weeks late, that is a difference of 5 weeks in gestation.

I agree that is not good when you see overweight people with overweight children, parental environment and influence over diet is a major thing.
Where I live if you go up to the town centre you see lots of mums with their prams and young babies tucking into a Greggs sausage roll! shocking!

I think your doing the right thing by cutting down some milk, not that Lexi even looks big in those pictures. But I remember my health visitor saying that when a baby starts solids, if she see's any that are overweight she tells the parents to cut out at least one of the bottles or reduce the milk as that's still the main calorie source.

Oh and to answer your question I have never seen Emelia sleep on her side, I think her sleeping bag restricts her and to be honest I thought that safest that she sleeps on her back but if she starts to do it by herself then what can you do.

Bumpy, its funny when you mention Alfie's weight being lower as again he dosent even look small in any pictures, I definitely don't think weight is all that!

 

[melfy77]

Zoe NEEDS her dummy to go to sleep. Last night she woke up 5 or 6 times, and I only fed her twice. Otherwise I just put her dummy back in her mouth and she falls right back asleep. I really think she's going through a sleep regression

Fili: I totally agree about those charts, they're just a guideline. They also say babies should not drink more than 32 oz of formula/day, but Zoe would starve if I did!!!

Just: Zoe is not on solids yet; I have a feeling it might go down when I start. Her diapers just get soooo heavy And she's starting to enjoy ''tummy time'' a little more, but usually no more than 5-7 minutes. After she just gets fussy. She's still not rolling, but I'm not worried at all.

 

[filipenko32]

Lol to the greg's sausage rolls and babies just! Omg I can well imagine though. Thanks melfy. It's funny because now I am so closely monitoring Lexi's feeds she never ever eats the whoe feed, she leaves 2-5oz. Even though I was pushing the bottle in her mouth every 1.5 hours before she never guzzled the lot but I bet she got at least 32oz... Makes me realise, at least, that I definitely wont repeat the same mistake with lexi 2 who we are going to call Katy btw or if a boy Leo if I'm lucky enough to have another one!

 

[hopeful23456]

will write later - baptism outfits, don't have pics of the baptism on computer yet

 

[bumpyplease]

Fili Alfie will sleep on his front side or back he has a right good wriggle when he sleeps!! Side might be good if she likes that as it will stop the bald patch developing!!

Just I agree about naps in cot, we started early so he was used to it. We put Alfie in his own room at 10 weeks which I know is very early but both him and is have slept so much better after doing this.

One thing I will say about tummy time which will hopeful reassure you is that Alfie is 8 1/2 months now and still hates it (unless I can distract it with one of his favourite toys!!) and he can't push up on his arms very well either. BUT his legs are sooooooo strong he has wanted to walk with our help for ages now and can stand up holding onto things and even on his own for a few seconds now. So in terms of the steps to walking he is quite advanced for his age (especially as a premmie born 6 weeks early) yet I have a feeling he's not going to crawl at all. Maybe Emilia will be the same? I also heard crawling is no longer a recognised milestone by docs-Health visitors as many babies skip this stage altogether or bum shuffle instead of crawling! Good idea to ask though for peace of mind.

Alfie also needs a dummy MOST of the time to sleep. I managed to wean him off it a while ago but since he has started teething really badly he screams until I give him one and then goes straight off when it's in his mouth!!! Fili I used to be like that going in every hour or so to replace the dummy but now I have a new thing that works really well and you may want to try? Anything for a better nights sleep eh??!!!! For naps I let him keep his dummy as it usually stays in or doesn't bother him if it comes out but at night I let him fall asleep then gently remove it after 5-10 mins. I think that way where he is not used to the sucking action all night long if he does wake up he is not desperate for it and usually will settle himself back to sleep. He usually sleeps well from 7-5am with no dummy (apart from first 5 mins to drop off) then if he stirs at 5/6am I will give it to him so that he will go back off till 7am. Otherwise he thinks its playtime and will want to get up for the day!!!

 

[filipenko32]

Awwww hopeful they are adorable!! Look at them! You must be so in love

I think this book was implying that tummy time practice or not it's not that important and all babies get there in the end just different development milestones. Don't worry Hun I really don't think you need to worry but I know we do!! I will try and find it and copy it out. Lexi really struggles with tummy time too she huffs and puffs and can only do 4 mins max.

Thanks bumps I will try that tonight!!

 

[melfy77]

Bump: I will also try it tonight!!! And Alfie is really cute!! Looks like he's gonna be walking soon enough

 

[croydongirl]

Hopeful- they look adorable! Those outfits are darling. The twins just look so grown up too. Sweethearts!

Fili- we put Levi to sleep on his side from about 4 months, maybe even earlier. He just slept more soundly that way. He now sleeps a lot on his belly with his bum up on the air! But he rolls all over now. Good thing you can move the camera on our monitor from the hand set because he often moves so far away from where he starts!

We had Levi in a co sleeper in our bed the first 4 months ans he would take great naps in the swing. After we got back from our trip to London we thought it was a good time to get gin into his crib so we did cold turkey for night times and nap times. It took him a little while to adjust and I Sid some swing naps as he transitioned but he got used to it. If we have another baby u think we would start the transition eaier and put th co sleeper in the crib at first to get them used to the surroundings while in a familiar bed. But I liked seeing him nap in the swing so if we can find one to borrow again I think we would still have the baby nap in there at first.. unless we needed to keel them more out if Levi's reach! Ha ha

 

[hoping:)]

Kat- we live in the city too but have always wanted to grow our own food so that we know 100% where it came from and what is in it. Eventually we would like to buy some land and expand our garden plus add some goats.

Tim works in telecom and energy deregulation. He is basically like the Orbitz/Travelocity of essential home services and is a broker for companies such as T-mobile, Verizon, Sprint, Direct TV, Comcast, ADT, Centurylink and more. He also works with utility companies to give options to customers regarding their bill but only in deregulated state. He really enjoys it and likes that he can help people save $ on bills they pay anyway… if anyone wants a free quote on their bills just let me know.

Your DH’s work sounds very interesting. Sorry about the race car business but it sounds like your DH has used it as a stepping stone to move on bigger and better things!

Grey looks so cute standing on those chubby legs of his! Penny’s weight plateaued as well when she became active. She never stops going these days and is always finding something to climb or is dancing, running or jumping all over. I Loled at you saying Grey would be arrested for mommy abuse

I’ve never used diaper cream on Penny. I did buy some organic butt salve when she was really little and had a few rashes but we figured out the wipes were causing it. Since then we only use wipes for poopy diaper and she hasn’t had a rash since. I ‘m glad you cracked the code for his diaper rash and it finally cleared up. Your start to today sounds awful. You are right… no one wants to CIO but sometimes it is the last resort. Please don’t feel so bad about all of it. You know that you definitely don’t want to go that route but don’t beat yourself up about it. Do what you feel is best for your family. I hope you find something that works soon.

Tuckie- I hope she ends up with your eyes! With you and your dad having light eyes it is definitely possible. You don’t see very many Natives with blue eyes like your dad’s. When I was little I always wished for green eyes but I have almost black and so does Penny. The baby pictures of you and DH are too cute! Tim also started with blonde and now has black hair. Penny and I both had dark hair straight from the start.

You are certainly not a bad mom so don’t feel too bad about falling asleep. You are not alone! I’ve done it once myself.

Croy- It does sound like a lot to take on but the nice thing is you will be rewarded with a sunny vacation. I hope you can get ahead on your homework and have some peace of mind. Don’t stress out too much over the packing… make a list and do a couple things each day. It will all work out.

Penny is a huge fan of eggs and blue berries too… such an easy go to breakfast!

Your hotel sounds lovely especially since you spent your wedding night there. I hope you can find a time to wean that will be comfortable for both you and Levi.

Just- Emelia is such a doll in those pictures. I do the same… a majority of Penny’s food was/is home made but I couldn’t pass up on the organic pouches. She still loves them to this day. I think I am going to try buying some of the pouches Croy mentioned. They are so awesome for feeding a toddler on the go.

Fili- that is so awesome your DH can work from home! Lexi is darling so I can see why he can’t help but be involved even though he is supposed to be working. I wouldn’t worry about her being in a high percentile for weight especially at this age. Like Tuckie said, you still have plenty of time to introduce her to healthy food options when she goes to solids.

Wow! That is an impressive list of meds… surely with all of that you will be looking at a BFP in no time! The tummy time picture is beyond cute.

I also look at my losses as my journey to get to Penny. The only ones I still mourn are the twins that I lost (they were the only ones we saw heart beats besides Penny) but even then I am so grateful that they led me to my gorgeous girl. I feel like everything that happened was meant to happen and has made me into the person I am today. When my mom died I asked her to take care of my angel babies… The day after her funeral we were at my grandfather’s when my aunt took a picture of me, my dad and Penny. In the picture there is a giant orb over my dad and Penny and two tiny ones over me. We always believed that the glowing orbs in pictures are people who have passed.

Melfy- the symptoms all sound like great signs. That is such a great scan at 5+2!!! I’m excited to hear about your scan next week!

MrsMigs- that is so horrible your freezer got unplugged. Did you manage to salvage or use all of the breast milk? That stuff is like liquid gold! The baby picture of Edie is darling… she has lovely eyes. Louis is such a cutie as well.

Bumpy- I hope Alfie pops some teeth soon so he can stop being miserable and you can finally gets some sleep. I loved the stage when they start to walk assisted and stand all by themselves. He is such a big boy now and so handsome!

Davies- I hope Af hurries up and shows her self to put you out of your misery! After Penny and then starting on BCP for the surrogacy my cycles have been out of whack as well.

NSN- it sounds like you have a very active little guy on your hands now!

Hopeful- thanks for sharing pictures of your little princess and prince at their baptism. The look gorgeous in their white little outfits!

Whew! There was a lot to catch up on. Sorry if I missed anyone!

AFM- Penny had her first stint as an activist. I took her to the capital on Saturday to march against Monsanto. It was nice to see lots of mommies and their kids protesting as well. There was a little 3 year old with a sign and shouting “NO GMOs!” over and over.

All of our contracts for the surrogacy have been signed and notarized so we are just waiting for our dates so we can fly out to the east coast. They guys are super excited to show us around NYC and so are we.

 

[KatM]

Hi Ladies-

Thanks again for your advice and kind words. Grey sleeps in his own room (for 2 months now). DH and I moved out of the master bedroom and into DH's old office. When we move to the new house in 3 weeks, we will reclaim the master. Grey has been sleeping in his crib for 3 nights now. After the dream feed (when he is the most tired), DH puts him in. He stayed in there with no waking from 10:20-4:40 then fed, then wake at 6am. This is a schedule we can live with. He usually only needs 1 night feed after dream feed, which is livable.

This is DH's and my anniversary!!! It is so unromantic. Last year we were in Canne, France on the beach. This year we will most likely go to the Dr again since Grey has a slight fever 100.4 and that pimple on his butt has turned into a whitehead for several days now. I am worried it is infected. He also pooped during his nap on DH at sometime and got a bum rash from this not being caught immediately, so now I have to deal with this. He also now has dry patches on his legs from the constant sink rinses since we cannot use wipes and are not to do the wiping motion at all. He also has a dry patch/rash above his lip and on his neck. AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Hopeful,
The twins look adorable. I love that your little guy is doing the splits.

Hoping,
Wonderful news hon!!! I am so excited for you. You are amazing.

Fili,
That sounds like an equally dreadful sleep routine you have going.

Just,
My DH is amazing that he has never complained about the wearing for hours a day until now. He is, however, wearing him again right now. It is what it is.

I am sorry you are worried about E's arm strength hon. I hope the other girls have reassured you. I know it is useless to be told not to worry. That is our number one job. The good news is that all other things are right on target.

Bumpy,
Hope the teething ends very shortly.

 

[filipenko32]

It's really good to hear all your views about how you now view your losses; kind of therapeutic... When I think that all my losses had heartbeats that does strike a sharp chord it was always terrible when they stopped. Bleugh anyway onwards and upwards!

Hoping I saw your pics of gorgeous penny on fb what a good girl too!! And wonderful news re the surrogacy so exciting. On a slighty separate note: I want to adopt a Russian orphan when I can't have anymore children. I asked hubs today and he wasn't that adverse to it! There are a lot of orphans in Russia but I bet there are some poor orphans in the uk too.

Kat happy anniversary!!!! I hope it gets better for you!!? Maybe have some later? Here's a toast to you both now

Bumps I am sitting here in Lexi's nursery waiting for her dummy to fall out yawn! However I will be plucking it in 10 mins if it doesn't!

Kat yes it is dire lol! She has got much worse she was doing ok for about.... 2 weeks lol!