Mums/Moms after Recurrent Losses (MARL) - Come join us!

[sara1]

Hi everyone

Pups- So sorry to hear Samuel's doing poorly- have they got any idea why he's failing to put on weight?

Heart- I hope Tim's recovery goes smoothly and you can get a your helpmate back! It's good to hear Delilah's feeling better.

Bumpy- Sounds like you've got a great routine going!

Afm- Eva is doing well but is a challenging newborn in terms of fussiness and sleep- she's sleeping more during the day and only about 3 hours at night... she's also a cluster feeder which is giving my nipples a working over. I'm hoping that things will settle a little bit over the next week or two. When did you all find your lo's settled in the first few weeks... I'm not hoping for anything like a routine, but I wouldn't mind being able to get more that 2-3 hours at night. Dh keeps saying we she try to keep her awake during the day day so she'll sleep better at night, but I'm sure its way too soon to try to schedule her. Any advice?

 

[Embo78]

Sara you're so lucky to be getting 2-3 hours sleep. Max fed every hour for the first two weeks!!
Then he started sleeping more and more at night and by seven weeks was sleeping from midnight til 8-9am!!

Over the last couple weeks he's regressed a bit but when he wakes at around 3-4am he feeds and then goes straight back to sleep til 8-9am.

This is his natural 'routine'. I still haven't physically tried to get him in a routine.

Believe it or not, I miss those marathon feeding sessions. Getting loads if snuggles with my newborn. These days he's ten minutes per feed.
Enjoy her while she's snuggly!!

 

[Mom2mmcjg]

Yes! My angel likes to shop! Woohoo!
Sara- I adjusted to Gloriana's schedule (she would be wide awake and wanting attention from 10pm to 4am every night) the first week and during the second week she started to adjust a bit more to mine. But we cosleep so that facilitates it more. I would lay down in the bed with her next to me and only a night light. So she eventually started sleeping more during that time. If I put her in her bassinet she would just cry and I'd have to wake up and get her, but in bed beside me she was more content.

Glori had her first picture with Santa today! So cute!

 

[croydongirl]

Hey ladies,
These babies and their sleep, it's enough to drive you loopy...or at least me!

Now Levi is more or less over his cold and can sleep on his back without a problem and the jet lag is hopefully easing I am all about the sleep training. I think the combo of the cold and jet lag has made him regress a bit, and my lovely long stretches of sleep at night 4 and 5 hours+ have regressed to 2.5-3 (if that) all through the night. It's exhausting, like having a newborn again. Thinking of you Sara!!

We have had him sleep in his crib, so I also don't know if that is why he is waking more. I am not sure if he has been waking more frequently when he was in our bed, but just getting himself back to sleep because it was a familiar environment. I hope its just an adjustment period and he gets familiar with his room soon and can sleep.

I know he can put himself to sleep, he's done it many times before, no crying, no nothing just chatting and then sleep. However its not something he does every time and recently, his napping has been more sporadic and i think that helping him build this skill will mean we can set more of a schedule for him in the day to allow him good naps and give him a full nights sleep.

I wasn't sure if "cry it out" would work in its most extreme form for me because it would be too hard to hear Levi so upset, but I think it might be the only option I have at this point. So this morning was it. I put him down sleepy for a nap in his crib and he was chatting away for about 10-15 minutes and I hoped beyond hope he would just settle himself but he didn't and the crying started. I left him for 5 minutes at a time and would go in and pat his back. or pick him up if he was really crying and calm him before putting him back down. Well, if I every doubted that my son has an opinion about everything I was reminded this morning when he got so mad about sleep! ha ha. I went in after 10 minutes because it felt like after 5 minutes perhaps he was settling but me going in made him unsettled again. Then I thought I would wait 15 minutes but by then he was sleeping.

It sucked and took the best part of an hour but he settled himself to sleep in his crib and is almost an hour into a nap now.

I am hoping that this doesn't take too many times before he figure it out. I am committed to it now and I am trying to remind myself that I am doing it for his best - not to mention for the best of my marriage.

J is working out of town tonight and I had planned to spend the night at my friends house with the baby so I am not alone, but now I am wondering if I should stay here and just deal with the night so he can be in his crib. I should have waited until tomorrow!!

Ok, going to eat some chocolate because my nerves are shot hearing him sad.

Have any of you ladies done sleep training?

 

[bumpyplease]

Sara don't worry she's still very young I wouldn't worry about any routine for a few weeks yet. She's gorgeous btw!

Embo - max sounds like a great sleeper! Alfie is still not going through the night but I've heard a lot of sttn relates to weight and he's only 11lb at the moment.

Mom2 - have you got a pic of glori with Santa? Would love to see it!!

Croy - glad the cold has gone! Seeing Levi must be sad but I agree sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind!! Ever since Alfie has been having proper naps in his own room and being forced to settle himself I've noticed he's a much happier baby overall. He sleeps well I'm lucky, settles without much fuss and wakes the same time at night for a feed with not much broken sleep in between. I'm sure Levi will get the hang of it in a few days of doing the same each day.

My main problem at the moment is feeding. Alfie is formula fed and on 5oz bottles. He was displaying signs of silent reflux so has been on infant gav for a few weeks now. But for the last few days he has started refusing the bottle after 2-3oz. He squirms, wriggles, crys, screams and we really struggle to get him to finish it. He's clearly hungry but in pain. He's not bringing up any if the milk though which I know is common with reflux. Burping often and sitting upright seems to help until we put the bottle back in his mouth then he will purse his lips tight or cry. Took him back to docs again today as worried he's not feeding enough and I've been given ratinidone to try but not sure where to go next if it doesn't! Back to docs I guess!
Davies didn't Lexi have a problem with her feeding? Didn't you have to change her milk? What were her symptoms? If anyone else has any ideas let me know as I hate seeing him in pain and not being able to resolve it for him.

Hi heart, hopeful, hoping, justkeeptrying, just waiting, hearty etc x x

 

[hopeful23456]

hi sara and eva! welcome!

mom2- post the santa pic!

bumpy - poor kid! hope the meds keep working. when dylan does that, it's just a deep down burp and takes awhile to get out but sounds like alfie's is reflux...dylan had some reflux months ago but much better now

hoping- so sweet you are going to be a surrogate!!!

embo- so nice to see you and very cute pic!!!

croy - good for you for CIO, may try it at some point once we get them into their cribs (still in our room in a co-sleeper bassinet, both of them in the same one)
being i had preemies, not ready for CIO yet, they just keep needing calories.

i'mstill up all the time, still havent gotten over 3.5 hours of sleep at one time since before they were born (except for a couple 4 hours stretches months ago when my mom came up)! problem is...pumping. and just preparing bottles, cleaning them, and stuff too, i like to have everything done for when they wake up in the middle of the night and early morning to eat.we have 24 bottles and mabye 12 pumping bottles that i also mix formula in?
i even had friday off, and kids were in daycare until 3:00. i tried to sleep and couldn't for more than 30 minutes so i cleaned the house and did laundry. my body is really messed up i think.
still eating about every 3 hours during day, then they eat around 6:30 (first feed home from daycare), anywhere from 9-10:30 and then at 2:30/3:00, then 6am/6:30. each feed takes about 45 minutes including burping and warming bottles. a little longer if i do a feed alone and a little shorter if we both feed them at the same time.
i really feel like i will never sleep longer than 3.5 hours again. it's almost like clockwork. i even woke up before the 2:30 feed and heard thumb sucking this morning.


question:
i have dr browns 4 oz and we are giving them 130 ml at each feed now and overfill it a little over the top 4 oz line, next size up for dr browns is 8oz and they are HUGE. trying to find an in between size that i can use the dr browns inserts in but i don't think anybody makes a 5 or 6 oz bottle that isn't curved at the top of it?

 

[croydongirl]

Bumpy - I am not sure what the doctor told you but when I was at the breast feeding consultant she said that "normal feeding amounts" were 2.5 - 5 oz a feed. We give Levi an expressed bottle at night and we only give 4oz, and he doesn't take that all often. Maybe he is just full?
Of course if you are worried that its the reflux that's the issue perhaps they could up the zantac dose, but if he is still putting on weight then maybe he is just not as hungry at the moment? I hope that the doctor can give you some encouragement/reassurance.

I just settled Levi for nap 2, with a few books and songs sitting in the rocker and then a small snack feed and even though he fussed for a few minutes he was asleep before the 5 minute mark so I didn't have to go in and re settle him.
It is encouraging I have to say, I guess I just need to make sure he is tired and try to be consistent with readign stories/songs before so he knows what is coming - hope that it will differenciate between night and day time too when I only nurse and don't do any of the other things when he gets up.

Usually at night he is asleep almost when I feed him anyway, he only wakes to nurse but he has been sleeping less so I am hopeful that he is getting used to his environment.

Geesh! These kids just keep us guessing don't they?!!

ok, while he is sleeping I am going to get some online shopping done - that will teach hubby to leave me for his trip on cyber Monday Mostly Christmas presents on the list but you never know what else I might find! haha!

 

[croydongirl]

Hopeful - I think you are amazing! Your babies are so blessed. I can't imagine how tired yo must be but you always have such a great attitude.

I am also wondering if we are ready to get some bigger bottles in, we use the 4oz glass Dr Browns. Is it true that the nipple size or the flow changes too with the bigger bottles? I thought I read that somewhere.

 

[hopeful23456]

croy - i have the 8 oz bottles (just 3) and tried them a couple of times, they seem to flow the same as the 4 oz, just so big in my hand! and, they have an 8 oz wide neck but that has a wider nipple and i don't want to change the nipple on them.

one thing i'm struggling with, alot, is not having family around to help or just to come and visit me. my mom makes it up when her friend gives her a ride (once every 1-2 months) as her friends daughter has a baby up here too. (i'm from a small town and my mom is scared to drive in the city)
but also, i'm not from this area and all of my friends are 2-3 hours away. so we really don't get visitors and it just seems sad i guess. i was never one for getting out and meeting new people as i'm shy like that. i love my coworkers, they are like my family but they have their own lives too.

heart - your family lives out of state, do you wish they were closer too? not sure if anyone else lives away from their family?

it has never bothered me as much as it does now. they say i'll meet new friends from parents of other kids but i don't take the kids places by myself except for daycare, too worried if something would happen and then i can only hold one at a time. otherwise it would be fun to attend new mom events. i know it will get easier as they get older though.

 

[croydongirl]

Hopeful is there a 'moms of multiples' group anywhere near you? I am sure they have events and would be totally understanding of your situation being that they would all be in the same boat. I am sure it will get easier as they get older but it might be nice for you to have some moms to talk to and especially ones who understand what its like with multiples.

My dear friend just found out that she is expecting twins in April - she got pregnant on birth control and has boys aged 1 and 2 (a year apart, both birthdays in September) so she is going to have her hands FULL!! I know she found a group here that could give her some advice as she plans for their arrival.

 

[bumpyplease]

Yay croy way to go with the nap good boy Levi!!!! Maybe that oz you were told was typical for bf as I know they tend to nurse more often. But Alfie was on 3-4oz a feed even when he was in hospital. He's been on 5oz now for a while with no prob (a 4oz bottle over night) so I don't THINK he is full....but you are right these babies do keep us guessing so who knows!! Thanks for your advice though.

Hopeful - you are actually my hero I don't know how you do it! Such a trooper!! I actually feel bad for moaning about lack of sleep when I hear about what you go through on a daily basis. You should feel very proud sweetheart x

 

[hopeful23456]

Thanks girls

Croy- I think moms of multiples is my only chance, it's just getting out to meet people which can be tough because I feel bad leaving dh without any help for awhile and I'm exhausted...
It's funny because I'm on the moms of multiples chat forum and they had a thread about how hard it is to meet people here because alot of people that live here grew up here and don't usually bring on new friends. And our neighbors aren't friendly (we moved a couple years ago. our old neighbors were great).
My mission will be to try and get out!

I've been reading your blog when I can, love it!

 

[Mom2mmcjg]

Don't have her Santa pic yet, they will mail it to me. But here's a pic of her in her outfit before we went.

I don't do sleep training anymore. I did with my oldest 2, but with each baby I've become more and more into "attachment parenting". I get so little time with them when they are little, I want to hold them and cuddle them as much as possible. For me that includes cosleeping and feeding on demand. I love it!

But I'm so glad CIO is working for you, Croy. Sounds like more sleep is in your future.

Oh, I can't imagine having twins. I feel lonely and homebound just with Gloriana, must be so hard with two. I know how you feel not having visitors. The only family anywhere near me is my sister, and she's so busy I hardly ever see her! People keep saying they want to stop by, but never do. Making friends is hard.

 

[heart tree]

Hi girls. Wish I had more time to write these days. I simply have no time. As I mentioned, Tim had shoulder surgery and can't help much at all. He's doing a little more these days around the house, but can't help with the baby at all. I haven't had any help. My step-mother lives an hour away and I asked her to come on Friday to give me some relief. I'm absolutely shattered. Delilah finally overcame her diarrhea only to have her reflux flare up. She's worse than ever. She only takes 3 oz in a bottle. I have no idea how much she gets from the breast, but she writhes around on it constantly. I can barely keep her on the breast for 10 minutes. She isn't losing weight, but isn't gaining that much. I'm afraid my milk supply is plummeting because of it. I have no time to pump because she's been really fussy and doesn't want to be put down. Plus, Tim can't give her a bottle, so I would have to do that as well. It's just easier to nurse her. Plus, I prefer that. She only takes 30 minute naps which barely gives me time to shower and get dressed. The only icing on the cake is that she sleeps at night like a champ. She's in the co-sleeper exclusively now. She has been sleeping 9-10 hours straight. Sometimes she wakes up for a feed but then goes right back to sleep. Then she wakes up again in the morning for a feed and I snuggle with her and we sleep in the bed together for an extra two hours. I swear, this kid will stay in bed for 12 hours! But then she's a maniac during the day. Super active, gets bored easily and cranky. Tonight she spit up constantly for about 30 minutes. I'm at my wits end with this reflux. It's taking over our lives. Zantac didn't work for her. I'm giving her Prevacid, but it isn't working as well. I have to wait 3 hours after I feed her to give it to her so that she has an empty stomach when I administer it. Then I have to feed her within 30-60 minutes of giving it to her. I can't tell you how much of a logistical pain in the ass this is. But I just found a product that I can mix the meds with and give it to her without worrying about her having an empty stomach. Her pedi approved it, so I'm ordering it tonight!

Jodi I find it incredibly hard to be so far from family. Even though I have my step-mother and father close by, they didn't raise me, and I don't want them raising Delilah either.

You sound exhausted. I'm almost at my breaking point and I don't think I have it nearly as hard as you.

Sara, since Delilah was in the NICU for the first 2.5 weeks of her life, it was different for us. But I can say there isn't a way to get a routine right now. You just have to follow Eva's routine. It does get easier though. It's such a blur, that I can't remember when Delilah started getting on a schedule.

Bumps, I was wondering if Alfie was full too? But it is a classic symptom of reflux as well. There are much stronger meds than Zantac. You should ask about giving him a PPI (proton pump inhibitor). That's what Delilah is on and it is much better than it was believe it or not.

Croy, the sleep thing is crazy. I'm not ready to do CIO, especially with her reflux. Though today I had to let her cry herself to sleep for a nap because she just wouldn't settle. Usually she falls asleep by herself for naps and at night. I've been lucky, though I don't expect it to last. Nothing ever does. We're about to travel and I'm terrified how that will effect her sleep patterns.

Pups, how is Samuel?

Hi Mom2, I see you in here too!

Sorry girls, can't remember what else I read. Need to go to bed shortly even though it's only 8:30pm!

 

[heart tree]

Mom2, guess we posted at the same time. I'm also doing attachment parenting as much as possible. I carry her everywhere. I just got a ring sling today so I can wear her around the house. She sleeps with or near me. I feed on demand (except for when I have to give her medicine). Luckily that will change soon. I know not everyone can do that, nor does everyone want to. But I'm feeling lucky that I have that luxury (as hard as it is!)

 

[sara1]

Croy - It's wonderful that Levi seems to be responding to sleep training and you may be able to get on a schedule soon. I imagine CIO must have fried your nerves though. Eva is fussy in the evenings and when she screams she turns beet red and it just breaks my heart to see. Hopefully Levi will take to his schedule quickly and you wont have to endure too many sessions of letting him cry.

Hopeful- I really don't know how you manage! Seriously, twins, pumping, day care, being back at work...I'm in awe!

Heart- You must be looking forward to your trip back east... you're going out to the Cape if I remember correctly. It's hard to have family so far away. I wanted to cry on Thanksgiving last week... Eva and I skyped everyone gathered at my mom's place for the festivities and I just felt this ache in my gut. My mom's coming out on friday which should help. Hope Tim recovers quickly and things settle down a bit for you.

Bumpy- Alfie's reflux sounds like it must be very hard on you both!

Pups- Thinking of you and Samuel.

Question for any ladies who've had a section: how does one get rid of the pouch/paunch above the incision site? I know it's way too early for me to start exercising, (and tbh I couldn't even if I wanted to) but I'm looking at my profile and wondering if this will ever go away. I didn't have perfectly flat stomach before pregnancy and was about 15lbs over my ideal weight after all the miscarriages. Plus, I'm an apple so that's where the fat goes on me anyway. Have any of you tried wearing a post-section girdle? The dr recommended one to help with pain and stability after I left the hospital but I'm wondering if it will help things get back in place too?

 

[sara1]

Just read this and thought everyone in here might enjoy it:

20 Things I Wish I'd Known About the First Year

1. When the baby appears to be doing math in her head, she's pooping.

2. Mirrors are magical to babies. But new moms should avoid looking in mirrors at all cost.

3. People will tell you, "It goes by so fast!" Those people do not remember what the first year was really like.

4. The sound of a blasting hair dryer can halt a newborn's mystery crying. Dr. Harvey Karp (The Happiest Baby on the Block) really knows his stuff.

5. Appearing tired (unavoidable) is license for perfect strangers to tell you everything you never wanted to know about how they sleep trained.

6. The clothing you make fun of now -- Ugg boots, jeggings, Slankets -- will soon be known as wardrobe staples.

7. It's nearly impossible not to keep score. (He got three hours more sleep than I did!) But it is possible not to vocalize your score-keeping. In theory.

8. Keeping relatives and friends up to date with baby news, photos and videos is practically a full-time job. If only it paid in cash.

9. Breastfeeding is like Mardi Gras with no beads. The baby will thwart your best hooter hiding efforts, so just give up and say, hello neighborhood, these are my boobs.

10. Do not get a high chair with upholstery. The food goes in, but it never comes out. Unless you like that smell.

11. Pajamas with zippers are so much easier than snaps. Buttons are for masochists.

12. Choose a pediatrician who takes insurance or the first year will bankrupt you.

13. Even if your newborn is present, some idiot will notice your not-quite-flat-yet tummy and ask if you're pregnant. As if!

14. The cliché advice you get about making sure to schedule date nights to preserve your relationship? Heed it.

15. Traveling with a baby is challenging, but the armrest on the airplane is a better toy than any of the dozen you pack in your carry-on.

16. Much like America's TV viewing audience, babies don't always know what they want until you show it to them. Swaddling works. Persevere.

17. Carrying a baby in a Bjorn feels like being third trimester pregnant again.

18. Have dinner out before it's too late. In the beginning, that baby can sleep through fireworks. Soon enough, you'll be a slave to bedtimes and the only dinner out you're getting without paying a sitter is the 5 p.m. seating at CPK.

19. By the end of year one, your attitude towards germs, TV and sugar will have relaxed considerably.

20. The yucky phases (teething, gas, screaming in the car, hating the stroller) are generally short -lived. The yummy phases (snuggling, being cute, making you laugh) last all year and beyond.

 

[hopeful23456]

lol on that list sara! i'm lucky in that i didn't get a pouch but i hear of them all the time and sounds like it will get better with time...i wouldn't do any ab exercises for a few months though I think. I still haven't but who has time?

heart - i heard that reflux spikes at 4 months and she is about 4 months adjusted age. love that she sleeps at night though, she should talk to my kids about it. lol. those short naps suck. do you have a baby gym with the hanging toys? keeps mine occupied for a little while now that their naps are pretty short too except can get maybe 1 longer nap out of them.

pups- been wondering about you too

 

[hoping:)]

Hello everyone! I hope all the sleep deprived mommy’s or those dealing with ill babies are on the mend and had a good night.

Croy- I did the “cry it out” method with Penny. I always thought that I would never do that because it seemed too harsh and I did a lot of attachment parenting techniques, but like you it was my last option. She would wake in the middle of the night and cry until we brought her into our bed and then keep us awake with her snoring or kicking. It took me two nights to get her to self soothe. The 1st night was rough and I think I cried as well. I did cycles like you and would check on her every 5 mins, then 10 and 20. After almost an hour she slept strait through the night. The next night was not as bad and she settled faster. Since then she has been a dream. I put her in her crib wide awake at about 8 pm every night and she goes to sleep and wakes between 6am and 7. It was the best thing I could have done! It also helps to have a bedtime routine so they know what to expect.

Bumpy- poor little guy. I hope you figure out the feeding issue soon. Sorry I have no advice on reflux.

Hopeful- I don’t know how you do it! You are super mom. I used to get frustrated just trying to pump for one baby and you do it for two on top of all the other demands and lack of sleep. I believe Tommee Tippee bottles come in 5oz. I’m sorry you feeling a bit lonely. I like Croy’s idea about the moms with multiples group. I don’t have any family where I live either which is sad (and I no longer get the daily phone calls with my mom) but it helps that my hubby’s family live close by. We pretty much have our friends as our family as well.

Mom2- I hope you get some more visitors to change things up a bit. When Penny was about a week old I started going out on my own and even to play groups. I find making friends to be a weird concept when you are an adult. I struggled with it too. But the more you get out there the easier it will become.

Amanda- things seem very hectic at the moment. I hope you are coping ok and that Tim will be fully recovered soon. I’m glad your step mother will be able to help on Friday.

Sara- I’ve heard some good things about the girdle as well as the belly bandit. I hope the girls can give you great advice. Love the list

AFM-Thanks for all you wonderful support regarding my surrogacy journey. Per their request I just got my IUD removed and will start BCP pills on my next cycle. Hopefully I will be matched by the end of Jan.

Are you all ready for Christmas? My dad, sister, niece and nephew will be joining us for the holiday and I can’t wait!

This weekend Penny and I will be on our own while Tim goes on a business trip. This will be the 1st time I am on toddler duty all by myself. I’m sure it will be ok but a little lonely without him. I started planning our weekend and so far we are going to the Art and Children’s museum on Saturday. And I’m planning lots of play dates and dinner dates with my mommy friends. I’ve even snuck in a Jersey Shore cocktail night with one of my good friends.

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Hi everyone, I keep forgetting to come on here and post, I cant get out of the habit of posting in the recurrent losses section.
Ive just read back and see that everyone is kind of in the same boat with feeding issues.
We dont have much to complain about with Emelia in that she takes her feeds well 3 oz every 4 hours and also sleeps for the 4 hours inbetween. But the last few days we are noticing her having discomfort and problems with wind and burping. Especially at night, it takes at least an hour to feed her and then settle her as she has lots of wind.
We spoke with the health visitor today and she recommended that we change to the next size teat (size 2) so that it flows more easily and isnt as hard for Emelia to suck the formula out. She also advised us to try Colief so I picked that up from the pharmacy. Other than that she is doing well and had gained 9 1/2 oz this week. She is now weighing in at 6lbs 11 1/2 oz. Im happy with that as I just want her built up a bit more so she's not as fragile.
I feel lucky that we are getting her to sleep for 4 hours at a time, I can only imagine how hard it is for some of you ladies that arent getting much sleep, I think it does catch up with you eventually.

Ive been feeling really well in general but the past few days now Ive been feeling kind of up and down emotionally as I think its my hormones adjusting.