Mums/Moms after Recurrent Losses (MARL) - Come join us!

[KatM]

Fili,
What a cutie! Hope your recovery is going well.

Bumpy,
Thanks hon for the support. Yay for Alfie. What a big boy!

Embo,
Super cute!

Just,
Thanks for the long and supportive post. I dont feel we can spoil newborns. They can't even move their hands and support their heads. I highly doubt their brains can piece together manipulations of cause and effect. I do not express, but am going to for emergency situations if I am not home. I hate the pump and find it painful.
Good for you for exercising and carving out "me" time. I don't know how husbands think that you are teaching babies a good thing by allowing them to cry and not get their needs met. What is that teaching them? I rather err on the side of spoiling than to teach my child that their calls for help and comfort are useless and that the world doesn't meet their needs.
Oh, I dream of the day when Grey can self soothe. Good for Emelia.
Babies like to keep us guessing.

Hoping,
You two look beautiful. Penny looks so much like you.
I hope you get a singleton.

Croy,
Are you getting your driver's license?

Pink,
cutie!

AFM,
Thanks again for all the support ladies and making me realize it is normal to get beyond frustrated and lose it. I decided to have the intention of just going with the flow last night. I am happy to report that I kept Grey in his co-sleeper. He was on the boob for most of the night and then delatched 3 times on his own. I snuggled him next to me. I slept on the reinforced (by DH) crack between the co-sleeper and the bed with my boob and head in the co-sleeper. It worked. My guys got sleep. I had lots of rest and had a happy baby. I didnt sleep that well because I am not used to being in that position and having a baby kick, hit and nurse on me all night long. I will get used to it. I love that I cannot roll into the cosleeper.
On another note, the 3 times a day blow drying is working and Grey's belly button stump is going to fall off soon... FINALLY. It's been a bloody month!!!

UK Girls:
Is your birth completely covered cost wise? Mine is costing me about (with Grey's hospital stay)...$11,500. Without insurance it was around $65K.

 

[hopeful23456]

kat - just because this is a crazy number, my c section and babies 17 day nicu stay was around 250,000! i paid around 5-7K of it..and insurance negotiates with the hospital so they didn't pay that much. so glad you had a good night. i was super frustrated at times too and felt really guilty about it. that's what sleep deprivation does.

 

[croydongirl]

yes, growing up in London I never needed it and then moving to the states I couldn't get a drivers license on the visa I was on because of all the changes that happened for non-residents (I was on a non resident religious visa). After I got married and my status changed to official resident alien (ha ha) I could learn but then I dragged my feet because I was terrified. I started lessons with my FIL who is such a patient teacher but then found out I was pregnant so even though I tried to get in enough hours to feel i could pass my test before the baby I just got too uncomfortable as I got bigger and bigger and didn't get to take it. Now its been almost 6 months since I have been behind the wheel but I decided to take the bull by the horns and get back into it. i am still terrified and have to pray hard and psch myself into it but I am starting to very slowly feel more confident. I wish i had done it as a clueless teenager!!!

Hoping that intensive lessons and time behind the wheel with the hubs every time we go somewhere together will mean taking the test and passing in the next few months. Ready to have it off the to do list more than anything else!

Its a gloomy day here in Seattle. My in laws are watching Levi so I can study for a couple of hours so I should get to it.

Kat how is your day going? Did you get some sleep last night?

Pink - Zach is a cutie pie - thanks for posting its good to hear from you!

Hi to all you other lovely ladies too xx

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

Fili,
What a cutie! Hope your recovery is going well.

Bumpy,
Thanks hon for the support. Yay for Alfie. What a big boy!

Embo,
Super cute!

Just,
Thanks for the long and supportive post. I dont feel we can spoil newborns. They can't even move their hands and support their heads. I highly doubt their brains can piece together manipulations of cause and effect. I do not express, but am going to for emergency situations if I am not home. I hate the pump and find it painful.
Good for you for exercising and carving out "me" time. I don't know how husbands think that you are teaching babies a good thing by allowing them to cry and not get their needs met. What is that teaching them? I rather err on the side of spoiling than to teach my child that their calls for help and comfort are useless and that the world doesn't meet their needs.
Oh, I dream of the day when Grey can self soothe. Good for Emelia.
Babies like to keep us guessing.

Hoping,
You two look beautiful. Penny looks so much like you.
I hope you get a singleton.

Croy,
Are you getting your driver's license?

Pink,
cutie!

AFM,
Thanks again for all the support ladies and making me realize it is normal to get beyond frustrated and lose it. I decided to have the intention of just going with the flow last night. I am happy to report that I kept Grey in his co-sleeper. He was on the boob for most of the night and then delatched 3 times on his own. I snuggled him next to me. I slept on the reinforced (by DH) crack between the co-sleeper and the bed with my boob and head in the co-sleeper. It worked. My guys got sleep. I had lots of rest and had a happy baby. I didnt sleep that well because I am not used to being in that position and having a baby kick, hit and nurse on me all night long. I will get used to it. I love that I cannot roll into the cosleeper.
On another note, the 3 times a day blow drying is working and Grey's belly button stump is going to fall of soon... FINALLY. It's been a bloody month!!!

UK Girls:
Is your birth completely covered cost wise? Mine is costing me about (with Grey's hospital stay)...$11,500. Without insurance it was around $65K.

Unless you go private, the NHS cover all medical care.

 

[tuckie27]

Hey ladies

Pink, Embo, & hoping- your LOs are adorable!

Hoping- Love that Penny's called lizard Bay sticks her tongue out a lot too! Harvest song is beautiful. That's so cool people in your tribe still speak their language. I've read how the Native languages are dying off in the US

Fili- congrats! She's gorgeous! Now we have 2 Lexis and 2 Louis'

Tracie- hope the teething issues are getting better for your LO

Sara- things any better for you hun?

Kat- glad last night you were able to get some rest! Our mattress is pretty firm. Baylyn sleeps so much better with me at night but we still have trouble getting her to nap during the day sometimes. She will always sleep in the car though, which is great because we'll bring her home after running errands and take her whole car seat in and set her by the wood burner and she'll stay asleep most of the time for awhile in her car seat. Is Grey doing any better with car rides? My l&d was $54k and my copay was only $69 we lost our medical though so now I'm trying to try medical for Baylyn at least.

Croy- congrats on getting your license!

Afm, my OH also says the crap about 'spoiling' her too. He's a pretty intelligent guy too but then he goes and says stuff like that and I think it's idiotic! Bay is 6 weeks old today which means we're also now clear to dtd but I'm honestly not feeling particularly sexual! Idk if its my body or the baby or what but I usually have a very healthy libido and right now I don't care about sex much at all! I think maybe its hormones too cause I have been getting breakouts Happy to report that after a few days of block feeding, Bays poops are yellow again she still ha a couple green but not nearly as much as before. This makes me think it must have been a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance and not a milk allergy.

Anyone else BFing just as hungry and thirsty as they were 3rd tri??

 

[KatM]

Tuckie,
I cannot believe you gave birth in the States and only paid $69!!! Thank goodness you and DH worked so hard to keep your medical coverage. Sorry you lost your coverage, but at least you made it through birth. Bay will need all her vaccines, so coverage for her is a good idea. Thank goodness she is healthy.

Good news on the poop front for you. I can't believe you were having an imbalance with the long feeds you were doing.

It sounds like Bay is so much easier for you to handle nowadays. We don't take Grey out anywhere except for Dr's appts and short jaunts outside, so I do not know about the carseat. The last time we used it, it was not pretty and that was for a 5 min ride to the park. The Dr said he did not want us taking Grey out in public, crowded places for 2 months. With him being hospitalized, DH and I are taking no chances. DH and I also barely leave the house. I have been to a store or place only 3 times this month, not including walks to the beach/gardens next door.

Lucky for me, my DH does NOT think we can spoil a 1 month old. My DH is such a spoiler anyways. I cannot imagine him ever letting Grey cry it out. My DH still spoils me and never lets me cry it out.

As far as DTD, I heard our hormones from BF discourage the libido and make you dry down there. It is most likely so we do not get pregnant while BF which makes sense evolution wise in case of famine/etc... Don't push yourself. DH said he would be patient for 3 months post birth because he read that just because I am cleared does not mean I will be open to it. Also, you are most likely exhausted from taking care of Bay.

I have less of an appetite than usual and have only had time for about 2 meals and a snack a day... I used to eat 4 meals and a snack. Plus getting ready for bed at 9pm and then not getting out of bed till at least 10am doesn't leave as much time to eat. Today I did not have a proper meal besides smoothies till 4pm because Grey would not allow it and DH was at the DMV registering his new sports car. I am currently baking brownies. I want to make sure my calories are up, so it does not adversely affect my milk supply. Luckily I love rich, high-calorie food as well as veggies and fruits. You are feeding a lot, so it makes sense you are hungry. I also tend to lose my appetite when feeling overwhelmed.

 

[croydongirl]

Tuckie - I have been starving since BFeeding. I read that your body has a store so the first month or so you migth not feel the hunger but at around 6 weeks I found myself ravenous again. I started to really notice that if I was letting myself get hungry, Levi was more fussy. I do't know for sure it was because I made less milk but I think it migth have been. I was able to get less when I pumped for sure. I also found when I didn't get some good sleep my milk supply suffered. Seems like a bad plan to like milk supply with sleep when you hardly get any sleep with a hungry newborn!!

I also don't think you can spoil newborns but I kno wit is easy to feel like you are being manipulated. I know I thought that at times about Levi but I kept going back to all I had read about emotional development. They don't have the emotional capacity to understand that their actions lead to our behaviuor. They might prefer to be held and rocked etc but when they cry about it they are not doing it to make us behave a certain way, they are just expressing how they feel they would prefer to be held please. At 6 months however, they learn that their behaviour causes actions. This s why CIO is most effective at six months when they remember that they put themselves to sleep and they can do it again. They go into their bed and they go to sleep. It is why we decided that we didn't want to do it until then.
Levi is 5 months old this week and I am starting to notice that he is more aware of his actions. Like when he coughs we react, so now he fake coughs

 

[tuckie27]

Kat- I was surprised that she wasn't getting enough hindmilk too but I think my issue is actually oversupply. I read an article that explained it something like: the average mom may have 1oz of foremilk and 2oz of hindmilk, whereas a mom with oversupply could have 3oz of foremilk and get full off that before they get to the hindmilk. I have a forceful letdown too and it HURTS when my milk comes on. It's burning/stinging pain for about 30 secs and then it goes away. We try to avoid taking Bay in public too. She is mostly around family.
When we run errands, one of us stays in the car with Bay while the other runs into bank/PO box/ grocery store or whatever. Since she sleeps so well in her carseat I don't feel pressured to hurriedly shop which is nice. I hope Grey learns to like car rides. I would think he would since he likes to bounce so much and the car jiggles them around. He'd probably love our dirt and gravel country roads
It makes sense what you said about hormones and BFing inhibiting our sex drives. OH isn't pressuring me or expecting anything so that's good. I just think he's probably pretty horny but too sweet to say anything lol

I love to eat also! Load up on the calories and keep your breastmilk flowing!

 

[tuckie27]

Croy- the thirst is killer too! I have been guzzling water bottles like mad! So funny about Levi's fake cough! OH teases that Bay has a fake cry already but its really just her 'mildly displeased' cry lol

 

[daviess3]

Hi ladies I need help/advice, Lexi is rolling from her back to her front in her cot, now I no that's no biggy as she's capable of rolling back the problem is she gets her arms caught in her cot bars and alot of the time is the other end of the cot! Unless I put her to bed whilst she's still asleep she rolls an gets caught in the bars! Just a moment ago she woke up I went in she had rolled over an was vertically face down in her cot stuck with her arms stuck out the side bar!! I obviously am worried any suggestions firstly for getting stick in bars secondly for rolling xx

Can't remember everything I read but Kat we don't pay anything in uk as we pay it included with our tax here, we pay 20% of our earnings on tax plus another few percent national insurance, I think if you earn over £60000 you pay 40% tax!!! There's ways round things though like being a company director an paying yourself £8000 a year but then taking dividends out the company for £40000 etc. x

Hoping Sara gorgeous pics xx

With regards to dtd I don't think the lack of libido is exclusive to bfing I had no libido an even now I have a couple of days a month an that's me! I do t think it helped that sex was very painful at first so that was worrying, but I also think its a confidence thing to, my hubs is like "you still got it " lol but it's how you feel an my once fab boobs are not bad at all but not as good as they were, my love handles are present, I have always had big legs so there bit bigger, always had an arse so that's bigger!! Always had a flat tummy this now is not the case, I was fortunate an got no stretch marks at all but just need toning up. But I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I have been to the gym 3 times this week an have stick to 1200 calories a day using my fitness pal app. X

Croy I can't imagine not driving as I passed at 17 so 14 years ago but good for you Hun, the first time I drove in the states was on holiday we had out original hol canceled due to volcanic ash cloud!! By the time we could rebook my hubby's licence had expired!! There was me driving an 8 seater minivan in Florida after another 12 hour delay outbound!! Lol to say I was tired was an understatement but best thing I ever did, now even on a work trip I will hire a car. Lexi does a fake cough to haha cute x

Ladies how many weeks do you count as 4,5,6,7 months etc? Lexi is 24 weeks Monday so is that 5 1/2 months? X

Sorry if I have forgotten to mention anything but tired mummy been up an hour already playing lexis personal roller lol xx

 

[hopeful23456]

Davies- u need a ticker! Easy to tell age with it but she is just over 5 months I think
U should get breathable bumpers, I had to get them for d as he sleeps with his feet up on the side of the crib and I worried he would get them stuck. Will post a pic of him sleeping one day, it's so strange. He rarely sleeps with feet not up on side of crib.

 

[croydongirl]

Davies - I have breathable bumpers in Levi's cot too. If he starts being more mobile I might take them out, but for now they stop his limbs getting stuck. Levi can rollback to belly but he can't get back so sleep is not fun. As soon as he wakes up he flips on to his belly and then gets upset. He used to just suck on his lovey a bit and go back to sleep. Geesh, I am hoping that he figure it out soon. I am pretty hopeful when he can do it he will start sleeping on his belly.

I hear you ladies abut the lack of libido. I am starting to get my groove back but it has taken time. It took a few times before it didn't hurt, and we waited until our 6 week mark. Now I have started my period again I am really going to be paranoid. We are thinking about trying again this summer but we keep laughing that for that to happen we are going to need to actually have sex! haha!

 

[tuckie27]

Davies- yes, you need a ticker! I also agree with Hopeful on the breathable bumpers, should fix your problem. I think its cute your OH told you that you 'still got it' I believe 24 weeks would be 6 mos.

Croy- yay for getting your groove back I imagine its pretty difficult to find the time to dtd with a LO, even if the desire is there. Baylyn takes up soo much of our time, as I'm sure Levi does yours!

I think Bay is starting her 6 week growth spurt. She's exactly 6 weeks today. She normally takes a few naps during the day and today she has taken only ONE nap & that was in the car while we were running errands. She has been BFing nonstop allll day. And I've been on b&b and other sites on the net all day while she's BFing lol My days have become really productive! These growth spurts suck all she does is cry and nurse and its exhausting as you know. OH has been trying to give me breaks but she just cries with him and I hear her and just end up running back to get her back on the boob. So frustrating

 

[daviess3]

Tuckie to give you a bit of hope after that growth spurt lexi started sleeping through from 7 1/2weeks!! So maybe light at the end if the tunnel, I was doing the calculation as you do 24 weeks is 6 months but my friend does lexi was born 6th aug so she wouldn't b 6 months till 6th feb but then 26 weeks which is obviously half of 52 is on 28tg jan lol!! So confusing yes I'm going to do a ticker today xx

Hopeful that's Hun will do a ticker an look out for bumper would love to see a picture of the twins xx

Croy I couldn't of even thought about dtd at 6 weeks we waited but took good few try's took until about 3/4 months to not hurt. That's exactly what she does sge rolls a few times in her cot but then gets wedged width ways! An cries she rolls front to back well so it doesn't worry me her being on her front as I no she can roll its just the getting stuck she's a fidget!! But I always was to. Xx

 

[Embo78]

Same for us. After Max's six week growth spurt he started sleeping through the night. 7 weeks exactly

 

[bumpyplease]

The only thing I can think of for the arms through the bars problem is cot bumpers - they look cute too!! But I'm not sure if they are seen as safe or not (which is why I can't decide whether to get them or not!) any one here use them? I have a problem with Alfie spinning around in his sleeping bag sometimes he does a complete 180 and I wake up to find him in the cot the opposite way to which I put him to bed! I keep thinking he's going to bang his head!

 

[bumpyplease]

Ooops hadn't seen on the replies - looks like bumpers are a good idea then. Perhaps I will get some too! Davies does Lexi sleep I. A sleeping bag? And manages to roll in that?

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Davies, what about using the sleep dreampods/growbags would they help to stop Lexi rolling in the first place and getting stuck? or do you already use them?
Ive been given 6 of them as presents but people have told me not to use them until Emelia goes into her big cot. I know they are instead of covers so that they cant come up and over the babies face but I just wondered if they would help with rolling over.

You ladies in America, I am shocked how much hospital stays cost you. As Davies summed it up prefectly, thankfully we have the NHS so free treatment and hospital stays because we pay into a National insurance scheme from our wages and because its always been that way coming off your wages then you dont miss the money. I think unfortunately thats one downside in America that you need to pay for treatment and what about those people that really dont have much money.
Unrelated topic here but when I was in san Franscisco I couldnt believe the amount of people that were homeless and had clear mental health problems wandering around and shouting and talking to themseves. Thats what my husband explained to me unfortunately if you dont have the money then you dont get treatment. Over here you would be sectioned under a mental health act and admitted to hospital for treatment whether you consented or not.
I thought America was trying to bring in a similar National Health Service but not too clued up on it.

Kat, good to hear you had a better nights sleep. It was a good night for us, Emelia slept from 11pm until 7am - 8 hours which was amazing, I hope this is her starting to sleep through the night. Thankfully she seemed to be fine after her injections and I didnt need to give her any medicine last night.
Someone gave us a swing last night so Im going to try it out with emelia today. Someone was saying to my husband that they are amazed that we have made it this far without a swing as their 12 week old cant settle without it and its the only way that they can even eat their dinner by putting the baby in the swing. Maybe if thats all a baby knows then it will need it but so far we've managed. I imagine she will like it though as she does love movement.

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Im wondering about this whole cot bumpers thing too. I really like them as they do look nice. The bedding set I bought- a bed in a bag includes bumpers and I was planning on using them but not sure if unsafe. ive read mixed opinions.
My cot has slats all the way around and no solid sides so without bumpers I feel it would be gaping open and not very cosy.
I'll need to do more research.

 

[puppycat]

We used bumpers with Laura, just tucked the bottom of them right down the sides and they have ties on the tops.

Samuel doesn't sleep through by any stretch of the imagination. He wakes loads and constantly looks to me for boob back to sleep. Grinds me down.