Mums/Moms after Recurrent Losses (MARL) - Come join us!

[KatM]

Hi Tuckie,

I knew your mom was close by, but not your grandparents too. That is nice for Bay. Poor Bay with her teething. Is anything helping? Did she stop biting your nipple?

We use about 1/4 of the recommended detergent amount now. I used to always use half. DH and I are both sensitive to laundry detergent too. I use the Whole Foods brand baby detergent that is supposed to be super gentle. I have Method Baby, but it has fragrance in it. I also used to use Tide Free and Clear for everyone until G had this rash outbreak. The Dr. also said it could just be the heat. I know other moms say they need to double rinse their cloth diapers, so I am just going to try that. I will say that he never had a body rash or rash in the front of his diaper area until we got this new washer. It is not good. He only ever got minor rashes between his butt cheeks before this last month. I can't wait till we move into our new home on June 20th where we will have a new washer. I'm almost at the point of washing G's stuff in plain hot water if that will help. I sincerely hope it is just the shitty washer that has caused me this 3 weeks of rash hell!!!

I really like the Dr. we chose today, but I will switch pediatric practices when we move. We ran into Dr. N and he was very caring as usual. I could not be angry at him since the dr we saw today concurred with Dr. N that this was not a boil that they would be concerned with... except that it came back a second time for 2 days. It could take over an hour to get from South Bay to Beverly Hills in moderate traffic. In heavy traffic maybe 2. In no traffic 30min. L.A. sucks for driving. I will change my life, so that all my appts are in S. Bay.

DH is working 1 hour from home, right? Did you get your 2nd car yet? Are there mom's groups in your area. I am joining one when I move.

 

[tuckie27]

Kat- I hope it's just the new washer then. Dressing G in all organic clothing would be pricey! Glad you get into your new house in a few weeks LA traffic is horrendous! I've only driven down there a handful of times and I got such bad anxiety from it every time! It will be nice to plan appointments closer to your new home. Maybe you can schedule them for times when there's less traffic too? B hasn't bitten my nipples hard in several days. Thank goodness! However, she's pinched me really hard the last couple days! Ouch. Babies are vicious. DH is working out of town again this week. We haven't bought the second car yet. I still have the money saved up and I've been looking. Right now a lot of the used cars have been getting scooped up for graduation presents. I want to make a good choice too so I'm being a bit picky. We want a Toyota or Honda sedan with good mpg. DH had that week off unpaid too so we didn't get to add any into the savings from that check. I haven't joined a moms group yet. I found a local group on Facebook that meets up, but it seemed like there were a lot of young moms. I would prefer to meet moms that are closer to my own age. Maybe I'm being judgmental, but I just don't see myself hanging out with these really young moms. I wish all the ladies here were in a local mom group and we could meet up! Too bad we're spread all over the globe!

Today really sucked. Bay was fussy all day. It was hot and I was getting cranky too. Teething sucks!!! I gave her baby Advil at 3pm and she was still being super fussy. Oh, and she pooped on the carpeted hallway en route to the bath tub

 

[KatM]

Tuckie-
Yikes for poop on carpet. I imagine that was fun to clean up. I don't know how you manage so well without DH for such long stretches and no car. You are doing great. I wish we lived closer. DH worked for 2 days and left me home alone with G. It was rough!!! And Grey was great.

Poor Bay with her teeth. I do not look forward to this. I still see nothing poking through for G. Honda and Toyotas sound good.

Having babies super young is so foreign to me. In LA, everyone is almost geriatric by the time they have babies. DH comments about all the grey-haired dads. On our hospital tour everyone was in their 40's but us.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for Bay and you.

 

[bumpyplease]

Oh just - I'm glad Emelia is ok poor thing!!

And Kat - grey too. Glad you like your new doc.

Tuckie - your weekend sounds lovely!
Sorry about the teething.

I can sympathise we are having such an awful time with teething. A seems in so much pain and I feel so helpless. Yesterday he refused to nap I tried everything all day but he just screamed and screamed. He had 2x15 min nap all day!! Thankfully he slept well though from 6.45pm to 6.30am. Sorry I don't have much time to be on here lately he is not giving me much space in the day!!! Come on teethy pegs!!!!

Hi everyone else.....

 

[croydongirl]

Hey ladies, taking a break from the pool to check in while I have a minute - I missed you guys!


Barbados is wonderful but the heat is rough on Levi. That and the time change throwing hime off poor thing has had a melt down both the last two nights. He never does that so its hard for me to see but I hope he will adjust soon.

He is just in a diaper at the villa or in full swim stuff and hat in the pool but he is HOT and sweaty poor thing. We have an air conditioning unit in our room but the windows have permanent open slats so it doesn't work that well. Its all good fun though, we can all nap and take it easy with my family here to help out too.

Kat - just wanted to mention, did you switch to a HE machine? When we changed i looked into cloth diaper laundry and some sights suggested utting a soaking wet towel in wiht your diaper load to trigger more water being released to rinse thoroughly. I haven't tried it but it might be something you could try if that was a possibility.

Ok, hope the rest of you are doing well.
Oh and the flights went great - Levi slept well and we all got here without too much stress or worry at all. Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts in our direction it means a lot!!

 

[hoping:)]

Croy- I hope you had a smooth flight! I'm sorry the poor little guy is having a tough time with the time change and heat but it sounds like you will have a beautiful vacation... take lots of pictures! Its very exciting your will start ttc when you get back!

Kat- I’ll share a list of the vaccines when I get home. It is really confusing especially because you only want what’s best for them. For sure we declined the Flu shot and Chicken Pox (we plan to get it later but will never do the Flu shot). For the most part we just delay and space the vaccines as much as possible and I really try to only let them give her one at a time (the MMR was not able to be broken up). Our doctor is really good at going over each one carefully and then we all make a decision. I want Penny to be protected but I don’t want any of the side effects and I don’t want to overwhelm her system. She is doing well so far and has a strong immune system. She has only been sick once and that was when she was a couple months old. It is a learning process… the key would be to find a good doctor you trust and do your research.

I am in awe that you are trying elimination communication! I wanted to try with Penny but the timing never worked for us. With Grey’s sensitive skin this sounds like a good route for you guys. You will have to keep us updated on your progress. I hope the double rinse cycle will also help with the skin issues.

Tuckie- Have fun documenting your parenting journey! I love looking back and can’t wait to share my journal with Penny some day. The pool party sounds nice. Penny always seems to get her teeth in pairs too.

Penny pooped on the carpet the other week too! I’ve cleaned it several times and then rented a carpet cleaner… it was that bad. She managed to take off her diaper and then stepped in it! I was grabbing something out of our room when I hear her whining. She was sitting in the door way picking poo out of her tootsies and saying “ewww.”

Just- the accident sounds horrible. I would have been in hysterics too! Your FIL must have felt just awful. I’m glad the knee issue fixed its self and you no longer have to worry about it.

Bumpy- I hope the teeth pop soon!

Afm-
We finally got an email from our doctor's office on Saturday! We leave next Tuesday and have our appointment on Wednesday!!! I'm still waiting to hear on the travel arrangements but D & E are on it and have been hounding the center since yesterday. Apparently the center was going to make us fly Tuesday night and then fly home right after the appointment at noon. D & E are having none of that and have requested that we get at least 2 days with them. I believe the center also had plans to put us up in a hotel in CT close to the office but the guys are set on getting us a room in NYC so we can be close to them. I am soooo excited and love that the guys are just as excited and really doing their best to make sure we are taken care of. They are so great!

 

[melfy77]

We're at my in-laws for the next 3 weeks, so I will have some time to read catch up, but just wanted to give you an update on my scan: We have a strong heartbeat around 170bpm. And they also tested my hcg levels at 5 weeks 2 days (24 dpo) and they were 29 000!!!! Everything is perfect!!

 

[cgav1424]

SUPER selfish post...

First of all, Annabel will be 5 weeks tomorrow. She's gaining well and honestly isn't too difficult. She has one 4-4 1/2 hour stretch of sleep at night followed by waking every 2-3 hours for a feed. It's me who can't fall back asleep after being woken up. Anyway, my first problem is baby related. She sometimes forgets to breathe. It's usually when she's nursing, but she'll choke on my milk, pull off my breast and cough a couple times, but then forget to inhale once she's done. A couple of nights ago, she didn't choke but just detached from my nipple like she was asleep. Well, I moved her to burp her and she was super still. I then realized she wasn't breathing. I held her in my arms and jostled her gently and she finally took a deep breath in. I'm sure it wasn't anymore than 10 seconds, but it felt like 10 hours. She had an episode like this in the hospital the night she was born and the pediatrician advised she stay in the nursery and was on a pulse ox the whole night. Her O2 levels were perfect so the ped concluded she just forgot to breathe apparently as some babies do. I accepted this explanation her first night of life, but now at 5 weeks... can she really still not know how to breathe properly? I will call her ped tomorrow, but just wanted to see if any of my fellow MARLS had any experience with this.

My second problem is marriage related. DH and I haven't gotten our groove back since Annabel was born. We normally have a great relationship. Of course it has it's ups and downs just like any other, but we just aren't connecting anymore. He is consumed by work and DS and DD. It has been important to both of us that our other two children get the attention they need and deserve after Annabel was born. So, DH goes to work, comes home and is immediately sucked in to caring for Christian and Aubrey... which I think is fantastic. But by the time I put the kids to bed, he is exhausted and passes out shortly after getting into bed. Which I should understand, right? Except that used to be our time to reconnect and talk about our day. As I'm usually in bed before him and nursing the baby, I thought this would continue and that we could just talk while I fed the baby. But he just gets into bed and turns on one of his murder mystery shows on TV (which I loathe... seriously, why would I want to fall asleep listening to some morbid details about someone killing someone else?). He is often asleep before the show ends anyway. I suggested that we keep the TV off so we could talk, but then the baby will cry and need to be changed or rocked or fed so he takes the opportunity to turn it on while I'm preoccupied. I then reminded him that I hate murder mysteries so he went downstairs to watch them. There is just no connection between us anymore. We have always said that we are the very definition of opposites attracting, but now I'm scared that maybe that stopped working for us. Today we finally had the opportunity to grab some lunch and reconnect even though our daughters were with us. It was a chance to get out of the house. We ended up arguing the whole time. He was grumpy because his back hurt. Well, I'm not going to be sympathetic about something that's been hurting him for the past year when he's not doing anything to make it better. He doesn't want to take pain medication because he has an addictive nature and actually was addicted to pain meds after his back first started giving him problems. He chose to stop taking them. However, today, during our argument, it was that I don't let him take pain meds anymore. He doesn't take the time to go physical therapy because the kids won't let him or he can't work it into his work schedule, yet he can take the time to do other silly things that men go out and do. Ugh. It's so irritating. I know I'm easily irritated because I'm tired and hungry and anxious. My whole day revolves around Annabel... especially with these forgetting to breathe episodes. The anxiety I felt throughout my pregnancy about something bad happening to her has carried into her actually being here. I can't shake this horrible feeling that I'll only have her for a short time. I don't know if that feeling stems from all my miscarriages and the fear of losing her or if I'm traumatized by all the losses my family has gone through. I don't know if it's because we had two healthy children and I pushed for the third only to be met with m/c after m/c after m/c. So maybe I'm thinking in the back of my head that I'm pushing my luck and she wasn't meant to be with us because why else would I have lost three pregnancies before she was born? Maybe it's mommy guilt because I never enjoyed my pregnancy with her because I just expected that at every doctor's visit or every ultrasound, there would be no heartbeat. I know I sound like a crazy person right now and I know you're all going to think I should get evaluated for PPD or at least postpartum anxiety, but I just keep hoping it'll pass. Other than my problems with DH and my overwhelming concern for Annabel, I'm fine. I get out of bed every morning, have a healthy appetite, have started working out, I've gone out a couple of times without any of the kids to go shopping or to have lunch with my girlfriends, etc. I don't feel depressed and the anxiety I feel towards the baby is mostly when she's asleep. I am enthralled with her when she's awake and alert. Unfortunately, she's still at that stage where she sleeps more than anything so the anxiety definitely outweighs whatever little positive thought I have while she's awake. Ugh. I don't know... I just needed to rant, I suppose. Again, sorry for the super selfish post... I'm reading back for a proper catch up now.

 

[hopeful23456]

Cgav- it's so hard when they are so young, ESP when dh acts like a turd. Sounds like he's taking his back pain out on you and u are both sleep deprived. ESP u I'm sure, getting up all the time just plain sucks and is so hard to keep doing over and over again. Although of course we love it
I would go to the ped on the breathing, didn't happen here but I've heard of it before and it would freak me out too! But it's ok, if they didn't make a big deal at first then maybe it's something she will grow out of. Dylan had a slight heart murmur and that went away after a few months

Croy- trip sounds awesome!

Gotta read back but hi to everyone. Kat- omg- never heard of EC! Glad u got a new doc too

 

[KatM]

Croy,
Great news on Levi doing so good on the airplane. Also great to hear that you are relaxing pool side and enjoying yourself. Too bad your sweetie is teething. Thanks for the tip. We have a shitty, mini washer. In 2 weeks and 2 days we will have our new full-size one.

Hoping,
That is so exciting. Of course you all should spend some time in NYC while you fly all the way out there to help this couple. We are spacing the vaccines and won't consider chicken pox until much, much later. Flu is also not being considered at all.

Melfy,
Yay!!!

CGav,

Buy the Snooza to Go off of Amazon. It alerts you if your baby stops breathing. It technically alerts you if your baby stops moving. I used it for months. I cloth diaper and it sucks for cloth diapers, but is good for disposables. I only used it when G was in his swing at night, but a lot of parents whose kids have breathing issues use it 24/7. It works and is only $100 or so.

As far as you and DH, I think you need to take the pressure off and give it time. It has only been 5 weeks and there has been tremendous change. Your DH is probably doing the best he can and then needs to unwind in front of the T.V. to destress. Men need to zone out, women need to talk. It isn't fair to force him to talk when he works, is exhausted with the kids and needs time to zone out. It also isn't fair if he doesn't put any effort in. This sounds like a plan needs to be made. I would say to let it go for now, but make an effort to have talks on the weekend. Try to talk to him about it from a place of making a plan you can both be happy with and make a talk date for the weekend when he does not have work.

I almost got PPA/PPD from not being able to sleep once the baby woke me. I understand that hell and I had nothing to worry about as far as breathing. Maybe the Snooza will help to calm your fears.

AFM,
Elimination Communication is going great I have caught most of G's pees today and a poop. I am really learning his timing better. His diaper rash is all gone with no sign of return. I even ordered him underwear.

 

[cgav1424]

Holy crap, my last post was a beast. Apologies... I evidently had more to vent about than I had originally anticipated.

Melfy - That's amazing news! I'm so glad you found a strong heartbeat... Looks like you got yourself a super sticky bean. I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Enjoy your in-laws and your white bread!

Hoping - it's all happening now, isn't it? How exciting! D & E sound incredible. It's so great how they're going to bat for you... just shows that you were matched with the right couple.

Croy - Barbados sounds lovely. I'm a little jealous over here. We haven't been able to take a vacation in years. I was always pregnant (with my m/c nevertheless) and high risk when vacation opportunities arose. I'm thinking we'll have to wait until the baby is a little more manageable before we attempt any vacations. We were thinking of taking a road trip to Colorado this summer, but we're not sure yet. We're just kind of playing it by ear. Isn't amazing how well babies end up traveling? Both my DD and DS not only traveled well, but LOVED taking plane trips anywhere. Hopefully Annabel will be the same.

Bumpy - Hope those teeth come out soon!

Kat - I haven't read back properly, but from my lurking times... weren't you supposed to test at some point? First off, congrats on the house! That's so wonderful that you were able to find a home you both loved and could afford. I know how difficult that is especially in South Bay. Second of all, yay that Grey has been sleeping better and that DH will be working from home. Lastly, I'm glad you've found a pediatrician you like. It's so hard to find someone you can trust and that will respect your wishes. Wish the crazy thoughts I've been having about Annabel, I've been researching all sorts of things, one of them being alternative vaccination schedules. It's so foreign to me as both DD and DS were on the traditional schedule. Also, our pediatrician is a family friend (my father was my first two children's doctor, but he passed away 6 years ago... God, I miss him more than ever now that I have a new baby I'm freaking out about) and she's old school. I know without a doubt that she wouldn't go for an alternative schedule. I can't imagine it'll be easy to find a doctor out here in the suburbs (most everyone is old school... hardly any new grads - since they seem to be more open-minded - come out here to settle down) who will know what to do with an alternative vaccination schedule. Oh and I hope you find the culprit of G's rash soon. Poor thing. Glad you got him checked out from head to toe.

Tuckie - sorry Bay was fussy. Hope her teeth pop through as well. Oh and the places Annie has pooped in these first five weeks. :doh: So glad I put on my cheap duvet from Ikea since we usually end up changing her on the bed with just a receiving blanket underneath. It's almost like her butt responds to the cold air once her diaper comes off.

Just - OMG! How scary! I'm so glad Emelia is okay. I know how everyone also talks about how resilient babies are, but it's still terrifying when they get hurt.

Pad - I've already told you how gorgeous Leo is. Now someone tell Lee to get her butt over to the MARL thread already!

Fili - how's Portugal? Did you travel prepared with your pregnancy tests to take?

Hi Heart, hopeful, davies, Mighty, Mrs Mig, and anyone else I missed.

Okay, that's as far back as I could read and take notes before Annie woke up. Duty calls... I'm so glad everyone is doing well.

 

[cgav1424]

hopeful and Kat - we cross posted. Thank you for the hugs and support.

Kat - I know you're right and that I should take some of the pressure off. It was just never this difficult after Christian and Aubrey. We almost immediately found our mojo as being a married couple first then adjusting to being a family of three, then a family of four. Granted, our last big adjustment like this was 6 years ago with Aubrey. We didn't have back pain or an overwhelming sense of fear and paranoia to deal with back then as this was all pre-miscarriage times. Ahhh... to be in our late 20's again. I do understand his need to decompress in front of the TV and mostly it doesn't bother me... but today coupled with his constant complaining about his back... I guess it just set me off. He had an appointment earlier and has since come home, but it's very tense right now and not conducive to any sort of rational conversation. Thank you for the support though. And for the heads up on the Snooza... off to Amazon I go.

 

[cgav1424]

Okay, I went from not posting at all to blowing up this thread...

Quick question for Kat - which Snuza did you get? There are so many different options...

 

[KatM]

Cgav,

I got the Snuza to go and was overall very happy with it. It is a cheap plastic clip that is way overpriced, but it does what it says it is going to do and gave me peace of mind.

I understand why you are upset with your situation with DH, but you have adjusted twice before and will do so again. And this time there is more pressure and commitments. Is he going to take his CA leave. My DH is on his. That would give you all more time. That might be a very good idea while you need this extra support.

AFM,
Cgav is right that I was supposed to test this week, but I got AF. I am not at all upset. Relief was more how I felt as it was overwhelming being home alone with G for two days straight (I know I am spoiled)... but my cycle is back.

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Hi ladies,

Croy, Im glad your trip is going well albeit poor Levi struggling with the heat, that's my biggest worry and don't think we will be going abroad this year. Although many people I speak to say their babies are fine. Emelia has very pale skin just like myself and would probably fry in the sun.

Melfy, that's brilliant news about seeing a strong heartbeat, this sounds all very positive for you so fingers crossed for another good pregnancy.

Hoping, I would definitely take the chance to stay over in newYork. How exciting that this seems to be really happening now and again what a great thing you are doing for these people, its amazing.

Cgav, that is really frightening about Annabel stopping breathing and totally understandable why you are so anxious about it, you must be on edge when she is sleeping and that anxiety combined with less sleep and all of the other things that come with a baby its normal how you are feeling.
Your husband dosent sound like a bad guy, as kat said you can understand why he wants to wind down and watch TV etc if he has been working all day. This is the thing that I've came to realise that they also do their day job just like we are staying at home watching babies so everyone needs their own wind down.
I used to argue at times with my husband and say that it seemed like he didnt spend enough time with Emelia on occasions because he would come home from work then go to the gym or climbing which is his thing. He reminded me that he also needs his leisure times too.

Its still really early days for you all and its only temporary! I've been talking with several others mums this week and they are saying that they love to just have adult conversation as a lot of them have no one to speak to until their husbands get home from work. Im lucky that my mum and dad are around and I see them practically every day but I can imagine how it must feel at times when you just want a conversation and quality with your husband when he gets home from work.
I don't think there is anything wrong with your relationship, it all sounds perfectly normal to me and will get better again Im sure.

AFM, I'm having such a busy week meeting up with people and going to baby classes etc. its really good to be meeting up with other mums . We're still having great weather which is so good and a real change from rain here.

 

[filipenko32]

Hiya girls I'm on holiday with limited internet access so I've just been updating my journal. I'd thought I'd let you all know that I got my today!!!!! And it's my birthday too today, I'm 34. What timing! Best birthday present ever Going to try to keep positive. Will catch up properly when I get home on Sunday! I hope you're all OK xxx

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Aww Fili, that is amazing news, your right the best birthday present ever! Congratulations and happy birthday to you aswell x

I have to admit that these new pregnancys are making me broody again!

 

[filipenko32]

Haha we need to set up a S(econdtime)MARLS (pronounced /smiles/) thread for all of us to be on eventually - for those of us that actually want seconds. This internet is dodge so haven't got time to read back or post so much, it keeps dumping me out. Looking forward to catching up tho. xxx

 

[cgav1424]

Aw Fili! Thank you for the words of encouragement and massive congrats on your bfp! Amazing news! And on your birthday! It's so wonderful. Happy birthday!

 

[padbrat]

WOW! What a Birthday pressie Fili! Many congratulations on your BFP!

You and Mel are definite 'fertile mertyls' as my Consultant used to say! LOL

Fab news that you have a lovely HB Mel! Long may it continue!

Kat I get all the latest ideas for pregnancy and babies from you! I am mightily impressed at your EC... I had never heard of it before and if you can get G into underwear at 5 months that is amazing! Am pleased to hear G is all healthy and fit as can be!

Cgav! My fellow rainbow waver! So sorry you and Hubby are having a tough time. I know where you are coming from as Leo just seems to consume us. I have the opposite issue though in that Hubby is the one who is desperate for us to have time to ourselves, but I am so knackered with Leo that all I can think of is sleep! What we both need (me and you) is some middle ground...

Just... OMG I actually had my hand stuffed in my mouth reading your post about Emelia! Your poor FIL I bet he was so upset... and thank heavens Emelia is OK! I am going to be brave and go to a baby cinema screening on Thursday!

Tuckie I have got to say I am dreading the whole teething thing... they get so miserable with the pain don't they. Poor Bay having 2 through at once. Though you are lucky to have family close by. Mine are at least 2.5 hrs away.

Croydon... lucky you in Barbados! We are thinking of going away with Leo in Oct when he will be 6 months old. How old is Levi?

Hope... not quite sure what you are doing in NY, but enjoy the Big Apple!

AFM well me and Leo are starting to try and get out and about on our own post c section. I have got to get my head round doing so many things solo as my Hubby is away will be away so much over the next 6 months. Have got to say I am not looking forward to going solo for so long... sometimes I hate my Hubby's job!

Leo has his 6 wk check up on Friday... when he will actually be 7 wks lol. So we are off to that on our own, and then he has his immunisations the following week... Not looking forward to that! We are looking at getting Leo enrolled in baby swimming classes... that is my next solo mission along with baby cinema! LOL