Mums of 3

[Cloudy7]

To start off were wtt for #3 in 2019-2020.

By this point our ds will be 9 and dd will be 6, we feel these ages will probably be best (not too huge and not too small) that way they're old enough to help out more than add to the load so to speak, both will be at school all day so 6hrs of the day ill be free to relax, do housework, have 1 on 1 time with baby and so on.

So i guess my question is has anyone else had similar gaps ie 3yr between #1 and #2 and then a bigger gap before #3. I guess im hoping by having a bigger gap itll just be like the change from 1 to 2 because i found that fairly easy, i struggled emotionally with the guilt on ds because he was still only young and still needed a lot of my attention but we worked through that quickly enough

I suppose we have lots of time before ttc to work it out anyway but advice, opinions, experience would be much appreciated

 

[minties]

Not the same age gaps as you, but did have a much larger gap between #2 and#3.

To be totally honest I found it a lot harder at first. With the other kids being so much older, I HAD to leave the house every day for school etc, and I had so much anxiety taking my brand new baby out twice a day for school pickups and drop offs etc when I was 5 days post c-section. I think my stomach churned and I felt nervous every morning till Emma was about 3 months old and she wasn't so "I will scream and scream unless you are holding me or feeding me 24/7". It did get a lot easier then. Now it's all fine and dandy and I totally LOVE it. Some mornings I was in total despair, trying to get us all ready, the baby would be tired and screaming, I couldn't shower...ugh.

It was also harder because the older kids could tell me how they felt and that made me really guilty. Thomas was 23 months when Sophie arrived, wasn't talking yet (well a few words...) and he adapted so quickly.

This time, both kids went into a bit of shock I think! They weren't pleased with me always being so busy with the baby, and neither of them even touched her really until the last couple of months. Now they adore her and they play with her a lot, pick her up when she falls, and get a kick out of making her laugh.

Just wanted to be honest - everyone's experiences will be so different!

 

[Cloudy7]

Not the same age gaps as you, but did have a much larger gap between #2 and#3.

To be totally honest I found it a lot harder at first. With the other kids being so much older, I HAD to leave the house every day for school etc, and I had so much anxiety taking my brand new baby out twice a day for school pickups and drop offs etc when I was 5 days post c-section. I think my stomach churned and I felt nervous every morning till Emma was about 3 months old and she wasn't so "I will scream and scream unless you are holding me or feeding me 24/7". It did get a lot easier then. Now it's all fine and dandy and I totally LOVE it. Some mornings I was in total despair, trying to get us all ready, the baby would be tired and screaming, I couldn't shower...ugh.

It was also harder because the older kids could tell me how they felt and that made me really guilty. Thomas was 23 months when Sophie arrived, wasn't talking yet (well a few words...) and he adapted so quickly.

This time, both kids went into a bit of shock I think! They weren't pleased with me always being so busy with the baby, and neither of them even touched her really until the last couple of months. Now they adore her and they play with her a lot, pick her up when she falls, and get a kick out of making her laugh.

Just wanted to be honest - everyone's experiences will be so different!

Thank you for replying, the school runs on a morning are hugely scaring me already! I had dd 6 weeks before ds started nursery and he was in afternoons so didnt start until 12:30 and it was still a struggle some days.

I struggled alot with guilt during the baby blues phase so i can imagine it to be so much worse with a 3rd. I think i just have to look at the bigger picture though a 3rd is something we really want hopefully we can survive the baby stage 😂

 

[SarahP13]

Hi. My experience is much like Minties. 21 months between my first two DD's and then almost 4 years between DD2 and DS. It's been a lot harder than I expected. As Minties said- all the school runs and commitments that the girls have are difficult with a little one, made worse by the fact he hates the car and the pushchair! He's only happy in the carrier and he feeds every two hours round the clock still. Also, going back to nappies and sleepless nights having got used to the independence that the girls have now is quite an adjustment!

However, I don't think it would have been any easier when they were younger. He's quite a demanding baby and at least the girls are old enough to understand more. Also the attention they need is more mental than physical which I can do when he's attached to me. They are a great help with him, they play with him and keep him company when I want a shower and he adores them.

Sorry if that doesn't sound positive! I think every age gap has its pros and cons, I'm so glad we had him and not sure any other age gap would have been better. He is such a welcome addition despite his demands!!

 

[Cloudy7]

Hi. My experience is much like Minties. 21 months between my first two DD's and then almost 4 years between DD2 and DS. It's been a lot harder than I expected. As Minties said- all the school runs and commitments that the girls have are difficult with a little one, made worse by the fact he hates the car and the pushchair! He's only happy in the carrier and he feeds every two hours round the clock still. Also, going back to nappies and sleepless nights having got used to the independence that the girls have now is quite an adjustment!

However, I don't think it would have been any easier when they were younger. He's quite a demanding baby and at least the girls are old enough to understand more. Also the attention they need is more mental than physical which I can do when he's attached to me. They are a great help with him, they play with him and keep him company when I want a shower and he adores them.

Sorry if that doesn't sound positive! I think every age gap has its pros and cons, I'm so glad we had him and not sure any other age gap would have been better. He is such a welcome addition despite his demands!!

I need to hear it all so dont worry that it isnt all sunshine and rainbows, your son sounds so much like my dd! She was really hard and is still quite the diva. Travelling even just 10 minutes in the car used to result in her (and more often than not me too) having a meltdown. I had to take her out of her pram and start using the pushchair from 8 weeks old because she hated that too. She was in a pavlik harness for 10 weeks due to hip dysplasia, had silent reflux and she too done nothing but feed while being bf. Im kind of thinking if i can survive that i can survive anything haha

 

[Cloudy7]

Minties i have replied to you too but it said something about waiting for approval, for some reason my reply to Sarah has gone straight on though

 

[george83]

Again totally different age gaps so my response might not be relevant but I found going from 2 to 3 so much easier than going from 1 to 2, I hated going from 1 to 2 and found it all pretty difficult but number 3 just slotted right in.

Fingers crossed it all works out for you

 

[Cloudy7]

Again totally different age gaps so my response might not be relevant but I found going from 2 to 3 so much easier than going from 1 to 2, I hated going from 1 to 2 and found it all pretty difficult but number 3 just slotted right in.

Fingers crossed it all works out for you

Thank you for replying, yeah i found the first say 12 weeks pretty rough but i think that was more just dd being quite hard. I think id of probably struggled more if she was my first. When i say she hated everything i mean absolutely everything, she was just stuck to me constantly for a good few months. I think the only mega worry i have about having another is the morning school rush. Its a struggle to start with some mornings never mind throwing a newborn into the mix.

 

[ttc bubby no2]

I have almost this age gap. My boys are 8.5 and 5.5 and I have an almost 4 week old. So far I think the gap is ok, it is a pain having to go out twice a day for school drop off / pickups but then it is great having one on one time with my baby. It was a shock going back to the baby stage again but I'm getting used to it now.

Mornings are hard as she needs to sleep but I don't have time to settle her and get the boys ready but I have been managing. My most useful item is my wrap carrier, she pretty much goes to sleep instantly in it so I can get organised in the morning or prepare dinner etc. I also use it for school runs too.

I think it would have to be easier than having them all close together as my boys tend to entertain themselves and are fairly independent (when they want to be).

 

[Cloudy7]

I have almost this age gap. My boys are 8.5 and 5.5 and I have an almost 4 week old. So far I think the gap is ok, it is a pain having to go out twice a day for school drop off / pickups but then it is great having one on one time with my baby. It was a shock going back to the baby stage again but I'm getting used to it now.

Mornings are hard as she needs to sleep but I don't have time to settle her and get the boys ready but I have been managing. My most useful item is my wrap carrier, she pretty much goes to sleep instantly in it so I can get organised in the morning or prepare dinner etc. I also use it for school runs too.

I think it would have to be easier than having them all close together as my boys tend to entertain themselves and are fairly independent (when they want to be).

Its pretty much what I'm doing now (finding it a pain going out twice a day) now that dd is 3 and not starting nursery until sep. She's at that age where she isnt in a stroller anymore and wants freedom when walking but still too young for the amount of freedom she demands. Plus she still has an afternoon nap which has to be interrupted nearly every day to pick up ds. Ive tried so many times to try and get her to nap earlier with no luck and i dont think i could handle a tired, none napping diva 5 days a week so have to just deal with an absolutely horrible school pick up 😂 anything for an easier(ish) life!!
So to throw a baby in the mix would hopefully just be like going back in time bacause if i can manage now hopefully i can manage then.

 

[donnarobinson]

I don't have big age gaps but just wanted to say I found 1-2 harder than 2-3 also it's hard work now sometimes now because the older two fight like mad I think any age gap has it pros and cons good luck x
Mine are 5 3 and 1 x

 

[george83]

I actually find the school runs easy, I try to get everything ready the night before and then prioritise the ones going to school that day and everything just works. With ds3 he was usually up so early that he'd fall asleep for his morning nap on the school run