Mums/Moms after Recurrent Losses (MARL) - Come join us!

[tuckie27]

I just posted on fb so sorry for those of you on there too!

But anyways, Bay's appt was horrible
She screamed so bad in pain from the shots I teared up big time. We felt guilty too cause oh and I had to hold her down. I know she won't remember it but it was still so sad. Then to top it off, we saw a different dr today and she said I need to start going her 1-2o of formula after every feed because bay is so low on the growth chart. She's gotten 2 in longer since birth and has averaged 4oz/week weight gain since birth. Dr says she needs to gain 2lbs/month?!? Doesn't that seem like a lot? She was only 5lb15oz the day we left hospital for fucks sake and she was 7lb 15oz today. So she gained 1lb each month. I don't know why but I felt very defensive in that appt...still do! Made me feel like I'm failing at giving my child the most basic need! And the kid eats non stop! Great! my mom says she had to supplement with all 3 of us and it did help with sleeping longer so maybe ishouldnt be viewig this as a bad thing. However, as you can tell, I'm not happy!

 

[hopeful23456]

Congrats Melfy!!!!! Beautiful girl and love the name Zoe

 

[hopeful23456]

Tuckie - sorry to hear you are frustrated. I have supplemented with formula for awhile now, mixing with pumped breastmilk but all formula since mid dec.
I think they say an ounce or a little more a day is what they want to see. What % was she for weight?
U r not failing at all! There is such a range too.

 

[KatM]

Tuckie,
According to babycentre 1 lb weight gain/month is fine. Yikes, I am dreading the vaccination... so sorry hon. How long were Bay's diapers green? Maybe during that time she was getting too much low-cal foremilk, but that is no longer the case. Breastfed babies gain differently than formula fed babies. I would wait and call the dr that you like. Bay is also a petite girl... she just might be built that way.

 

[heart tree]

Tuckie, I wrote something on FB. When Delilah was in the NICU, the only thing keeping her there at the end was her lack of weight gain. It was frustrating. I was intent on BF'ing and they wanted me to give her more formula. I ended up doing it just to get her discharged! Then I went back to BF'ing, but knew I wasn't making enough for her. I tried pumping, but couldn't keep up with her demand. I had to supplement with formula. If I had breast milk, I would mix it with the formula. But I always made sure to put her to the boob during every feed. I know they really like to see a 7 oz gain a week (1 oz a day) in the beginning. I could never figure out what determined that magic number, but it's pretty standard protocol in the US. She's gaining. That's what's important. Does she seem content after a feed? Does she pee and poop regularly? Those are important signs. You are NOT a failure, though I've felt the same and shed many tears with the same sentiment, so I know exactly how you feel. You are doing very important work with Bay. I hope you get to see your lactation consultant soon. If you do end up supplementing, my guess is that it will be short term. Try not to stress if you can. Bay will be fine. This is worse for you than it is for her, I promise.

 

[heart tree]

That's exactly right Kat. No two babies are the same. Neither are adults. We are all built differently. Delilah is in the 66th percentile compared to full term babies for height but in the 10th percentile for weight. The doctor isn't concerned at all. She's gaining and is healthy.

Kat, I'm still off dairy because on my travels I ate it again and when we got home, Delilah was pretty fussy, very gassy and was spitting up. The only thing I could think was that it was dairy related. So I cut it out again and now she's better. But it might have also just been from traveling. She didn't react to my dairy consumption for a week or more which doesn't make sense. I'm sure I could eat it again and she would be fine, but I just don't want to. I'm going to wait until she's on solids more. I never drank milk. I've always hated it. But I adore cheese and yogurt. I have to say though, when baked goods are put in front of me, I decline and that's really good for the waistline!

Delilah had her first solids this week. Avocado and breast milk. She LOVES it! I wanted my California girl to have avocado first. I can't wait to try some other foods.

We're both sick with a bad cold now. I have a feeling it's going to be a long night tonight.

 

[Mrs Miggins]

I'm sorry to hear they were so insensitive Tuckie. I'm no expert but it sounds to me like Bay is doing well. I don't think they would have given that advice in the UK. I would gain a second opinion. However like some of the others have said if you decide to supplement it certainly does not mean you are a failure. Louis has gained just under 2lb in just under 4 weeks and the health visitor gave me the impression that was a somewhat unusual and rapid weight gain. What they have said Bay "should" be gaining seems a lot to me.

 

[tuckie27]

Girls,
Thanks for all your comments and suggestions.
She didn't give me a percentile. She spun her screen to us and showed us the chart, where Bay 'should' be and where she is. She also said that Bay was eating way too long and if she was getting enough she would only need 10-15 min feeds on each boob cause that's how long HER daughter fed and was satisfied. She also said 'See, this is why you have a fussy baby. She's just not getting enough to eat and she's dissatisfied' Okay, Bay was fussy today but she made this comment AFTER they stripped her down, poked her with cold stethoscopes and such, and had her 3 shots in her legs! Of course she's not happy after all that! I told her Bay does not act dissatisfied after feeds. She does like to feed for an hour or longer but I let her set her own pace. She smiles and coos and plays often after feeds. She's not necessarily a 'fussy baby'. And she sleeps almost all theough the night with me. She fusses for diaper change or to switch boobs about 3x per night but soon goes back to sleep after a short feed. I also wasn't worried before today because she poops an pees a lot. She goes through 8-10 diapers a day, most are poopy.

Heart- avacado and breastmilk must have been a yummy treat for D!

 

[heart tree]

Tuckie it's time for a new pediatrician. Seriously. She isn't pro breastfeeding. She doesn't have the slightest clue what she's talking about. She should have recommended a lactation consultant. Doesn't sound like she did. She made a stupid comparison to her kid. That's just bad doctoring. She should know all kids are different. She should also have told you the percentile. We get it written on a handout at each visit. The chart we are shown shows Delilah's growth. She is under most term babies but the doc is more concerned with her individual growth. Your doc is more concerned with how Bay fits into a chart. She's not looking at the individual baby. I'll say it again. You need a new pediatrician.

 

[tuckie27]

She's not the one we normally see. Her regular Dr was out today so they gave us someone else in the clinic we normally see him at. Oh and I both didn't care for her. I did leave a message with the lactation nurse I was working with. She usually leaves by 1-2pm to do house visits so i figured I wouldn't get through to her today. Hopefully tomorrow. She splits with another lactation nurse half the time but I didn't like her as much.

 

[Mrs Miggins]

I think she is doing just fine. Edie used to take an hour to feed. Louis doesn't, he guzzles or falls asleep mid feed. Both healthy children. It's ridiculous of her to compare your child to hers, everybody is different.

 

[KatM]

Tuckie,
That Dr sounds like a witch. I will say that my Dr said no more than 20/20 for feeds because it is non-nutritive sucking after that. That might be the case, but I tend to let Grey go 30/30 if he pleases. Sometimes he goes about 20/20 or 30/10. It does not mean Bay is not satisfied. Grey is gaining like a champ. It really could be she is just built smaller. Remember Grey came out 8 lb 6 oz. Some babies are efficient eaters. Ours seem like gourmands that like to linger over their meal. Anyways, being that you have an oversupply it makes no sense that she is not getting enough milk. She is pooping and peeing like a champ. Get that 2nd opinion.

Heart,
Avocado will be Grey's first food too. I read about how parents "fill" their babies up all day on diet food (steamed carrots, peas, etc...) and then wonder why they are famished at night. Feel better hon. Sorry you both are sick. When the baby is sick, how does she breast feed? I bought a nose frieda, but to be truthful I can't imagine that it works that stellar... I know everyone swears by it though.

 

[heart tree]

Oh good, I'm soooo glad it's not your normal doctor. Talk to your regular one before making any decisions.

Mrs M, a friend told me that with second babies, the milk can come faster. She nursed her first for an hour or so and her second would take 5 minutes per side!

Kat, I just BF as usual. She finds a way to breathe. I'm dying to use the nose frida on her, but I don't want to risk passing any further germs to her. Tim refuses to do it. It's an AMAZING tool! I can't tell you how great it is. I tried using the bulb syringe and got a portion of what I can get with the nose frida. You have to try it. You have to suck hard. She used to hate it, but now she realizes it will make her feel better and she patiently waits. I'm using saline drops to help loosen things up. But it's not as good as the nose frida.

 

[tuckie27]

MrsM, interesting to see how your 2 are so different in that regard. Just shows how each one is different.

Heart- feel better thanks for all your input here and on fb.

Kat- I use the bulb and a battery operated aspirator too. It works pretty good, especially if you put a couple sprays of saline first.

I think I'm going to speak with the lactation nurse before I make any decisions. I'll let you all know what she says. She was really great, very knowledgable. I value her opinion and I'm curious to see what she says.

 

[heart tree]

I think that makes a lot of sense Tuckie. Talk to her and see what she says. My LC would weigh Delilah weekly. Maybe you could do that for a week or two just to make sure she is gaining. If she's gaining, then I really don't think you have anything to worry about. The main thing is to look at the individual baby. Is she happy, healthy looking, alert, thriving? If so, she's fine.

I got Tim to do the Nose Frida tonight! After he did it I asked him if it felt satisfying. He secretly admitted that it did. It's ridiculous, but there is something so satisfying about sucking snot! LOL! Off to bed now after eating my dairy free coconut milk ice cream for my sore throat. Good night ladies.

 

[daviess3]

Heart hopeful hope u feel better soon its rubbish being ill!! Xx

Tuckie hope your ok chick sometimes professionals are wrong an as mothers we just have to find our way! Do what you think is right my lovely x

Melfy congrats Hun Zoe is gorg xx

Heart pleased d liked avocado xx

Lexi isn't doing great with weaning still but she's 6 months on Monday so I'm sticking with it, so far the best she's take is swede mixed with baby rice an her milk, she definately hasn't got a sweet tooth she gags an shakes her head with anything sweet! She also holds her lips shut with every spoon, I have given her bits to pick up to like carrots banana etc sge just isn't bothered so I don't push it, she'll get there. X

Hope everyone is well xx

 

[sara1]

Tuckie- I'm sorry that Dr was so insensitive- Its ridiculous for her to have compared her own breastfeeding experience and child, with yours. Definitely see what your real dr and the lactation nurse have to say. That said, if you do decide to supplement it's not the end o the world and it certainly DOES NOT make you a failure. I had a very similar experience with Eva. We were 5lbs 10 oz when we left the hospital and at our one month wellness visit we'd gained exactly 1 pound. Dr placed us in the 3rd percentile for weight and told me she was a hungry baby and suggested offering formula twice a day, after the breast, as well as some supplements to build up my supply. I was devastated that I wasn't able to feed my child! In the end I only offered her one 3 oz bottle after bfing in the evening and worked with a lactation consultant on my supply. She was over 9 pounds at our 2 month check up so it made a huge difference. Once I accepted it, I felt the pressure was off. I also feel like it did have a positive affect on her fussiness in the evening when my supply is naturally low.
You'll find what works best for you, but remember that whatever you decide to do is the right decision for Bay

 

[Justkeeptryin]

Melfly, Im delighted for you. Zoe is absolutely gorgeous and sounds like you had a good labour overall.

Heart, hope yous feel better soon, theres nothing worse.
Last night I felt myself getting a bit stressed out with Emelia unsettled and crying for a bit but I just reminded myself of what you said about having a baby that is at least well and crying after what that poor couple you mentioned are going through.

Tuckie, its the worst thing in the world seeing your baby in pain getting their injections. I had tears in my eyes as Emelia was screaming and it was the first time ever that Emelia actually had tears. When she cries hungry there is never tears. That sounds horrible that you's had to hold her down.
We have the next set of injections next week so not looking forward to that.

Can I give my honest opinion on Bay's weight gain. I know that every child is different but when I read back a few posts where you mentioned Bay gaining 4 0z per week on average I was surprised at that being so low. I know its easy to get upset at someone telling you thats not enough but in the UK I know that the health visitors look for a baby to be gaining at least 1 oz per day/7 a week or they will recommend supplementing.
Emelia was putting on 11 -14oz per week in the early weeks and the health visitor said that was really good but not obviously to expect that every week. Her weight has slowed down and she is now just over 13lbs.
She was 6lbs 7oz at birth and only ever dropped 5 ounces to 6lbs 2 which I think is about average.

I know every baby is different but it is experts that have developed these percentile growth charts and they are the best indication as to whether growth and weight gain is normal. I know its the last thing that you want to hear from a doctor that your baby isnt gaining enough and you have to supplement with formula but I guess you need to think whats best for Bay. Doctors dont always have the right approach but in most occasions they will actually know what they are talking about.

I know how I felt two weeks ago when they told me that Emelia was failing one of her tests where she failed to lift her head up when she is facing down. I thought maybe we were doing something wrong but she got reassessed yesterday and is now doing it fine. Its an automatic feeling that your failing your child but definetely not true.

Im touching wood whilst I say this but Emelia has been sleeping through the night now for about a week from midnight until 7 or 8am which is making life so much easier now.

 

[KatM]

Hi Ladies,

I will start with the good news:
Grey slept a 4.5 hour stretch last night. That is the longest ever.
With this 6 day growth spurt he has gained a whole lb and now weighs 12lbs since last Thursday and grew an additional inch to 23.5". We put him in a 3-6 month Funkoos onesie and he fits perfectly (but he wears bulky diapers by bum genius).

Bad News:
The 4.5 hour stretch from midnight to 4:30 AM ONLY happened because DH was wearing him and bouncing. We went back to split shift last night after the last 5 nights in the swing have been total failures with Grey only sleeping 30min at most before DH is on the floor rocking it manually to be fast and jerky enough. It has gotten worse and worse. We thought it was because of the growth spurt, that he was waking up hungry. Out of desperation and me having at most 4-1hour sleep cycles for days now, DH took him and put him in the Ergo and left the room. I expected them to be back in by 1:45AM and woke up frightened at 4am! DH assured me all was fine and to go back to sleep. 30 min Grey was hungry, but not even crying, just saying Neh, Neh...which means hungry.

Here is where I need help:
How am I ever going to get Grey to sleep without us holding him and bouncing? It's seriously almost like hell after 7 weeks. When I nurse him down, he will sleep for about 1 hour or so at times before feeding again. I fed almost constantly from 4:30-7:30 AM before DH took him again. We can't keep living like this! Is this normal? What did you all do?

I'm so tired and down.


Davies,
Hope weaning goes better. Most babies still consume something like 90% milk for a long bit after 6months.

Just,
Yay for sleeping through the night.

Heart,
It's great that I commented on the nose frieda and you commented back. I had to use it this morning. Grey never was congested before. He was freaking out this morning... screaming and screaming. his breathing was weird. i pulled out the nose frieda. nothing. i remember you said suck really hard. i did, a booger came out. all was well. 3 hours later same thing but worse. i saw the booger but could not suck hard enough. put breast milk up there and sucked as hard as i could and a huge booger came out! i would have never sucked that hard if you didn't assure me that was what needed to be done. it does work!!! grey never had boogers before. is this the start of daily booger removal? yikes, i hope not!

 

[hoping:)]

Tuckie- it does sound like a horrible experience. The doctor doesn’t seem like she has any bed side manner at all. New mommies worry constantly about their babies without having a doctor being so negative. Our Pediatrician is very positive and always tells us what a good job we are doing and how happy Penny seems and then she will give us suggestions or advice. I’m not so sure on the weight gain each month but we supplemented formula after the 1st few weeks too. You are doing a great job so don’t let the appointment get you down. The girls gave you some great advice.

Amanda- enjoy introducing solids! Avocado was one of the 1st foods we gave Penny too. I hope you both get better soon!

Hi everyone!