Mums/Moms after Recurrent Losses (MARL) - Come join us!

[Abi 2012]

fili- not long now hun!

sara- omg if my dh did that to me id be fuming hun, sorry your feeling so down hun, all i can suggest is try talk to him again tell him everything your feeling no matter if you think it will upset him he needs to know you hurt and upset by the way he is acting/ being with you! hugs hun

loving the poo talk ladies! haha

peti- haha i laugh when i read your post hopefully he will do well in the future then lol x

afm- took both boys out on my own for the first time yesterday ... scary lol josh was fab though not one step out of line noah is alot more settled now sleeps alot when he s not feeding or sleeping he is content and just sits there beng mostly quiet lol he seems to be such a good boy tomorrow will be my 1st time getting josh and noah ready for the school run on my own... its gonna be a real test ... lets see how organised i can be lol x

hi everyone else hope you have all had a wonderful weekend

 

[Mrs Miggins]

Sara honey I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can't believe he shut the door on you. I can only imagine he is struggling to cope in his own way too and that's how he chose to deal with it. I sometimes feel mark doesn't realise what I have to do, happily runs himself a bath and falls asleep in it, whereas half the time I can't even go to the loo without my 3 year old coming with me because she doesn't like it when she doesn't have my undivided attention. I hope your hubby gets to grips with his new role soon and starts prioritising you more.
Fili - I hope things go ok at the hospital tomorrow.
Davies - you were asking about weaning. It was absolutely my favourite stage with Edie. I used to love my baby food prep sessions. I had a couple of steamers on the go and one afternoon a week I would do apple, pear, butternut squash, sweet potato, carrot, and whatever else I could find, steam them and purée them all and freeze them in individual portions (portion trays from boots are fab). Initially i started with just baby rice or cereal then gradually introduced the purees. Once she got used to one taste I would try with another and then eventually mix them up. Don't be afraid to mix sweet with savoury or fruit with veg either it's a good way to introduce it. (I once got her to eat purred beef stew by putting some mashed banana on it. Unconventional but it worked). Then once she is used to it I started giving her 3 small "meals" a day and then she started sleeping through, napping better and it all fell into place. Annabel Karmel has some great recipes. Have fun, I really enjoyed it.

 

[filipenko32]

Aww hun I can totally imagine how you feel, you need support though even if he has a stressful job and travelling etc which I can appreciate must be tough on him too but still... Do you think he's finding it hard to adjust to not having you for himself all the time? Do you feel like he has bonded with Eva? I'm worried about you not having so much support

I'm good thanks, feel happy that Me-mo will be here soon and at peace with my c section decision.

Fili- He certainly has his share of work stress... he's been traveling a ton lately whish is har on both of us. I'm such a wreck though it's crazy. Right now he just poured himself a glass of wine an drew himself a bath... I've barely been able to shower and when I heard the water running I started to cry again. Certainly part of this is me- I'm very hormonal and unbelievably sleep deprived (about 3 hours total last night), both of which make me cranky but for f-sake I feel like I get a bit of a pass right now.
How are you doing? I saw that you're going for the elective C. What's the date then?

 

[Mrs Miggins]

Anyone got any tips to help relive engorgement?

 

[sara1]

Fili- He adores the baby, thank god. Right now it's just me he wants nothing to do with

 

[filipenko32]

Anyone got any tips to help relive engorgement?

https://www.babycenter.com/0_engorged-breasts_231.bc

Hope the above helps you to relieve it and not relive it lol! Sorry Hun couldn't resist but bet you're not in the mood for stupid jokes

 

[filipenko32]

Sara is he attention seeking? Some men get so jealous once a baby is here. How were things before Eva? I know he went away on trips but were you generally very close? Think you were weren't you? Is he lacking sleep too?

My temper is not good once I flare up. Think if dh did that to me I'd take baby and go to my sister's house until he shaped up but Im not saying that's what you should do, I do have a wicked temper though and what he's doing is making me angry... Just wondering if there's a specific reason, if it could be solved in a better way...

 

[Mrs Miggins]

Fil that made me laugh! Thank you I'll have a look. I typed that while feeding and trying to help Edie do a jigsaw while my phone was charging and it was upside down because the iPhone charger is stupidly short! Multi tasking at the expense of my spelling!

 

[Abi 2012]

mrs m- when ur in the bath you can lay a flannel over them thats ment to help and also hot shower should also help hun if not cabbage leaves in the fridge ...i didnt try that but i have heard its ment to help if your desperate maybe expess a little just enough to take the edge off and then give it to him with a bottle? thats up to you though hun but dont express too much as your milk will come in more ... xxx sorry cant help much more... i feel your pain... its horrible and painful!

 

[filipenko32]

I know Mrs mg I'm always in awe of your lack of typos on here but not now lol!! good luck that sounds painful

 

[sara1]

mismig- I can't speak from experience but I've a friend who swears by cold cabbage leaves from the fridge.

 

[daviess3]

Thanks for weaning info mrsm an I brought annabel karmels book my sister recommended it, ladies in us that use formula when do u stop sterilising? In uk it's a year but i was told us its 3 months?? X

Sara sorry ur hubby's being a selfish idiot! I no we r hormonal at first but that's part of having a baby! He needs to start helping an stop sulking. You could maybe break the ice an day do u mind if I have s bath n a glass of wine I need a bit of me time? X

 

[puppycat]

Oooooh Sara, like fili i would have lost my temper and say 'put up or shut up!' - he either helps or gets the hell out. You don't need to be looking after him too. Selfish trout.

MrsM cabbage leaves yes but i must stress short term or you'll damage your supply. I'm afraid engorgement is a big factor in the first days but once your milk stabilises you'll be fine. Hot flannel in the bath works wonders but try to avoid giving bubs the bottle at this point xx

 

[Mrs Miggins]

Oh Pups don't worry I'm a bit of a nazi I'd wait until my boobs were actually on fire before I resorted to a bottle. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it but I am so stubborn. I had it with Edie worse than this time actually and I just put up with it until it calmed down. He is cluster feeding in the evening so that's helping take it down I just hope it's not even worse in the morning!

 

[KatM]

Hi Ladies.

Sara,

My guess is your DH feels like a failure when he hears his beloved girls crying. It doesn't excuse his neanderthal behavior and him blocking you all out and not being supportive. Its just my best psychological guess.

Grey is also high needs and never wants to be put down, so I understand. However, DH is working from home, holds him a lot of the time, change almost all of the diapers, and its still overwhelming. I can't imagine having to do it all myself and I really feel for you.

What happened to that help you were going to get 3 times a week? Is it still available? No once can BF for you, but they can help you clean and hold the baby so you can take a bloody bath.

You are doing a great job. I wish there was more that I could say.

MrsMigg,
Grey is not an easy baby! If you didn't even consider having a second with an easy baby until she was one, then I most likely will not be having a second. Glad the baby slept better last night. I hope you get another easy baby that will sleep in his bassinet. Ours never has for more than a short period of time.

Just,
Hope Owen feels better.

Tuckie,
Let us know if anything works.

AFM,
Another night of hell. Wound up bed sharing from 5 am to 10:30 am. Grey is very fussy and will not be put down. He is displaying bad breastfeeding behavior. My right breast has too much milk and my left has too low of a flow for him. After feeding my left breast had no milk left and my right breast was still squirting milk after 30 minutes of him feeding on it. This difference seems to be frustrating him. I'm going to try to keep giving the left breast first for a while to stimulate flow and allow the right breast to slow down.

Tonight, I'm going to attempt sleeping between my mattress and the co-sleeper with my boobs hanging in the co-sleeper, because I still do not feel safe bed sharing. I pray this works and Grey hates to be swaddled so that's not a good option.

 

[puppycat]

Kat Samuel had a 'preferred' breast too but thankfully he seems to have got over it! It is important to keep offering it, or maybe try a different hold on that side? Have you tried dangling your slow breast over him so gravity helps him feed? It will get easier xxx

 

[tuckie27]

Sara- glad you checked in hun. You have a lot of support here. So sorry DH is being cold toward you I think you definitely need to talk about it all if you're going to move past it. His 'silent treatment' isn't going to get you anywhere. Maybe you can get him to open up about where his hostility is coming from. Sorry you're dealing with this on top of the pressures and stress of being a new mom too

MrsM- There are YouTube videos that demonstrate hand expressing. I would suggest getting a hot shower & hand expressing some in there. I don't know for sure if that will help but I know that hot water is supposed to be good cause my mom and MIL both told me they'd spray milk all over the shower lol I massage my boob while Bay BFs, especially the hard lumps.

Fili- good luck with the ECS. Keep us posted

Kat- sorry you had another bad night I hope the side lying BFing works tonight. Have you tried to persevere with the swaddling? Bay used to fuss when we swaddled her but eventually she gave into it and its a life saver now! She sleeps a lot better & longer with her miracle blanket. Now she's used to it too and starts calming down right when I get her in it cause I think she knows she gets to eat & sleep after because its part of our nighttime routine.

We started the block feeds yesterday and I haven't noticed any difference in her poop yet. If this doesn't change anything I may eliminate dairy but my mom says lots of babies have green poos and she said if bay isn't acting like anything is wrong I shouldn't worry. She doesn't seem to have reflux either. She only spits up when she overindulges and she never cries when she spits up and doesn't mind being on her back. She burps good for me after feedings & she had her fussy times of course but that's normal. She doesn't fuss like crazy like during her growth spurt or anything like that. I think she's a normal, happy baby with really stinky, sometimes green poos!
She started smiling a lot last night!!! it was sooo cute! OH and I were smiling at her and talking to her & she definitely gave us social smiles back!

Thanks Puppy and Peti and Embo and everyone else for the poo insights!

 

[tuckie27]

Btw- Davies, loved the video you posted on fb! Hysterical

 

[heart tree]

Hi girls, just caught up but am not going to remember everything.

Sara, I had a rough time with my DH at the beginning also. We had many fights. I was extremely emotional and sometimes he didn't know how to deal with it. I think my biggest issue was feeling like I was doing everything and he wasn't pulling his weight. Eventually I had to learn to tell him what I needed done. I really wanted him to just know what to do, but he didn't. It was frustrating and I cried a lot. I know it will get better once the baby gets older. They get soooo much easier! That makes the marriage better too. I promise.

Kat, I'm loving the image of you dangling your boob in the co-sleeper. You might remember that Delilah was super high needs too. I ended up creating a nest of pillows and she slept on me as I slept upright in the bed. It was exhausting. Now she sleeps in her own bed and generally sleeps through the night. I know it doesn't feel like it, but he will get into a routine and it will get easier.

I sound like a broken record.

Tuckie, my pediatrician wasn't concerned with the color of poos when Delilah had green ones. She had diarrhea for 15 days straight and many were green. She said it was bile. She was more concerned with the fact that Delilah was having 10 - 12 poops a day. She did inquire about dairy, but at that point I had already eliminated it to see if it helped her reflux. It does take 2 - 3 weeks for the milk protein to leave your system. I would suggest trying it if the block feeding doesn't resolve the issue. It was hard at first, but you'd be surprised how easy it gets after a while. Not to mention, it helps drop baby weight quickly! I eliminated everything dairy. If you go that route and want suggestions of what to eat, let me know. I'm happy to say that on this trip I reintroduced dairy (after being off of it for 4 months) and she isn't showing any signs of intolerance!

Amber, soooo excited for your surrogate journey!

Claire, welcome. Louis is so cute.

Sorry girls, can't remember what else I read at the moment. We're doing well. Delilah is sleeping 7 - 10 hour stretches at night. I've managed to lengthen her naps from 30 minutes to 1 hour or 1.5 hours by letting her cry a little. Only a little though. She usually wakes up at 30 minutes, cries for a minute or two and falls back asleep. She's been such a happy baby this whole trip. I'm not looking forward to the plane ride home. She's very active and tires me out. We rented a Jumperoo and she loves it. Will be buying one when we get home. I'm laughing at the comments about not wanting another one right away. I know the feeling. I always thought I wanted 2 kids. Now I think one suits me just fine. I never wanted one right away, but I can understand why some of you are changing your mind. Motherhood is tough work!

Off to eat and then watch Downton Abbey. So excited it's back on in the US!!!

 

[KatM]

Hi Ladies,
I am happy to report that today was a good day. By some miracle of God, Grey was not fussy today and basically slept in his ergo insert (placed in the car seat) for hours today. DH and I ate lunch together, worked out, DH napped while I did yoga, I took a shower AND he is STILL sleeping. This has not happened for weeks!!! He HATES his snuggabunny swing that Heart and Hopeful's babies like. He HATES his carseat. He ONLY likes his Ergo carrier and insert.

Tuckie,
We have tried the swaddle every night. One night a week ago, he slept great in it while I held him in his co-sleeper. I thought, "oh good. the growth spurt is done and he will settle down now. things are good." I was wrong. Since then it has done nothing but make him scream.

Puppy,
I did hours of research yesterday to figure out what this new boob behavior was and I experimented with positions today. The slow boob I had him lay flat on his back. The fast boob, I had him sit up with his head slightly above my boob level. Both of these were successful and there was no nipple pulling, crying, flailing arms, etc... I hope it keeps up. At night, I will have him flat on his back with my Left boob and turn him on his side for my Right.

Heart,
I am so happy that you are enjoying yourself and that D is sleeping so amazingly well. I remember she was very high needs and that keeps me going. Keep reminding us it gets better because I for one like to keep hearing it. I know you went through such a rough spell. I might consider what you are doing and let him sleep on me with me slightly inclined on a wedge if this boob dangling business fails. It makes me feel hopeful that D has moved into her own space.

Hi everyone else!